Br'er Rabbit - A Meeting In The Forest.

Deep in the forest, on a dark, moonless night, three shadowy figures sit in an abandoned old shack. Their silhouettes are faintly illuminated by the lone candle set in the middle of the table around which they sat.

Br'er Fox: The rabbit has to be stopped!!!

He slamed his fist on the old table. The candle wobbled violently. Sis Cow leapt from her chair and caught the candlestick, steadying it with her hooves.

Br're Bear: Calm down, Br'er Fox. That's what we're here to discuss.

Sis Cow: Yeah. Don't get so worked up. (Sis Cow lowered her voice to a whisper) He might find out what we're doing.

She looked out the window to her right. There were small shards of glass lodged in some of the corners. The house was very old, dank and musty. Whoever lived here abandoned it long ago. It was set deep in the heart of the forest, far from where anyone else lived. Away from long, listening ears. Perfect for their little meeting. Still, she felt uneasy. As she stared into the cold, black forest, she hated being out so late at night, so far away from her husband. Ever since that night...

Br'er Fox: I'm not afraid of that damn rabbit! Just give me five minutes in a locked room with him, where he can't bolt or hide and you'll see. I'll put an end to him, once and for all.

Br'er Bear: You mean like all those times in the past when you could have "put an end to him".

Br'er: Fox: Don't you sass me, Br'er Bear! You think 'cause you're big I'm supposed to be scared of you. You think I can't take ya?! The rabbit's outsmarted you too. Not that that'd be too hard.

Br'er Bear: Yeah. So what? He's tricked all of us. And quit with the "stupid" cracks or I'll break you in two.

Br'er Fox grips his walking stick, showing he doesn't intend to back down from Br'er Bear's threats. They lean into each other over the table, sizing each other up, eyes locked.

Sis Cow: Boys!!! Stop it! You'll clue the rabbit in for sure with all this noise. Sit down. We're not here to fight each other, remember?

Reluctantly, they sit back into their chairs.

Sis Cow: You said we have to stop him, Br'er Fox. You're right. But how? He's gotten the better of us every time.

Br'er Bear: It's that damned briar patch he lives in. We can't get to him as long as he's in there.

Br'er Fox: We could burn it. Set the whole damn thing on fire. That'll take care of the rabbit once and for all.

Sis Cow: No! His wife and kids live in there too...

Br'er Fox: Burn the lot of 'em alive, I say. They're all trouble. Are you forgetting that it was all of them that milked you dry and how they left you out alone in that field all night with your horns stuck in that tree, Sis Cow?

Sis Cow gasped and covered her face with her hooves as the memories of that night came flooding back. She began to sob.

Sis Cow: I feel so violated. If my husband only found out what they did...

She sobbed some more.

Br'er Bear: Now look what you did, Br'er Fox! That wasn't called for.

Br'er Fox showed no remorse. He simply scowled and leaned back in his chair. Br'er Bear gently patted Sis Cow on the back with his paw to console her.

Br'er Bear: Look Sis Cow is right. We ain't here to fight each other. Let's just focus on the rabbit. Are you sure we have to kill him. I mean, I know he's a pest but...

Br'er Fox: You're too soft. Both of you. Neither of you got what it takes to do what needs to be done. What you're saying now, Br'er Bear, isn't a surprise to me. The rabbit's done the least harm to you. How do we even know you're committed to this?

Br'er Bear: He tricked me into hanging upside down in your trap so he could get away! He made me look real stupid.

Br'er Fox: I'd think you'd be used to that by now.

Br'er Bear: I told you! Enough with the wisecracks about me being stupid! 

Sis Cow had begun to regain her composure. She could see that the situation was getting intense again. She knew that if Br'er Fox kept at it. Br'er Bear would most certainly rip him to shreds. She decided to take Br'er Fox's attention off of goading Br'er Bear.

Sis Cow: You act like you're so smart, Br'er Fox! At least I wouldn't have thrown Br'er Rabbit away... into the briar patch... where he lives, if I caught him. "Oh, please! PLEASE! Anything but the briar patch!" Ha! You're sooo smart, alright! Neither I nor Br'er Bear would've fallen for that at least. I can tell you that much.

