Thursday, January 30, 2014

I Should Write Something.

You should write something...

But... I don’t have anything to write.

So? When has that ever stopped you? You’ve written lots of words about nothing before. That's a lame excuse! So, yeah, you should write something.

But what about that book I was reading? I should finish it. It’s been too long. How can I think about sitting down to write when I have a book just sitting there unread?

Still, You should write something.

Maybe after I catch up on some shows I missed out on last week. Then there are all those DVDs I got. There are still one or two I haven’t gotten to yet.

Then again, those shows aren’t really going anywhere? Are they? You can binge watch the entire season over the weekend. The movies can wait too. Instead, you should probably just write something...

Okay, maybe I should. But it’s been a hard week. Maybe some video games to help me unwind first. I can imagine the next boss fight is that annoying guy in IT.

Or... and this is just a thought here... You. Could. Write. Something!

But can I really focus on writing right now with so much stuff going on at work? The Divisional Director just asked me help out on a new project. A complicated project! And the deadline is in two days. Can I really focus on writing now?

Worry about work when you’re at work! Trust me, it’ll be there every morning, waiting for you. That being said, you should write something.

Sigh... I guess you’re right. I should write something...

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Animals Iz Funny - Japan Style!

I-I don’t know what’s real anymore. Up is down, left is right, everything I've been brought up to believe is a lie. What am I talking about? Animals, man. Animals!

We've always been brought up to believe certain things about certain animals. They’re supposed to be part of nature. They’re supposed to be getting life on Earth right, while us humans are the ones screwing things up. Yet there are moose and wasps getting drunk off fermented fruit (I wrote about those incidents back in my Sprocket Ink days, by the way). And what about dolphins?! We were always told dolphins were the smartest mammals in the sea. Hell! Some even argue that they’re smarter than us. But as fellow animal enthusiast, Pickleope, will readily explain, they’re actually the freak perverts of the sea.

So if we’re wrong about the industrious and intelligent animals in nature having it all together, then what about the so-called pests out there. Surely we at least pegged them right. Right?

Wrong! My very last post on Sprocket was about how scientists are retrofitting cockroaches with remote controls and two way communicators to aid in search and rescue and, for those of you too busy fleeing in terror to notice, spiders aren't pests. They KILL pests. And then there are mice. What about the mice? I’ll tell you about the mice!

Well, one mouse in particular, anyway.

I read here today that, in Japan, a woman tweeted that she discovered a mouse had moved into her home. At first she wasn't too thrilled, I imagine. She reported that, when she first saw the creature she leapt at it and, much to her surprise, she caught it. Like I said, she didn't actually expect to catch it and she dropped it and they both retreated.

Later, for round two, she decided to go with a different approach. When the mouse emerged again, she gave it a doggy biscuit as a “peace offering”. The mouse took the treat and went away. Not long after that, her new house mate returned and left her a piece of chocolate it apparently found lying around the house.
Forget the Lannisters! Apparently, it’s a mouse who always repays its debts.

Huh! Animals!

Thursday, January 9, 2014


I knock on the Divisional Director’s door and walk in...

Me: Good morning. You have a minute?
Divisional Director (DD): Sure, Vinny, have a seat. What’s up?
Me: It’s about those reports you assigned me to update for my department. There’s a slight problem.
DD: Problem?
Me: Well, I was about to fill in my part of one of the shared files, sheet 15, when I realized it hasn't been filled in by any of the other departments. Since the data’s supposed to be in order I can’t add my part yet.
DD: Hmm... Sheet 15? But that’s supposed to be one of the most active files! It shouldn't be blank.

I show her a photocopy I had with me.

DD: It hasn't been filled in since November! Sigh! You see what I have to deal with, Vinny?
Me: ...
DD: Who fills in the other sets of data?
Me: *shrugs* I asked Strategic Analyst Girl.
She really is pretty kickass at preparing flowcharts, though.

All she did was sigh, shake her head and mutter something about them not being the “best fit”.
DD: We should ask the IT Manager who she has working on this.

Just then, the IT Manager appears outside the Director’s door.

I’m not kidding.

