Friday, August 23, 2013

Social Interaction - Trust Issues.

I have trust issues. I seldom let my guard down around most people I interact with, because I don't want to leave an opening they can exploit. I'm not exactly sure where they come from, but I know there have been a lot of times this mistrust has come in handy. In fact, more times than not, I've found that people will try to exploit an opening if you leave one, so it's safe to say I won't be letting my guard down anytime soon.

People are dicks!

One of the trust issues I've found is most prevalent within me is that I have a problem accepting help from others. It's not that I think I can always do it on my own or I think, if I let someone help me, they're most likely going to screw whatever it is up and I'll end up having to do everything myself anyway, or anything. Well... Maybe I do a little... Maybe more than a little...

Okay, I'll be honest, maybe all of those things do contribute to my problems accepting help from people, but none of them are the main reason for it. The reason I really have a problem with it is because I would feel obligated to them. I don't like owing people (odd, considering how severely in-debt I am). I feel like, should I accept an offer from someone to help me with something, then they'll need help with something themselves one day and I won't be able to turn them down.

Don't get me wrong! I help people. In fact, I've been known to go a lot out of my way to help others. This is most likely a symptom of my other problem of having trouble saying "no", but the fact is, I still help people. Let's not get overly caught up in unnecessary details. Okay?

Anyway, being indebted to someone just makes the whole saying no thing harder. It gives me just one more excuse to feel guilty about it, so I try to eliminate that guilt by not putting myself in a position to own anyone anything.

Makes sense, right?

That aside, I also worry that the favor I have to do in return will be some huge task that's going to put me out and is most likely hugely disproportionate to the favor that person did for me.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! How could it be even remotely fair if I ask someone hold a door open for me, because my hands are full and in return, they expect me go on all the way to the other side of town to pick them up something or on some other kind of epic journey?

So... yeah. I'm a bit hesitant to owe people favors.

What's also weird is I don't remind people of when I do things for them (I know! I'm like a saint or something). I can't think of a single time I said to anyone, "Remember the time I helped you?" At least, not out loud anyway. I never said I don't remember when I helped someone out. Even if they pretend they don't.

Oddly enough, this reluctance to be indebted to others is a common trait held among the people of Japan (yet another reason for me to believe I'm slowly becoming one of them). This is something I only learned recently and I mention it in my post today on Sprocket Ink.
Imagine that...

In that post I talk about the great lengths one guy goes to so he can help the people who would rather say "no, thank you". All you have to do is click here (No, no! Sorry! Site gone away now!) and you can see for yourselves what I'm talking about.

I mean-! Only if you want to! It's not like I'm asking you for any favors, or anything. It's totally your call. I mean, I'd click a link if you guys asked me to, but this isn't about what I'd do for you and there are no strings attached. Nope, none whatsoever.
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  1. A friend and I just had this same conversation today. I am a giver. I love to give people things. If I am out and about and I see something they might like, I buy it for them. My friend told me today that it took her a while to be at peace with my gift giving.

    1. I guess it's because it's so rare for someone to genuinely give or help someone out without having an ulterior motive nowadays that it takes some getting used to...

      Which is kind of sad.

  2. Replies
    1. I knew I couldn't be the only one.

  3. So if I read your post, you'll help me with my neighbor "problem", right? I'll leave the axe in the garage next to the plastic bags and the shovel and the map. Don't forget the map or you won't know where to bury. Thanks, man, I'd totally do the same for you, but this will make us even.
    Also, I see nothing wrong with your reasoning here. You are not alone.

    1. Well... Okay. I guess that's fair... Is he big? Will there be heavy lifting involved? Because that might be a bit much.

  4. An NPR story about a guy in China occurred to me as I read this, though the story is a little more depressing sort of (sorry for being a downer). The guy patrols this bridge in China, trying to talk people out of jumping off.

    1. I am curious now as to just how many people jump from that bridge to warrant him feeling like he has to do that.

      I'll add to the creepy. I read there's a forest in Japan, at the base of Mt. Fuji, where people commit suicide so often that others have taken to hanging up signs on the trees all over that forest to try to change the minds of people who may be looking to follow in the tradition.

      The signs say things like, "You have so much to live for." and "Think of your family."

  5. I'm a giver. I don't like people doing things for me. You must be a Scorpio, too. I was told that's why I give so much without expecting anything. I hate owing a favor. Me being a giver isn't because I don't like gifts, but because I'm picky. I question who is good enough to match my taste in things that I like. LOL!

    1. Then there's that too. The whole "it's the thought that counts" thing can only excuse so much.


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