Thanks For The Offer But I'll Pass On The Life Lesson Today.

Life is full of teachable moments. I know this because there seems to be a never-ending stream of people who will try to turn everything you say or do that conveys even the slightest lack of complete positivity into a lesson on how you could be doing better if only you would (*insert way of being told how to live life here*).

If that came across like I'm not particularly fond of receiving unsolicited advice, then I guess it means I was able to successfully relay my feelings on the topic. As much as it may rob someone of the opportunity to display their intellectual & emotional superiority help, I sometimes, would like to not walk around with a fake smile, pretending like everything's peachy for fear that someone I know (or even don't know) will see my less than perfect facade as an opportunity to jump in & tell me what I'm doing wrong & how I can fix it. It's tiring, always having to put up the "everything's okay" front & worrying about even the slightest thing you do or say can be an excuse for the random person nearby to step in.

What really made me aware of that under-the-microscope feeling was something that happened several years ago...

I was waiting for a taxi to get back to work from a lunchtime errand. It was a beautiful, sunny day & I was admiring the sharp colours of the blue sky & white clouds. Sometimes I do things like that. I observe trees, clouds & other things. It's weird, I know, but I enjoy it.

Anyway, I digress (I just realised how long it's been since I've typed that). I saw a taxi coming towards me, I stopped it & got in in the back. As it was the only passenger, I scooted in behind the driver to allow for any other potential passengers he would pick up along the way. No more than ten seconds after the car pulled off, the driver started.

"So, I couldn't help but notice that you were staring up to the heavens just now."

That's when I noticed the rosary hanging from the rearview as well as the old-school (I mean, really, really old-school) gospel coming from the radio. I honestly don't know if my sigh was audible or not but I'm pretty sure he didn't see my eyes roll (I hope). How was I going to get out if this impending conversation that I didn't want to have? "Me like pretty clouds!" was a way to go, I guess...

"Don't worry about it. It's just a thing I do." was all that I said, though.

Fortunately, we were interrupted by another passenger flagging him down & the conversation ended before it began. I still think about that passenger sometimes. I hope she's doing well in life.

It was minor but, for a while after that, I was left feeling like I had to be on constant guard as to how I carried myself in public, down to the most minute detail, so as to not leave an open invitation for unsolicited suggestions & life-coaching.

None of this is to say, mind you, that I already have everything figured out or I even can figure everything out on my own. Like everyone else, sometimes (often) I do need help & advice as I navigate through life. That being said, I don't need everyone jumping in & trying at every chance to take the wheel either.

Sorry if all that came off a bit whiny... I did file this under "rant" after all, so you were warned.

Truth is, since my divorce, I've been thinking about firing-up the old blog again. I got my own place, my own internet & even my own computer... but I was hesitant. When I first started writing here, I was (was?) a complete noob. I thought I could keep this space private from people I interacted with IRL so I could say anything I felt without judgement. That, however, didn't end up being the case. Family came to know about it, coworkers & friends found their way here. I did a piss-poor job of keeping this blog away from my non-virtual life. Maybe... subconsciously... that was intentional. Who knows?

Sometimes, but not very often, a few of these people would even come up to me after I posted something that got too deep to tell me what they thought & how they thought I should handle things. A few even tried to not let on that they read my thoughts here & it was somehow a complete coincidence that this advice was forthcoming.

However, after some soul-searching & figuring out of things (On my own too! Would you look at that!) I've decided I'm not letting those thoughts hamper me from doing things the way I feel I need to do them. Regardless of who has anything to say, this is still my space, after all. Does that mean I'm going to start posting every day/week/month again? Huh! I dunno! We'll see where things go from here.

All this being said, to anyone who knows me ,on or off the internet & somehow still manage come back here to stumble upon this post, let me just say thanks... but I'm alright. The majority of the stuff I write here is peppered with a healthy serving of hyperbole anyway so I'm not as lost & in need as I may appear on "paper". Let me be the one to come to you seeking assistance. It'll feel more special that way, I promise.

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing - Can't Complain.

