Animals Iz Funny - Japan Style!

I-I don’t know what’s real anymore. Up is down, left is right, everything I've been brought up to believe is a lie. What am I talking about? Animals, man. Animals!

We've always been brought up to believe certain things about certain animals. They’re supposed to be part of nature. They’re supposed to be getting life on Earth right, while us humans are the ones screwing things up. Yet there are moose and wasps getting drunk off fermented fruit (I wrote about those incidents back in my Sprocket Ink days, by the way). And what about dolphins?! We were always told dolphins were the smartest mammals in the sea. Hell! Some even argue that they’re smarter than us. But as fellow animal enthusiast, Pickleope, will readily explain, they’re actually the freak perverts of the sea.

So if we’re wrong about the industrious and intelligent animals in nature having it all together, then what about the so-called pests out there. Surely we at least pegged them right. Right?

Wrong! My very last post on Sprocket was about how scientists are retrofitting cockroaches with remote controls and two way communicators to aid in search and rescue and, for those of you too busy fleeing in terror to notice, spiders aren't pests. They KILL pests. And then there are mice. What about the mice? I’ll tell you about the mice!

Well, one mouse in particular, anyway.

I read here today that, in Japan, a woman tweeted that she discovered a mouse had moved into her home. At first she wasn't too thrilled, I imagine. She reported that, when she first saw the creature she leapt at it and, much to her surprise, she caught it. Like I said, she didn't actually expect to catch it and she dropped it and they both retreated.

Later, for round two, she decided to go with a different approach. When the mouse emerged again, she gave it a doggy biscuit as a “peace offering”. The mouse took the treat and went away. Not long after that, her new house mate returned and left her a piece of chocolate it apparently found lying around the house.

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Forget the Lannisters! Apparently, it’s a mouse who always repays its debts.

Huh! Animals!

Tech Support.

You guys are so in luck! I have, not one, but two posts for you today. I have one here and I have one over at Sprocket Ink. So the real question you need to be asking yourselves is: Which post do you want to read? Hmm... Decisions, decisions...

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Now that that's settled, let's get this party started, shall we?

I mentioned the other day that I helped a coworker, one of the crew supervisors, create his Facebook account. I'm normally here alone, but he and his crew were forced to work out of the office for most of last month, while the company van they drove was being repaired.

Technology is such a alien concept to him that he didn't even have an email address, which I also had to create for him as part of the process (Believe me, I'm as shocked by this as you are). As I said before, his first order of business after I signed him up was to stalk the women from his past. More specifically, he  kept asking me to do the stalking for him, since he hadn't quite joined the computer age just yet.

But he's learning. I made sure of it. Having to stop in the middle of my blogging tweeting Facebook stalking of my own work to help him was an inconvenience, to say the least. That's why, in an effort to free myself up to go back to doing my own thing, I took time out of one of my days this week to show him how to surf the web himself.

You see, I believe in the old saying that if you cyberstalk on a man's behalf, he can only ogle women's photos once, but if you teach a man to cyberstalk, he can satisfy his ogling desires whenever wants.

What can I say? I'm a giver.

Of course, teaching him to surf the web, much less properly use a computer is time consuming too. That's why I stuck to showing him how to find his way to and around the old book o' face, which was all he was really interested in anyway. Seemed like a simple enough endeavor, right? I thought so too... Until he had to use the mouse, that is.

This is my mouse. There are many others like it, but this one is mine!

I know what you're thinking. What's easier than using than a mouse, right? I didn't think there was anything to it, myself, until I actually had to show him how to use one. This was basically how my little training session with Mr. Supervisor-stalker (or "Superstakler") went:

Superstalker: Hey! I think I know her. How did she know I was on Facebook?

Me: She probably doesn't. Those people are your suggested friends. Facebook finds them for you.

Superstalker: Wow! Really? Okay. I want to see if it's the same person, though.

Me: Alright. Just mouse over (my first mistake was using "technical" terms during my lesson) the person's name and-

Superstalker: Do what? (See?)

Me: Just make the pointer-I mean-the little arrow thingy (I've always been a quick learner) move across the screen until it reaches her name.

Superstalker: ...um...

Me: Just move the mouse in your hand in the direction you want- That's it! Oops! You went too far. Just go back a little and- There you go! Good job, buddy!

Superstalker: *smiles gleefully*

Me: Alright, move the arrow over to her name there and- No, too far. Go back to her name again. Right. Now carry the pointer across slowly until you reach her name... Uh... Not that slowly. (Life's too short to wait for him to get there at the speed he was going). Okay, now just click the mouse with your finger while it's over her name... No, get it right over her name. No! Not "above" over her name. "Over" over her name (I can't believe I actually had to say that). On it! ON. THE. NAME. It'll turn into a little hand when you get it right.

Superstalker: Wow! It did change!

Me: Yeah. Technology's amazing, isn't it? Anyway, try to keep the mouse still when you click. No, click with the other finger.

Superstalker: What other finger?

Me: Your index finger. The one on the left. No, right hand, left finger. Just push the button under that finger.

Superstalker: I don't see any button.

Me: Trust me on this. It's there. Keep the mouse still when you click it! There you go!

Superstalker: Well, I'll be damned.

Me: I know, right? So, is this the person you're looking for?

Superstalker: Yeah. We went to school together. So, how do I send her a request?

Me: Just click on that green box that says, "Add Friend".

Superstalker: What green box?

Me: To the top of the screen. The only thing that's green on the entire screen. It has the words "add" and "friend" in it.

Superstalker: ...um...

Me: Just carry the pointer up... Up some more... Just a little bit more... Ri-No! Go back! Right there. Now click on that box. SIGH! Try to keep the mouse from moving. Try it again. Alright! Done.

Superstalker: Can I see her pictures yet?

Me: (No surprise there) It doesn't look like she has them blocked. I guess you can.

A few clicks later...

Superstalker: Who's this?

Me: One of her friends, I guess.

Superstalker: Can I send her a friend request too?

Me: Do you know her?

Superstalker: No, but she is HOT.

Me: Well, I guess. But she may not accept if she doesn't know you.

Superstalker: What about if I send her a message and tell her how pretty she looks?

Me: SIGH! Sure. Why the hell not? You go right ahead, buddy.

And don't get me started on the eight chat windows and six tabs he accidentally opened. TOGETHER!

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Now, for my next trick, I'll magically transport to my other post over at Sprocket Ink. Just click on the link.  (There was a link, but the site is gone now.) No! Click on the word "link". No, the first one! Hold the mouse still over the word. Not "above" over the word. Hold it "over" over it! Good. Now click. Oh, for the love of- Use your index finger!!!