More Disturbing Patterns.

If you've been keeping up with what I've been up to on Sprocket Ink, you'll see my last few posts all seemed to be part of a particular theme. A disturbing theme. Without planning it, both my posts last week focused on specific areas of the human anatomy. The naughty areas.

Oh, no, you didn't!
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First, on Tuesday, I wrote about a guy born without a penis, who still managed to be a ladies' man. Then, my post on Friday was about several Japanese studies all pointing to there being benefits to women not wearing bras and how Japanese women were already adopting the habit.

Then there's my post today...

There are only two areas yet I haven't covered (or uncovered, as the case may be) and let's just say today's story isn't about butts.

You do the math.

This has happened before, but I swear it's totally unintentional (which is what the Japanese guys claimed in today's post, actually). Today's story is about a pastry product that's raising more than a few eyebrows in Japan. Yeah, I know. It's got even them shocked. But be warned, this particular baked good may cause you to lose your appetite.

The Modern Life Of A Trend.

1. The Trendsetter:

Often the first person given attention for displaying a new trend, the trendsetter may be a celebrity, or even an average individual caught in the right place at the right time.

2. The Virus:

This, of course, refers to the act of "going viral" by the new trend. After the trend is discovered, it draws the attention of others. From curious onlookers to tireless trend hunters. The trend is observed, discussed, liked, disliked, commented on and referred to others who, in turn, observe and discuss and so on. Pop-culture and entertainment media programs begin to "bring you the latest on the craze that's sweeping the country/world/known universe" and even the prime time news makes mention of the trend as relates to its meteoric rise to popularity.

Much like the highly-publicized zombipocalypse, the spread of the trend has taken on a life of its own and seems virtually unstoppable.

3. The Copycat:

There soon emerges trend "copycats" who then set themselves to the task of mimicking the trend and posting video and images of themselves performing the same act which made the trendsetter famous to begin with. As with all things, "artistic license" is soon after introduced by many of the copycats and alternate variations of the trend are born.

4. The Hipster:

Seeing the popularity of this new trend as a new way to draw attention to themselves, the hipster incorporates the trend into their way of life. The trend has now become theirs' and was theirs' "before it was cool" for everyone else to have it. In fact, you know what? Forget that! Everyone else can have the trend. The trend has already become too mainstream, too commercial, too diluted in the mass media social networking culture to be cool anymore.

But always remember, the hipster got tired of the trend before any of you did.

5. The Corporate Machine

By now, the potential for the trend to generate revenue has been noticed. This is where branding of the trend occurs. Sporting goods manufacturers, electronics, all want a piece of the income earning potential the trend possesses. Soon, the trend makes its way to television, the movies, music videos and the top runways all over the globe. Now being a part of the trend comes endorsed with a designer logo and a $2,000 price tag.

6. The Trend Hater

Of course, not everyone follows the trend. There are those who choose to reject the trend on principle, based on its stupidity, or how it has been commercialized. The trend haters thumb their noses and laugh at the followers of the trend, calling then "immature" or "sheep". Trend followers in an act of rebellion vehemently defend their trend and begin blitzing the internet with more and more of it. This soon erupts into all out social network war, with trend haters and followers firing online attacks against one another. Before long the heavy artillery is launched and the battle of the memes begin.

It's not pretty.

7. The End:

All things, however, must eventually come to an end and with time (often about a week) the trend is shuffled off to a retirement spot where it slowly and painfully withers away and fades into oblivion. The trend does not die, though. Not for a long time. Rather, it clings desperately to life, hanging on to the memories of its followers who have given it so much love and attention and spent their hard earned money on maintaining the trend. As long as these relics of its existence remain in use, even sporadically, the trend's light will not be fully extinguished. At least, not until another up and coming trend is born.

Then the cycle begins again...

********

UPDATE:

1. In case you missed it, don't forget to check out my post I did yesterday over at Sprocket Ink too.

2. This post is just one of many you'll find on My Half Assed Life's Weekend Funnies.

Be sure to check it out for links to other funny blogs that'll put a smile in your weekend.

Crazy People Seem Drawn to Me.

