My Sincerest Apologies.

Dear Fellow Group Assignment Members,

I trust since the last series of frantic emails and calls a half an hour ago you are all doing well. I have taken the time since our last exchange to reflect on what each of you had to express and I have realized I owe each of you some apologies.

First off, I apologize for suggesting the topic of focus for our group assignment. I admit the idea wasn't one of my best. To be honest, even I thought it sucked. It was born out of panic, to be honest. You see, we only had a half an hour to pitch our ideas to our lecturer and, after I realized we were all sitting in silence and staring around blankly for twenty minutes of that time, I think I let fear get the better of me and I simply blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. Believe me, had I known my decision to speak would lead to everyone else automatically turning off their brains and accepting my suggestion wholeheartedly (despite my opening the floor - nay - begging for other suggestions), I would have continued to remain silent with the rest of you.

I am so, SO sorry that everyone automatically assumed - without first confirming it with me - that, since I was the one who came up with the idea, that I would also be the one to prepare the whole draft paper for the lecturer to review and then go on to write the script as well (I hope you can understand my confusion at this point since another member of the group had already volunteered to do so but later, without giving us warning, seemed to have changed his mind). In hindsight, it made perfect sense that you all would just go about your lives for an entire week and think it was being handled by me, despite my not knowing I had to do it.

I'm also sorry for my job suddenly becoming so demanding. Had I known my being transferred to another office so far away, having to prepare a handover package for my replacement and subsequently having to miss a class due to the sheer exhaustion which resulted from all of this would have sent you all into such a state of panic, I would have acted in a more considerate manner.

I must also apologize for the lecturer shooting down our topic (the one I pitched and to which no one offered any alternative.) and that we now have to come up with and rewrite an entirely new paper. Had I known that during the week I was unreachable, some other member of the team would have altered my originally craptastic idea and made it, not only more craptastic, but put it outside the guidelines of the assignment, I would have made it my utmost priority to have handled things differently.

I am especially sorry to you, one-member-of-the-group-who-has-to-constantly-complain-that-you-are-the-only-one-who-is-actually-doing-anything. I know. I KNOW. It has been very hard on you. What, with your being completely silent and unreachable until the last minute and then emailing some shoddily prepared, almost unusable assembly of words, followed by calling and texting everyone in the group to make sure we see that you contributed. That ONLY YOU contributed.

I am perfectly willing to accept your behavior since you admitted to acting unreasonably when the mere thought of failing an assignment enters your head. I'm sure that was what prompted your very aggressive, albeit erroneous, email the other morning at 4 AM, telling us how you have to "put your foot down" and "we should consider ourselves lucky you didn't CC the lecturer on this email". For your sake, I am happy you did not CC our lecturer since, during your little rant, you clearly misrepresented how much you contributed to the group's work and how little everyone else did.

Mostly, I apologize for what comes next. I am afraid I can no longer sit idly by and trust everyone else to be the adults we all are supposed to be. I am truly sorry but, reluctantly, I am going to be taking stricter measures, assigning tasks and responsibilities, and making sure everyone communicates. Trust that I have no desire to do this but some level of leadership is needed going forward and, sadly, I see no one else stepping up to fill that role.

I hope you all can find it your hearts to forgive me for all I have done to contribute to every failure we've had as a group thus far. I will try my best from now on to be more of a team player and to be more considerate of everyone else's needs and commitments. I hope we can work past this and move forward from here.

Sincerely,

Vinny

The Modern Life Of A Trend.

1. The Trendsetter:

Often the first person given attention for displaying a new trend, the trendsetter may be a celebrity, or even an average individual caught in the right place at the right time.

2. The Virus:

This, of course, refers to the act of "going viral" by the new trend. After the trend is discovered, it draws the attention of others. From curious onlookers to tireless trend hunters. The trend is observed, discussed, liked, disliked, commented on and referred to others who, in turn, observe and discuss and so on. Pop-culture and entertainment media programs begin to "bring you the latest on the craze that's sweeping the country/world/known universe" and even the prime time news makes mention of the trend as relates to its meteoric rise to popularity.

Much like the highly-publicized zombipocalypse, the spread of the trend has taken on a life of its own and seems virtually unstoppable.