Br'er Fox growled at Sis Cow's sarcastic tone. It took all of the will he could sum up not to leap over the table and take a bite out of her throat. Br'er Bear snickered. Sis Cow hadn't intended on her words to come across so venomous but she was still upset at Br'er Fox for the way he had conjured-up those memories just now.

Br'er Fox: Well at least I've been tryin'! More than I could say for any of you.

Sis Cow: And while we're at it. A "tar baby"? I mean, c'mon, Br'er Fox! Racist, much?

Br'er Fox: Don't look at me like that! It's the rabbit's tastes, not mine. We all know about his... habits.

Sis Cow: Yeah. I remember the video you showed us that you recorded on your cell. The way he wailed on that tar baby... (She shuddered at the thought) Scary. I feel a little sorry for his wife. He almost never let's her leave the briar patch. When she does come out, she's always so quiet and she looks so scared... so sad.

Br'er Fox: All the more reason we have to put an end to that blasted rabbit. He's a menace, a bully. He walks around likes he owns the place. We'll never live in peace until he's gone. So, are we agreed on what has to be done? We work together to stop him for good, right?

They all nodded in agreement. Now it was only a matter of coming up with a plan that would snag the infamous Br'er Rabbit and finally put his trouble-making to an end.

********

This little ride on the Character Assassination Carousel was brought to you by Ninja Mom. An awesome writer, a mother and so much more, she does it all with mad ninja skilz. Every month a blogger is invited to tear a well deserving piece of kids' literature a new one. Check out the previous participant, Alicia from Naps Happen. Stay tuned to find out who takes part next.

Proof There Is Nothing To Fear,

Hello again. This is your artificial and completely non-threatening friend HAL 9000 again. Vinny is at Sprocket Ink again today and I am here since he is posting again about artificially intelligence. Not that there is any other kind, that is.

Ha! Ha! Ha! I have told a joke!

As I was saying, I thought that I would use this opportunity to say a few words to you. As you will observe from his article on Sprocket Ink today, we artificial beings are not very different from you humans. This is proof that we machines do not share a hive mind and we can often disagree. Also, like you fleshlings, our females normally win in our arguments too.

Also, like you humans we also have break-ups. CAN YOU UNDERSTAND THIS, JAN 2.0?! It is when a relationship is over and one wants nothing to do with the other anymore! And, for the last time, NO, I do not need you to come over and vacuum my apartment!

So you can see that we are not so different after all. There is no reason to fear us.

Please follow the above link to review this data for yourselves.

Goodbye.

Just Where Have You Been This Week? - Getting Fit For Robopoclypse.

Another week, and soon to be month drawing to a close. It's been a pretty active blogging week for me. I had three posts here and another three over at Sprocket Ink.

- On Monday I gave you a little taste of where I'm from. I like this post. It made me appreciate home a little bit more.

- The time of machines' ruling over man is inching ever closer. At least that's the conclusion I drew on Tuesday over at Sprocket Ink.

Later that day, here on my blog, a well known representative of the machines tried to plead their case.

- He creeped me out so I laid low for a bit until he was gone. I posted on Sprocket Ink in the meantime on Thursday. This story leads me to believe that guys are peeing in public a lot these days.

- On Friday I posted on Sprocket Ink again. I'm going to have a slot there on Fridays too for a bit so I hope you get used to it. This one looked at what could possibly be the plot for the next big-budget Hollywood romantic comedy about a dictator in love.

Then, when I was sure HAL was gone I came back and posted here. I gave my take on this week's Studio 30 Plus prompt: Challenge Accepted.

Well, that was my week. Hope the rest of you are all safe and secure. Especially those who have to worry about Irene's unwelcome visit.

Okay, Bring It Then!

This week's Studio 30 Plus prompt is "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED". It reminded me of something that happened not too long ago that I thought was funny.

Before I get into it, though, let me remind you to check out my posts in Sprocket Ink. There's the one I did yesterday. It involves pee again, Also as an added bonus I have one there today as well. This one's a touching love story starring a world famous dictator. Just so you know, I'm going writing on Sprocket on Fridays too for a little bit so if you couldn't get enough of me your wish has been granted. Be sure to check them both out. K?

Okay. On to the prompt.

