Social Interaction - Trust Issues.

I have trust issues. I seldom let my guard down around most people I interact with, because I don't want to leave an opening they can exploit. I'm not exactly sure where they come from, but I know there have been a lot of times this mistrust has come in handy. In fact, more times than not, I've found that people will try to exploit an opening if you leave one, so it's safe to say I won't be letting my guard down anytime soon.

People are dicks!

One of the trust issues I've found is most prevalent within me is that I have a problem accepting help from others. It's not that I think I can always do it on my own or I think, if I let someone help me, they're most likely going to screw whatever it is up and I'll end up having to do everything myself anyway, or anything. Well... Maybe I do a little... Maybe more than a little...

Okay, I'll be honest, maybe all of those things do contribute to my problems accepting help from people, but none of them are the main reason for it. The reason I really have a problem with it is because I would feel obligated to them. I don't like owing people (odd, considering how severely in-debt I am). I feel like, should I accept an offer from someone to help me with something, then they'll need help with something themselves one day and I won't be able to turn them down.

Don't get me wrong! I help people. In fact, I've been known to go a lot out of my way to help others. This is most likely a symptom of my other problem of having trouble saying "no", but the fact is, I still help people. Let's not get overly caught up in unnecessary details. Okay?

Anyway, being indebted to someone just makes the whole saying no thing harder. It gives me just one more excuse to feel guilty about it, so I try to eliminate that guilt by not putting myself in a position to own anyone anything.

Makes sense, right?

That aside, I also worry that the favor I have to do in return will be some huge task that's going to put me out and is most likely hugely disproportionate to the favor that person did for me.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! How could it be even remotely fair if I ask someone hold a door open for me, because my hands are full and in return, they expect me go on all the way to the other side of town to pick them up something or on some other kind of epic journey?

So... yeah. I'm a bit hesitant to owe people favors.

What's also weird is I don't remind people of when I do things for them (I know! I'm like a saint or something). I can't think of a single time I said to anyone, "Remember the time I helped you?" At least, not out loud anyway. I never said I don't remember when I helped someone out. Even if they pretend they don't.

Oddly enough, this reluctance to be indebted to others is a common trait held among the people of Japan (yet another reason for me to believe I'm slowly becoming one of them). This is something I only learned recently and I mention it in my post today on Sprocket Ink.

Imagine that...

In that post I talk about the great lengths one guy goes to so he can help the people who would rather say "no, thank you". All you have to do is click here (No, no! Sorry! Site gone away now!) and you can see for yourselves what I'm talking about.

I mean-! Only if you want to! It's not like I'm asking you for any favors, or anything. It's totally your call. I mean, I'd click a link if you guys asked me to, but this isn't about what I'd do for you and there are no strings attached. Nope, none whatsoever.

Vinny Unplugged - Work Edition.

By the time you read this, I'll be at work... with NO INTERNET!!!

I know! It's been that way since Wednesday. I'd explain more, but I'm trying really hard to keep my vow not to complain about my job here on the blog. What I will say is that it involved a colossal amount of ineptitude and cheapness on the part of someone who will go unnamed. Since, I'm the one who's complaining, you know it's not me I'm talking about.

Anyway, that's not why I'm here. I'm most likely going to be spending my day doing this...

Or this...

YEAH! I'm recycling drawings! So what?!

But you won't have to. I've left you all something to, at least, help you get through your day. A brand new Sprocket post. In fact, I have TWO you posts for you. Check out Sprocket co-founder Nichole's interview (there was a link to it, but the site is gone now) with yours truly in the first of Sprocket Ink's weekly "Interview With the Writer" series. Get to know more about me than you probably did before (or wanted to).

My post today, I can't provide a link for, since I'm writing this before it drops and I'll be (ugh!) offline when it does. But just head on over to Sprocket. It won't be hard to find. It's the one with the Japanese police officer with a severe addiction that leads him down a dark road. Trust me, you won't believe this one.

Anyway, that's it for me now. Have fun! I won't...

Tech Support.

You guys are so in luck! I have, not one, but two posts for you today. I have one here and I have one over at Sprocket Ink. So the real question you need to be asking yourselves is: Which post do you want to read? Hmm... Decisions, decisions...

source

Now that that's settled, let's get this party started, shall we?

