Vinny's Step-By-Step Introduction To Home Ownership.

Mrs C and I will be moving into our new home during the Christmas weekend. We collected the keys two Fridays ago. As with most things nowadays, the entire process was highly publicized as the government wanted to make sure we and the greater public knew of their generosity (especially with next year being an election year). Step-by-step, we're being introduced to the subtle intricacies involved with becoming homeowners. Here's the process so far:

********

- Attend “key giving ceremony” held at the new community site. Endure speeches, singing entertainers and shameless political plugs.

- Four and a half hours later, finally collect keys.

- Wait for obligatory photo op (which we thankfully managed to avoid).

- Receive instructions about having up to one month to be fully moved in and, in the meantime, you can basically come and go as you please.

- Go check out the new digs and wonder how the place went from clean and completely undamaged during the walkthrough to:

1. having a portion of the wall which needs to be repainted after a window was replaced (the old window frame was left lying the front yard for an added touch)
2. having a broken hinge on the window in the back bedroom
3. having a moss-caked kitchen sink

- At this point make a note of issues to add to the form you received with your package to list any defects you may find within the first three months.

(It should be noted that, based on feedback from other owners of government-provided housing, following the submitting of said defects report, one should proceed to initiate repairs one’s self since the providers of your new home may never actually send someone to repair whatever is broken.)

- Return some days later to move some of your stuff in and put curtains up to realize half the house has been flooded after the shower faucet came partially out of the wall.

- Turn off water main to house, spend several hours mopping up. 

- Finally hang curtains and move stuff in as initially planned.

- Add broken shower to the defects form for the sake of formality.

- Start looking up plumbers since you’ll have to fix this problem yourself.

- Almost faint from shock as you receive a call informing the work crew will be in the area to assess what repairs need to be done.

- Take time off from work, go back to house and meet with contractors, show them everything that’s broken, exchange numbers and agree to be back again the following day to see what can be done.

- Take a second day off, go back to house again, wait, wait, call contractor, find out they are not going to show because it’s two days before Christmas and the boss can’t convince the workmen to show up.

- Be told they'll they will come back to get started after New Year's... Sometime after New Year's.

********

This is where the list ends for now. Until the shower issue is sorted out, we will have to keep the water main turned off when we're not using the water. So far, owning a home is turning out to be more of an "adventure" than I anticipated.

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing - The Return.

I’m afraid I'm going to gripe a little bit so bear with me. Remember a few months ago I told you all about my employers deciding to exploit make use of my past experience as a reporter and putting me on a special assignment to write a white paper? Sure you do! This, as I mentioned, resulted in my being unceremoniously pulled from my desk, my duties and even the building and being shipped off to the Central Office where I and the other three members of the team would spend our days toiling away on the deserted top floor.

Then, of course, the HR girls were taken away too. I never mentioned this but, at my old desk, I was surrounded by the pretty girls from HR (Seriously, it’s like baring a resemblance to a porcelain doll is one of the hiring criteria for that section). I wasn't in HR, mind you. That was just where they had room to seat me that was closest to my department.

I'll admit I didn't mind this too much.

Still, aside from all that and me having to spend four times as much in transportation costs (No, I wasn't being compensated for this), it actually wasn't so bad. The team got along and, while progress was slow, we were actually starting to get the thing going. The whole point of us being transferred was to prevent us from being distracted by anything else. We were supposed to focus on the white paper and the white paper alone and get it done as quickly as possible.

For two months we battled traffic, parking issues (the other three drove) and the lack of decent lunchtime dining options (there are places you can get food but they’re all very far away). The people on the ground floor didn't like us very much, even though we all worked for the same government ministry (related to aforementioned parking issues) and sometimes the air conditioning on that floor broke but we persevered.

Now, we’re back. As of two weeks ago our long trips to Central came to an end and we were called back to base. You’d think I’d be happy now. Right? Now that it’s all over I get to return to my desk, resume my work and patiently endure the HR girls’ cooing over how much they love each other’s hair/shoes/outfit/etc. I would have been happy, if that were the case. See, the project isn't finished... I think. In fact, things are getting more and more confusing.