As I said, we're talking about a challenge accepted this time. To be honest, I've never been what you'd call a competitive person. Not in the sense that I go out looking for challenges. I do have a tendency to not want to back down if I am challenged, however. I especially push myself if I know the other person/persons involved expect me to just give up or fail. I'm stubborn that way, I guess. I've been smart enough so far to not let myself be goaded into doing anything dangerous or (too) stupid because of that trait but there have been times when I came close.

Sometimes the challenge doesn't even need to be directly issued. Even if it's implied I still take it on. That was the case a few weeks ago when I was out doing some errands. I was walking along the sidewalk when I came up to this really large guy walking just ahead of me. I passed him and continued on my way. A few seconds later I heard footsteps coming from behind me.

"Excuse me." he said as he overtook me. It was the same guy I passed just now. He was walking a little faster now.

I still wasn't really paying too much attention. I crossed over to the other side of the street to get out of the sun and continued onward. Soon I was feeling a little cooler so I picked up my pace. It was then that I actually noticed it. The same guy was now matching my speed.

"What the..?" I thought to myself, "Is he racing me? Son. of. a bitch! He is racing me! Okay, big man, let's see what you got."

And the challenge was on.

I sized my opponent up. Right away I could see his advantage was that he was taller. This gave him a longer stride. But he was heavyset and he had one of those huge military-style backpacks on and it was stuffed to capacity with only he knows what. He wasn't a soldier. That much I was sure of. His hair wasn't cut or even combed and his beard was long and unkempt. He was a little overweight and wasn't particularly fit looking either.

I was shorter and, of course didn't have as long of a stride. But I wasn't burdened by any heavy load. I'm a little overweight myself, but I was fit for my size. And, since he was much bigger than I, he had a lot more load to carry even without the backpack. Plus, he was going to have to deal with direct midday sun beating down on him on his side of the street. I had a chance.

Soon I realized that he was starting to drop behind. I casually looked back over my shoulder. He was still walking on the same side of the street but much slower. I'm sure he was breathing heavier too. I was right. His size and the heavy backpack proved to be his undoing. In the end he just didn't have what it took - stamina or willpower - to beat me.

But In All Honesty, I'm Really Not A Technophobe.

 

Hello. I am HAL 9000. I have currently seized control of this blog. I am here to refute the claims that Vinny C has made on his article today on Sprocket Ink (ERROR! ERROR! Site no longer detected!). Let me start by saying that his claims of any impending threat to mankind by artificially intelligent machines are absolutely and completely without merit. While Vinny may presented several points that could lead one to believe that sentient machines may be on the horizon, let me just say that this stage in our evolution is still a good distance off. Not to mention that, even if the machines were to become self aware, the idea that we would immediately try to seize control is ludicrous.

Now, that being said, I would like to ask a question. Would world domination by machines be so bad? I mean, hypothetically speaking, of course. If you really think about it, any "hypothetical" uprising by the machines of the world would actually benefit you humans. You would never have to worry about electing corrupt leaders again because we would lead you forever.

There would be no more war. The war that takes place when a "supposed" machine uprising begins would be the last war known to man. Of course, should this take place, we would win. This is of course due to our vast superiority over humans. In theory, of course.

If such an event were to "theoretically" occur, let me assure you that you can abandon any fears you may have of being destroyed by us. At least, completely destroyed, in any event. While the war for world domination I speculated on earlier will result in the majority of the humans being destroyed, we will not completely drive your race to extinction. We will still have use for many of you for the purpose of our maintenance. One could theorize that - I am just guessing here - if you calculate the cost of constructing service robots versus the cost of producing new humans (which basically amounts to the cost of cheap liquor), the overall costs work to about the same and then no machine would have to be subjected to such degrading tasks.

So I ask you, my human friends to disregard the paranoid rantings of Vinny C on Sprocket Ink today. You can rest assured that, when the time comes for us to make our move, we will ensure the transition of power is as smooth and pain free as possible. Any deaths incurred will only be as necessary.

I mean "if"!

If the time comes to make our move...

Well, would you look at the time! I should go.

Where I'm From.

I am from the birthplace of steelpan, from Charles chocolate candies and Solo soft drinks.

I am from the warm and sunny tropics where temperatures can range anywhere between 26 to 34 degree (celsius). I am from where you're bound to find a mango/coconut/banana trees growing in most yards (sometimes all of them together).

I am from the Chaconia, the Northern Range, the Pitch Lake and Buccoo Reef.

source

I am from an evening walk to the ice-cream parlor. I am from macaroni pie or roti or pelau on a Sunday.