Last night I was out on the corner waiting for my wife to get home. Since they don't clash with the days I have school, I normally wait for her like this on the two nights of her own classes, so I can walk her in and help her with her heavy bag full of law books. I’ve even stopped complaining about having to do it for several weeks now. I know… I know… I’m an awesome husband. No need to make a big deal about it.

Anyway, like I said, I was waiting on the corner, playing some bejeweled on my phone when, from the corner of my eye, I noticed some guy walking past. I wasn’t too concerned, but with the amount of cell phone snatch-and-run thefts we’ve been having these days, it never hurts to be careful. I took quick glance and, by all appearances, he just seemed a normal-looking guy on his way home from work. With that, I went back to what I was doing. I decided he wasn’t anyone I needed to concern myself with.

Or so I thought…

When he was close enough to me he suddenly stopped, “Big man (a common way one guy addresses another here), that Blueberry (what he actually called it) could tell me where I living?”

Now when faced with a situation like this I have a tendency to act as if the crazy is totally normal, so as not to agitate the crazy person. I politely nodded and said, “Nope.”

“No? What the fuuu-?!” He never finished the word. He just continued on his way, muttering something that was indiscernible to me.

I watched as he crossed the street and slapped a street sign as he went his way. I put my phone away after that. I didn’t feel like playing anymore.

Was he drunk? I can't say I noticed the scent of any alcohol. This leads me to believe he was just plain nuts, which makes sense since it’s like I’m a magnet for crazy.

I hope he found his way home, though.

Me Vs. Nature Part IV - Revenge Of The Grackle.

Just like with the job I had about a year and a half ago, I now work close enough to where I go to school that I can walk from one point to the other in less than 20 minutes, even if I take my time and walk slowly. I consider it my cardio for the week, plus it saves me on taxi fare, so why not? Right?

Still, it is the dry season again and the sun has been out with a vengeance the last few weeks, so I recently started taking the scenic route, which in this case, ironically, is the shorter of the two main routes to get to class. This route takes me down a street that runs alongside an area known as George the 5th Park, which allows pedestrians to walk under a series of the trees, lining the sidewalk. On the southern side of that street, however, there are some houses and businesses and The Oval, a really large sporting ground used mostly for cricket matches. That takes up about half of that side.

Now you know.

The Oval's walled off like a maximum security prison, sans the guard towers and razor wire and so it's kind of boring and you get more of the blistering sun on that side of the street, so I prefer to stick to the other side with the cool shady trees, some of which start to show their colors off at this time of year, like this Pink Poui tree:

My apologies to all of you who are currently not enjoying the snow wherever you are that are forced to watch this.

Pretty, right?

There is a down side to all this, though. Where there are a lot of trees, there will probably be a lot of Grackles. I've mentioned these guys before. They're tiny black birds that get very territorial around this time of year and attack anyone who comes too close to their nesting spots. They seem to favor attacking me.

Nothing personal, bub... I still kill you.
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How they normally do their thing is to swoop down at the heads of passers-by from behind, squawk and then fly back to the safety of a nearby tree. They'll continue doing this until they're satisfied the intruder is well enough away from their territory. You might think they're brave, but I've observed them running from pigeons, which is kind of insulting, if you ask me. Since I don't particularly like being made to duck like a crazy person in the streets every time I suddenly hear that high-pitched "Squawk!" behind my head, I prefer to avoid them.

Then I found the solution to all my problems.

With the birds anyway...

It was purely by accident. The other day, I was on my way to class as usual. I wasn't even thinking about my feathered nemesis at the time and had my music cranked up through my headphones as I made my way. I was also distracted by the text conversation I was having with my wife at the time. It was then I looked up from my phone and noticed my shadow in front of me and an even tinier shadow of a Grackle that was repeatedly swooping down from the trees. I was almost to the end of the Park so I could only assume it had been trying to get my attention for some time, but I hadn't even noticed it until then and not once was I forced to duck or dodge his assault.

