Friday, April 1, 2011

I REALLY Wish This Was An April Fools Day Prank

I'm no stranger to the art of bullshitting. In fact, as I have mentioned before, in my past job I was well trained in the art. As such, I can spot bullshit, even as it is being produced, a mile away. But this time I was seriously thrown for a loop.

Remember the situation going on where I work that I was talking about? I even touched on it yesterday. Well, at the end of the day yesterday I was called into the long awaited evaluation to determine my future with the company. As it turns out I don't have one. I was fired.

No shit! Really!


Now to properly explain what exactly happened, I'll relay the conversation I had with Bossman yesterday afternoon. Only, I'll relay it as it was actually said and without the mutual bullshit that filled the entire discussion.

Bossman: Vinny, you're fired.
Me: Yeah. I knew that was coming. Okay, so what are you not telling me?
Bossman: We need a guinea-pig for an experimental position in the company. Past attempts sucked ass. It's on contract and you won't be permanent unless you can kiss some serious ass.
Me: So it's this or the street?
Bossman: Pretty much, yeah.
Me: 'K. What's the deal?
Bossman: Technically, this is a higher level position than you hold right now, but we'll call you a "trainee" so we don't have to increase your salary. There will be no one to train you and we can kick your ass out at any time.
Me: What the hell? It's a paycheck.
Bossman: You need a car for this job. Have one?
Me: Dude, I don't even have my license.
Bossman: Well... you really do need it but... whatever! Still want it?
Me: Whatever.
Bossman: Alright. Your replacement has already been chosen and is starting on Monday. (So efficient!) While you're "training" *snicker* you can show her what needs to be done.
Me: Whatev.

Let's recap, shall we? I was fired. Then I was... promoted?

I only have one thing to say at this point. Something you don't often find me saying:


One other thing also comes to mind:



  1. Wow. Just wow. That is a big steaming pile, isn't it. I am curious to see how things turn out for you in the new position. Best of luck with whatever you end up doing. - G

  2. Wow. That takes the cake. I got "let go" about 2 months ago. They thought they were doing me a favor by 'letting' me tell unemployment that my department had been restructured. Long story is my choice as well. Good luck. Sounds like the new position will be quite blog-worthy.

  3. At least you have an excuse to buy a matchbox car?

  4. That right there would have me saying what the fuck as well. Fired, hired, and promoted all at one time. Yea I would down a bottle over that as well.

  5. you don't have a driver's license? do you live in a big city with lots of public transportation?
    good luck with that! sorry you got kinda firedish.

  6. So.....I'm sorry....and congratulations kind of???? Wow, that is some shit! Sorry you have to deal with this craziness. I'll have a shot in your honor tonight.

  7. Oh Vinny. Generally speaking, your job so smells like a bathroom someone just shit in. I feel for you man.

  8. It never ceases to amaze me how surreal the office can be. I hope things are on the upswing.

  9. i'm with nicole. it's so surreal. don't ya just wanna start saying exactly what's on your mind at work, because it would be just as appropriate and make more sense than some of the shit said to you. i don't suppose there's anyway you can tell them to go take a fucking flying leap?

  10. Vodka is the proper response to this situation. Maybe you should see if you can get a DEmotion but with more pay? It could work.

  11. @ Georgina D: I'm feeling this position feels similar to being bent over a desk. Not particularly something I ever wanted to experience.

    @ The Schweitzers: New blog fodder is as good a silver lining as any.

    @ Elly Lou: Excuse, yes. Salary for even that, not so much.

    @ Oilfield: In the name of sanity, they should review the rules about no drinking on the job in that place. That's all I'm saying.

    @ SherilinR: What can I say? Never really been a fan of being behind the wheel.

    @ Random Girl: Yeah. It is kinda hard to figure out just how to feel about the whole thing, isn't it?

    @ dbs: At that would explain the smell. I thought it was coming from the air-conditioning.

    @ Nicole: I think I've just about had it with the whole office scene, to be honest.

    @ pattypunker: I'm of the firm belief that if people started speaking there mind there, the office would be a lot quieter.

    P.S.: There is a way. It would involve me quitting. With any luck I'll be expressing those sentiments in no time.

    @ Kev D.: I guess "Condolulations" are in order. Hey, I make a wordfuse!

    @ Nari: After yesterday, that actually makes complete sense

  12. Did I miss the commenting cut-off?

    Ok, I'm here now. Let's assess the situation. April 1, 2011...maybe. Boss not funny or Pyramid head, so don't run into fermented potatoes.

    "Condolulations". Hihihi. You make funny. Distracted. Where was I?

    Oh yeah, "promoted" same pay, more hours? Important to know for analysis. Standing by.

    Preliminary assessment: Congratulations. Go kick some pixelated [bleep].

  13. Vodka will help you in any sad situation. If it doesn't then its deviant older sister, Tequila, will be happy to.

    Seriously, WTF indeed? It's about time laws were put in place to protect employees from "firing at will" situations for no reason, should it ever arise. Congrats on your no-pay-rise promotion.

  14. OMFG! Unbelievable. Shameless is what your boss/company is doing. At least they told you right out you'd be training your replacement. We have all heard how some dips hit companies did not even have the courtesy to tell the person that and just found some random excuse to trick them into training their own replacement...

    I am so sorry. Yes, vodka. Actually I want to send you vodka now.

  15. @ AC: 1. Much more work, 2. potential for more hours/work on weekends 3. possibly having to travel to other nearby islands to oversee projects, 4. raise in pay not finalized but, if any, it won't be by much.

    @ Vege Assassin: The older sister is always my next choice.

    @ subWOW: Thanks. I'll need all the help I can get.

  16. holy crap, that's all really weird. and confusing. i don't know if i should offer you my sympathies or congratulations. either way, dude, I'm buying you a drink the first time we meet! i know i'd need a drink after all that. yikes!

  17. Catching up on my blog reading... you know what with moving again and all that crap!

    Hope all is going well in your new position and that the ass sucking is to a minimum.

    Drinking for you and with you!!


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