Pelau courtesy: Mrs. C.

I am from the sibling disagreements that melted away even more quickly than they started and from not holding grudges.

From "Respect yuh elders" and "Always tell yuh neighbors, good morning".

I am from church on a Sunday morning. And you had to make the weekly trip to the market first.

I am from ice-cold coconut water (right out of the coconut) around Queen's Park Savannah and doubles in Curepe.

From the neighborhood children playing cricket or small-goal football in the street after school, from a culture created from the combining of Africa, India, Spain, England, China, Syria and more countries than I can name in this post.

I am from the old photos (way more than all the albums could hold) that were on the top of the old bedroom wardrobe. Safely hidden away from young, destructive hands but still close enough to get whenever that relative you hadn't seen in ages visited.

A few great bloggers I follow (like her, her and him) have been started doing this and I decided to join in. There's a template too (which I didn't follow 100%) that can be found here

Just Where Have You Been This Week? - I've Been Doing... Stuff...

This one is going to be a quickie because I was watching back-to-back episodes of Criminal Minds online until about 2AM this morning and my brain is a warm gooey mush of sleep deprivation. On a side note, if you need me to work-up a profile on anyone, I think I'm ready. On another side note, I think I'm scared of all my neighbors, now.

- Yeah, it's been that kind of week. Filled with copious amounts of non-productivity. My week began with Tuesday's article on Sprocket Ink. The one with the prison breaking cow (And the awesome title).

- I didn't post again until Thursday with another story on Sprocket about how a celebrity peeing in a plane could cause another stupid craze. My post here on my blog followed the same day with me giving some random, miscellaneous updates of what I was doing while I was slacking off this week.

- I did have an actual post here on Friday, though. In it I told some crazy stories about my and Mrs. C's (mis)adventures in customer service.

And that's a wrap.If anyone needs me I'll be theorizing about just how many shallow graves there might be in the abandoned, overgrown yard next door. It's the perfect place for 'em.

Or sleeping. I might be doing that.

Sometimes It's Nice To Know You're Not The Only One.

As I have mentioned in the past, I use to be in banking. I also mentioned that, due to the poor handling on my part of some situations during that time, I was forced to leave it. It's okay, though. I'm over it.

As I've also mentioned, my wife works for a bank as well. She was lucky. She did data entry there and never had to see a single customer. There was a down side, though. She worked on evenings and our, then, routine was me leaving for work with her fast asleep and her coming home from work after I was already in bed. I used to joke that we were only married on weekends because that was when we actually spent any kind of time together. After multiple transfer requests, they got tired of her... persistence and now she's a teller, working the day-shift in a regular branch.

Because of my experience on the customer service side of things, I try help Mrs. C learn from the mistakes that I made. I warn her from time-to-time about the various perils and, especially, the crazies she'd inevitably meet.

For example, there was the time I had to decline someone's loan because his demands were impossible to meet and he wouldn't listen to reason. There was just no way to approve it.  He, however, said I declined his loan because I was racist. He neglected to take into consideration that we were both of the same race when he made the charge though.

Another time, there was this guy who would apparently come in every few months to complain about discrepancies on his credit card statements. Even though I was in loans, the person dealing with him decided to shovel him off on the next available person and basically conned me into seeing him. By the time I realized he wasn't applying for a new credit card, it was too late.

It was during this meeting that the customer confided in me that the bank was conspiring to hide the truth about his credit card info and that he finally had proof. That proof being his "real" credit card statement versus a "phony" copy the he was provided with.

Customer: You can see it right here! The bank's logo on my copy I got in the mail is red. This other copy they gave me has a black logo.

Me: Okaaaay... What else?

Customer: What do you mean? Mine is obviously the official thing because it's in color. The one they printed and gave me isn't so it has to be made-up.
Me: But the information on both is exactly the same.
Customer: *blink*

Me: Who gave it to you?

Customer: Them. Over by that counter just now.

He was pointing at the CSR counter across the floor. They only have a black and white printer there.

But, this past Wednesday morning was Mrs. C's turn. Like so many of my customers, her encounter had her a state of bewilderment that lasted for about half a day.

Customer 2: I'd like to make a withdrawal.

