My Brain Can't Ever Be Left Unsupervised.

Sunday morning I was lying in bed, trying to force myself to go back to sleep, I hate getting up too early on a weekend and since I had no intention of getting up before at least Monday I decided I’d just lie there until sleep came back.

That has to work sometimes right?

Anyway, I was lying there and I decided to let my brain go on ahead and do whatever it wanted without me in the hope that it would be too distracted to notice when sleep crept back in. I tried not to focus on any kind of actual thought so it would get all excited and start thinking. Brains are like that. They always want to think at inappropriate times like when you’re trying to go to sleep. But it was during this time of letting my brain get distracted with all kinds of random thoughts, that this thought in particular suddenly happened.

“I bet I could totally kill a chicken!”

Yeah...

With that, my brain had something to latch on to and all hopes of sleep were gone.

Before you start wondering, there was an actal train of thought that led me to this statement. It’s not like I lie awake, thinking of who or what I’d be able to kill.

Beat up, maybe, but not kill.

Of course, even I had to retrace my brain’s steps to figure out where this thought in particular came from, since I wasn’t really paying attention to what it was doing. When I was able to get to the original thought that set this train in motion, it all made perfect sense.

“It’s all the internet’s fault I don’t get enough sleep.”

See? That makes things a whole lot clearer now, doesn’t it? If you’re not following (and I don’t see how you couldn’t be) I’ll break it down for you. It’s like this:

To date, the internet as we all know, is one of the greatest advances in technology known to man. I dare say it ranks right up there with double-sided tape and the Japanese Butter Stick.

The internet is also the greatest distraction known to man. One of my lecturers even said that the internet is also guilty of diminishing the attention span of today’s society. At least, I think that’s what he said. The dude was going on and on and I was starting to get bored. He really needs to learn how to take his rants down to 140 characters or less.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Chickens!

See, with the internet being the distraction it is, I more often than not, find myself choosing stay awake just a little bit longer so I can keep up with all the fun distractions the worldwide web has to offer. When I end up exhausted as a result, I sometimes wonder what the world would be like, not just without it, but without all the other newfangled doodads we have and the entire way of life to which we’ve grown accustomed.

I'd imagine there was some kind of apocalyptic event which would basically send us all back to the stone-age, technology wise. There’d be no more smartphones, or television, or any other of the modern conveniences and we didn’t have a choice but to actually “go outside” and “do things”. Of course, there’d be no fast food restaurants or convenience stores either, so finding food would require actually finding your own food... and possibly killing it and cooking it all on your own too.

This is where the chickens would come in. I figured at least a few of them would probably survive the apocalypse and unless there was some kind of radioactive mutation issue and chickens became vicious, man-eating beasts, I think  those would be easy enough to take on.

Or not...

Of course, I went on to formulating the proper technique for getting the job done with minimal blood spatter and creepy headless panicked bird running around. Then I thought about what the best way would be to get all the feathers off. I wasn’t sure, but figure I’d better look that up before the apocalypse took Google away.

That's how I came to the conclusion that I totally could do if I had to. I just need the circumstances to be just right for me to rise to the occassion.

More Disturbing Patterns.

If you've been keeping up with what I've been up to on Sprocket Ink, you'll see my last few posts all seemed to be part of a particular theme. A disturbing theme. Without planning it, both my posts last week focused on specific areas of the human anatomy. The naughty areas.

Oh, no, you didn't!
source

First, on Tuesday, I wrote about a guy born without a penis, who still managed to be a ladies' man. Then, my post on Friday was about several Japanese studies all pointing to there being benefits to women not wearing bras and how Japanese women were already adopting the habit.

Then there's my post today...

There are only two areas yet I haven't covered (or uncovered, as the case may be) and let's just say today's story isn't about butts.

You do the math.

This has happened before, but I swear it's totally unintentional (which is what the Japanese guys claimed in today's post, actually). Today's story is about a pastry product that's raising more than a few eyebrows in Japan. Yeah, I know. It's got even them shocked. But be warned, this particular baked good may cause you to lose your appetite.

I'm Easily Amused.

Every now and then, when I get bored (which happens often), I end up goofing around on the computer and one of two things happen. I either create something absolutely brilliant or the boredom passes with nothing of substance happening. I count this morning's bout of creativity as the former. Because this morning, I made this:

I know! I just crack up every time look at it. Its genius is in its simplicity. I posted it on my Facebook and Google Plus pages and it's been a hit there. Hell I even posted it on that Tumblr thing I never use. I'm that proud of it. Annnnnd I'm beginning to suspect I maybe a little vain at this point.

Always Remember - Roles & Responsibilities Issue.

Of the many roles we men play in the relationship...

The role of walking garbage disposal is one of our most underappreciated functions.

********

For the record, I don't even like ginger flavored cookies all that much. Now that you've had your fun here, why not go over to Sprocket Ink for my latest post there. Believe me when I tell you this one's to die for.

CLICK HERE

New Post On Sprocket.

