Like You're Supposed To.

Just so you know, the following is complete fiction. I know. Not normally my thing, I know, but I thought I'd expand my horizons a bit, so to speak. I know there are probably a lot of things wrong with it, but go easy I'm new.

********

Mark stood in front the mirror, turning from left, to right, to left again. This was the first time he ever worn a tuxedo and he was having a hard time coming to terms with the look.

"Is this how it's supposed to look?" He thought to himself, "It feels tight. Maybe I should have gone with the black instead of the grey."

"Dude! Relax!" Chris noticed Mark's anxious look from across the room. "It looks fine. You actually look like a grown-up for a change."

Mark didn't bother to turn around. Instead, he scowled at Chris' reflection in the mirror.

Chris grinned when he saw his remark got him the reaction he wanted. Mark couldn't help but notice how much more comfortable Chris seemed in his own tux, even though he had never worn one either. But why not? Chris was just the best man after all.

"Shouldn't you be bringing the car around? It's almost time."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going," Chris turned and reached for the door. He placed his hand on the knob and paused, "You're doing the right thing. You know? Lara's a great girl."

This time Mark did turn around, "What's that about?"

"I know I give you a hard time, but I want you to know I'm happy for you, man."

"You're not going to start crying now, are you? Because so help me if you try to hug me..."

"Ha! You wish!"

"No... I really don't... Thanks."

"Whatever!" Chris opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

"If you're so sure I'm doing the right thing maybe you should think about tying the knot."

"Yeah right! Not when there are still so many flavors out there to sample. And rest assured, I plan to get ample amounts of sampling in tonight thanks to you. I hear weddings make women horny."

Again, Chris smiled and closed the door.

"You're welcome!" Mark called out to the closed door. Chris didn't respond.

"You're doing the right thing."

Mark thought about what Chris had said. In all the years they had been friends, how many times had Chris told him something like that? More than he could count. Normally, when he said it, it was with a hint of annoyance in his voice. It wasn't like he was some goody-two-shoes. He'd made his share of mistakes, but he always tried to be responsible.

He was the responsible one. That much everyone knew. Getting them into trouble was Chris' role. He was the 'fun' one. It only made sense Mark would be the first one to give up the carefree, bachelor lifestyle and settle down with a wife. It was what everyone expected.

Sure enough, here he was. Getting married today. It was all going as planned. But whose plan was it? His? Lara's?

Lara had already made her intentions clear. Even before he proposed.

"I want to start having children after the first year. We should space them at least two years apart. I read that's a good way to go," she told him one night as they were lying in bed and fantasizing about what the future would be like.

During these talks, they made plans on how they would move from their modest, one-bedroom apartment in the city to a nice, two-storey, three-bedroom house in one of those gated communities in the east. They agreed on ditching the coupe for an SUV and on how many and what type of dogs they'd get when they bought their house. They both loved dogs, but pets weren't allowed in their current apartment.

This all sounded great to Mark at the time and he knew a lot of the decisions they made then was based on suggestions he made. Lara never pushed him into any of those plans. So why did he feel like he was being pushed now?

"Marriage is a big responsibility. But it's the choice every responsible adult should make," his father told him once. His parents were the epitome of 'traditional'. Dad worked, Mom stayed home and raised him. They've been together for more than thirty years and they still seemed so happy with the life they chose.

But did they choose it? Or did they just follow the same path their parents followed? And their grandparents?

Suddenly, Mark didn't feel like the life he was living was actually his own. Sure there were differences. Both he and Lara worked. She wasn't down with the whole barefoot and pregnant at home deal and this suited Mark just fine. Still, despite subtle differences, was he just following in the footsteps of those who went before him? Were these plans, this future, what he wanted, or was he just doing what was expected?

Then there was what Chris said. Sure he loved Lara, he didn't doubt that, but was she 'the one'? There were so many other women out there, how could he know there wasn't someone better out there? No! Now he was just being stupid. He loved Lara. He knew she was the one. But marriage? Now?

What about Europe? Mark suddenly remembered he always said he would travel across Europe when he was younger. Would that fit into this future he was about to step into?

He'd been playing it safe all his life. Never giving into wild impulses. Well, at least nothing major anyway. What if this was it? The end to any chance of adventure in his life. He was now going to be boxed into a pre-planned, two dogs, three kids, house in the suburbs life with no escape. Just like he was supposed to-

Mark was suddenly jolted back to reality by the sound of a car's horn downstairs. Through the window he saw his best friend sitting in the driver's seat of the old blue coupe he planned to sell one day.

"Yeah! Coming!" He waved at Chris from the second floor window of his and Lara's apartment. He checked his tie one last time in the mirror before he joined Chris downstairs to head off to the church.

In Response To A. Gaddafi.

THE LETTER:

Greeting's

I am Aisha Gaddafi from Libya. I am the surviving Daughter of Late Gaddafi my Father worked was leader for 42 years in Tripoli as a Leader of Libya, before he died in Libya during the invention of the NTC AND NETO. Father deposited the sum of ($10.5 Million) with a bank in Asia.

After the death of my Daddy, I have thought of investing the money in your country and my aim of contacting you is to be my foreign partner and business caretaker who will handle whatever any investment we are going to establish according to your directive. kindly provide me with the information i needed to enable me communicate you for further details.

1) Your full Name.........

2) your private phone and fax number...

3) your age and your occupation.....

4) Any of your ids...........

Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

Your Faithfully

Aisha Gaddafi

********

THE RESPONSE:

Dear Ms. Gaddafi,

First, let me start by saying that you have my sincerest condolences for the recent loss of your father. This is troubling news and I hope you and your family are coping.