Let me explain.

Recently there has been some reshuffling of senior positions at the Head Office which forced our team leader, a Divisional Director, to have to return to base to assume some new responsibilities. With him being called back it made no sense to leave the rest of us there so they brought us in as well. The project isn't over. We’re just continuing it at Head Office... in the middle of all the distractions they wanted us to stay away from...

This, in itself, is annoying but the real problem is that the entire project has become an afterthought to the great big heads upstairs and no one is really taking it seriously. The team leader is too busy with his new responsibilities and they've separated all the members of the team as far away from each other as they could. However, since it hasn't officially been declared dead, I’m stuck here, one floor below where my real desk is, plugging away at it, wondering if there’s even a point. Added to that, they’re slowly starting to squeeze other tasks that have nothing to do with the project into my portfolio.

Then I saw an email from someone in the division wondering when I was planning to meet with her and officially assume the duties of my desk...

I don’t mind being given something to do. Don’t get me wrong. What I do mind is being taken from a division where, at least, I had some experience (and something nice to look at when I got bored) and being put in one where I had almost zero usable skills. While it is true I felt a little overwhelmed from time to time, at least I knew enough to fake it when I had to.

Helping write the white paper was an exception. This division I've been dropped into now deals with things like creating policy and a whole host of things I have never dealt with or have never been trained for.

Still, everything’s up in the air at this point. Just as I have been receiving little-to-no information on what’s going on, I think it’s safe to assume I’m not the only one and a lot of them don't really knows I’m only here on loan. In the end, I may end up being left alone to finish what I was sent here to do and go back to my “home”, surrounded by the pretty HR girls just one floor above.

I hope...

And Yet I Survived To Make It To Adulthood.

I'm not much of a fan of chewing gum. Never have been. I'll chew it, but only on rare occasions. Even when I do I don't keep at it for very long. I think it's because, ever since I was a child, I always considered gum to be pointless. It doesn't build up to anything. In fact, with gum it's the opposite. You start off with something that's sweet and tasty and eventually it looses it's savor and you end up with this sticky, tasteless, wad of saliva that's merely a shell of it's former self. There's no conclusion to speak of, you just chew it until you decide you're tired of it. Now that I think about, maybe gum is a metaphor for so many other things in life...

Or maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing.

I'm sensing a bit of sarcasm here.

Anyway, while I'd love to examine the meaning of life through a stick of gum, that's actually not what I'm here to talk about. While I considered this to be the reason I'm not a chewing gum fan, something reminded me of another reason I may not be such a big fan of it.

Now, what I'm about to tell you is to remain between us. Okay?

You ever have one of those moments you look back on and ask yourself, "How the hell am I still alive today?" I mean, we all do dumb things, especially when we're younger, but there are some things I remember doing that make me wonder if I should be wearing a helmet for my own safety.

The other day I was chewing a piece of gum. Some company was giving out free samples of some new flavor and my wife brought it home. She was tired of it so she left it rest at home, so I decided, "why not?" Somehow some of it got stuck to my upper lip. No real problem. It came off easily enough, but that incident is what brought the memories flooding back.

(Cue wavy background and harp flashback effect)

I was young. How young, I can't really remember. I do know it was back when we only had one TV station. That TV station showed a lot of very, very old reruns. things like Get Smart, Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. I'll remind you at this point that I'm only in my mid-thirties. We just had a lot of really old TV shows on back then. Nothing better to watch, I guess.

Anyway, as I said, I was very young. I remember I was chewing a piece of gum and just like the time in the present, a piece of it got stuck to my upper lip. Only that time in the past it was really stuck on there. I think it was a really cheap, local brand and the darned thing wouldn't budge. Not all of it anyway.

Then I remembered something I saw on one of those television shows. "Which show?" you may be asking. Why, The Three Stooges of course.