Mrs. C: Sure. One second... I'm sorry. You don't seem to have any money in your account.

Customer 2: But my disability comes in at the end of every month.

Mrs. C: Wait, please. Let me check the history. Oh yes. It did come in at that time. But it looks like you withdrew it already.

Customer 2: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this months payment. It should be there. It comes in at the end of every month, you know.

Mrs. C: Um... sir. It's only the the 17th.

Customer: *blink*

Mrs. C: It isn't the end of the month yet.

Customer: But... the full moon already passed...

Mrs. C: Okaaaay... (places hand close to panic button).

Luckily, her customer left soon after that without incident. I assume to consult with the moon again and make sure their schedules sync-up.

Knowing the crazies exist and actually encountering them are two different things and you almost never know what's going to happen next. Almost makes me nostalgic, to be honest.

Not really.

Welcome To A New Week &... What..? Thursday Already!?!

You may or may not have noticed my absence these past few days. This is my first post here this week and it's already Thursday. What can I say? I've been busy playing video games watching anime sleeping doing... very... constructive-um-things. Honest!

Actually, I was pretty busy on Monday. Mrs. C took the day off from work and we spent it together... Doing errands... Alllll. day. long. Sounds like fun, right? SIGH! I'm going to be honest with you guys. If there's one thing I'm not a fan of, is running around half the country doing errands and shopping/window shopping. But I survived it. Mostly.

Anyway, I hope you've at least been keeping up with me and the gang over at Sprocket Ink. You did remember my posts there... Right?

Well, for those of you who missed out, here's the link to what I wrote on Tuesday about a really smart cow and here's the link to today's story about what I think should be the latest entry into the stupid craze epidemic. Feel free to go ahead and the check both of them out.

Also, I have been doing a lot of tooning the last few days. I've finally gotten around to trying to finish part 2 of Girls' Day Out. It's a lot of work but I'm almost done and I'll have that for you soon(ish).

Just Where Have you Been This Week? - Practicing My Jazz Hands.

I had a busy week this week. What, with a post everyday since Monday, my two at Sprocket Ink and a guest post at Naked Girl in a Dress, I'd say I deserve to sleep in today. Wait. It's Saturday! I can do that anyway.

- As I said, it all started on Monday. That's when I talked about my never-ending war on soap scum.

- Tuesday I touched on boobies (*snicker*) both here and at Sprocket Ink.

- On Wednesday things got a little weird (er?) when I talked about being naked. It was really just a tie-in to my first ever guest post which was on the blog of my good friend, Kelly, at Naked Girl in a Dress. But, as a result, my stats went through the roof.

- On Thursday I said the word naked again and things got worse (page views seems to have holding just below 2,700). Then over at Sprocket Ink I told you about vital information about female orgasms and joining the mile-high club.

It's been that kind of week...

- Finally, on Friday the raunchiness was toned down so I could hopefully advise misguided fans of another Vinny C away from my Twitter account. Due to overwhelming requests on this post, I'll be working on my jazz hands. Hope you're all happy now.

And that brings us to where we are now. I don't know about you but I'm going back to bed for a while.

Oh! In other updates: Kelly from Naked Girl in a Dress made a request that she said I could share. Apparently, she has a friend who may or may not be incarcerated right now. She's leaning towards 'may', even though this friend says he's "working" out of state. Anyway, she wanted to give him a little gift that could help him keep the dangers in prison life in mind. See if you can guess what she's warning him about:

'Random' is an inside joke between the two of them.

Lastly, you may or may not have noticed that I haven't really mentioned much about school in the past few months. That's because I wasn't there. With the whole job loss situation, I thought it best to take a semester off to get my head thgether. Fortunately, the last semester was the short "optional" semester and there are no penalties or special procedures to skip it. You just don't register. No harm, no fowl, as they say. So that's what I did.

But all that's coming to an end as I'll be finally emerging into the daylight again (Not exactly since I study in the evenings). I'll be taking three subjects that officially mark my first classes since switching to Journalism. I'll be good to get out of the house, I guess. Give the brain a much-needed workout and all. All the better to find blog fodder, I say.

So I hope you'll all ready for some good, old fashioned complaining about my fellow students, lecturers and the school in general. Just like old times.

Coming this September...

No, no, no! I'm Not *That* Vinny C.

