Randomly Talking About The Weather

I know a lot of you have not been enjoying the cold. That being said, I hope you done get too annoyed by some of the things in this post.

Of course, big shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. She totally owns RTT in every sense of the word and, for a better quality of random, you should go to her.

- As I've said a few times in the past, I live in the Caribbean. Here, we have two seasons here: dry and wet. That's it! Half the year, it's raining. The other half, it isn't. Officially, the dry season starts from January first and runs until the end of May. I don’t think Mother Nature checked her calendar for the year until yesterday. That when the rain finally stopped.

- For the last few years, the “dry” season has been just that. Hot blazing sun, water reserves running low, people spontaneously combusting while out doing lunchtime errands. That kind of stuff. It’s also when the  Grackles attack. The Carib Grackle, to be exact. And even though they're everywhere I still had to google their photo because, oddly, they seem a mite camera-shy.

Hi. I Grackle. I kill you.
source

By "attack" I mean swoop down against the back of your head. This is their mating season, I think, so they're very protective of their territory. And I’m they’re favorite target. Every.freakin'.year.

- Be warned! What you're about to see may be very emotionally traumatic for those of you battling the cold winter conditions. I work very close to the Queens Park Savannah and this is how it looks outside today:

Yes, it is as warm as it looks.

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A quick update: A while back I griped and complained about the house purchase drama. Well… it isn't going to happen. I know! I know! I made this big fuss about how stressed out about it. It was a nice place but, in the end we decided it would be too much of a strain on the budget right now. Shelf that for later, I guess.

Random Annoyances

Hope we've all had a chance to recover from the love-fest that is Valentines Day. If you don't already know this, here's a nice tip for next year. Declaring your love to someone on the internet for everyone to see and comment on: major brownie points. Trust me.

Big shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. She totally owns RTT in every sense of the word and, for a better quality of random, you should go to her.

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- You know those guys that always have a loooong story to regale you with whenever you say anything to them? That's the guy in the export department where I work.


You say, "Good morning." He'll say, "You know where I saw a really great sunrise one morning? This one time in Barbados when I was blah blah blah blah blah... (*half an hour passes*) blah Oh, and did that coffee taste good! blah blah (Could I go make a coffee..? Should I pull a chair..? Okay...) blah blah blah (*go, make coffee and come back*) ...and that's I could say it was a good morning.


- Did I ever mention that we live next door to a dance school. No? Well there's nothing too special about them, really. Other than the fact that they party until one in the morning almost every Saturday night. Awesome. Oh! They also started doing this new awesome thing. We were settling for bed the other night when, no sooner had we gotten all comfy when we hear men's and women's voices screaming in terror. Well, you know what I thought. The zombie apocalypse was on! Serves me right for not getting around to making a zombie apocalypse survival kit.


Damn my procrastination!!!


I decide to quietly peek through the window to see if I can gauge the extent of the chaos...


Turns out it wasn't a flesh-eating zombie invasion after all. Seems the dance school is working on an some kind of dance recital. At eleven at night.


Every.night.

- Office Diva calls me today:

Office Diva: Vinny, the client wants specs on one of the products. You’re good with computers. Could you help me out? The supplier’s website is kind of complicated. Could you find the spec sheet for the product on the site and email it to them?

Me: Okay. I’ve been on the site and it isn’t that complicated. You could just send the client onto the site and I’m sure even a total and complete moron could find their way around it.

Office Diva: Well everyone isn’t computer savvy. Besides, I don’t want to give the client any trouble. I’m on the site right now and I have the info here.

Me: (Well you just proved my point).

Office Diva: Anyway, could you just go onto the website and send the info.

Me: So, let me get this straight. You mean the same info that’s on your screen in front of you right now… That you’re currently looking at… online… now?

Office Diva: Yes! Exactly! Just send that info to the client.

Me: …

Office Diva: Thank youuuu (hangs up).

Consistently Random

Hmmm... Decisions, decisions.

Write a random post or worry about an uncertain future...

Ehhh! I'll multi-task. Employers like that, right?

Of course, shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. She totally owns RTT in every sense of the word and, for a better quality of random, you should go to her.

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- I will not bitch anymore about the workplace situation. I will, however, bitch about my aching muscles. Last week, I said I was rejoining the gym. I thought I could take it slow and ease into it. That way I could minimize on the muscle aches. My body, apparently, disagrees with this strategy and has decided to have most of the muscles in my body to ache like a mo-fo.