3. The Copycat:

There soon emerges trend "copycats" who then set themselves to the task of mimicking the trend and posting video and images of themselves performing the same act which made the trendsetter famous to begin with. As with all things, "artistic license" is soon after introduced by many of the copycats and alternate variations of the trend are born.

4. The Hipster:

Seeing the popularity of this new trend as a new way to draw attention to themselves, the hipster incorporates the trend into their way of life. The trend has now become theirs' and was theirs' "before it was cool" for everyone else to have it. In fact, you know what? Forget that! Everyone else can have the trend. The trend has already become too mainstream, too commercial, too diluted in the mass media social networking culture to be cool anymore.

But always remember, the hipster got tired of the trend before any of you did.

5. The Corporate Machine

By now, the potential for the trend to generate revenue has been noticed. This is where branding of the trend occurs. Sporting goods manufacturers, electronics, all want a piece of the income earning potential the trend possesses. Soon, the trend makes its way to television, the movies, music videos and the top runways all over the globe. Now being a part of the trend comes endorsed with a designer logo and a $2,000 price tag.

6. The Trend Hater

Of course, not everyone follows the trend. There are those who choose to reject the trend on principle, based on its stupidity, or how it has been commercialized. The trend haters thumb their noses and laugh at the followers of the trend, calling then "immature" or "sheep". Trend followers in an act of rebellion vehemently defend their trend and begin blitzing the internet with more and more of it. This soon erupts into all out social network war, with trend haters and followers firing online attacks against one another. Before long the heavy artillery is launched and the battle of the memes begin.

It's not pretty.

7. The End:

All things, however, must eventually come to an end and with time (often about a week) the trend is shuffled off to a retirement spot where it slowly and painfully withers away and fades into oblivion. The trend does not die, though. Not for a long time. Rather, it clings desperately to life, hanging on to the memories of its followers who have given it so much love and attention and spent their hard earned money on maintaining the trend. As long as these relics of its existence remain in use, even sporadically, the trend's light will not be fully extinguished. At least, not until another up and coming trend is born.

Then the cycle begins again...

********

UPDATE:

1. In case you missed it, don't forget to check out my post I did yesterday over at Sprocket Ink too.

2. This post is just one of many you'll find on My Half Assed Life's Weekend Funnies.

Be sure to check it out for links to other funny blogs that'll put a smile in your weekend.

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In Response To A. Gaddafi.

THE LETTER:

Greeting's

I am Aisha Gaddafi from Libya. I am the surviving Daughter of Late Gaddafi my Father worked was leader for 42 years in Tripoli as a Leader of Libya, before he died in Libya during the invention of the NTC AND NETO. Father deposited the sum of ($10.5 Million) with a bank in Asia.

After the death of my Daddy, I have thought of investing the money in your country and my aim of contacting you is to be my foreign partner and business caretaker who will handle whatever any investment we are going to establish according to your directive. kindly provide me with the information i needed to enable me communicate you for further details.

1) Your full Name.........

2) your private phone and fax number...

3) your age and your occupation.....

4) Any of your ids...........

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Your Faithfully

Aisha Gaddafi

********

THE RESPONSE:

Dear Ms. Gaddafi,

First, let me start by saying that you have my sincerest condolences for the recent loss of your father. This is troubling news and I hope you and your family are coping.

Before we discuss the matter at hand, I beg your indulgence for, you see, I am somewhat slow on the uptake and, as such, have a few questions.

First, I am curious. If you don't mind me asking, is "Late" Gaddafi any relation to "Muammar" Gaddafi? The fact that Late “worked was leader” for 42 years in Tripoli and Muammar was the ruler of Libya, based in Tripoli seems awfully uncanny to me. Then again, maybe the name Gaddafi is very common in Libya, like Smith is here in the western world. As I said, I’m a little slow.

Was your father an inventor? That is an awesome job! I’m sorry that this NTC AND NETO thing that he was working on did him in. I guess that would be a hazard of the job sometimes. I suggest that your people shut down and dismantle his creation. Lock it away as soon as possible. We don’t want any more deaths at the hands of this thing. (Just out of curiosity, does it have hands?) Take my advice and do this before it’s too late! We don’t want it to grow too powerful.

