I'm off to jury service in a minute but before I go I'm tackling the Studio 30 Plus weekly prompt today. This week is based on: "Your Earliest Memory Of Your Own Birthday Party". I'll tell you my tale. But you got to swear you'll never tell anyone about this...
EVER!
Birthday parties were never a huge deal in our family when I was growing up. In fact, the only one I can ever remember having was back when I attended kindergarten. This kindergarten that was on the grounds of a catholic church and run by nuns. Yeah. Good times!
Actually, to be honest, they were. It was there, in fact, that the party was thrown. The nuns apparently loved parties for the children since, of my few memories from attending that school, most of them involved some type of party of function.
That day there were two other kids, Tia and Ronald who stood on either side. They celebrated their birthdays that week as well so the nuns decided to lump them all up into one event. But that day was actually birthday. "My day! It was more special than theirs" as a child's mind would reason. But still we had to share so whatever. Only the only birthday party I've ever had. You know, whatever.
Anyway, I remember when it was my turn. They had already dealt with Ronald and Tia all now of the children sing the Happy Birthday song for me. I've never liked being the center of attention. Normally it would have been because I was in trouble for something. But not that day. For once, I was the star of the show and I loved it. I looked at the cake. I looked at the other kids. I felt appreciated. Soon the song ends.
Nun: Blow out the candles, Vinny.
And Ronald blows the candles out.
Me: Heeeeeyyy!!!
Nun: No, Ronald. It's Vinny's turn. you already blew out your candles.
She lights the candles again. To recreate the mood she asks the other children to sing me the song again. They're only too happy to oblige. Somehow singing loud and off-key is just endless fun for a young child. Soon they bring it home. And as the song ends...
Ronald blows the candles out. AGAIN!
Son of a bitch!
Nun: Ronald! That's enough. You had your turn!
Her voice was so stern that I was sure Ronald almost wet himself. One last time she lit the candles. She doesn't bother making the other kids sing this time however.
Nun: Okay, Vin- RONALD!!!
Yup, you guessed it! Old Ronnie-boy just couldn't help himself and, once again, blew out every last candle.
Nun: Never mind. Vinny, Tia... Ronald... (she glared at him) cut the cake.
Other nun (holding the camera): Okay, Tia, give Vinny a kiss for the picture.
She did. A quick peck just long enough for the photo to be taken. But as she did it I noticed something odd. The kiss was in stereo. Either she was a really good kisser or...
RONALD!!!
EVER!
Actually, to be honest, they were. It was there, in fact, that the party was thrown. The nuns apparently loved parties for the children since, of my few memories from attending that school, most of them involved some type of party of function.
That day there were two other kids, Tia and Ronald who stood on either side. They celebrated their birthdays that week as well so the nuns decided to lump them all up into one event. But that day was actually birthday. "My day! It was more special than theirs" as a child's mind would reason. But still we had to share so whatever. Only the only birthday party I've ever had. You know, whatever.
Anyway, I remember when it was my turn. They had already dealt with Ronald and Tia all now of the children sing the Happy Birthday song for me. I've never liked being the center of attention. Normally it would have been because I was in trouble for something. But not that day. For once, I was the star of the show and I loved it. I looked at the cake. I looked at the other kids. I felt appreciated. Soon the song ends.
Nun: Blow out the candles, Vinny.
And Ronald blows the candles out.
Me: Heeeeeyyy!!!
Nun: No, Ronald. It's Vinny's turn. you already blew out your candles.
She lights the candles again. To recreate the mood she asks the other children to sing me the song again. They're only too happy to oblige. Somehow singing loud and off-key is just endless fun for a young child. Soon they bring it home. And as the song ends...
Ronald blows the candles out. AGAIN!
Son of a bitch!
Nun: Ronald! That's enough. You had your turn!
Her voice was so stern that I was sure Ronald almost wet himself. One last time she lit the candles. She doesn't bother making the other kids sing this time however.
Nun: Okay, Vin- RONALD!!!
Yup, you guessed it! Old Ronnie-boy just couldn't help himself and, once again, blew out every last candle.
Nun: Never mind. Vinny, Tia... Ronald... (she glared at him) cut the cake.
Other nun (holding the camera): Okay, Tia, give Vinny a kiss for the picture.
She did. A quick peck just long enough for the photo to be taken. But as she did it I noticed something odd. The kiss was in stereo. Either she was a really good kisser or...
RONALD!!!
Just my luck the nun happened to snap the photo with both Tia and... Ronald both giving me a kiss on either cheek. Thinking back he looked way too into it. Momma C still has that photo. I don't know in what incriminating way she intends to still use it, but whatever her plan is, it can't be good.
I've also got another article on Sprocket Ink this morning at 10AM. I won't be home by that time so I won't be able to link it directly until later.
[UPDATE] The above link now goes directly to my Sprocket Ink post.
[UPDATE] The above link now goes directly to my Sprocket Ink post.
Awww see you're a nice, laid back boy. If it was me, there'd be an incriminating photo in our family album of Ronald kissing ME at a birthday party and me punching his lights out. :) Well done!
ReplyDeleteYou let Ronald get away without a spinning backfist? You are truly a good soul. :)
ReplyDeletegod, what a brat. and to think he grew up to own the largest fast food chain in the world. chuh.
ReplyDeleteHilarious Vinny.
ReplyDelete@ VegeAssassin: Lucky for him I was a lot more mellow in those days. Plus, nuns. Nuns with really big rulers.
ReplyDelete@ Danger Boy: What bugs me the most is that, to this day, Ronald has never even called. You'd think he'd at least owe me that much.
@ Kage: To this day, I'm still uncomfortable around clowns.
@ Oilfield: They always say, "One day, you'll look back on this and laugh." Ehhh... Not so much.
Oh, what a nice boy you were/are!
ReplyDeleteBirthday parties were not done at my house either. I guess getting a year older wasn't seen as an accomplishment or something to be celebrated...
Pearl
It's because his name was RONALD. Doomed from birth.
ReplyDelete@ Pearl: I know! Right? It isn't like like having your firstborn, ONLY son around, alive & healthy for another year was anything important or something, right?
ReplyDelete@ Lady E: You know? Come to think of it, I've always had run-ins with guys named Ronald... & Robert. Maybe it's an "R" thing.
Nun or no nun, I would have loudly declared Ronald destined for eternal damnation before finding a creative spot to put out those candles...
ReplyDeleteI nominate you for sainthood for your restraint. Hopefully you have had additional opportunities to have your cake and eat it too ;)
@ Abby: St. Vinny: Patron saint of embarrassing situations. Does it count that I'm not catholic any more?
ReplyDeleteRonald was definitely a little snot. I'm sure he got his ass kicked on a regular basis in high school to pay him back for years of torture he put you and others through.
ReplyDelete@ Krissy: Ron was a special one alright. And by "special" I mean his parents should have had him wear a helmet for his own safety.
ReplyDeleteif that were me ronald would have been wearing that cake.
ReplyDeleteBloody Ronald!!!
ReplyDeletehilarious!!!
@ pattypunker: I wonder if Ronald's ears have been burning since I did this post.
ReplyDelete@ IWBY: Yeah I know. That damned kid!