Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Br'er Rabbit - A Meeting In The Forest.

Deep in the forest, on a dark, moonless night, three shadowy figures sit in an abandoned old shack. Their silhouettes are faintly illuminated by the lone candle set in the middle of the table around which they sat.

Br'er Fox: The rabbit has to be stopped!!!

He slamed his fist on the old table. The candle wobbled violently. Sis Cow leapt from her chair and caught the candlestick, steadying it with her hooves.

Br're Bear: Calm down, Br'er Fox. That's what we're here to discuss.
Sis Cow: Yeah. Don't get so worked up. (Sis Cow lowered her voice to a whisper) He might find out what we're doing.

She looked out the window to her right. There were small shards of glass lodged in some of the corners. The house was very old, dank and musty. Whoever lived here abandoned it long ago. It was set deep in the heart of the forest, far from where anyone else lived. Away from long, listening ears. Perfect for their little meeting. Still, she felt uneasy. As she stared into the cold, black forest, she hated being out so late at night, so far away from her husband. Ever since that night...

Br'er Fox: I'm not afraid of that damn rabbit! Just give me five minutes in a locked room with him, where he can't bolt or hide and you'll see. I'll put an end to him, once and for all.
Br'er Bear: You mean like all those times in the past when you could have "put an end to him".
Br'er: Fox: Don't you sass me, Br'er Bear! You think 'cause you're big I'm supposed to be scared of you. You think I can't take ya?! The rabbit's outsmarted you too. Not that that'd be too hard.
Br'er Bear: Yeah. So what? He's tricked all of us. And quit with the "stupid" cracks or I'll break you in two.

Br'er Fox grips his walking stick, showing he doesn't intend to back down from Br'er Bear's threats. They lean into each other over the table, sizing each other up, eyes locked.

Sis Cow: Boys!!! Stop it! You'll clue the rabbit in for sure with all this noise. Sit down. We're not here to fight each other, remember?

Reluctantly, they sit back into their chairs.

Sis Cow: You said we have to stop him, Br'er Fox. You're right. But how? He's gotten the better of us every time.
Br'er Bear: It's that damned briar patch he lives in. We can't get to him as long as he's in there.
Br'er Fox: We could burn it. Set the whole damn thing on fire. That'll take care of the rabbit once and for all.
Sis Cow: No! His wife and kids live in there too...
Br'er Fox: Burn the lot of 'em alive, I say. They're all trouble. Are you forgetting that it was all of them that milked you dry and how they left you out alone in that field all night with your horns stuck in that tree, Sis Cow?

Sis Cow gasped and covered her face with her hooves as the memories of that night came flooding back. She began to sob.

Sis Cow: I feel so violated. If my husband only found out what they did...

She sobbed some more.

Br'er Bear: Now look what you did, Br'er Fox! That wasn't called for.

Br'er Fox showed no remorse. He simply scowled and leaned back in his chair. Br'er Bear gently patted Sis Cow on the back with his paw to console her.

Br'er Bear: Look Sis Cow is right. We ain't here to fight each other. Let's just focus on the rabbit. Are you sure we have to kill him. I mean, I know he's a pest but...
Br'er Fox: You're too soft. Both of you. Neither of you got what it takes to do what needs to be done. What you're saying now, Br'er Bear, isn't a surprise to me. The rabbit's done the least harm to you. How do we even know you're committed to this?
Br'er Bear: He tricked me into hanging upside down in your trap so he could get away! He made me look real stupid.
Br'er Fox: I'd think you'd be used to that by now.
Br'er Bear: I told you! Enough with the wisecracks about me being stupid! 

Sis Cow had begun to regain her composure. She could see that the situation was getting intense again. She knew that if Br'er Fox kept at it. Br'er Bear would most certainly rip him to shreds. She decided to take Br'er Fox's attention off of goading Br'er Bear.

Sis Cow: You act like you're so smart, Br'er Fox! At least I wouldn't have thrown Br'er Rabbit away... into the briar patch... where he lives, if I caught him. "Oh, please! PLEASE! Anything but the briar patch!" Ha! You're sooo smart, alright! Neither I nor Br'er Bear would've fallen for that at least. I can tell you that much.

Br'er Fox growled at Sis Cow's sarcastic tone. It took all of the will he could sum up not to leap over the table and take a bite out of her throat. Br'er Bear snickered. Sis Cow hadn't intended on her words to come across so venomous but she was still upset at Br'er Fox for the way he had conjured-up those memories just now.

Br'er Fox: Well at least I've been tryin'! More than I could say for any of you.
Sis Cow: And while we're at it. A "tar baby"? I mean, c'mon, Br'er Fox! Racist, much?
Br'er Fox: Don't look at me like that! It's the rabbit's tastes, not mine. We all know about his... habits.
Sis Cow: Yeah. I remember the video you showed us that you recorded on your cell. The way he wailed on that tar baby... (She shuddered at the thought) Scary. I feel a little sorry for his wife. He almost never let's her leave the briar patch. When she does come out, she's always so quiet and she looks so scared... so sad.
Br'er Fox: All the more reason we have to put an end to that blasted rabbit. He's a menace, a bully. He walks around likes he owns the place. We'll never live in peace until he's gone. So, are we agreed on what has to be done? We work together to stop him for good, right?

They all nodded in agreement. Now it was only a matter of coming up with a plan that would snag the infamous Br'er Rabbit and finally put his trouble-making to an end.


This little ride on the Character Assassination Carousel was brought to you by Ninja Mom. An awesome writer, a mother and so much more, she does it all with mad ninja skilz. Every month a blogger is invited to tear a well deserving piece of kids' literature a new one. Check out the previous participant, Alicia from Naps Happen. Stay tuned to find out who takes part next.


  1. FTW! Vinny, this is hilarious. Glad to have you on the carousel!

  2. Vinny - I was just wondering if anyone else was backward enough to still have a copy of Uncle Remus and I see you are that person! Ours was long ago "disappeared" under my son's dresser because I could no longer tolerate putting on the deep southern dialect for entire stories...while cringing at the cultural insults throughout. Good job bringing down the Br'er gang!

  3. Not only was I entertained I also now know how to spell Br'er. win. win.

  4. Dude. You are taking me back in time. I'd almost forgotten about the Song of the South.

  5. Cool stuff. Did you know you can't even buy that cartoon anymore? Weird huh?

  6. @ Nicole: Glad to take the ride.

    @ Naps Happen: I was only too happy to take 'em down.

    @ Copyboy: Then my job is done here. Win for me too.

    @ Elly Lou: It's a long time for me too. I'm not sure what brought this particular choice to mind, myself. But I'm glad I chose it.

    @ paulsifer: Really? That is weird. I barely remember seeing it myself. That was waaaay back.

    @ pattypunker: *bows* Too kind, m'lady.

  7. @ dbs: Thanks. You know me. I try a little something different from time to time.

  8. I didn't know Brer Fox worked for the Jersey Mob.
    This would make a great movie with Joe Pesci as the fox.


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