I don't remember the scene exactly. In it, I think the stooges were up to some carpentry mischief when the one called Moe somehow got glue in his mouth. Curly, the bald one, grabbed a kettle of boiling water and said, "Hot water melts glue!" Then, before Moe could protest, Curly pours boiling water on Moe's face. Moe screams and that's comedy!

This is what I remembered during that moment when I, an impressionable young boy, stood there with gum stuck to his lip. Did I remember Moe screaming in pain? No. Did I remember him assaulting Curly afterwards? Uh-uh. Did I remember that hot water is... well... HOT? Somehow, it must have slipped me at the time. All I remember is hearing Curly's words of wisdom: "Hot water melts glue!"

So I went to the kitchen. There, my parents had a thermos that they usually kept hot water in for my baby sister's formula. And, just my luck, it was just filled too.

With boiling. hot. water.

I was also lucky enough to totally undisturbed while I implemented my gum removal procedure (I don't know why my parents ever left me in a room alone either).

You all can guess what happened next... Yes, I'm pretty sure I screamed just like Moe. The scar on my upper lip lasted for months. My parents' joked about it for even longer. It was all a constant reminder that I couldn't believe everything I saw on TV (and that pain is only entertaining when it's inflicted on others).

And that I'm an idiot.

Look at their faces. Even can't believe I did something so stupid.
source

But I'm sure I'm not the only one. Like I said, we all do dumb things when we're young. I'm sure you guys have stories of stupidity on a similar magnitude. Right? Guys? I'm not alone on this. Am I?

Guys?

New Post Up At Sprocket.

Just click here.

Sometimes It's Nice To Know You're Not The Only One.

As I have mentioned in the past, I use to be in banking. I also mentioned that, due to the poor handling on my part of some situations during that time, I was forced to leave it. It's okay, though. I'm over it.

As I've also mentioned, my wife works for a bank as well. She was lucky. She did data entry there and never had to see a single customer. There was a down side, though. She worked on evenings and our, then, routine was me leaving for work with her fast asleep and her coming home from work after I was already in bed. I used to joke that we were only married on weekends because that was when we actually spent any kind of time together. After multiple transfer requests, they got tired of her... persistence and now she's a teller, working the day-shift in a regular branch.

Because of my experience on the customer service side of things, I try help Mrs. C learn from the mistakes that I made. I warn her from time-to-time about the various perils and, especially, the crazies she'd inevitably meet.

For example, there was the time I had to decline someone's loan because his demands were impossible to meet and he wouldn't listen to reason. There was just no way to approve it.  He, however, said I declined his loan because I was racist. He neglected to take into consideration that we were both of the same race when he made the charge though.

Another time, there was this guy who would apparently come in every few months to complain about discrepancies on his credit card statements. Even though I was in loans, the person dealing with him decided to shovel him off on the next available person and basically conned me into seeing him. By the time I realized he wasn't applying for a new credit card, it was too late.

It was during this meeting that the customer confided in me that the bank was conspiring to hide the truth about his credit card info and that he finally had proof. That proof being his "real" credit card statement versus a "phony" copy the he was provided with.

Customer: You can see it right here! The bank's logo on my copy I got in the mail is red. This other copy they gave me has a black logo.

Me: Okaaaay... What else?

Customer: What do you mean? Mine is obviously the official thing because it's in color. The one they printed and gave me isn't so it has to be made-up.
Me: But the information on both is exactly the same.
Customer: *blink*

Me: Who gave it to you?

Customer: Them. Over by that counter just now.

He was pointing at the CSR counter across the floor. They only have a black and white printer there.

But, this past Wednesday morning was Mrs. C's turn. Like so many of my customers, her encounter had her a state of bewilderment that lasted for about half a day.

Customer 2: I'd like to make a withdrawal.

Mrs. C: Sure. One second... I'm sorry. You don't seem to have any money in your account.

Customer 2: But my disability comes in at the end of every month.

Mrs. C: Wait, please. Let me check the history. Oh yes. It did come in at that time. But it looks like you withdrew it already.