My old Thai-Boxing instructor used to say crap like, "Feel the pain! Respect the pain! LOVE THE PAIN!!! YEAH!!! He called it toughing us up. I called it sadomasochism.


- Last night, as I was travelling home, I looked up and couldn't help noticing the thuggish looking individual a few seats in front of me in the minibus taxi. I'm not one to judge but, with crime on the rise, minibus drivers have had to be cautious about who they pick up and where they stop. This has led to a type of profiling among drivers.


"If you look like a thug you don't get on my bus." is the general rule nowadays.


With that in mind couldn't help wondering how he managed to get the driver to pick him up. He reached his stop and was getting out the bus and I could see he had the full gangsta gear on:

Plain white vest? Check! Baggy capri jeans? Yup! Head tied with bandana peeking out from under basketball cap? There too! Gritty, angry-at-the-world facial expression? In place. Boobs? Roger tha...


Wait a minute!


Holycrapit'sagirl!!! I think...


Ummm... Well, okay then. Never mind.


- In one of my earliest posts I mentioned a very disgusting coworker. I've been pretty hard on him since then. From time to time I have considered trying to be nicer to him but he isn't making it easy. He generally works outside the office but he was in the other day. I was walked over to my desk and he was seated at a desk close by. He was rubbing his ankle with a piece of a sample we show customers.


Him: Foot fungus.*scratch scratch scratch* Itching like crazy.
Me: *Dry heave* Dude! What the hell?! You can keep that, by the way.

********

There! I think I've been rather productive.

Random Aches & Pains (A Blog Post NOT MEDICAL ADVICE!)

January is over so I guess that makes 2011 officially here to stay. No turning back now. If you haven't gotten this year off to a good start yet then, sorry, there are no do overs. I checked.

The bastards!

Of course, shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. She totally owns RTT in every sense of the word and, for a better quality of random, you should go to her.


No. Really. Trust me. She's much better at this stuff...

- With classes in the evening, I've had to make a lot of adjustments. One of the thing that has suffered is my going to the gym regularly. This semester, I got exactly the schedule I wanted so, for the next few months anyway, I'm back in the ol' saddle. Yup! I've rejoined the gym.

I'll try (note, I said try) not to bore you in the coming weeks about the aches and pains as I try to whip myself back into shape (Please stop visualizing an actual whip being used. I know some of you were).

What I really want to do is take up a new martial art. I’m thinking kung-fu this time. I really want to learn the "Death Grip of the Rabid Monkey"*.

- I'm lucky the gym actually had room for me. This time of year in T&T, with Carnival fast approaching, everyone is trying to get into shape to fit into ridiculously tiny (and even more ridiculously expensive) costumes.

The insanity starts from just after Christmas and, for about two months, they train hard. Gyms are packed, jogging paths are crowded and, all of a sudden, people watch what they eat. What they really want is to look like this:

Nope. Neither of these guys is me.

 Or this:

Roll your tongues back in, boys!

Buy they only have about two months to work with. Instead, most of time you still end up with this:

In case you're wondering, the answer is no. You won’t see me parading the city streets in tights and sequins for those two days, thank you very much. Even if it wasn't for religious reasons, I’m waaay too self-conscious for that.


- Good news! After three years, Mrs. C finally got transfered and she's back to a day job from this week. We're very excited. It'll be interesting to also be a married couple during the week again. She had two week's vacation in between and she's been preparing. Adjusting to the new sleep schedule was the hardest part but we'll finally get to see, once and for all, if this will mean an end to my fun, freedom and being able to pig out whenever I want her insomnia.

- Remember boomboxes? Back in the day, even here in T&T, there was always someone in the group with the huge sound system on his shoulder. I was only a child but I remember a cousin who was like that.

The interweb is a magical, magical place!

Now, thanks to the modern miracle that is the cell phone, everyone has a miniature boombox in their pockets. For the past few years I’ve noticed people blasting their playlist on their cell phones’ loud speakers. Yeah, that’s what I want to hear on my bus ride to work: your favorite Jamaican dancehall tracks.

* If this move doesn't exist, I will create it. That name is just too cool.

Random Things That May Cause Severe Emotional Trauma

I see annoying people. Walking around like regular people. They don't know they're annoying...

Of course, shout out to Keely the Un Mom for Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. See her for a more skilled random experience.