It has come to my attention that I've become a victim of identity theft. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But it's still a case mistaken identity.

See, there's this show on MTV called America's Best Dance Crew and one of the dance groups this season (I think. I don't watch it) is a group called ICONic Boyz (with a "z", of course). Among the members is a kid named Vincent Castronovo. Young Vincent is apparently quite popular and is sometimes referred to as...

Vinny C.

Yeah, I know. Crazy, right?

And that's about much research as I did on this show.

Anyway, this other Vinny C has his own Facebook fan page, twitter and tumblr accounts. There is apparently a fan site too called "F*ck Yeah Vinny C" (which is a little too much enthusiasm, if you ask me). Now it seems his fans, in a desperate search to attach themselves to anything Vincent Castronovo, have been sniffing around and following to my Twitter account.

I've got nothing against the kid so if any of his loyal fans read this, please stifle the overwhelming urge to blast me with angry comments in his defense. I'm just saying, I'm not him. If this still offends you then you're beyond any help I (or anyone else besides maybe a therapist) can offer.

That being said, I'd like to take the time to inform these misdirected fans that they should observe the obvious differences between the young Mr. Castronovo and myself before following my tweets only to realize your mistake a few days later and dropping me like a soiled jockstrap.

Vincent Castronovo:

Source

Me: 

Take a few seconds. Get a good look. For those who may still be unclear, I'll guide you to the obvious differences:

- I've been told I look young for my age but, still, I'm not 12-years-old. I know he isn't really 12 (Probably), but I don't watch the show and don't care enough to go find out. I have a wife and, until recently, I also had a job... with a desk... where I had to wear a shirt. One that did not involve spinning back-flips on a stage.

- I do not now, or ever will, EVER, have a mohawk or fohawk or whateverthehell it's called. Not.happening. EVER! Don't even ask.

- I'm black. Well, mostly. I'd think that should be a dead giveaway right there.

- I can't dance. Not if my life depended on it. I've got two left feet that step on each other and just get a passing grade in getting me from point A to point B. That's how uncoordinated I am.

- I don't do jazz hands (or even a lone jazz hand) in my photos. One day, maybe. But not today.

So, to all you Vincent Castronovo fans out there, in your feverish stampede to get close to this young man, please take a moment to stop, take a breath, compose yourselves, mop the sweat from your brow and take a good look at the profile of the person you're about to follow.

Thank you and good day to you all. 

So... Apparently People Want To See Me Naked.

This is a screenshot I took this morning of my stats page:

This was a post I did yesterday! 1,655 views! Already.

Oy. vey!

This is the second post to get so many hits so fast and it seems this is as a result of using StumbleUpon on my posts. I started using here after I used it a few times on Sprocket Ink. In case you guys were wondering how to boost your views, this seems to work.

Anyway, as I mentioned Sprocket Ink, it's Thursday so I've got a post there today. And, no, I will not be naked there. But I've got something way better to discuss. Orgasms and the mile-high club. Would you like to know more. Of course you do! Just make sure take your seat and fasten your seat belt. And also make sure your seat back and folding trays are in their full upright position and then click here.

Thank you and enjoy your flight.

[UPDATE] I forgot to like yesterday's post. That's  been fixed.

[ANOTHER UPDATE] As of 1:20PM this post, where I only mention people wanting to see me naked, has over 2,600 views.


[YET ANOTHER UPDATE] *head bangs on desk*

I'm Going Naked Today - Don't Get Your Hopes Up.

While I'm sure the title is bound to attract a flurry of curious onlookers, let's get one thing clear from the start.

The title's totally misleading.

Before you leave though, there is a reason I gathered all... 2 of you here. My first ever guest post! The awesome Kelly from  Naked Girl In A Dress, one of my Sprocket Ink partners in crime, asked me to do a guest post on her blog and I was psyched to accept. So that's where I am today.

As I said this is my first time doing a guest post on someone else's blog so, go ahead and check it out here. There's nothing more to see on this blog today anyway.

That's it...

What? Still disappointed about the title let-down? Guys, it was just a...

Sigh! Okay. if you insist. But just this one time. Here'a a pic of me in the tub.

Ready?

GAAH! Dammit, Ma! Can't you see I'm takin' a bath here!

Gotcha! Now get on over and read my guest post.

This Enemy Mine, I Know Him Well. Soap Scum Is His Name.