Customer 2: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this months payment. It should be there. It comes in at the end of every month, you know.

Mrs. C: Um... sir. It's only the the 17th.

Customer: *blink*

Mrs. C: It isn't the end of the month yet.

Customer: But... the full moon already passed...

Mrs. C: Okaaaay... (places hand close to panic button).

Luckily, her customer left soon after that without incident. I assume to consult with the moon again and make sure their schedules sync-up.

Knowing the crazies exist and actually encountering them are two different things and you almost never know what's going to happen next. Almost makes me nostalgic, to be honest.

Not really.

Just Where Have you Been This Week? - I Was Hiding In The Fridge.

Wow, weekend just seem to come up so fast!

Let's begin:

- My first post this week was on Tuesday. It was my take on the Studio 30 Plus weekly prompt "Your Earliest Memory Of Your Own Birthday Party". It was a really weird one.

Of course, you too can join in on the S30P action... As long as you're a member, that is. And I'd expect that, if you are a blogger aged thirty and over, that you're already a member of this great group. Just makes sense.

Also on Tuesday, I also posted on Sprocket Ink about young, attractive Russian women willing to bare it all in the name of supporting their favorite political candidate.

- On Thursday I posted on Sprocket Ink again. This time about the gradually vanishing species known as the German Nudist.

Then I noticed that both my Sprocket stories had similar themes. This made me a bit concerned and I expressed those concerns back here.

- On Friday I wrote a letter of complaint to the sun for the unbearable heat I had to endure.

Interesting side note about this post: This afternoon I noticed this -

I honestly can't tell you why.

Anyway, seems like someone was paying attention because this morning I got a response to that letter:

Along with thunder! Then, as I was out doing errands this happened:

 And I was caught in it the entire time.

I'm wondering if I should build an ark or something.

Of course, I'm not fooling myself into believing that my letter was responsible for the change in weather. That would be ridiculous! I'm sure the weather would have changed whether I wrote it or not.

Hmm...

Dear National Lottery Board,

During my adult life I've purchased lottery tickets no less that eight times with no success. I find this unacceptable as, if anyone is deserving I must say that I am... 

Addressing The Weather.

Dear Sun,

As you well know, here in the country of Trinidad & Tobago, we are scheduled to be in the period known as the "Rainy Season" at this present time. This particular season runs from the 1st of June to the 31st of December. It is during this period in which we recover from the onslaught you would have inflicted upon us for the first six months of the year - the "Dry Season" - which is when you get to do your thing.

So, that being the case, I would appreciate some sort of explanation as to why, for almost every day for the past two weeks, I have been greeted by THIS:

Does that look like rain to you Sun? I think not. No, that's you, muscling in on Rain's allotted time. And it's safe to say that you are overdoing it since I have to have an electric fan on and in close proximity, day and night.

I know that this year you dropped the ball during your time and this dry season was, in fact, not all that dry. I understand if you feel cheated by this. That, however, does not warrant your present action of trying to interfere in Rain's business.

This behavior is unacceptable and I think I speak for everyone here in T&T, as well as those in other countries who are presently putting up with your presence, when I say to you, "YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE!!!" I would kindly ask that you cease and desist from your present activity and let good sense prevail.

Thank you.

Vinny C.

First Fired, Then Promoted, Now...

Redundant?

At least, that’s the gist of what I was told this Monday. According to Bossman there’s no need for the position they were training me for. Please note, no actual training ever took place during the past two months (Except for the training I gave my replacement, of course). Opportunities to use me in the capacity he envisioned just weren’t materializing as quickly as expected. So, essentially, I finish out this month and proceed with my previously scheduled firing from two months ago.

“Unless something happens to pop up,” he said.

What the hell kind of bullshit is that!?! I’ll say this much: Once I leave, there’s no way in hell I’m going back. Thanks for the free coffee, asshole! Sayonara! On a side note, if you haven’t read my article at Sprocket Ink from yesterday, he inspired it. Go see.