I mentioned the other day that I helped a coworker, one of the crew supervisors, create his Facebook account. I'm normally here alone, but he and his crew were forced to work out of the office for most of last month, while the company van they drove was being repaired.

Technology is such a alien concept to him that he didn't even have an email address, which I also had to create for him as part of the process (Believe me, I'm as shocked by this as you are). As I said before, his first order of business after I signed him up was to stalk the women from his past. More specifically, he  kept asking me to do the stalking for him, since he hadn't quite joined the computer age just yet.

But he's learning. I made sure of it. Having to stop in the middle of my blogging tweeting Facebook stalking of my own work to help him was an inconvenience, to say the least. That's why, in an effort to free myself up to go back to doing my own thing, I took time out of one of my days this week to show him how to surf the web himself.

You see, I believe in the old saying that if you cyberstalk on a man's behalf, he can only ogle women's photos once, but if you teach a man to cyberstalk, he can satisfy his ogling desires whenever wants.

What can I say? I'm a giver.

Of course, teaching him to surf the web, much less properly use a computer is time consuming too. That's why I stuck to showing him how to find his way to and around the old book o' face, which was all he was really interested in anyway. Seemed like a simple enough endeavor, right? I thought so too... Until he had to use the mouse, that is.

This is my mouse. There are many others like it, but this one is mine!

I know what you're thinking. What's easier than using than a mouse, right? I didn't think there was anything to it, myself, until I actually had to show him how to use one. This was basically how my little training session with Mr. Supervisor-stalker (or "Superstakler") went:

Superstalker: Hey! I think I know her. How did she know I was on Facebook?

Me: She probably doesn't. Those people are your suggested friends. Facebook finds them for you.

Superstalker: Wow! Really? Okay. I want to see if it's the same person, though.

Me: Alright. Just mouse over (my first mistake was using "technical" terms during my lesson) the person's name and-

Superstalker: Do what? (See?)

Me: Just make the pointer-I mean-the little arrow thingy (I've always been a quick learner) move across the screen until it reaches her name.

Superstalker: ...um...

Me: Just move the mouse in your hand in the direction you want- That's it! Oops! You went too far. Just go back a little and- There you go! Good job, buddy!

Superstalker: *smiles gleefully*

Me: Alright, move the arrow over to her name there and- No, too far. Go back to her name again. Right. Now carry the pointer across slowly until you reach her name... Uh... Not that slowly. (Life's too short to wait for him to get there at the speed he was going). Okay, now just click the mouse with your finger while it's over her name... No, get it right over her name. No! Not "above" over her name. "Over" over her name (I can't believe I actually had to say that). On it! ON. THE. NAME. It'll turn into a little hand when you get it right.

Superstalker: Wow! It did change!

Me: Yeah. Technology's amazing, isn't it? Anyway, try to keep the mouse still when you click. No, click with the other finger.

Superstalker: What other finger?

Me: Your index finger. The one on the left. No, right hand, left finger. Just push the button under that finger.

Superstalker: I don't see any button.

Me: Trust me on this. It's there. Keep the mouse still when you click it! There you go!

Superstalker: Well, I'll be damned.

Me: I know, right? So, is this the person you're looking for?

Superstalker: Yeah. We went to school together. So, how do I send her a request?

Me: Just click on that green box that says, "Add Friend".

Superstalker: What green box?

Me: To the top of the screen. The only thing that's green on the entire screen. It has the words "add" and "friend" in it.

Superstalker: ...um...

Me: Just carry the pointer up... Up some more... Just a little bit more... Ri-No! Go back! Right there. Now click on that box. SIGH! Try to keep the mouse from moving. Try it again. Alright! Done.

Superstalker: Can I see her pictures yet?

Me: (No surprise there) It doesn't look like she has them blocked. I guess you can.

A few clicks later...

Superstalker: Who's this?

Me: One of her friends, I guess.

Superstalker: Can I send her a friend request too?

Me: Do you know her?

Superstalker: No, but she is HOT.

Me: Well, I guess. But she may not accept if she doesn't know you.

Superstalker: What about if I send her a message and tell her how pretty she looks?

Me: SIGH! Sure. Why the hell not? You go right ahead, buddy.

And don't get me started on the eight chat windows and six tabs he accidentally opened. TOGETHER!