- What I remember most about The Sixth Sense is being told by some idiot in Thai-boxing class about the Bruce-Willis-being-a-ghost surprise ending the day before you actually saw it.

I went back the next day and punched him... Hard. You can call it sparring, if you like. I call it, "Thanks for ruining the entire movie for me, asshole!"


- I was reading about this new restaurant called Atmosphere in Dubai. It's on the 122nd floor. The designer says you're supposed to feel elegant, luxurious and sexy when you eat there (it amazes me, sometimes, that they can actually say douchey things like that with a straight face). Then again, at that altitude, gravity may not be an issue and you may actually be weightless even after your meal.


Since Mrs. C is extremely terrified of heights, if were were to overlook the hefty airfare and cost of the meals, the words that come to mind to me are nauseous, paralyzed with fear and I'mnothungryanymorepleasegetmethehelloutofhere!!!


- Speaking of nauseating restaurant ideas, I'm sure you've heard that Flavor Flav has opened a restaurant. Yup! Flav's Fried Chicken has arrived. The experienced has been described as having an extremely oily smell but surprisingly tasty.


I think I'll pass.


Flav intends to work in the premier location in Iowa. There, he'll be seasoning, flouring and frying the chicken himself. Plus, if he decides to serve you your meal too can look forward to this:

You hungry yet?


- There's a rule about walking into a public restroom and finding the lid down. You're supposed to just back away slowly and quietly and try your luck elsewhere. I ignored that rule today.


I may have nightmares for weeks.

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I'll end on a positive note. I have to thank Nenette over at Life Candy gave me Stylish Blogger blog:

This one's got some rules to follow and I'm going to dedicate a post specifically to it. For those of you who haven't checked Nenette's blog out yet, go on over. Trust me, you'll feel good about yourselves when you do.

RTT: Medicated, Sedated & Over-Caffeinated Edition

Greetings! And a special "hello" and "welcome" to my new followers I picked up in the last few days. I see you over there.

I'm trying to be more consistent with my RTT's. So not even this monster cold is going to stop me, dammit! Ow! Even yelling and shaking my fist at the sky hurts...

Of course, shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible.

- I ran out of non-drowsy cold meds today so I’m forced to take the ones chocked-full of lovely sedatives. To compensate and keep my head from falling to my desk with a loud “THUD!!!”, I’m on a coffee binge. Currently, I’m on my third cup in the last two hours. My head is still banging on the desk but now I just bang it again a few more times real fast for good measure.

Next step is to run an coffee IV drip.

- Okay, that’s it! I’ve officially decided to stop complaining about my cold…

After this…

You know that cartoon where the guy is run over by a bus full of tourists so fat their stomachs are bulging out the windows… and the bus then proceeds to back over him and drive forward over him again and then the process is repeated again… and again… and again… then the bus driver comes out and blasts the guy on the ground with a flamethrower for a few seconds? Remember that one? That would feel so great right about now. I sneeze so hard, my rib cage is like, “DUDE!!! What the hell?!”

- That’s it. My last bitch about this cold. Most likely because if it gets any worse I’ll either spontaneously combust or succumb to it and emerge a full fledged zombie. Then my next post will sound like, “RAWRR!!! Me eat Boss Lady brains today. It taste like coo-coo bird.”

- Mrs. C watches Nigerian movies from time to time. They've started to grow in popularity here in recent years. They're not my thing but, this weekend, she asked me to watch one with her.

Holy.crap!

Have you ever watched one of these?! It was watching a school play. Yes, that bad. For the first half hour I had to keep asking what the hell was going on. I ended up sliding off the sofa when she let her guard down and crawling away soldier-style just to escape.

- Brief dialogue with Boss Man last week, just before the start of an overseas,  online conference meeting with one of the company’s suppliers:

Boss Man: Okay, this is the first time we’re doing this online. Vinny, you’re the IT student, the instructions are on this email. Let’s see what you got.

Me: (Looking at email) Oh, it’s easy. All you have to do is type in this URL and you’re all set.

Boss Man: Wait, wait, wait! Slow down, Mr. IT student! First, what is a URL?

Me: (Falls off chair.)

Random Tuesday Thoughts 2011: Spammers & Idiots & Bieber... Oh My!!!

Well, it's a new year, it's a new day, it's a new life, for me. And I'm feeling...

