Has this ever happened to you?
We've all been there. That time when you read a blog post that offended you in some way but didn't know how to respond. Or maybe there's a blogger that just irritates you and you'd just love to repeatedly stalk and antagonize them on a regular basis, but can't think of the right words?
Well, then you need Gabo'troll!!! ©
That's right! Gabo'troll!!!
Gabo'troll!!! is brought to you by AVCI - the makers of the wildely popular Malpunctuation System (patent pending... eventually). This time we've developed the ultimate blog trolling system that will have you leaving angry and even hateful comments in no time. Best of all they'll be barely readable. Just like the pros!* You'll learn vital trolling techniques like:
- Incorrect Spelling - See why it's stupid not to call that blog "stoopid".
- Totally Missing The Point - Tell that blogger who wrote that so called "humorous" post about the time she was stranded for three hours in the freezing snow with a flat how totally stereotypical, sexist and degrading her being so clueless about cars was to women everywhere.
- Celebrity Defence - You're not just any Belieber, you're also the president and founding member of your town's chapter of Beliebers and you'll be damned if some blogger's potshots about Justin go unanswered. Not on your watch!
- Incorrect Spelling - See why it's stupid not to call that blog "stoopid".
- Totally Missing The Point - Tell that blogger who wrote that so called "humorous" post about the time she was stranded for three hours in the freezing snow with a flat how totally stereotypical, sexist and degrading her being so clueless about cars was to women everywhere.
- Celebrity Defence - You're not just any Belieber, you're also the president and founding member of your town's chapter of Beliebers and you'll be damned if some blogger's potshots about Justin go unanswered. Not on your watch!
All this and so much more can be yours! Just listen to some of our satisfied customers:
Not only that but Gabo'troll!!! also makes a great gift. You heard right! Already have your own Gabo'troll!!!? Then why not give the gift of Gabo'troll!!! at that next birthday?
But wait! That's not all! For a limited time we'll throw in the Degrammarizerator at no extra cost. That's right! Add some extra punch to you comments by including common grammatical errors that will just drive those grammar-nazi bloggers up a wall. You'll get the improper use of words like "their, there and they're" or "your and you're". Then just sit back and watch them squirm.
Plus, if you call in the next 3.8 seconds you'll get AVCI's patented Malpunctuation System ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
So you'll get the Gabo'troll!!!, the Degrammarizerator and the Malpunctuation System - a $30 value - for only three easy payments of $9.99. You'll never see value like this again. Call now! Our operators are anxiously waiting for your call.
Order now!
********
- C.O.Ds only. Cheques, checks and credit cards are not accepted.
- Offer available in Canada for a limited time only due to the impending elimination of pennies from the national currency, which are required to make up the 99¢ part of the cost.
- *WARNING: AVCI does not guarantee effectiveness of products listed if user starts reading books, learning or developing a sense of humor.
- *WARNING: AVCI does not guarantee effectiveness of products listed if user starts reading books, learning or developing a sense of humor.
Wut a fookin stoopid idea. Your idea to harassss, other bloggers am mean. You mean. Y yu so mean?.,!.?
ReplyDeleteThanks Gabo'troll!!! It's working already! Now I can read all my favorite news articles and comment with an inflammatory and ill-informed and unrelated political statement in no time at all!
And it's all thanks to Gabo'troll!!!
DeleteCustomer testimonials are always good for business.
That's great... whether we like it or not, Gabo'troll would fly off the shelves!
ReplyDeleteSD
Maybe I should really start putting these on the market. I'll never have to work again.
DeleteOoh. That's a good deal. I am happiness in your attainment.
ReplyDeleteAnother satisfied customer!
DeleteHmmm.... my son and I were just plotting the potential trolling of one certain commenttard we'd love to harass to tears. Unfortunately, I can't really think of anything else at the moment except yellow boobs. Yellow boobs. Stick figure chick yellow boobs. Damnit.
ReplyDeleteLacy's been known to have that effect.
ReplyDeleteDo you have a program so that I can't be trolled, or I can troll back those I gift this too? I'd like to get it for a number of friends and family, but am afraid they'll use it against me...
ReplyDeleteAlso, do I get any royalties for making the blog that made you mad enough to write this software?
I recommend buying one for yourself before giving any as a gift. That way you'll have the means to respond should anyone turn on you.
DeletegReaT pOST.
ReplyDeleteThe laSt ONE capitalized RANDOM WorDs.
Shampoo***
AND made NO sense. ^Pencil^!!!
YOUR ProDuct sounDs great. cynical.
DANDELION?
You must have received version 1.0 of the product. Despite the initial glitches, it did prove to have an unexpected effectiveness in trolling sites.
DeleteI have an annoying neighbor I would like to antagonize. Is Gabo'troll right for me?
ReplyDeleteIf the neighbor in question blogs, yes. If not, also yes. Some of the strategies Gabo'troll!!! employs will also work outside the internet. Just order the optional ski-mask to maintain anonymity, and you're set.
DeleteI think this product is already out there. I see its effects everywhere.
ReplyDeleteMake no mistake! Gabo'troll!!! uses advanced technologies employed by A-list celebrities and government officials of the highest level that make it 1000% superior to it's nearest competitor.
Deletewow. i don't get to make out at MY job when the phone rings. are they hiring?
ReplyDeleteStick toons are cheap labor for a reason.
DeleteThis is great! I'll take one. My life should get a whole lot easier after this...wooh hoo!
ReplyDeleteLet's hear it for another satisfied customer!
Deletemy neighbour's in the army so I try to stay on his good side lol
ReplyDeletegreat post - following
Good idea. Gab'otroll!!! has a disclaimer against any possible physical retaliation the user may endure as a result of the use of the product (it's in the fine print, inside the box, under a label). Sooo... basically, you're on your own.
DeleteAlso, Welcome!
This totally made my day and I didn't even have to pay three easy payments of 10.00. (We Canadians don't have pennies.)
ReplyDeleteGlad to help. AVCI is a caring company. That'll be 14.50 for providing a 24-hour mood improvement (plus shipping and handling).
DeleteThis is priceless. I like the fine print at the end, too. Nice touch! All relationships that lack intimacy should be reignited by Gab'otroll!
ReplyDelete