It has come to my attention that I've become a victim of identity theft. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But it's still a case mistaken identity.
See, there's this show on MTV called America's Best Dance Crew and one of the dance groups this season (I think. I don't watch it) is a group called ICONic Boyz (with a "z", of course). Among the members is a kid named Vincent Castronovo. Young Vincent is apparently quite popular and is sometimes referred to as...
Yeah, I know. Crazy, right?
And that's about much research as I did on this show.
Anyway, this other Vinny C has his own Facebook fan page, twitter and tumblr accounts. There is apparently a fan site too called "F*ck Yeah Vinny C" (which is a little too much enthusiasm, if you ask me). Now it seems his fans, in a desperate search to attach themselves to anything Vincent Castronovo, have been sniffing around and following to my Twitter account.
I've got nothing against the kid so if any of his loyal fans read this, please stifle the overwhelming urge to blast me with angry comments in his defense. I'm just saying, I'm not him. If this still offends you then you're beyond any help I (or anyone else besides maybe a therapist) can offer.
That being said, I'd like to take the time to inform these misdirected fans that they should observe the obvious differences between the young Mr. Castronovo and myself before following my tweets only to realize your mistake a few days later and dropping me like a soiled jockstrap.
Take a few seconds. Get a good look. For those who may still be unclear, I'll guide you to the obvious differences:
- I've been told I look young for my age but, still, I'm not 12-years-old. I know he isn't really 12 (Probably), but I don't watch the show and don't care enough to go find out. I have a wife and, until recently, I also had a job... with a desk... where I had to wear a shirt. One that did not involve spinning back-flips on a stage.
- I do not now, or ever will, EVER, have a mohawk or fohawk or whateverthehell it's called. Not.happening. EVER! Don't even ask.
- I'm black. Well, mostly. I'd think that should be a dead giveaway right there.
- I can't dance. Not if my life depended on it. I've got two left feet that step on each other and just get a passing grade in getting me from point A to point B. That's how uncoordinated I am.
- I don't do jazz hands (or even a lone jazz hand) in my photos. One day, maybe. But not today.
So, to all you Vincent Castronovo fans out there, in your feverish stampede to get close to this young man, please take a moment to stop, take a breath, compose yourselves, mop the sweat from your brow and take a good look at the profile of the person you're about to follow.
Thank you and good day to you all.