Of course, shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. She totally own RTT and  for a better quality of random you should go to her.

- If I say, "I was stabbed in the hand on Sunday." that sounds both frightening and cool at the same time, right? But, if I then say, "it was just the tip of the knife. It barely broke the skin." and then add, "I did it to myself while making a sandwich." not so much, huh?

- The spammers have found me. I've received two in two days. I suppose it was inevitable. What concerns me though is that I've only been contacted by marketers for ED treatment drugs. It's making me a little nervous. I'm not in the market for these products and I have to wonder who they have been getting their info from. I mean, my wife is the only one to make a qualified comment on the matter and - not to brag - I'm sure she isn't complaining.

Is she?

- On the front page of a local paper, I saw a photo of a guy being made to lie on the street by the police. The story went that he was caught taking a late night joyride on the highway connecting north and south Trinidad...

On a snowmobile...

I've mentioned a few times that I live in the tropics, right? How does this become an option? "I think I'll take the snowmobile to make that beer run." More importantly, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that he got this into the country in the first place and how he had to justify this to customs. Didn't they think the idiot might actually be tempted to use it?

- Three words that will strike terror into the hearts of (sane) adults - especially parents - everywhere:

Justin.


Bieber.


Movie...

In freakin' 3D. Yup, you heard me.

- Also, this little guy's passing through:

Courtesy of Midwestern Mama Holly of Are you serious. He's a free spirit who doesn't like to be tied down so, if you're reading this he wants you to take him home. And he's not demanding either because he only has one request. Let people know who sent him over. In the words of Mama H: "The only thing I ask is that when you take the seal, link him back to my blog, then pass him on... asking those who take him from your blog to link him back to you. And so ... and so on .... and so on.". So spread the love already.

What's More Random Than Nature?

Well I hope everyone had a great Christmas weekend. Mine was... eventful. As usual, it was filled with family, nog, turkey and ham.

Hey, you know what I think about when I think about ham?

Big shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible.

Sunday night.

We're sitting at home on the couch. After a weekend of holiday family visits, we're tired and are warming ourselves in front of the glow of our TV.

Rumble, shake!


My wife looks at me, " What was that?!"

"Earthquake." I reply. The fact that she acknowledged it confirmed that it was real.

RUMBLE! SHAKE!


Mrs. C springs to her feet, eyes wide. She looks around the room. Quickly, she heads inside to check on The Old Woman (her grandmother, who has been living with us for the past few months). She noticed it too.

We brace ourselves... and wait...

All this time, I'd been playing it cool. Mrs. C tends to be the expressive one. If she's scared, worried, happy, sad, you'll notice. Me... I put up a nonchalant front most of the time. In this instance, I decided to be the calm one again, as usual. However, this was only a front. An outside appearance I put up to avoid feeding into my wife's panic. Inside was much different.

"What should we do? Stand under a doorway? Get under a desk? SHIT! We don't have a desk! How could we not have a desk?! We can't survive nature's onslaught without a desk!!! Maybe we'd be safer outside. No! That's not right. Why didn't I pay more attention?!"

Nothing.

"Maybe it wasn't an earthquake. Maybe it was the aftershock of some kind of explosion. Nah! We would've heard something. An explosion big enough to rock our apartment twice would have clearly made some kind of sound. A loud one."

"OH.CRAP! Alien attack!"

I try to remain calm as I move to the window. Nothing. No strange, bright lights, no ominous dark silhouettes hovering in the night sky. Still, I don't trust it.

"Okay, think! What do you when the aliens attack? SHIT! I can't remember. What have I been doing all this time?! I've been watching sci-fi movies for as long as I can remember. I should know this. What am I saying? This is why I shouldn't have watched Skyline (not that it had anything to do with the situation. It was just 90 minutes of my life I wasted on that crap and I'll never get them back. And now that the aliens are attacking! I could have been preparing instead!)"

It was, in the end just an earthquake. The news said it was a 4.7 off the north coast. Just four or five seconds of Mother Nature reminding us that she owns our asses. Just an example of how one random act of nature can fuel some crazy random thoughts. I'm going to go buy a desk now.

Pondering Humanity's Downfall To The Machines & Other Random Thoughts

Well, another week has gone by and it's Tuesday yet again - actually, it's been two weeks since I last did a RTT. However, I submit that my argument is still valid since weeks do occur on a weekly basis so, if you think about it, a week has gone by since last week. Go ahead, think about it. I dare you.