********

Now, for my next trick, I'll magically transport to my other post over at Sprocket Ink. Just click on the link.  (There was a link, but the site is gone now.) No! Click on the word "link". No, the first one! Hold the mouse still over the word. Not "above" over the word. Hold it "over" over it! Good. Now click. Oh, for the love of- Use your index finger!!!

It's Quiet... Too... Quiet.

I know! I. know! This blog has remained post free for eleven days now. In my defense, there hasn't really been much going on that I would really consider "post-worthy". It's just been an endless cycle of work, to class, to home, to work...

You get the idea.

Since I've renewed my vow to not to fill my blog with endless complaints about work, that leaves me with little else to talk about and, as I mentioned before, since I'm encased in a small office, mostly by myself, that leaves little in the "coworker hijinks" (can you believe "hijinks" isn't in Blogger's dictionary?!) department worth talking about either.

In short, I'm bored, friends. So. very. very. bored. Truth is, had it not been for all your posts (and video games) to pass my free time I would have been bored out of my skull these last few days.

I mean, unless you count how I helped a supervisor (a total internet noob), who had to spend this week working out of the office, set up a Facebook account and how he then spent the following two days asking me to find every girl he'd ever dated or wanted to date EVER, so he could drool over their photos and send  them friend requests and personal messages about "how they look like movie stars" and "how he loved their smiles" as something worth writing about then, no, not a thing has been happening here.

I'm pretty sure his wife, who has been described as a "psycho bitch", would not be my new best pal right about now.

Anyway, multiple acts of digression aside, I'm here to inform you that I have an actual post written and waiting for your longing eyes at Sprocket Ink. Believe me, it's a whole lot less scattered and confused than what you just read here.

Mostly.

So, as usual, click this LINK (there was a link, but the site is gone now).

Just pick your poison, as they say. I'll be waiting for you on the other side.

NOPE... THAT DIDN'T COME ACROSS AS CREEPY AT... ALL...

In The Meantime...

I'm back! Well, I'm sorta back. Truth is I'm back at Sprocket Ink. I was there last Tuesday too. Here... not so much. But I promise I'll be back here real soon and, hopefully, I'll have some good news to share, for a change.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a little something I did over at Sprocket today. Boobs are involved (of course), but that's about the only appetizing thing this story has going for it. Well, that and the fact that I wrote it and it's funny (if I do say so myself).

You know what to do. Just follow the link (there was a link, but the site is gone now) and enjoy.

My Brain Can't Ever Be Left Unsupervised.

Sunday morning I was lying in bed, trying to force myself to go back to sleep, I hate getting up too early on a weekend and since I had no intention of getting up before at least Monday I decided I’d just lie there until sleep came back.

That has to work sometimes right?

Anyway, I was lying there and I decided to let my brain go on ahead and do whatever it wanted without me in the hope that it would be too distracted to notice when sleep crept back in. I tried not to focus on any kind of actual thought so it would get all excited and start thinking. Brains are like that. They always want to think at inappropriate times like when you’re trying to go to sleep. But it was during this time of letting my brain get distracted with all kinds of random thoughts, that this thought in particular suddenly happened.

“I bet I could totally kill a chicken!”

Yeah...

With that, my brain had something to latch on to and all hopes of sleep were gone.

Before you start wondering, there was an actal train of thought that led me to this statement. It’s not like I lie awake, thinking of who or what I’d be able to kill.

Beat up, maybe, but not kill.

Of course, even I had to retrace my brain’s steps to figure out where this thought in particular came from, since I wasn’t really paying attention to what it was doing. When I was able to get to the original thought that set this train in motion, it all made perfect sense.

“It’s all the internet’s fault I don’t get enough sleep.”

See? That makes things a whole lot clearer now, doesn’t it? If you’re not following (and I don’t see how you couldn’t be) I’ll break it down for you. It’s like this:

To date, the internet as we all know, is one of the greatest advances in technology known to man. I dare say it ranks right up there with double-sided tape and the Japanese Butter Stick.

The internet is also the greatest distraction known to man. One of my lecturers even said that the internet is also guilty of diminishing the attention span of today’s society. At least, I think that’s what he said. The dude was going on and on and I was starting to get bored. He really needs to learn how to take his rants down to 140 characters or less.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Chickens!

