Tanned Hide - The Reboot.

Coming down to the end of last year, I mentioned in a post that I was considering bringing the one and only blog award I ever made out of retirement. By this, I'm talking about the Tanned Hide award, of course.

A few people seemed to think it was a good idea and since I'm a man of the people (and because I was probably going to do it anyway), I'll give the people what they want... and apparently, what they want has something to do with spankings.

I'm not one to judge.

Anyway, in its previous state, the Tanned Hide was a lazy man's award in that you had to do nothing once you received it. All you had to do was hang it on your wall and think of what explanation to give to your friends when they ask about it. This time, however, there are going to be one or two rules to make things more interesting. Plus, I made some slight changes to it:

Doesn't really look much different from the original, to be honest.

Now for those rules. Don't worry! You won't have to share any embarrassing secrets, send me money or spam the award to 10,000 of your friends.

Well... If you did feel inclined to send a few bucks my way, who am I to say no?

Kidding! All you have to do is say who you think deserves to be put over a knee and given some well deserved positive punishment. I know what you're thinking and, no, I do not mean you'd want to see them spanked in a kinky way. If you receive the Tanned Hide Award you must tell a story about someone (there is no need to name names, if you don't want to) who has done something to piss you off to such an extent that that someone is obviously beyond having their toys taken away and being made to sit in a corner until they've had time to think about what they've done.

This applies to any person, or even a group of persons, you may or may not know personally. That person can be a celebrity, a coworker, some idiot you randomly come across who managed to take up two parking spaces with a Mini Cooper, a foreign dictator, historical figure or someone like that. I'm giving you a whole heap of choices to go with.

Since I know how many feel about spankings when it comes to children, I'll make this an adults-only thing. Look at it this way, if you see some kid acting up and is obviously in need of some discipline, do like I did the first time I used The Tanned Hide and hold the parent(s) to account.

I suspect with the mention of the words "spankings", "kinky" and now "adults-only" this post is going to get a lot of hits for all the wrong reasons...

Anyway, the second and last rule is easy enough. All you have to do is send me money pass this award along to up to three bloggers you may deem worthy. Note I said up to three bloggers. So one or two is fine. Just notify the new recipient and tell 'em Vinny sent you (so they'll know who to blame).

That's it! No hassle, no stress.

Now for the recipients. The following blogs are the first to receive the new and improved (not so much) Tanned Hide:

- My Half Assed Life

- The Transformed Non-Conformist

- My Own Private Idaho

Congratulations! Come get your prize!

I chose these three because, not only do I find them deserving, but because I'm interested to see who they'd want to slap some sense into if given the chance. Also, I chose them because, basically, I'm the boss around here and I can do what I want. Don't feel sad if I missed you this time. I'll share some more spankings in the near future.

Further Advances In Stalking & Sharing The Pain

Two-For-One Post: A Bit Lengthy But There Are Lots Of Pictures.

Saturday night I was lying on the couch, watching TV (Yes, I know, all wild & crazy like that. That's just how I roll). Anyway, an ad came on for a website called mylife which is supposed allow you to search who's been searching you on the net. Mrs. C was in the kitchen and she overheard the ad. Since we both found it interesting I decided to check it out. I wasn't really expecting to find much. I've tried similar sites in the past and they generally don't allow you to even access their search without a valid US zip code. Plus, I've googled myself a few times and always come up with bupkis.

(Somewhat depressing -um- "fun" fact: I recently googled asvinnycsit and found my blogger, twitter and facebook links... I guess I should be happy that, according to the web, I exist in some form, at least.)

But I digress. I pulled up the website and put in my info which, not surprisingly, wasn't that much. If you've never tried one of these sites before, all they usually request is your first and last name and zip code. Mylife was the same: first name, last name and, of course, my zip code (Hoo-boy! Here we go again!). Surprisingly, I got in with the five zeros I'm supposed to enter. Not surprising was to find the results coming up empty. Once again, I resigned myself to a life of relative obscurity and was about to move on...

Until I noticed this:

Now since I never really got this far before, I don't know if the "Jealous Lover" feature is a standard for these types of sites. Of course, I couldn't resist trying it out:

Do they give you extra pages if you have more than three "Gals"?

Yes, you can jealously keep tabs on who's checking out your significant other... and your other significant other... and your other other significant other and so on.

Oh, c'mon. How could I not have fun with this?

The results were somewhat surprising, though:

When I was tired of it, and at her request, I searched out my wife's stalkers and found none. I have mixed emotions about this...

________________________________________

In other news, I actually made a blog award. This is thanks to the keen eye of Semi True Toristeller over at Can U Relate. I, being a little bit slow sometimes, probably never would have thought of this.

It all started in a recent post where I recanted my adventures while visiting the pharmacy (Oooh!). It was here I expressed my ideas about improper parenting - to put it mildly. I then made a suggestion about how this situation I observed should have been handled. Insert shameless self plug here: Click on the link and read the post if you don't know what I'm talking about. It was in my retelling of this incident that my award was born.