Wow, even that intro was random. Anyhow, the fact is, I just can't stay away. Might as well face it, I'm addicted to:

RTT is a product of Keely the Unmom and brought to you by the Mystery Background Ham. Actual randomness of this post may vary. Some randomness may appear more random than they actually are.

Great! Now I have Robert Palmer music stuck in my head...

- Hey, I wonder what ever happened to his robot backup girls. Are they in storage somewhere? Some kind of warehouse or something? Someone should really check into that. I mean, they're like a ready-made skynet army... Yes, the first wave of terminators will be hot and will also play a mean electric guitar.

Humanity is so screwed.

- I have a neighbor that has taken to blasting Christmas music every morning for an hour from about five o'clock. It's so loud that, when he cranks it up, it can jolt you right out of bed from five houses away... I live three houses away.

Outstanding...

- I read that the third annual pole dancing championships were held in Japan last week. Pole dancing “athletes” took home wins in female and male categories, as well as a winner in the new disabled division category was added this year... Ummm, yeah, let's leave that one alone.


First of all, pole dancing is a sport? Second, I have to wonder, does this "sport" have scouts like basketball? Do they trawl strip clubs worldwide night after night hoping to find the next pole dancing phenomenon. You have to admire such determination to endure these rigors for the cause. Organizers hope that the "sport" will make it to the Olympics one day.

- No, seriously, someone get on that shit with the killer robot chicks.

I'm going to be basically phoning it in for the next few days (I submit this post as Exhibit "A"). End of semester exams are looming and I've really got to hit the books (and if that doesn't work I'll probably try reading 'em).

It's Tuesday - So Even More Randomness

I've been kinda AWOL from blogging for a few days. Mostly because my lecturers seem to be on a drive to make my brain explode. Another contributor is the fact that HOLYFREAKINCRAP, it's been a boring week! I've literally felt the boredom drain the life out of me these last few days. The highpoint of the last few days was going into the city with Mrs. C on Saturday just to do some errands. Even then, while we were in the cosmetics store, I was trying to figure out how much force I would need to employ in order to impale myself through the eye with a make-up pencil. But I got a barbecue pork sub out of the deal and I still have both eyes so it's all good. But, it's Tuesday and you know what that means. It's time to get random.

Of course, shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible.


- The office was smelling like ass today. Then the cleaning lady came and now it smells like a floral bouquet... and ass.

- With enough practice, you can fool people into thinking you actually listening when they're telling you stuff you didn't ask and don't really care about.

- Had no coffee today. Someone started a conversation by asking me, "You know what I'm thinking?" and I came this close to replying, "Not really. So, either I'm not really a psychic or you're lying about thinking."... This is further proof that it really is in everyone's best interest I maintain some level of caffeine intake.

- If I could harness the power of static electricity then, instead of always getting zapped by doorknobs I could use my powers to help those in need. Or zap 'em. That would be more fun. On a side note, people who enjoy it every time I jerk my hand away from the knob and yell "Son of a bitch!", are getting zapped first.

- I had a dream the other night that the world was being invaded by alien plant people. I believe the steamed vegetables I had for lunch the day before may have had a part to play in this.

Ahhh... I feel much better now.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Vinny Goes Random

On my way home from work, I don't know why, but I was struck with few random thoughts that for some even stranger reason I thought I'd share.
(Of course, the credit must go to Keely: The UnMom who totally owns - in every sense of the word - Random Tuesday Thoughts):

- When you think about, the only difference between doves and pigeons is that doves got better press.

-Why isn't the neighbor's dog running up and barking like wants to rip out my throat anymore? Was it something I said?

- There's an LDS church close to where I work. The other day I noticed a basketball post in the courtyard and I thought to myself, Mormons play basketball? Then I felt bad for thinking it.

- I want to grow a mustache for Movember next year... But, first, I have to grow some balls and stand up to my wife when she says no again.

- I'm pretty sure that fourth cup of coffee was overdoing it.

- I realized recently that I work five minutes away from where I go to school which, in turn, is five minutes from where my wife goes to work. I figure if I suddenly make a break for the beach that that giant white bubble thing from "The Prisoner" will come after me.

Well, I've thoroughly exorcised the randomness from my head and it's time to actually start paying attention to my lecturer before Rover (yes, the big white bubble actually has a name) comes along.