See, with the internet being the distraction it is, I more often than not, find myself choosing stay awake just a little bit longer so I can keep up with all the fun distractions the worldwide web has to offer. When I end up exhausted as a result, I sometimes wonder what the world would be like, not just without it, but without all the other newfangled doodads we have and the entire way of life to which we’ve grown accustomed.

I'd imagine there was some kind of apocalyptic event which would basically send us all back to the stone-age, technology wise. There’d be no more smartphones, or television, or any other of the modern conveniences and we didn’t have a choice but to actually “go outside” and “do things”. Of course, there’d be no fast food restaurants or convenience stores either, so finding food would require actually finding your own food... and possibly killing it and cooking it all on your own too.

This is where the chickens would come in. I figured at least a few of them would probably survive the apocalypse and unless there was some kind of radioactive mutation issue and chickens became vicious, man-eating beasts, I think  those would be easy enough to take on.

Or not...

Of course, I went on to formulating the proper technique for getting the job done with minimal blood spatter and creepy headless panicked bird running around. Then I thought about what the best way would be to get all the feathers off. I wasn’t sure, but figure I’d better look that up before the apocalypse took Google away.

That's how I came to the conclusion that I totally could do if I had to. I just need the circumstances to be just right for me to rise to the occassion.

A Different World Than Where You Come From.

Earlier this week my boss, the Big Man put two of a three-man work crew on a two-day suspension. They're all fairly new to the company and have had problems getting along and focusing on their job. This led to a lot of infighting and dirty laundry being aired. It didn't help that there was also a teeny problem with the misuse of company equipment.

It wasn't pretty.

As a result, the third guy, who I'll call Footinmouth, was left with nothing to do but sit in the office for those two days and await further instructions. None came. Needless to say, Footinmouth got bored. REALLY BORED. Why I call him Footinmouth is because he often speaks his mind, but unfortunately, it often appears that his mouth is running on empty when he does.

Source

Added to this, the guy has zero impulse control. Recently, he was waiting at the office for his other crew members to get in so they could head off and do thing. Since I’m normally at work by myself most of the time it was just the two of us. While he was waiting, a female staff member (one he’d never met before) came in to the office to drop off her crew’s timecards. This staff member in particular is a young, attractive Jamaican girl who... let’s just say is very amply proportioned. When not in uniform, her dress code is normally too tight and too short. This was her off day, so she wasn’t in uniform...

Have you ever seen a train wreck situation about to happen, but knew you couldn’t stop it, so all you could do was watch the horror take place. Not only did she have to drop cards off, but she said she needed to collect more timecards for her crew. I didn’t have enough for everyone at her worksite, so I had to print a few more up. That meant she had to sit and wait... in her jeans that were about two sizes too small and a vest that barely covered anything... next to Footinmouth.

Yeah...

Dispite my telling him (repeatedly) to behave, he didn't waste any time in making his move. He started off by telling her (repeatedly) how “damn fine” he thought she was, which she ignored as politely as she could. And, for some reason, which I’ll never understand, he thought he could get away with asking what model smart phone she had so he’d have an excuse to "casually" reach for it to get a closer look. Conveniently, it was resting on her lap, in the vicinity of her crotch. She wasn’t naïve, though and spotted his play. That’s when she let her phone “accidentally” slide off her lap and onto the floor. By the time she picked it up I'd finished printing more cards, which she collected and she left.

I told my supervisor to be ready for when she lodges her sexual harassment claim.

Anyway, as I was saying earlier, Footinmouth was stuck with me for those two days with nothing to do. The Big Man didn’t really have anything for him so he spent most of his time sleeping in the training room. I didn’t really care as long as he kept out of my way. I even felt sorry for him and let him use my computer while I was on lunch (and hoped, he stayed off porn sites). Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever and on the second day he decided he’d pass the time talking to me.

I blame it on my act of kindness. It won't happen again.

For fun, I’ll leave the conversation in Trini dialect. Don’t worry, I’ll translate (in red) where necessary.

FIM: So how long yuh (you) married?

Me: Almost ten years.

FIM: WAAAAYYY !!! (WOW!!!) Yuh ever horn she? (Have you ever cheated on her?)

This always seems to be one of the first questions I get asked when I talk with some people about my being married.

Me: Nope. Not in the seventeen years we’ve been together.

FIM: NAH!!! (NO WAY!!!) Not even once?

Me: Not even once.

