Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Ice Packs, Anyone?

I'd mentioned recently that crazy situations always seem to happen around me. In less than a week I've borne witness to two such incidents.

I'll start with the most recent. This reminded me as to just how my fellow man can truly amaze me sometimes.

I mean us guys, literally:

Last night, while on my way home from my first class of the semester, I see something going on just ahead of me. As I got closer I could see that a car had stalled in the middle of the street. This street in particular was very narrow and all traffic has been blocked from proceeding. I get there and soon learn from a fellow onlooker that something has locked the wheels and the car wouldn't move more than a few inches either way.

Pop quiz! What's the solution to this predicament?

If you said call a tow truck, you'd be right!


Wrong! At least according to the group of guys there, anyway. In all honesty, the solution they concocted was much better.

“We're men! We can handle this in a manly way!” (I'm almost certain that was what they were saying just before I got there)

The correct method of handling the situation, according to these guys was to attempt to lift the vehicle and carry it to the side of the road.


Truth be told, it could have worked too. I mean, there were about eight of them (even though one of them looked to be in his fifties). The vehicle was a small Mitsubishi too, so at least they had that going for them.

Alas, twas not to be. If only the biggest guy there was willing to get off his damn cell for just one minute and use both hands.

I suppose it should be applauded that they managed to move it a few inches.

Ouch! Is there a chiropractor in the house?


Exhibit “B” involves a case of young love:

I'm traveling home one afternoon last week. I'm in the front seat of the taxi so I have a clear view of the road ahead – not that I was really paying attention. The traffic was heavy and after a soul sucking day at the office I like to let my mind drift to my happy place. However, something draws my attention to the car in front of me. Through the faintly tinted rear windscreen I observe the frantic gestures of a man and woman arguing.

As quickly as I notice the scene I am ready to dismiss it. It isn't any of my business, anyway.

Traffic continues to crawl but I'm almost home. We continue along in a stop-and-go pace when, suddenly, just as traffic began to move again, the passenger-side door of the car in front of us (the one with the arguing couple) opens. Two legs stick out and, moments later, the young woman, possibly her late teens or early twenties, jumps out of the moving vehicle. The driver of the vehicle I'm in hits the brakes and we both look on in amazement as she lands, looses balance and face-plants into the asphalt.

Closest pic I could find resembling how her
fall looked. Sand & water would have been
more merciful than asphalt, I think.

Before either of us could think of how to react, she then gets to her feet, calmly closes the car door, straightens her t-shirt, dusts off her leggings (and her face, of course) and walks off in the opposite direction.

In case you were wondering about her male companion, after the young woman had closed the car door, he continued on for a few feet and pulled into a nearby storefront parking lot. When we passed him I could see that he was just sitting in the car looking in the direction in which his companion walked off.

You guessed it! He was actually to see if she was going to come back.

Seems like a winner. Makes me wonder why she made such a hasty exit.

Between her sorely bruised cheek and equally bruised ego, I think she's gonna stay indoors for a few days.


  1. I wonder if they were arguing about the roughness of the asphalt. If so, he won.

    my cyber house rules

  2. I wish I was there for the car moving time, now that I know how to squat and all.

  3. Ha. Stuff like this cracks me up.

  4. I have to admit that both of these well written scenes were playing out in my mind's eye as I read them had me cracking up to the point where I too ended up doing a faceplant right out of my chair.

    This of course led to another bout of uncontrollable laughter and my boss suggesting I take the rest of the day off to...clear my head.

    So thanks! and Yay, early out!!

  5. I once had a very small car
    My male friends would delight in picking it up and shifting it places or turning it 90 degrees in the park.

    I found that less than delightful

  6. Maybe it's time for taking the road less traveled?

  7. OK man, stories like this only make me MORE happy that I'm on house arrest, OK that's a lie but it sounds so much cooler than nurturing a blooming agoraphobia. My solid present to myself to go 1 full year in jammies other than for dr and school appointments ( because I don't want to do the 72 eval lock up in a dirty hospital) I think my volunitary removal of my self from society is a good thing. because I am to a point of needing a bail bondsmen and lawyer with me at all times. the car thing? yeah, move it, idiots, the chick thing? he's hoping her new head injury will allow him back in her good graces.

  8. Ouch! How horrible for her. Whenever that happens I always secretly hope that no one saw, or at least pray that everyone pretends they didn't see.

  9. That sounds like a perfectly reasonable way to move that vehicle. I bet they were all Scottish strongmen. As for the face-plant lady, I dunno. It sounds like the opening scene of a Katherine Heigl movie.

  10. Aren't idiots so endearing? Yay for faceplants!

  11. Maybe his car has an ejector seat like something out of M.A.S.K.

    That would be INSANE.

  12. @ Miss Nikki: I have to wonder if there wasn't an easier way for to try to see if she was right.

    @ AVB: That’s what I was thinking. If she had only used her knees, maybe tucked into a rolling position, even, she would have dismounted more gracefully.

    @ Oilfield: Come to think of it, both instances may have left a few cracks in the asphalt too.

    @ Nari: Now my mind's eye is seeing someone laughing uncontrollably on their knees, with their face on the floor.

    I think I may soon be asked to take the rest of the day off too.

    @ Mynx: Maybe they should have called your friends. These guys were mostly useless.

    @ Artist and Geek: Then I'm afraid I might end up in the middle of these crazy situations without the safety of numbers.

    @ ThePeachy1: Getting to spend all day in your jammies is a total win.

    Fun Fact: Voluntary confinement at home & involuntary institutionalization both earn you all day jammie privileges. Just one kinda sucks.

    @ paulsifer: In the middle of afternoon rush hour, in my country (where very little tact exists in these instances), she can’t hope to be so lucky.

    Wait! “WHENever that happens…”?!

    @ dbs: Maybe they were… in their own minds, at least. Right up to the point where their backs gave out.

    @ Nicole: God bless ‘em. Idiots & faceplants always give us so much more to write about.

    @ Kev D: Insane in the coolest sense. I'd design mine to shoot unwanted passengers much further, though.

  13. Any girl who can jump out of a moving car, do a face plant in the gravel and then get up and walk it off.... that's a keeper.

    I've pushed my wife out of a lot of cars, and each time she sits there afterwards and yells at me. And I'm like, "What? Nut up, Wife!!"

    (just kidding)

  14. Nice. I drove right into that one. :)

  15. @ Di-Pi: That could actually end up being vital survival training one day.

    Kidding too.

    @ A&G: You kinda did, yeah.

  16. I won't lie, I've face planted amid a lot of people and always hope that.


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