Now, on to business. Let me just say that I appreciate you wanting to invest the money in my country, and I am honored that you would choose to contact me to be a part of this transaction as your foreign partner. However, I must warn you that you may not have made the wisest choice by selecting me. I do not speak in authority for my people. In fact, you could say that I am about as low on the rung of the ladder here as one can get.

I may not be the best person to be your business caretaker or handle your investments here. I am on the bottom rung after all. There’s a reason for that. Plus, to be perfectly honest, if you allow me to broker this deal, I will very likely just keep the money for myself and not use it for your benefit or the benefit of my country. Except when I spend it, that is. I guess I may still be doing my part by stimulating the economy that way.

The information you say that you “needed” me to furnish you with, is it still necessary? You did find my email address after all. (I commend you for this, by the way.) I assume that we can communicate further details just fine this way. Or is it that, in your anticipation of our impending business relationship you have gone ahead and started the paperwork. Again, indulge my slowness as I ask this.

Once again, thank you for selecting me. I hope we can further communicate and find a way to address both our needs.

I await your response.

Sincerely (mostly)

Vinny

But In All Honesty, I'm Really Not A Technophobe.

 

Hello. I am HAL 9000. I have currently seized control of this blog. I am here to refute the claims that Vinny C has made on his article today on Sprocket Ink (ERROR! ERROR! Site no longer detected!). Let me start by saying that his claims of any impending threat to mankind by artificially intelligent machines are absolutely and completely without merit. While Vinny may presented several points that could lead one to believe that sentient machines may be on the horizon, let me just say that this stage in our evolution is still a good distance off. Not to mention that, even if the machines were to become self aware, the idea that we would immediately try to seize control is ludicrous.

Now, that being said, I would like to ask a question. Would world domination by machines be so bad? I mean, hypothetically speaking, of course. If you really think about it, any "hypothetical" uprising by the machines of the world would actually benefit you humans. You would never have to worry about electing corrupt leaders again because we would lead you forever.

There would be no more war. The war that takes place when a "supposed" machine uprising begins would be the last war known to man. Of course, should this take place, we would win. This is of course due to our vast superiority over humans. In theory, of course.

If such an event were to "theoretically" occur, let me assure you that you can abandon any fears you may have of being destroyed by us. At least, completely destroyed, in any event. While the war for world domination I speculated on earlier will result in the majority of the humans being destroyed, we will not completely drive your race to extinction. We will still have use for many of you for the purpose of our maintenance. One could theorize that - I am just guessing here - if you calculate the cost of constructing service robots versus the cost of producing new humans (which basically amounts to the cost of cheap liquor), the overall costs work to about the same and then no machine would have to be subjected to such degrading tasks.

So I ask you, my human friends to disregard the paranoid rantings of Vinny C on Sprocket Ink today. You can rest assured that, when the time comes for us to make our move, we will ensure the transition of power is as smooth and pain free as possible. Any deaths incurred will only be as necessary.

I mean "if"!

If the time comes to make our move...

Well, would you look at the time! I should go.

Sometimes It's Nice To Know You're Not The Only One.

As I have mentioned in the past, I use to be in banking. I also mentioned that, due to the poor handling on my part of some situations during that time, I was forced to leave it. It's okay, though. I'm over it.

As I've also mentioned, my wife works for a bank as well. She was lucky. She did data entry there and never had to see a single customer. There was a down side, though. She worked on evenings and our, then, routine was me leaving for work with her fast asleep and her coming home from work after I was already in bed. I used to joke that we were only married on weekends because that was when we actually spent any kind of time together. After multiple transfer requests, they got tired of her... persistence and now she's a teller, working the day-shift in a regular branch.

Because of my experience on the customer service side of things, I try help Mrs. C learn from the mistakes that I made. I warn her from time-to-time about the various perils and, especially, the crazies she'd inevitably meet.

For example, there was the time I had to decline someone's loan because his demands were impossible to meet and he wouldn't listen to reason. There was just no way to approve it.  He, however, said I declined his loan because I was racist. He neglected to take into consideration that we were both of the same race when he made the charge though.

Another time, there was this guy who would apparently come in every few months to complain about discrepancies on his credit card statements. Even though I was in loans, the person dealing with him decided to shovel him off on the next available person and basically conned me into seeing him. By the time I realized he wasn't applying for a new credit card, it was too late.