You know how sometimes there's a thing and you complain about the thing and then the thing changes to the opposite type of thing but you like that new thing even less so you think to yourself, "Holy crap, I shoulda stayed quiet about the thing because the opposite thing is way worse than the first thing!" and then you start to believe you have some kind of  freaky superpower (or karma really hates you) because you realize every time you complain about things, the opposite things happen but the new things are not the way you pictured them in your head and things seemed better the way they were before but it's too late now and you're stuck with the new things and even if you used your new-found abilities to make things go back to what they were before, the old things aren't the same old things but new-old things... or old-new things (it's hard to tell sometimes) that suck in a totally different way?

(Okay, now breathe! Trust me, the rest of the post is nowhere near as annoying as the opening.)

That is so me! When I first started to work for the government (doesn't it sound really covert and cool when I say it like that?), I posted about the time I complained (without really complaining) to Mrs C about being left for days with nothing to do while they sorted out things like where I'd sit and which department in the division to assign me.

Then things changed and, soon after that, the details were sorted out and work came my way, which was to be expected, I guess. However, I soon realized I was being loaded up with a bunch of complicated responsibilities which technically weren't in my initial job description and I pseudo-complained again in a post about feeling like I was almost in over my head. Eventually, though, I realized I was getting the hang of it all and was kind of enjoying it.

It was too late though. I had already put the complaint out into the universe and karma diligently rushed in to address the situation. As a result, things changed again and that was when I was pulled from all of those projects and reassigned to help write a white paper. By extension, I was also pulled from my desk and the very building in which I worked and exiled to the Central Office to work in near-isolation along with the other three members of the team assigned to that task. I... um... shared my thoughts on that in another post and, in less than four months we were recalled and the project went dormant.

Now I was almost left idle (again), only in a different division... for three months. By this time I was really starting to miss my old desk and my old work and made mention (I know, right? You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now right?) that I missed my old desk and my old work and I wanted to go back. Naturally, things changed again but not in the way I wanted. They didn't move me back but finally decided to give me something to do. A lot of something! I had something (work) coming out of my ears!

I eventually started to notice the trend (took me eight whole months because I'm so quick on the uptake) and decided not to complain, especially since I was basically just riding out the last month-or-so of my contract. Plus, by then I already knew it was being renewed so I at least knew I wasn't out of a job and, as an added bonus, I'd be handing over all my work to someone else. At the very least, I was hoping the people in charge would realize they were beating a dead horse with this whole white paper thing since no one seemed interested anymore and I'd finally get to go back to where I belonged.

Nope! I returned only to learn that no one had even considered what I'd be doing when I got back so I was dropped on my old-new desk with, once again, nothing to do. But, guess what... I complained again. This time to my wife. Yeah. I think It was that month-long vacation that made me forget.

That and I iz dumb.

Sure enough, things changed again. The coworker I handed over all my work to was recently poached by another division, leaving me to not only take back all the things they shoveled onto me before my first contract ended but to take over her work as well. As I mentioned in one of my earlier complaints, I was moved to a division that deals with things that weren't in my knowledge-base or skill-set... or portfolio or any other corporately douchy buzzword way of saying I didn't know jack squat about the work they do here. And now it looks like this is going to be my permanent abode.

The funny thing is not one of these times did I complain to my bosses or even a single coworker. I mentioned a few of my grievances here on the blogosphere, or on some social networking site or the other and even to Mrs C, but never in work. Which is why I think karma has way too much time on her hands.

Either that or my bosses have been keeping up with my blog. Is that a scary thought or what?

But I'm NOT complaining, though. Mostly because I don't want to imagine any scenario where I look back on now and it feels like this is the good old days. 

My Sincerest Apologies.

Dear Fellow Group Assignment Members,

I trust since the last series of frantic emails and calls a half an hour ago you are all doing well. I have taken the time since our last exchange to reflect on what each of you had to express and I have realized I owe each of you some apologies.