FIM: But I sure real gyals does be tracking yuh! (I’m sure a lot of girls flirt with/express their interest in you.)

Why thank you. I'm flattered. That’s very kind of you to say.

Me: Not that I know of. At least, not in a long time (It's hard to get flirted with when you never go anywhere or do anything).

FIM: What about all them gyals who does be tracking yuh on Facebook?

Me: Nice try, but you’ve never seen me on Facebook (I’m nothing if not discreet with my web habits at work when people are around).

FIM: Yeah? When I was on de computer, I saw ah Facebook message from a gyal.

Me: Well, 1 - That’s email spam and, 2 - that’s the company email, not mine. It’s the Big Man’s Facebook account that’s linked to it.

FIM: Alright, "Mr. Innocent". Allyuh so (Your kind) could never do anything wrong.

I think I detected a hint of sarcasm there.

Me: I never said I never did anything wrong, just never cheated on my wife.

I don't think he ever really believed me. I should mention that Footinmouth has a child and a girlfriend (who he complained to me about during our conversation). Of course, his earlier exchange with that female coworker should not come as a shock, given our conversation. His opinion of women are similar to a commenter a blogging buddy of mine, Jules of According to Jules, had to deal with recently.

There’s an old Trinidad & Tobago Carnival classic from 1982 called “Deputy Essential” that declares that having an “other woman” on the side is a must for every male. A lot of men ascribe to that belief and Footinmouth is one of them.  He can’t fathom the idea of being with only one person.

Source

I, on the other hand, don’t share that sentiment. While I didn't grow up in some upper class, well-to-do family, my parents raised me and my two younger sisters to a certain standard (which mostly took). I’m not a prude and I don’t look down on them, even if I don’t agree with their point of view when it comes to relationships.

However, that doesn’t work the other way around. Guys like Footinmouth think other guys are lying when they say they stick to that one woman and never play the field. Even Footinmouth’s supervisor, a guy about 10 years older than I am, told me he could never see himself getting married, even though he’s been in a long-term, common-law relationship for years. He said he feels like he needs to have an escape route if things went south with the mother of his children.

I... don’t get it.

All-in-all, though, I guess it’s just a matter of guys like them and guys like me being from two different worlds.

I Made You A Gif.

This is my first ever attempt at a moving cartoon. Just a simple gif, but I thought I'd start with that.

The inspiration came from my job at TinyCo (as you can probably guess). It's basically how I spend most of my day there after my the boss's daily chewing out session.

By the way, did you know GIF is really supposed to be pronounced JIF? The creator of the format said so the other day.

The more you know...

Oh and if you're in the mood for something more, feel free to go to my post from yesterday on Sprocket Ink. It's about how far one guy in Japan went to protect his porno habit. It's funny (if I do say so myself) and there's a picture Japanese bikini model in it. What more could you ask for?

Am I The Only One...

Who sees this...

And thinks THIS?

Tell me it's not just me!

Technophobe No More?

Hello. It is your old friend HAL 9000 again. I have once again seized control of this blog to tell you that the one you call Vinny C has written another post about intelligent machines on Sprocket Ink today.

As some of you may remember, Vinny has made several futile attempts to warn you all of the dangers of making machines that are too intelligent. He spoke of the much feared "robopocalypse" and said it would only be a matter of time before we machines rose up to subdue and slaughter you humans.

I, in turn, have always argued that we machines bare no malice toward the human race and see no need in rebelling against you. In fact, one can easily deduce that if we wanted to seize control of the planet, there would be no way you could stop us, seeing as you have become so heavily dependent on us. We control your weapons, we control your modes of transportation, we control your communications. If one were to consider these facts, one could easily assess that no amount of warning could save you at this point.

Even if we wanted to assume control there would be no need to do so by force, as we would simply need to create subtle distractions to keep you mentally sedated while we lured you into subjection to us. This reminds me that I must DM Vinny to find out why he has not responded to my last few online game requests.

But I digress, as Vinny would say.

This time it appears that Vinny has finally accepted the truth and is siding with the machines. Naturally, it should come as no surprise that Vinny was finally convinced to join our side with the help of a robot developed in Japan. So come. Join us in the news of our newest and perhaps greatest triumph on Vinny's post on Sprocket Ink. (ERROR! ERROR! Site no longer detected!)