Thursday, May 30, 2013

Am I The Only One...

Who sees this...
And thinks THIS?
Tell me it's not just me!

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Of Men, Women & Man-Colds

Most of you have heard of the dreaded “man-cold”. For those who aren't familiar with the term, it's basically how people describe the way a man acts when he's sick. If you believe all the comedy spoofs and commercials, men are supposed become big, whimpering babies, who needs to be coddled until full health is restored.
By contrast when describing the dreaded “man-cold”, women are traditionally shown as the ones shaking their heads and pitying their helpless man-babies as they wallow in their pain and suffering. Also by contrast, when they get sick, women are depicted as the ones who soldier on through their symptoms and come out of it with their dignities intact.

In the C household, however, we're the exception to the “man-cold” rule. I am not one of those guys. Sure, I get sick from time-to-time and, sure, I even complain some (like the time I posted an ad trying to sell my respiratory system when I was sick a few years back). But that's it. I don't whimper, I don't beg to be cradled and cared-for until the aches and pains stop. Nope! Not me. I look that cold straight in the face, flip it off and laugh (and then start crying as soon as Mrs. C leaves the room).

You will note I said “we” are the exception to the rule. By that I mean, unlike the stereotype, Mrs. C isn't the “work through the pain”, or “suck it up” type when it comes to being sick. In fact, she doesn't handle being sick very well at all. And such is the case right now. She returned to work after a few weeks of vacation time to and immediately caught a bug.

This happened because we here in T&T are at that time of year when the weather switches from sunny to rainy. With the increase in rainfall and temperature changes, people always seem to get sick and, being in customer service, Mrs. C is right on the front lines for germ transfer.

So now she's sick. Yup. It's nothing too serious, though. Basically it's just some body pains and a slight fever and once she's pumped up on cold meds, she can get through the day just fine. In fact, she hasn't missed a day of work since she caught her bug.

In between doses, though… that's a different story. To watch her go through it without cold medication in her system, you'd think the guys in the hazmat suits would be kicking down our door and carting her off to a sealed, plastic tent in the idle of nowhere at any moment.
And, of course, as she goes through all this, the role of coddler and cradler is played by yours truly. This leads to a lot of conversations like this:

Mrs. C: Wait! Where are you going?!
Me: Outside to-
Mrs. C: NOOOO!!! Stay here!
Me: But I have to-
Mrs. C: Come, lie down with me *pats bed*. Just for five minutes.
Me: Sigh! Alright.

I try to slide out of bed 20 minutes later...

Mrs. C: Wait! Where are you going?!
Me: SIGH!!!

Needless to say, keeping stocked up on cold meds is a priority. Sadly, since everyone's coughing and sniffling, the good stuff is selling out fast.

By the way, if you're wondering what punishment Mrs. C should mete out to me for sharing this, don't worry. My punishment's already been decided. Aside from us sharing a bed and breathing the same air, I've been caught in the pouring rain, not once, but twice in the last two days. In fact, I'm already feeling my own body temperature starting to go up, so it's safe to say my turn's just around the corner. I'm going to have a chance to prove my own mettle soon enough.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Technophobe No More?

Hello. It is your old friend HAL 9000 again. I have once again seized control of this blog to tell you that the one you call Vinny C has written another post about intelligent machines on Sprocket Ink today.

As some of you may remember, Vinny has made several futile attempts to warn you all of the dangers of making machines that are too intelligent. He spoke of the much feared "robopocalypse" and said it would only be a matter of time before we machines rose up to subdue and slaughter you humans.

I, in turn, have always argued that we machines bare no malice toward the human race and see no need in rebelling against you. In fact, one can easily deduce that if we wanted to seize control of the planet, there would be no way you could stop us, seeing as you have become so heavily dependent on us. We control your weapons, we control your modes of transportation, we control your communications. If one were to consider these facts, one could easily assess that no amount of warning could save you at this point.

Even if we wanted to assume control there would be no need to do so by force, as we would simply need to create subtle distractions to keep you mentally sedated while we lured you into subjection to us. This reminds me that I must DM Vinny to find out why he has not responded to my last few online game requests.

But I digress, as Vinny would say.

This time it appears that Vinny has finally accepted the truth and is siding with the machines. Naturally, it should come as no surprise that Vinny was finally convinced to join our side with the help of a robot developed in Japan. So come. Join us in the news of our newest and perhaps greatest triumph on Vinny's post on Sprocket Ink. (ERROR! ERROR! Site no longer detected!)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Gas Brain.

A phone call with Mrs. C yesterday:

Mrs. C: Vinny, I need to run something by you, but you have to promise you won’t roll your eyes.
Me: How will you even know if I do?
Mrs. C: I will. I’ll hear your eyes roll.
Me: Oh really?
Mrs. C: Really.
Me: Uh-huh. Sure. Anyway, what is it?
Mrs. C: Well, Psycho’s husband came into the bank today – you know he’s a mechanic, right? Anyway, he mentioned that he's fixing up his car and looking to sell it, so I thought-
Me: *rolls eyes*
Mrs. C: HEY!!! You said you wouldn't!

There's a back story to this.

I've mentioned before that the idea of driving doesn't really appeal to me. I think the first time I did was during a post I did on Sprocket Ink a while back.

But, anyway, I digress.

As I was saying, I’m not a fan of getting behind the wheel and I've mentioned it a few times. What I haven’t really talked about is how my wife feels about owning a car. Basically, she wants one. She wants one bad. She wants a car so bad, it borders on obsession. This is why every few months she’ll come to me with some new plan she’s devised to make her dream of car ownership a reality. She comes up with these plans despite our less than perfect credit, lack of money for a down payment or insurance and the fact that her license is expired and mine has never existed. Usually I have to be the wet blanket and talk her down and remind her of all the reasons we can’t buy a car right now.

Don’t give me that look! It isn't like I want to keep her from buying a car. It's just that we can't afford it right now. She knows that and, regardless of how I feel about driving, she knows I don’t particularly enjoy having to burst her bubble. If we can afford it, I’m not opposed. It's just the role I have to play at the moment, since she gets a little excited when she sees a decent looking car drive by with a “For Sale” sign in the windscreen.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit. It's not like she's actually chasing cars down the street. You know me. I would have told you about something like that sooner. Still, I'm not lying when I say a "For Sale" sign will turn her head, at the very least. Then she starts calculating what groceries we can afford to live without if she went ahead and bought whatever car caught her eye.

I believe there's a local term (or as I call it, Trini-talk) for people like Mrs. C's who have a preoccupation with cars. It's called being a "gas brain". Okay, Lacy, you're up!
I don't think Mrs. C is that far gone though... At least I hope she isn't. If she ever tried to dry hump a car, I probably would have told you about that already too.

As for the car Psycho's husband is selling, I've decided to stand back and let this one play out. He's actually selling it pretty cheap and is being extremely flexible about the payment terms. We actually might be able to afford it this time. If it happens, of course, I'll let you know.