From time to time I like to go over my old posts. Not for any narcissistic reasons, though. It's just that it allows me to maintain some perspective as to where this blogger-brick road is taking me. Like so many others, I've called this my personal therapy session from time-to-time and I actually have discovered quite a few things about myself through blogging.
But I've begun to notice other things. Certain aspects of my personality that, before blogging, would have gone unnoticed have begun to reveal themselves to me as I reveal them to everyone else. To properly articulate what I'm trying to describe, I composed a little mock interview with my pre-blog self which I feel describes the me that I see emerging. The answers are compiled of little bits and pieces from my past blog posts and comment responses:
Pre-Blog Me: So, tell me your name.
Blogger Me: Vinny C.
Pre-Blog Me: Okay. And tell me...
Blogger Me: Or you can also call me Major Über Zap.
Pre-Blog Me: Sorry, what?
Blogger Me: Major Über Zap. Master of static electricity, scourge of metrosexuals, spoiled brats and permissive parents everywhere and ever-watchful guardian against alien attack. But you don't have to say any of that other stuff. Just Major Über Zap.
Pre-Blog Me: Ooookaay... So you're a superhero, then? Well, I guess that explains the cape anyway. I guess that means you have powers?
Blogger Me: Yes. I can google info like nobody's business.
Pre-Blog Me: That's not really an impressive super-power.
Blogger Me: I wasn't done! I also store massive amounts of static electricity which, initially, used to cause me to get zapped from doorknobs and filing cabinets but I can now unleash upon my foes.
Pre-Blog Me: I see. Interesti...
Blogger Me: Through spankings.
Pre-Blog Me: Huh?
Blogger Me: I give static electric spankings. I call them “Shock-Spanks”.
Pre-Blog Me: Hmmm...
Blogger Me: Also, if I come up against a really tough opponent I can boost my powers with the help of coffee. I call those “Cafe-Au-Shock-Spank”.
Pre-Blog Me: …
Blogger Me: What?
Pre-Blog Me: Let's just move on, okay. Do you have any weaknesses?
Blogger Me: Um, yes, Japan.
Pre-Blog Me: You're weak against an entire country?
Blogger Me: Uh-huh, mostly. Well, to be more specific, when I come into contact with anything from Japanese pop-culture I become a lazy, useless geek of a nerd.
Pre-Blog Me: Sounds unpleasant. So tell me, as a superhero I suspect you have enemies.
Blogger Me: Yes, I do. Many. But my arch-nemeses are called Boss Man and Boss Lady. They're a husband/wife team. I do battle with them every Monday to Friday.
Pre-Blog Me: Sounds tough.
Blogger Me: It is. And I also suspect they may be sexual deviants.
Pre-Blog Me: Really, why is that?
Blogger Me: (Look around nervously, leans in closely and whispers) This one time she asked about my... going number 1.
Pre-Blog Me: What?
Blogger Me: (Still whispering) You know... she asked about... when I pee.
Pre-Blog Me: Oh!
Blogger Me: (Voice still low) And while she was asking, her husband didn't say an-y-thing. He just listened.
Pre-Blog Me: That's disturbing.
Blogger Me: (Normal volume) No shit. Not that I don't suspect they weren't curious about that too.
Pre-Blog Me: Anyhow, let's try to get back on track (not as if we ever were). Going back to the cape for a sec. What are those things on the shoulders?
Blogger Me: Oh, these? Those make up the rapid detachment system I put in place... for my cape.
Pre-Blog Me: I see.
Blogger Me: That way, if I get it caught in an enemy trap or a car door or something I can quickly escape.
Pre-Blog Me: I guess that makes sense. You know what, I'm tired I have a headache and I think I've heard enough for now. Plus, I need a drink.
Blogger Me: I'll buy. Coffee?
Pre-Blog Me: NO!!!
******
Well! I don't know about you but I think therapy's working out just fine.
oh emm gee. you work for swingers! not that there's anything wrong with that. except when they're also into golden showers and aaaaahhh you work for them!
ReplyDeleteFascinating how the blogger you is so much cockier than the pre-blogger you. It's a good thing, it means the blog therapy is working as you are building self-confidence.
ReplyDeleteI hereby bequeath you 3 gold stars!
p.s. I have that authority.
p.p.s. aren't you glad you know me?
Creative. Funny. And it mentions pee. Good work dude.
ReplyDeleteYou are really coming out of your shell Vinny. I'm with Miss Nikki and such will bestow you with 3 additional gold stars. Happy Weekend!
ReplyDeletehttp://rantersbox.blogspot.com/
BRILLIANT! Love it. LOVE LOVE it!
ReplyDeleteI give you (hold on to your hat) FOUR gold stars!
I love dialogue, particularly with mythical creatures existing in different eras. More please
ReplyDeleteHaha- one thing both Vinny's have in common is that they are disturbed by boss lady's "number one" fetish :)
ReplyDeleteAs usual, I love you post. I've found that the blogger me is more sassy than the pre-blogger me, too. However I don't know that I would have the awesome creativity that you are showing.
ReplyDeleteI'd say it's going swimmingly. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm both entertained by this post, intrigued by what's revealed about the enigma that is Vinny C... and a little concerned about split-personality problem.
ReplyDeleteAlso jealous that I didn't think up the name Captain Uber Zap first. Heh. You funny, Mister.
@ pattypunker: I'm definitely watching over my shoulder when I go the mens' room now.
ReplyDelete@ Miss Nikki: Anyone who can bequeath gold stars is a friend to have, in my book.
@ dbs: Yeah, adding bodily functions always tend to spice things up... Maybe I should think of a better way to say that.
@ The Empress: Yes, but unfortunately I came out of my shell wearing a cape.
@ Miley: Ha-Ha! That's 10 gold stars! Finally my collection is complete.
@ Sarah Walton: I'll make sure & keep the old time machine warmed up. We do aim to please, after all.
@ Meri: Oh we're disturbed by a lot of things she does alright. I can only hope that her "number one" fetish is the only fetish I ever learn of.
@ Toristellar: Sassy?... Me? I've never thought of myself as sassy before...
@ paulsifer: Another plus is I don't have to pay a hefty fee to lie on a couch for an hour.
@ Di-Pi: The split personality thing's no problem, really. That's what Vinny tells me... And he promised he won't hurt me or anyone else as long as I agree with him on that.
There are just so many wins here.
ReplyDelete