Before we discuss the matter at hand, I beg your indulgence for, you see, I am somewhat slow on the uptake and, as such, have a few questions.

First, I am curious. If you don't mind me asking, is "Late" Gaddafi any relation to "Muammar" Gaddafi? The fact that Late “worked was leader” for 42 years in Tripoli and Muammar was the ruler of Libya, based in Tripoli seems awfully uncanny to me. Then again, maybe the name Gaddafi is very common in Libya, like Smith is here in the western world. As I said, I’m a little slow.

Was your father an inventor? That is an awesome job! I’m sorry that this NTC AND NETO thing that he was working on did him in. I guess that would be a hazard of the job sometimes. I suggest that your people shut down and dismantle his creation. Lock it away as soon as possible. We don’t want any more deaths at the hands of this thing. (Just out of curiosity, does it have hands?) Take my advice and do this before it’s too late! We don’t want it to grow too powerful.

Now, on to business. Let me just say that I appreciate you wanting to invest the money in my country, and I am honored that you would choose to contact me to be a part of this transaction as your foreign partner. However, I must warn you that you may not have made the wisest choice by selecting me. I do not speak in authority for my people. In fact, you could say that I am about as low on the rung of the ladder here as one can get.

I may not be the best person to be your business caretaker or handle your investments here. I am on the bottom rung after all. There’s a reason for that. Plus, to be perfectly honest, if you allow me to broker this deal, I will very likely just keep the money for myself and not use it for your benefit or the benefit of my country. Except when I spend it, that is. I guess I may still be doing my part by stimulating the economy that way.

The information you say that you “needed” me to furnish you with, is it still necessary? You did find my email address after all. (I commend you for this, by the way.) I assume that we can communicate further details just fine this way. Or is it that, in your anticipation of our impending business relationship you have gone ahead and started the paperwork. Again, indulge my slowness as I ask this.

Once again, thank you for selecting me. I hope we can further communicate and find a way to address both our needs.

I await your response.

Sincerely (mostly)

Vinny

What I Didn't Expect To Hear Them Say.

I had no delusions when I started. I already knew that the hours would stink, the pay would suck and that it would be a lot of work. I knew all of that going in. I've accepted it as what comes with the territory in journalism and I'm okay with that. Even though a fat paycheck is nice I've always believed that, in the end, if it's what you really want to do and you enjoy doing it, then those things aren't supposed to what keeps you doing it. Of course, I say again, a fat paycheck wouldn't hurt.

When they said that, often, working well into the night was normal, I wasn't too surprised. When they disclosed the starting salary to me, I still took the job. I was a little daunted at first when they stressed how demanding the job would be, but I said yes anyway. In truth, I mostly expected all of this. What I didn't expect to hear however, when I submitted my first story was, "You write well... but you need to make it simpler. You're going to make the reader have to think too much."

Huh?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like they're telling me to dumb my writing down. Right? When did I need to dumb things down? I've always thought of my "style" (if you want to call it that) as pretty simple. I'd even go so far as to call it juvenile at times. I'm confused, to say the least.

And another thing, when didn't we want people thinking? I've always believed that one of the problems today was that people didn't think enough. I say, make people think more. Get those cogs in their noggins turning, dammit!

But then again, I guess I should play it their way seeing at they're the ones paying me after all. This is going to take some adjustment. Thank goodness I blog! At least you guys get me, right?

So The Real Question Is…

Remember when I said that, for the first interview for the reporter job at a newspaper, I was asked a certain icebreaker question? I said that I had answered so uniquely that they just had to have me back for the second interview.

Well, as I said, I was then sworn to secrecy and challenged to figure out the correct answer on my own by the time I got there for the second interview. I also said that the second interview went pretty well but, up to Friday, they still hadn't made their decision. So, in the meantime, why not share that question with you and the answer I provided? Exactly!

It went like this:

“king ... was seen walking and talking half an hour after his head was cut off”

True or False?

Now, for those of you who have come across this type of thing before, the obvious thing is that the sentence is missing a punctuation mark. It makes more sense if you put a comma right after “talking”. I’m sure this would have also occurred to many of you even if you haven’t done this kind of test before.

I, on the other hand, did not exactly answer it in the traditional sense. In fact, I totally missed the point, so to speak. My answer looked more like:

I can’t answer this question without getting some more information first:

- Was it really the king who was executed? It isn’t farfetched to think that he had a double take his place so that he could escape execution.

- Was it the same king ...? Could it have been one “king ...” who was executed and some other “king ...” who was seen both walking and talking somewhere else?

- Was the king who was seen in the act of walking and talking his successor (IE: King… the 2^nd, or 3^rd, etc)?

- Was the event where he was seen walking and talking a recording played after his execution? No mention of era was given in the above statement.

I stopped there. There were some other things I wanted to know, but I didn’t bother to put down (mostly because I ran out of paper):

- Was the king a walking, talking zombie? You know! As opposed to the more common shuffling & moaning variety.

- What did he do to piss everyone off anyway?

- Did he use time travel? If that was the case, he could have just been saying, “I’ll be the first king to go back in time,” then walked over to the time machine (See? Both talking and walking being done) and used it to go back in time one week. Unfortunately, his feat would have been seen as some sort of sorcery and the people then decided to execute him for practicing the dark arts.

Fortunately, they overlooked the fact that I am an idiot completely missed the point of the question and decided that my need to dig deeper, think outside the box and ask more questions were exactly the characteristics they were looking for in a future journalist. I was then allowed to proceed to interview number two.

I can only conclude that the moral of this story is: If you’re going to get it wrong, get it wrong with style. Things just might work out.