Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Following is a PSA From AVCI:

It has been observed that, on the AVCI stats page, one blog post in particular has shown up on, quite often a day-by-day basis, as receiving the highest number of pageviews. The post in question is one filed in the RTT category and entitled “Random Aches and Pains”. In fact, to date, this particular post has maintained an overall all-time first place position with over 200 pageviews. A clear leader over the post which holds second place with only less than 80 pageviews. In addition, among the top searches leading to AVCI, the phrase “random aches” has been repeatedly appearing on the list.

This leads to the conclusion that this alarming number of visits to this post is due to the nature of the post's title, which in hindsight, can be viewed as misleading. AVCI wishes to advise that this occurrence is completely unintentional and at no point was it intended to purport that advice, examples, explanations or solutions to aches or pains of a random nature were therein contained.

The management of AVCI would like at this time to extend its sincerest apologies for any inconvenience caused by any misconceptions which may have arisen from this situation.

As a gesture of good faith, AVCI would also like to offer the suggestion that those seeking information regarding the causes, explanations or solutions to any physical discomfort should refer to a licensed medical practitioner and possibly not the internet.

Should you wish to pursue any further discourse with any representative of AVCI regarding this matter, please supply your full name and address (with detailed directions) to our corporate secretary, Diane.

Thank you.

Vinny C
The Management


  1. Subject: Why does my third eye hurt?

    Dear Diane,

    thank you for your referral to your Random Aches and Pains department. Your immediate response will surely provide all of the self-diagnostic tools I need.

    Yours Truly,

    Impaired Enlightenment

  2. The funny thing about those stats is what people actually search for.

    I wrote a satirical post about how women school teachers are hornier now. And tons of people land on my post actually looking to find said horny women.

  3. So how does one do this AVCI thing?

  4. Good choice choosing Diane as corporate secretary. And by that I mean, whoa, because NO ONE will mess with her.

  5. @ AC: Re: Why does my third eye hurt?

    Dear Mr. Enlightenment

    While this is not normally the service we at AVCI provide, I have considered your inquiry & believe that I may be able to provide a solution. What exactly is your pain tolerance? No matter.

    Thank you for the detailed directions to your address & your decision to include a map, while not necessary, is greatly appreciated.

    See you very soon.

    Corporate Secretary

    ...[10 minutes later]...

    Re: Re: Why does my third eye hurt?

    Dear Mr. Enlightenment

    Diane has already left & is on her way to you at this time.

    Let me take this opportunity to say.


    I'm not sure what her plan is but she was smiling & took along her rusty nail file.

    This has proven to never be a good combination & I suggest, at this time, you proceed to the nearest airport.


    Public Relations Assistant.

    @ Oilfield: In the search to find horny women, no stone will be left unturned & no blog post unread.

    @ Nubian: The good news is, as a longstanding member of AVCI, you have already been preregistered for all products & services. Additionally, you also receive a 15% discount on products & services of AVCI.

    @ dbs: Excellent observation! We at AVCI believe in using our resources to their fullest potential. As a longstanding member of AVCI, please refer to the aforementioned benefits package. Have a nice day!

  6. Do I get a coffee mug and pen as well?

  7. You don't even want to know what some freaky people are searching for when they land on my blog... Unfortunately my post that has received the highest number of hits is on Bristol Palin. Sometimes I want to disable it just so I don't have to see her in my stats. Oh, have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of Bristol? ; )

    Perhaps you should do a funny faux medical advice column from time to time ...Starting with stick figures that suddenly wake up with huge boobies...

    PS: I'm in a blogging tournament over at Thank Q for Common Sense. I'd love it if you'd stop by and vote for me. Thanks!

  8. Autoreply: Mr. Enlightenment has experienced miraculous healing and has transcended into a parallel universe. Namadontste.

  9. @ Nubian: We've been experiencing some difficulties with the printers but, as soon as they're done, we'll forward them to you.

    Shipping may take 6 - 8 weeks.

    @ The Empress: I never would have guessed about the Bristol thing.

    P.S.: I've actually been playing with the advice idea. Ever since Lacy heard about it she's been campaigning for the job.

    @ AC: You have reached to AVCI automated message service. Diane is currently unavailable as she is trying to locate & repay Lacy for her recent assistance.

    Lacy is also unavailable as she is presently hiding under a desk.

    Thank you.

  10. I googled "Random aches of kindness" and I ended up here. Hmmmm? - G

  11. Death Grip of the Rabid Monkey cured all of my aches and pains, so, anyone that came across in search of help should be THANKING you.

  12. @ Georgina Dollface: Aw shucks. *blushes*

    @ Kev D.: The Death Grip is miraculous, isn't it? So many uses.

    @ pattypunker: No. She knows a guy though.

  13. Hahaha. I have encountered a similar issue. I wrote a silly post about lent, which I jokingly titled a guide to lent...well, apparently people were actually looking for a guide to Lent and some proper food rules.

    I, of course, did not intend to provide any type of useful information and my post had somehow become the number one recommended link for an on-line magazine site.

    I suspect that at some point, I will be posting from a jail cell but I must say that it was worth it just to note the big stats the following least until I realized my error.


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