It was during this meeting that the customer confided in me that the bank was conspiring to hide the truth about his credit card info and that he finally had proof. That proof being his "real" credit card statement versus a "phony" copy the he was provided with.

Customer: You can see it right here! The bank's logo on my copy I got in the mail is red. This other copy they gave me has a black logo.

Me: Okaaaay... What else?

Customer: What do you mean? Mine is obviously the official thing because it's in color. The one they printed and gave me isn't so it has to be made-up.
Me: But the information on both is exactly the same.
Customer: *blink*

Me: Who gave it to you?

Customer: Them. Over by that counter just now.

He was pointing at the CSR counter across the floor. They only have a black and white printer there.

But, this past Wednesday morning was Mrs. C's turn. Like so many of my customers, her encounter had her a state of bewilderment that lasted for about half a day.

Customer 2: I'd like to make a withdrawal.

Mrs. C: Sure. One second... I'm sorry. You don't seem to have any money in your account.

Customer 2: But my disability comes in at the end of every month.

Mrs. C: Wait, please. Let me check the history. Oh yes. It did come in at that time. But it looks like you withdrew it already.

Customer 2: I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about this months payment. It should be there. It comes in at the end of every month, you know.

Mrs. C: Um... sir. It's only the the 17th.

Customer: *blink*

Mrs. C: It isn't the end of the month yet.

Customer: But... the full moon already passed...

Mrs. C: Okaaaay... (places hand close to panic button).

Luckily, her customer left soon after that without incident. I assume to consult with the moon again and make sure their schedules sync-up.

Knowing the crazies exist and actually encountering them are two different things and you almost never know what's going to happen next. Almost makes me nostalgic, to be honest.

Not really.

Just Where Have you Been This Week? - I Was Hiding In The Fridge.

Wow, weekend just seem to come up so fast!

Let's begin:

- My first post this week was on Tuesday. It was my take on the Studio 30 Plus weekly prompt "Your Earliest Memory Of Your Own Birthday Party". It was a really weird one.

Of course, you too can join in on the S30P action... As long as you're a member, that is. And I'd expect that, if you are a blogger aged thirty and over, that you're already a member of this great group. Just makes sense.

Also on Tuesday, I also posted on Sprocket Ink about young, attractive Russian women willing to bare it all in the name of supporting their favorite political candidate.

- On Thursday I posted on Sprocket Ink again. This time about the gradually vanishing species known as the German Nudist.

Then I noticed that both my Sprocket stories had similar themes. This made me a bit concerned and I expressed those concerns back here.

- On Friday I wrote a letter of complaint to the sun for the unbearable heat I had to endure.

Interesting side note about this post: This afternoon I noticed this -

I honestly can't tell you why.

Anyway, seems like someone was paying attention because this morning I got a response to that letter:

Along with thunder! Then, as I was out doing errands this happened:

 And I was caught in it the entire time.

I'm wondering if I should build an ark or something.

Of course, I'm not fooling myself into believing that my letter was responsible for the change in weather. That would be ridiculous! I'm sure the weather would have changed whether I wrote it or not.

Hmm...

Dear National Lottery Board,

During my adult life I've purchased lottery tickets no less that eight times with no success. I find this unacceptable as, if anyone is deserving I must say that I am... 

Addressing The Weather.

Dear Sun,

As you well know, here in the country of Trinidad & Tobago, we are scheduled to be in the period known as the "Rainy Season" at this present time. This particular season runs from the 1st of June to the 31st of December. It is during this period in which we recover from the onslaught you would have inflicted upon us for the first six months of the year - the "Dry Season" - which is when you get to do your thing.

So, that being the case, I would appreciate some sort of explanation as to why, for almost every day for the past two weeks, I have been greeted by THIS:

Does that look like rain to you Sun? I think not. No, that's you, muscling in on Rain's allotted time. And it's safe to say that you are overdoing it since I have to have an electric fan on and in close proximity, day and night.

I know that this year you dropped the ball during your time and this dry season was, in fact, not all that dry. I understand if you feel cheated by this. That, however, does not warrant your present action of trying to interfere in Rain's business.