IT Manager (ITM): Excuse me, DD, you busy? I need to find out about that company phone the ex-employee has…

DD: Vinny already did the letter to the phone company. Come on in! There’s something we need to ask you too.
ITM: Was the letter sent?
DD: No. We need some info Strategic Analyst Boy is working on. That reminds me, Vinny. We need to set up another meeting for the project. I’ll let you assemble the team and make all the arrangements.
Me: Okay… But weren't Strategic Analyst Girl and Strategic Analyst Boy working on something for that?
DD: Oh, that’s right! Follow up with them after we’re done here and see when we can schedule it then.

Our talk was over soon after that. DD had suggested I take over ALL the data input for that file for ALL the departments to prevent another tie-up.

I was not pleased.

Anyway, as instructed, I went over to the Hall of Strategy. I asked Strategic Analyst Girl when she thought she and Strategic Analyst Boy would be ready with their presentation. She assured me they would be done by the end of the week.

Strategic Analyst Girl: By the way, about that thing you asked me earlier…

I think we should consult a higher power.
Me: You don’t mean..?
Strategic Analyst Girl: Yes. Let’s ask my boss, the Senior Strategist.
Me: Um... You know what? That quite alrig-
Strategic Analyst Girl: *knocks on door* Greetings, master. *enters and prostrates*
Senior Strategist: WHO DARES!?!
Strategic Analyst Girl: Forgive me, M'lord. The one called Vinny C desires an audience.
Me: Actually, I'm fine. I think I got it handled...
Senior Strategist: Ah, Vinny. Come! Come!
Me: Hey... 'Sup?

To spare you the details, the Senior Strategist said it was probably best I take over the updating sheet 15 all by myself. Again, this did not please me. I leave his lair office and two seconds later...

Strategic Analyst Girl: Vinny! Vinny C! The Senior Strategist has summoned you once more!
I return and there, sitting at his desk, was the IT Manager. How the hell she appeared there was beyond me, since there’s only one way in and out of that department and we didn't pass each other when I was leaving.

Senior Strategist: Vinny, ITM tells me you prepared the letter to disconnect the ex-employee's company cell?
Me: Um... Yeeeeah?
Senior Strategist: Well, we need to put a hold on it until we get some more facts straight.

He summons his minions, Strategic Analyst Girl and Strategic Analyst Boy. They appear and prostrate themselves.

Senior Strategist: Strategic Analyst Boy, have you gathered the information I seek?!
Strategic Analyst Boy: Um... Well, M'lord... At first I sought to-
Strategic Analyst Girl: Answer the man, fool!

Strategic Analyst Boy blubbers and stutters for several more seconds before falling silent. Senior Strategist proceeds to tear him a new one, while I wonder why I ever got up from my desk in the first place.

Senior Strategist: Vinny, I know you’re busy, but could you do me a favor?

Friday, January 3, 2014

Lacy's Winning Rack.

Now that the holidays are over and life is back to normal (well, as normal as life gets, anyway) it's time for me to share the news.


Ahem! Excuse me. What I meant to say is, in a rare twist of fate, Lady Luck has smiled upon me and I am now the proud owner of an original piece of art, done by none other than Mynx, of Lizard Happy.
Isn't it lovely?

For those of you who don't remember when I posted about entering Mynx's Art for Art competition in November (I'm assuming you just forgot and not that you haven't actually read that post, because obviously you guys read all my posts and wait with bated breath for the next one... Shut up!)
This proves something I've always believed. A great rack can open many doors. Of course, I'm a guy and I had to draw said rack but, technically, that still makes them mine (Nope! That didn't come off as weird at all. Not. One. Bit.) Then again, as I explained before, the winner is selected by random draw, so it's not like Lacy's boobs actually had any part to play in my winning when you think about it. So, technically, she doesn't have a winning rack after all.
Alright! Alright! They're nice. Geez! Stick toons are so sensitive.

Anyway, all this aside, thanks a ton to Mynx. I actually picked it up from the post office on Christmas Eve so I'm counting this as a Christmas gift too. I already have a spot picked out to hang it after I get it framed and, of course, I'll be sharing the updated pic of that too.