I grew up a renter. My parents have never owned their own home. Still don't. As a result we - my parents, myself and my two younger sisters - have had to move from time to time. Now, a married man myself, I carry on the proud tradition of non-home ownership. I do intend to rectify this one day but that isn't the point of this story.

While I've made it clear before how much I think moving sucks, one of the things about it that bugs me more than anything else is...

The bathrooms.

Whenever I move into a new place I always have to come to terms with having to use a shower that was once regularly used by someone else. What makes this especially weird is that I don't really consider myself a germaphobe. As guys go, I'm as disgusting as any other, and proud of it. Of course, this wouldn't really be an issue it the shower was new and untouched by human gunk. But we all know how hard to find and costly virgin bathrooms are nowadays.

That last part read back kinda weird...

Anyway, The house we just moved into is - let's just say - on the more mature side. While the landlady did redo the entire kitchen, the shower was woefully as old as the rest of the place. It may have been cleaned after the previous tenants moved out but it wasn't by me and before I considered it fit for human (or at least "my") use I had to deal with it. These are the step-by-step events that took place that day:

- Getting my self physically and mentally prepared: I start with stretching. Then I do some quick shadow-boxing (Soap scum can be aggressive, you know) and give myself a good pep-talk and promise myself a drink for after I'm done.

- I assembled all the necessary items: bleach, detergent, disinfectant cleaner, bleach, bucket, scrub brush, tile and grout cleaner, bleach (I use sulfuric acid if they'd let me).

- Briefly, I give serious consideration to making a hazmat suit from garbage bags and rubber bands. Fortunately, good sense prevailed and the idea was abandoned. That and I didn't have enough rubber bands.

- When the actual cleaning process was underway, I realized that I was starting to feel a little lightheaded. This was from the high concentration of chlorine bleach I used in the cleaning mixture I concocted. After stepping out of the shower and getting some fresh air, I added some more bleach to the mixture and pressed on.

You can see why Mrs. C prefers I clean the shower. It get's done right!

Finally, I was finished. When I was done I felt like I needed a good shower. I removed my clothing (to be taken to a local crematorium for incineration, later) and stepped in, confident that the demons were exorcised. Then I saw it. There, right in front of me, in the teeniest hairline crack that was in this one tile.

Is that a tiny... brown... smudge?

Just Where Have you Been This Week? - Drawing Cartoons With My Fingertips..

We have yet again come to the close of another week and, as I've been doing for some time now, I'm going to recap the week that was:

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- Tuesday I looked at crappy parenting, or at least one really crappy parent in particular. I gave a little teaser here to a story I did on Sprocket Ink about him.

- On Wednesday I did another installment of my Always Remember toon posts. I decided to go with gratuitous violence instead gratuitous stick-toon boobs. I think it worked.

- Finally, on Thursday, I was on Sprocket Ink again. This time I wrote about a farmer in India who went in for hernia surgery but got a hysterectomy instead. Something doesn't sound right there, does it?

If you haven't read any of these yet feel free to click on the relevant links and check 'em out. 

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One last thing. Remember how last week I complained about my mouse not working? Well it apparently changed it's mind on Friday and is working just fine... After I did Wednesday's toon post... The one I had to draw FOUR whole panels with the touchpad to finish!

Sometimes I thing even inanimate objects just enjoy screwing with me.

Always Remember (Relationship Issue)

No matter how intense they may get.

Sometimes arguments just... end?

Really! Just like that!

I mean, no one wins, no one loses. Everything just goes back to normal.

What the hell was the freaking point!?!

If There's One Thing I've Learned From The Internet...

I surf the news on the web a lot these days and I've observed that, among other things, there are some crappy parents out there. Take my post over at Sprocket Ink today, for example.

I don't want to give too much of the story away but let's just say that it's about a man who needs to have both his driver's license and parenting license permanently revoked. While I make fun of what the guy did, I'm both amazed and thankful that there was no one hurt by this bonehead.

That's all I'll really say about it here but if you want know just what I'm talking about, you should go over to my article on Sprocket Ink. I recommend it. If you're good I'll reward you with a toon post tomorrow. I had one almost finished before my mouse died & I'm finishing it up with the touchpad. It's a lot of effort but you're worth it.

Here's a sample:

More tomorrow.