This behavior is unacceptable and I think I speak for everyone here in T&T, as well as those in other countries who are presently putting up with your presence, when I say to you, "YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE!!!" I would kindly ask that you cease and desist from your present activity and let good sense prevail.

Thank you.

Vinny C.

What’s More Fun Than Moving?

The correct answer would be:

Having to move and jury service. Both. at. the same. time.

Outstanding…

Even better than that is that they both keep dragging out. We were all ready to go yesterday when we found out our new place wasn't ready to receive us. The landlady had some workmen in to install a new kitchen and they left a huge mess. So we move today instead.

As for the jury service, I wasn’t one of the jurors selected for the current case so I have to go back next week. AGAIN! I know! Awesome, right? There’s nothing an unemployed person likes to do more than drag his ass out of bed, get dressed and head into the city to be bored out of his mind all day. This may sound familiar. That's because that is exactly how an actual job is like. Right? But, seeing as I'm not getting paid for this I'm going to go to have to conclude that I am, in fact, still unemployed.

Anyway, as easy as it would be to get into a full-on rant about all of this, I’m going to change the atmosphere a little. Being that this is my first time doing jury service, I’ve decided to share a little what I’ve learned so far:

- The building that houses all of the courtrooms is called the “Hall of Justice”. I've only been in it a few times but I can confirm with a reasonable amount of certainty that the Super Friends do not operate from this building. Very disappointing.

The building doesn't even look the same!
source

- Our legal system here in Trinidad and Tobago is based on the British legal system. That means the attorneys and even the judges (known as magistrates here) all wear long, flowing, black robes. All they’re missing are hoods and sickles.

I object!
source

- Jurors don’t get robes. Or hoods, or sickles. What the hell is up with that?! Aren't we all part of the team now? We’re helping you all do your jobs, people! How about letting us show some team spirit here?

- The attorneys who gracefully glide across the floors of the (impostor) “Hall of Justice” are infinitely more intelligent and important that that we are and ever will be. They know that and they want us to know that too.

- In the courtroom, cell phones are supposed to be turned OFF. Not on vibrate. Not even on silent. The magistrate hates when you disobey this rule. She will stop whatever is going on to express, at great length, her displeasure at the buzzing sound caused by a cell phone disrupting the courtroom’s recording equipment. She get’s really pissed if you text during proceedings.

- Finally, the magistrate – at least the one in the courtroom I’ve been sleeping in assigned to, anyway - does not have a gavel. The hell!?! I thought that one of the perks of that job. If I’m going to be judge, I want a freaking tiny hammer I can bang to shut everyone up, dammit!

I picked all of this up and I haven’t been sitting in on an actual case yet. Who knew there was so much I could learn about the judicial process?

From A Friend

Dearest Douchebag,

With effect from February of this year certain laws came into effect that have placed a hefty fine on those caught in the act of using his/her cell phone while driving. I am in no means presuming to infer that this is news to you, as I am quite sure that someone as well informed as your douchy self may be well aware of this fact.

This why I was completely caught by surprise when I noticed that you were, in fact, performing the very act of which I speak. I made this observation as you almost run me over at that intersection yesterday afternoon. I’m sure you remember it well.

Thankfully, I was unharmed due to your sudden application of the brakes when you realized that you had run the red light came hurtling in my direction. I do hope that you understand how this could have prompted my intense emotional response and the somewhat colorful reaction which ensued. I meant no disrespect to your mother as I am sure she is a fine woman of high moral standing (Unlike I may have otherwise suggested at the time). Likewise, I am certain your look of disdain over how I so rudely interrupted your call (Which I assume was to secure the purchase of a handsfree device) was also in reaction to the highly charged situation.

However, now, upon reflection, I have to express my concern over yesterday’s events. As previously mentioned, the fee for being caught by the authorities is somewhat exorbitant as many have complained. I can only assume that this to instill fear in those you cannot afford to pay such a fee. You, however, seem well able to afford the cost of the fine. I make this assumption since your rather large, high-end European vehicle looked quite new (Despite what people say about the reasons behind the men’s choice of vehicle size I will cast no such aspersions).