Anyway, it seems like I’m going to have me a little free time next week so I’ve started compiling a list of activities to keep myself occupied while I seek new employment.

- Gaming: In an effort to be more focused during a grueling semester, I disabled my World of Warcraft account.

I know! Crazy, right?

Well considering the financial hit we just took I consider it prudent to leave it as is for the time being *sobs*. I’ll have to settle for other options like...

Regaining the gold trophy I earned in Plants Vs. Zombies – I accidentally deleted my profile when my old netbook died. This has been a source of great irritation to me. Up till now, I haven’t had the time to start over.

Get those last two golden eggs in my PC version of Angry Birds. Getting all three stars in those the levels is HARD

If nothing else, I can see what the replay value really is on the titles I have stacked aside.

- Heavy alcohol consumption (along with, but not limited to): Crying, breaking things, feelings of reduced self-worth and self-confidence, binge eating, more crying, etc.

Nah! Just kidding on this one.

Sorta.

- Blogging and blog reading: There are a ton of blogs I follow but I must admit to being a very crappy follower. There just never seems to be enough time to read them all and even comment on all the ones I do read. I guess, for now at least, I’ll be able to catch up.

- Books: My library card has been feel ing a little neglected of late. Time to rectify that.

- Movies: I have a stack of them that I’ve been getting around to. Is that Vince Vaughn/Kevin James movie any good?

- Fixing the leaky kitchen faucet: Okay, really! It’s been months! How hard is it to change a washer? I know there are others like myself who know all too well the inherent dangers of DIY projects but really! Wish me luck on this one.

- Finding another job: That one’s important. Gotta remember to do that one.

In truth, most of these will only keep me occupied until the end of next week. I’ll have to play it by ear from there.

That is unless one of you guy have something for me to do.

No, really! Skills include witty comments and ability to laugh at self. Throw me a bone here, guys.

Guys..?

Being Proactive Sucks

It's my last end of semester exam today but I just had an experience that I had to document somewhere so I could refer to it in case I needed evidence someday. I just came from school. I used my lunch hour to get next semester's registration organized. I'll admit that I can be a bit of a procrastinator at times. For the last two semesters I've had to pay late fees along with my registration because I missed the deadline.

Not this time.

This time I was going to be proactive. I was going to be organized and do it right and everything would be perfect.

Boy, was I wrong...

Let's start at the top, shall we:

I go online and print all of the required documents in the office so I could get processed more quickly. I strut confidently from work to my school which is only a ten-minute brisk walk away.  The air is crisp. It's bright but not too sunny. As I walk, happy little humming birds dance around my head. It's just that perfect.

I get to school, no line. Excellent. I walk up to the counter and ask for the GATE form (we fill this out so the government will pay the bulk of our tuition - a total lifesaver). The girl at the counter asks me for my forms (the ones I printed in advance). I proudly present said forms, filled with pride because, yes, I was proactive.

Me: Here they are (voice all sunshiny).
Girl at Counter: Do you have your student email?
Me: (Chest puffed, fists on hips, looking off into the distance - the ceiling needs dusting) Why, I most certainly do. Got it when they first came out. (Even further evidence of my overflowing proactiveness.)
Girl at Counter: Did you print it?
Me: (I look down at her) Print what?
Girl at Counter: Your email.
Me: No... Why?
Girl at Counter: That's one of the documents you have to produce.
Me: (Chest quickly deflating): Since when?
Girl at Counter: It's our requirement for this coming semester.
Me: I didn't know that. Did you guys give some kind of announcement?
Girl at Counter: (Shrugs) You need...
Me: (Chest returned to normal size) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't get the GATE form or pay my registration fee until I bring it. I.know.
Girl at Counter: You can use the computers upstairs.
Me: (Growl)


I shuffle across the lobby to the elevator to get to the third floor. At this point I'm in totally the opposite mood than when I started. It isn't only because my attempt at efficiency had been thwarted, but also because the school's computer system is wols (so slow I had to spell "slow" backwards).