First off, I apologize for suggesting the topic of focus for our group assignment. I admit the idea wasn't one of my best. To be honest, even I thought it sucked. It was born out of panic, to be honest. You see, we only had a half an hour to pitch our ideas to our lecturer and, after I realized we were all sitting in silence and staring around blankly for twenty minutes of that time, I think I let fear get the better of me and I simply blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. Believe me, had I known my decision to speak would lead to everyone else automatically turning off their brains and accepting my suggestion wholeheartedly (despite my opening the floor - nay - begging for other suggestions), I would have continued to remain silent with the rest of you.

I am so, SO sorry that everyone automatically assumed - without first confirming it with me - that, since I was the one who came up with the idea, that I would also be the one to prepare the whole draft paper for the lecturer to review and then go on to write the script as well (I hope you can understand my confusion at this point since another member of the group had already volunteered to do so but later, without giving us warning, seemed to have changed his mind). In hindsight, it made perfect sense that you all would just go about your lives for an entire week and think it was being handled by me, despite my not knowing I had to do it.

I'm also sorry for my job suddenly becoming so demanding. Had I known my being transferred to another office so far away, having to prepare a handover package for my replacement and subsequently having to miss a class due to the sheer exhaustion which resulted from all of this would have sent you all into such a state of panic, I would have acted in a more considerate manner.

I must also apologize for the lecturer shooting down our topic (the one I pitched and to which no one offered any alternative.) and that we now have to come up with and rewrite an entirely new paper. Had I known that during the week I was unreachable, some other member of the team would have altered my originally craptastic idea and made it, not only more craptastic, but put it outside the guidelines of the assignment, I would have made it my utmost priority to have handled things differently.

I am especially sorry to you, one-member-of-the-group-who-has-to-constantly-complain-that-you-are-the-only-one-who-is-actually-doing-anything. I know. I KNOW. It has been very hard on you. What, with your being completely silent and unreachable until the last minute and then emailing some shoddily prepared, almost unusable assembly of words, followed by calling and texting everyone in the group to make sure we see that you contributed. That ONLY YOU contributed.

I am perfectly willing to accept your behavior since you admitted to acting unreasonably when the mere thought of failing an assignment enters your head. I'm sure that was what prompted your very aggressive, albeit erroneous, email the other morning at 4 AM, telling us how you have to "put your foot down" and "we should consider ourselves lucky you didn't CC the lecturer on this email". For your sake, I am happy you did not CC our lecturer since, during your little rant, you clearly misrepresented how much you contributed to the group's work and how little everyone else did.

Mostly, I apologize for what comes next. I am afraid I can no longer sit idly by and trust everyone else to be the adults we all are supposed to be. I am truly sorry but, reluctantly, I am going to be taking stricter measures, assigning tasks and responsibilities, and making sure everyone communicates. Trust that I have no desire to do this but some level of leadership is needed going forward and, sadly, I see no one else stepping up to fill that role.

I hope you all can find it your hearts to forgive me for all I have done to contribute to every failure we've had as a group thus far. I will try my best from now on to be more of a team player and to be more considerate of everyone else's needs and commitments. I hope we can work past this and move forward from here.

Sincerely,

Vinny

If You Don't Like It, Then Go Somewhere Else.

At one time, I was in banking. Banking is, of course, a customer service field. You get this concept drilled into your head constantly by the higher-ups. Through endless customer service seminars, training sessions, videos, meetings, etc, bank staff are reminded constantly that the sole purpose of their existence is to make the customer happy.

This gets worse the higher up the ladder you go. I was in loans when I left, with whispers about being elevated to lower management. It was expected I represent the bank 24-7. One of my seniors even told me I should give my clients my personal cell number as well as the number for the branch-assigned cell I was given so they'd always be able to reach me, no matter what.

I never did that though. That branch cell stayed turned off and locked in my desk drawer at the end of every workday. I got really pissed at one of my coworkers for giving out my personal cell (without my permission) to an insistent customer we were both working with. Why? Because, as I said, banking is a customer service field. You were expected to deal with customers on a daily basis. As for a lower management position, AW HELL NO!!! I dreaded the idea of being promoted any higher. That meant being expected to deal more closely with more customers.