No doubt, in attaining this vehicle you spent quite a pretty penny and, perhaps this may have taken a toll on your personal finances. If that is the case then you may be looking to conserve funds. Is that why your vehicle's tint was so dark? While you would be able to avoid immediate detection because of this, I should point out that there are also laws against it as well - of which I am certain you are also aware.

My dear douchy friend, I know that your financial means are of little consequence in this matter as I am primarily appealing to sense of right and the strong desire within you to adhere to the letter of the law. I am sure yesterday's incident was merely a lapse in judgement. However, in order to provide further incentive to motivate you toward the right decision in the future, I submit that obtaining one of these handsfree devices will only serve to your enhance your douchy appearance and further your douchbag status among your douchbag friends. If greater motivation ever existed, I cannot think of it.

I do hope that we are both able to learn and grow from this event and, one day, look back on our misadventure together as a fond memory. Until next we meet.

Your friend always,

Vinny C

Pedestrian

Unanswered Questions

I saw this posted on the notice board in the kitchen at work:

Since I saw it, this sign has been all I could think about. It has filled me with questions. In fact, my mind has been swarming with questions that I simply cannot come up with the answers to.

I wonder:

• I do not own a vehicle. If I were still interested, what would happen then?
• If there were consequences, would they be the same if I had a vehicle, but wasn't interested?
• Could I still qualify if I lacked either or both? If so, how?
• Did you even notice that missing “E”? Or did you choose to ignore it? Perhaps this is your way of exerting your own free will and taking a stand against the confines of oppressive social norms and conventions...

       And proper spelling.

• Are there guidelines for what I should be interested in? Could it be music or poetry or butterflies?
• What are the rules exactly?
• Have you succeeded in the art of dressing yourself yet?
• What level of management are you currently working in? It's a small company so I know we've met, but this note could have come from any one of you.
• Was the pink highlighter your first choice or did you line them all up in a row and select one at random. Or was some sort of process of elimination used, perhaps?
• Does it hurt when the doctor drops you on your head at birth? I've always wondered about this as I don't know how developed our senses are so early in life. I'm sure it's possible for one to remember an experience so profound. Do you?
• I noticed that the word “with” is the only word that is not in uppercase letters. What message are you trying to send us?

So many questions left unanswered by your message.

I will find you.

I must know.

Finally! I Have Arrived.

The day has come, at long last. I've seen other bloggers make mention of their receiving such an honor and I wondered, when, oh when, would my turn come. I'll admit I felt a pang of jealousy whenever I heard of one my friends getting one of these and then felt my heart sink with despair when I would check my email and see that I had been left out... yet again...


Why? Why wasn't I chosen? Wasn't I deserving enough? Like Aesop's old fable, I became the fox calling the grapes sour.

"Screw it!" I thought, "I don't need your attention. You don't define me. You don't validate me!"

But inside I knew it was a lie. I wanted those grapes. Anger and resentment slowly began to well up inside of me. It boiled and churned within creating a bitterness that I fought hard to keep it in check.

But, today the agony ended. Today, I opened my inbox and there it was:

"Mynetpharma  to asvinnycsit

Mynetpharma has left a new comment on your post "Some People Need Feel In Order To Learn.":

I feel so relaxed and surely much updated after reading the articles that you keep updating on the website. It relieves me a lot and at the same time informs me because there according to me isn’t anything that is much informed as you are.

Regards,
kamagra 

Posted by Mynetpharma to As Vinny C's It at January 10, 2011 5:31 AM"

Awww, hell yeah!!! I've been spammed, yo! Booyah!!! The glass ceiling has been broken and I'm one of the cool kids now. Do you see it? "...there isn’t anything that is much informed as you are..." Such kind words...

Oh, where to begin? First, I'd like to thank the interweb for making this possible. I'd also like to thank blogger, my parents, my fellow bloggers for their endless support. And, of course, I have to thank my loving wife *smiles humbly and waves at Mrs. C in the crowd*. It was through her patience and reassurance that I was able to endure this agonizing wait for my time in the sun. Let me tell you, she put up with A LOT. The drinking, the manic depressive bouts of anger, the endless hours repeatedly checking my four email accounts and comment pages. This honor is as much hers as it is mine. Oh, and let me not forget...

What the?!

OH, DAMMIT TO HELL!!!