No words here. The funny stuff's HERE.

A Step-By-Step Guide To Almost Failing A Class.

1. Miss a major percentage of your classes due to demands of job.

2. Two-thirds of the way through the semester finally realize you haven't been receiving notes and updates from your lecturer because you just had to use the student email account the school forced you to take and it hasn't been working properly.

3. Fail to get required text books from school library because other students got to them before you did.

4. Miss group presentation day because you have to work late (worth 30% of overall grade).

5. Get fired from said demanding job less than two weeks before final assignment is due, spend first week in a funk (even though you promised yourself wouldn't let it get to you) and do absolutely nothing during that time.

6. Get make-up assignment from lecturer to help give you a fighting chance after missing the group assignment, wait until last possible minute to finally get started and panic because you only have two days  to research and prepare two presentations.

7. Instead of working on assignments, write a blog post explaining steps you took to very likely fail a class you should be passing with your eyes closed.

This Isn't Funny.

By not funny, I'm talking about my post on Sprocket Ink, that is. I'm putting funny shoes and balloon animals aside for a bit to talk about sports... Well, not really. It's more like an ongoing scandal in the sporting world. I'm not all that into organized sports, but I just had to say something on this one. Check it out.

Also, I created this Google+ page and I guess I should get to using it. So, if you're on Google+ you could... you know... add me to your circles... if you like. Just sayin'.

But go over to Sprocket first. That one's important. Then do the Google+ thing. Remember! First, Sprocket, then Google+. In that order.

'K, bye!

I'm Going Naked Today - Don't Get Your Hopes Up.

While I'm sure the title is bound to attract a flurry of curious onlookers, let's get one thing clear from the start.

The title's totally misleading.

Before you leave though, there is a reason I gathered all... 2 of you here. My first ever guest post! The awesome Kelly from  Naked Girl In A Dress, one of my Sprocket Ink partners in crime, asked me to do a guest post on her blog and I was psyched to accept. So that's where I am today.

As I said this is my first time doing a guest post on someone else's blog so, go ahead and check it out here. There's nothing more to see on this blog today anyway.

That's it...

What? Still disappointed about the title let-down? Guys, it was just a...

Sigh! Okay. if you insist. But just this one time. Here'a a pic of me in the tub.

Ready?

GAAH! Dammit, Ma! Can't you see I'm takin' a bath here!

Gotcha! Now get on over and read my guest post.

Blog Luvin' & Shameless Pluggin'

Whew! It's been a busy past two weeks. First. was the surprise (possible) house purchase (more on that when I have any news). Then that whole battle with the head cold from hell (I'm not a zombie so I guess I won). Also, school's back in and, in a totally out-of-character move, I managed to post almost every day this week. I've also just managed to pass the fifty follower mark *waves “hi” to new homies* Sweet!!! You guys are awesome!

But this is a bit overdue. I won't go a step further without saying thanks to some kind people who shared some blog love with me recently.

First, I got this baby here from Vicki over at Glitter Frog for winning her weekly Tuesday Toss-Up caption contest:

Want one? Go on over and and be snarky. You just may be next.

This next one comes from both, it's creator, Miss Nikki at my cyber house rules and Nari at narislife. This award is also given out to witty commenters.

These three are really great bloggers themselves and you should totally check them out if you haven't yet. You won't be disappointed. Trust me.


The second award comes with the condition that I answer one question. I'll get to that in a bit...

Hmmm... Two awards, from three separate bloggers, given to me for my snarky commenting abilities. You'd think, say, if there was, maybe, oh, I don't know, some kinda vote going on right now for that sorta thing that I'd have a chance, huh?

Oh, by the way, in a totally unrelated topic, Studio 30+ is having their Boomerang Awards and I seem to have been nominated for a few categories, including:

"Newbie Award", "Best Male Blog", "Funniest Blogger", and "Snarkiest Commenter".

Funny that...

Now, as I said before, the second award required me to answer one question. That question is:

“Do your witty answers pop instantly in your head when you read the post with an immediate urge to hit the comment button or do you have to sit and ponder?”

In answer to this I have to say, a bit of both. Most of the time, my comments are spontaneous. They generally pop in as I read. Other times, but not as often, I may not comment right away. It may be due to distraction or lack of focus, sleep, coffee, whatever. Then there are times my OCD will kick in and I'll want to make sure the comment is just right. This may involve one or a combination of: googling, spell checking, finding proper reference sources and citations, spinning in my chair for several minutes, placing elbows on desk while I clasp my hands pensively over my mouth in a manner denoting intense concentration, etc.

Unfortunately, I don't proof read after. That always slips me. Sorry, never been my strong suit. This will unavoidably lead to the occasional “comment fail”.

There! That deals with the Q&A segment of this post. Now, if you're a member of Studio 30+, I hope you've voted for me already. If you aren't a member and you're thirty and over, I suggest you quit yer lollygagging (yes, "lollygagging". Sorry for such coarse language) and join. And then vote.