I was good at playing the game and making customers feel comfortable, but there were actually only a few of them I could stand. And it wasn't just because I'm not a people person. I realized the problem I had with customers was that most customers know we were trained to kiss their asses for fear that they take their business elsewhere. And, naturally, they took advantage of it.

They became whiny babies who cussed and complained about every inconvenience.

"Why wasn't there a coffee machine?" - We had one. Customers abused it and people were walking in off the street, making coffee and leaving without doing a single transaction. DAILY!

"You don't remember my name? I'm your customer! This is poor customer service!" - We spoke on the phone... Once... Two months ago!

"Why is there a chain on the pen? Don't banks make enough money to be able to lose a pen or two?" - Yes, but you'd still bitch when we didn't have a pen for you to sign with because the person just before you stole it.

"You didn't smile and say the pre-approved greeting! Where's your supervisor?!" - He's the angry looking one over there with a cell phone in each ear and the line of people waiting to speak to him. He won't do any of that shit either.

"These interest rates are too high!" - Ah! Thank you for actually bitching about something loan related. Sorry, though. Whoever sets those works in a shiny ivory tower and can't hear you or me all the way down here.

You get the idea. Customers get caught up in the idea that those in customer service have to put up with their crap and use them to boost their own sense of superiority.

I'd almost forgotten about all this until two incidents I witnessed recently.

The first I'll talk about is actually the second one and it was a few weeks ago. I was in a bakery. I had just walked in and there was this guy - a gas station attendant, by the uniform - pacing, ranting and yelling at the girls behind the counter. He demanded his money back and left. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked one of the girls what that was all about.

"He asked for coffee. He got angry when we asked if he wanted milk and sugar. He thought we should know."

I heard the staff saying that customer was always carrying on like that when he came in. He had a problem with everything they did and almost never bought anything. Just came in, found an excuse to yell at them and leave. Yes, I get that he was a regular, but is screaming at them at the top of your lungs the best way to make sure they remember how you like your coffee the next time? If I had to guess, I'd say the only real reason you went in there was just so you could unload on them.

Then there was the other incident about a month before that. I was in a line in KFC. There was a guy over at the condiment dispenser counter shouting at any staff member who approached him. Why? There wasn't any ketchup at the counter. Despite reassurances that he only had to wait a few minutes for someone to get a fresh supply from the storeroom, he wasn't satisfied. The staff were inefficient and KFC, being such a large franchise, should have them better trained so condiments would be topped up regularly. This was completely unacceptable, as far as he was concerned.

The man was livid and refused to lower his voice until the uniformed police officer in front of me got tired of listening to him. The officer did probably the best thing I've ever seen anyone do for customer service staff in that type of situation. He calmly walked over to the irate customer.

Cop: Sir. Is that necessary? They are bringing the ketchup.

Customer: I'm a customer. I have rights. They're supposed to be more efficient and professional.

Cop: Sir, they're human. And despite your carrying on, every single one of them has been courteous and patient with you. That shows a level of professionalism beyond what most would show you.

Customer: But... I'm the customer...

Cop: Sir. These people are overworked and underpaid and this a very busy branch. These things happen and you are not making there job any easier. I suggest if you don't like the service here, you can just leave and go somewhere else.

Customer: I... I'm sorry, officer.

There was silence after that. Most nodded in agreement. A few in the lines even commented their approval at the officer's remarks. The customer remained silent after that until the ketchup came. Then he thanked the staff member who brought it, dressed his meal and left.

I know there are lax and lazy people out there in every field, customer service is no exception. I also know that sometimes the only way to improve things is to complain and bring attention to the flaws. But, when we are complaining, is it to right an obvious wrong? Or is that we've gotten too comfortable taking advantage of a system that's set up in our favor?

There are things that should be fixed, but maybe, if there are little things about a situation, business or person that bother us to the point that we have to scream at someone, it's best to stop complaining about those imperfections and take our business someplace else...

I'm sure the other place got it totally right.