Behold! I bestow upon you:

The Tanned Hide!!!

Now from what I understand about the tradition, I'm supposed to pass this on to a few others and not just hang it on my own wall next to my wedding photos - Even thought I still might do just that anyway.

In creating this award I had to first decided it's purpose and then who should receive it. The first part was easy. It isn't to be presented to bloggers I wanted to give a spanking to... sorry. Also, it isn't to go to bloggers who I want (or think may want) to give me a spanking either... sorry again. This award goes to bloggers who hold a mirror up to society and its members who may have somewhat gone astray and often smash them over the head with it provide insight as to how those situations should be properly handled.

The next part was hard: who do I give this award to? I had a really hard time with this part. It's not that there aren't deserving bloggers out there that easily come to mind. That's just the problem: too damn many do. And, since I can't give everyone one - which we all can agree is really dumb and pointless - I had to narrow the list down. I decided to go with five. Because so many blogs I read fill the criteria so well I had to give this some serious thought. Then I got a headache so I just chose at random - because I'm lazy like that.

The first "Tanned Hide" recipients are, in no particular order are:

• Dr. Cynicism @ Cynicism 101 - He's got a PhD in verbal ass whoopin'.
• Miss Nikki @ my cyber house rules - Tellin' it like it is and not pulling any punches.
• Simple Dude @ Simple Dude in a Complex World - He says he simple but his blunt delivery is genius.
• dbs @ think.stew - Giving stupid the "stink eye" on a regular basis.
• Semi True Torysteller @ Can U Relate? - Not just because she suggested I make this award but she holds the mirror up to herself first and that kind of brutal self honesty is something that reminds the rest of us to always be true to ourselves.

Please remember that if I didn't pick someone it isn't because I didn't feel you didn't deserve it. I'm trusting that if this gets circulated by it's recipients it'll eventually come to you and the work will be done for me (like I said: lazy).

There are supposed to be rules to these things but, you know what, I already have a headache, plus, the way I see it, society has too many rules as it is. I'll only say this much on the matter: if you choose to pass it on, give it to other bloggers who have been handing out some well deserved positive punishment to all the jokers out there.

As for me, I'm gonna go sleep this headache off.

Peace.

Some People Need Feel In Order To Learn.

Have you ever had the urge to just put someone over your knee and give them a good spanking? I don't mean in some kind of freaky, sexual fetish kinda way (I know you were thinking it. Don't lie). What I mean is, sometimes I see people out there who seem to desperately need a little positive punishment just to let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. You know who I mean. This applies to most celebrities, Wall Street execs and basically all politicians everywhere.

Public figures and corporate moguls are not the only ones this would apply to, of course. There are a lot of average Joes and Janes out there that we interact with on a day-to-day basis that need a good old hide-tannin'. Like people who text while driving, or chew with their mouths open, or insist on trying to hold a conversation with you while you're on the phone. Basically people who should have had a bit more discipline instilled into them as children.

Case in point: The other day I was in the pharmacy. I was at the counter waiting to get a prescription filled, just happily minding my own when, just a few feet away, I hear a young boy begin a rant about some health drink supplement his mother was buying him.
"Please, Jay, relax." his mother urged, "It's good for you."
Jay, who I'm certain couldn't be more than about ten or eleven, replied, "You know what's good for me? Soda! That's what's good for me." and he stormed off to the other end of the drugstore, leaving his mother there at the counter.

You sure it's wrong to just leave 'em there?

If young Jay's little outburst, or the way he ignored his mother as she sheepishly and unconvincingly called out to him, wasn't enough to rub me the wrong way, what came next would surely seal the deal. Defiantly, he stomped across the room but soon noticed that the energy he was investing into his tantrum was being wasted as his mother was engaged in conversation with the pharmacist. It was then he decided to amuse himself in other ways. As I watched, he picked up some candy from a small rack and shoved it into his pocket. He turned to walk away but then he noticed the security guard's stern eye on him and he quickly replaced it. He then turned his attention to the cashier behind one of the counters. One by one he picked up every single item on the counter and ask every question possible about them. The poor girl, trying to be nice (big mistake, because he clearly didn't deserve it) patiently indulged him. Meanwhile, his mother, who's attention was back on him returned to her timid chant of, "Jay... Jay... Jay..." over and over and over again, which, of course, he continued to ignore.

I know many are against the idea of striking children. But then you run into the gems like my friend, Jay, here and you can't help but question those beliefs. But, for those who are against corporal punishment being used on children you'd probably be right. The truth is, while the boy's behavior was bad enough,  his mother obviously needed to be way more stern with him than she was and her obvious failure to assert some more authority only served to enable his behavior. As we say here, "some children are brought up and some are dragged up" and I shudder to think what kind of adult she was preparing to send into the world. That's why I think you'll all agree with me to nominate Jay's mom to receive the honor of:

"The Tanned Hide"

Point of Note: If you're going to google the word "spanking", make sure your
safesearch is at least on moderate. There are sick, sick people out there.