On the third floor I find a free system. I log on and, OHMYGAWD, it takes FIVE MINUTES just for the little log-in dialogue box to come up:

Slow-Ass PC: Your password has expired. You must change before proceeding.

Why, of course it has. I'd expect nothing less at this point.

TWENTY minutes later (which was basically made up of me pacing, banging my head against a nearby wall, swearing silently and crying a little), I'm printing my email info and, CRAP, I only have access to the printer on the second floor.

Hell no, I ain't going through this shit again! I send two prints and stay logged-in on the third floor slow-ass PC while I run down the stairs to the second floor to check the printer. I find both copies waiting for me in the printer. YES! Something went right. I run back up the stairs third. I log off (which went quickly, mercifully) and head back down to the lobby.

Me: Here (not so sunshiny this time around).
Girl at Counter: Thanks. Here is your GATE form.
Me: Thanks (grumble)

I fill the form, take my copy and proceed to the cashier to pay my $75 (TT) registration fee. I hand my forms to the cashier.

Cashier: That will be $280 (TT)
Me: Huh...
Cashier: $280.
Me: It went up? Since when?
Cashier: That is the fee, sir. (Her tone clearly was saying, "Not my damn problem. I didn't raise the fees Now hurry up and pay so I can get back to my Twilight book.")

Outstanding...

I paid. I decided it was best to just get it over with before I came back and realized there were even more forms and fees required the next time. By this time, counter-girl had made herself scarce so I wasn't able to thank her properly for the head's up. Counter-guy had taken her place.

Me: The fees went up?
Guy at Counter: Yes, sir.
Me: It would have been nice if they announced something like that.
Guy at Counter: (Shrugs - They've been trained well) I guess.

I leave. Thoroughly defeated I trudged back to the office. At least, I managed to make it back to work just as my lunch hour ended. Next time I have to do this, I won't make the mistake of being optimistic.

Social Interaction - Meeting People On The Street.

About Four Or Five Months Ago, While On My Way Home From Work...


Guy walks up to me: Aye, man.
Me: (Do I know him? He looks like he knows me. He's smiling like he's glad to see me. He's even got this expectant look like I'm supposed to, like, remember his name or something. CRAP! I'm so bad at remembering people.) Oh! Heeeeey.... man.
Guy: How you doin'?
Me: Good... good. (Shit! He's still here. I wasn't expecting human interaction now. I was in my happy place. I'm off guard. I haven't prepared. Oh, well. Might as well come out with it.) Sorry, where do I know you from again? I'm bad at remembering people.
Guy: Didn't you go to El-Do? (short name of a local secondary school.)
Me: No. I went to -- (the School for Idiots, apparently).
Guy: Oh, so you know -- (Can't remember the name he said. Didn't know him anyway).
Me: Nope.
Guy: Anyhow, you got a five I could borrow.
Me: (You have got to be kidding me! You added five more minutes of awkward to my already awkward-full life for this?! We've never even met before, have we? I bet there isn't even a what's-his-name who ever attended old SfI, is there?) Nah, sorry.
Guy: Alright, later.
Me: (Not if I can help it.) Later.
(Where was I? Oh yeah, happy place)...

Nagrand Is So Pretty At Night

I quickly put that incident behind me and life went on... Until about a month ago. I was getting into a taxi to get to work and someone called out, "Aye, short man!"
I immediately thought, "Why, I'm a somewhat vertically challenged male. Perhaps I am the one being addressed."
I look up and sure enough, there he is, with his hey-we-know-each-other grin. Obviously he decided to work a different part of the city and change shifts to maximize profit. I get into the taxi and continue in my way.

Really! Does this guy think that I'm such a gullible idiot that I'd fall for the same trick twice? Is there some kind of sign on me telling con-artists they can waste my time? I spent half that morning annoyed because of him.

Yesterday, While Waiting For A Friend After Work...


Another guy walks up to me: Hey
Me: (Huh? Do I know him? He looks like he knows me. He's smiling like he's glad to see me. CRAP! I'm so bad at remembering people.) Heeeeey.... man....