AT LAST!!! I found my answer. Music! Music loud enough that it prevented me from hearing the fluttering wings and the annoying "Squawk!" that would force me to look like an idiot in the streets. That was my answer. From here on in I knew what I had to do. So the next day, I was ready. I decided the shorter, scenic route was mine and no tiny bird was going to deter me ever again. I would have the shade of the trees. I would have the shorter walk. I would not be denied! I walked down the street and, as I came up to the trees, I saw a Grackle take up position.

"Hey, Mr. Grackle'" I thought smugly, "You here to try your luck? Betcha won't spook me. Betcha I don't even notice ya."

I may have been enjoying this a little too much.

I continued my walk and turned my MP3 player on my phone up. I wasn't even going to look out for him. In my mind, I had already won against the dreaded bird, so why bother paying attention to his fruitless efforts. The Grackle was now beneath my noticing.

Or not.

Here we have a saying: Who doh hear, does feel.

Apparently, Grackles also practice this policy since, I hadn't made it more than a few steps before I felt its talons on the back of my head.

And I ducked.

Son of a....

The Grackle will not be ignored, it seems. I guess he figured he would try harder this time around to get my attention. It looks like the bird is more persistent than I thought. I looked up and he perched himself up in a nearby tree waiting to strike again, watching me with his beady little eyes and daring me to continue. I decided to admit defeat and crossed over to the other side of the street, away from the trees. I don't get enough sun anyway.

This round went to the bird.

In Defense Of Snark.

You may not have noticed, but I can be a bit snarky at times. Shocking, I know, but I guarantee you, if you look past the big breasted stick-toon ladies (I know that isn’t always easy) and the constant references to how awesome my wife is, you’ll find subtle sarcasm, cynicism, clever quips and some innuendo laden through most of my posts. Hard to believe, right? I know. It’s so subtle you probably hadn’t realized I’m being snarky right now.

 

 

Mind blowing! Isn't it?

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because today I’m a guest over at Kathy’s very inspiring and uplifting blog, Bliss Habits. This week is Bliss Habits’ “Snark Week” and I’ve been given a chance to throw my two cents in on what I believe is the value of good snark.

You know what to do. just follow the LINK and check it out. And, while you’re over there, say hi to Kathy and tell her ol’ Vinny sent you.

No! And I Mean It... Okay?

One of the questions I've always hated having to answer during job interviews is for me to say what I consider to be my biggest flaw. Not because I don't know the answer, but because I don't like the answer. Well, that and because of the fact that it's a generic bullshit question employers throw out because it's printed on an interview questionnaire some downloaded. But as I was saying, my main reason is because I don't like admitting the answer. Which is that I have a real problem saying "no" to people.

If only it were so simple...
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It's one of those things about myself I can't stand, but have a really hard time dealing with. Like most people with this problem, I think maybe people will like me less or be upset with me if I assert myself and say no to their requests. In my case, I think it's because I'm an introvert, with slightly above average intelligence, who, as a result, grew up misunderstood and under-appreciated (and a constant target of bullies). As such, I constantly craved attention and acceptance for fear of being alone and developed an overly accommodating personality.

Or something like that, I guess. I'm basically pulling all that of my ass.

Anyway, what I really hate about this is that, as an adult, I know deep down that I don't have that same desire for acceptance I once did. Back then, it was a coping mechanism in response to fulfilling what everyone else considered "normal", which meant having lots of friends and being popular. That's not me. I like being left alone. I'm not a people person and I'm okay with that. To be honest most of the time, people annoy me.

Maybe that's why some think I come off as unfriendly.

I'm not, by the way. Unfriendly, I mean. I try to be a nice guy, which I think is part of the problem. I think things would be a lot easier if I was more of an asshole. Assholes have it easy, in that regard. They don't worry about who likes them or who they disappoint. Assholes don't give a shit! I imagine myself being an asshole sometimes. What it might be like. Saying "no" with reckless abandon, rocking back in my chair with my hands clasped behind my head as the poor loser whose request I just declined dejectedly lumbers off to find someone else to do whatever he or she was asking (didn't really catch what he/she was asking me for, to be honest. I wasn't paying attention). I imagine smiling at that point, knowing whatever his or her problem was, I prevented it from also becoming my problem.

Yeah... Assholes have it so easy.

But not me, though. Noooo!!! I have to be Mr. Nice Guy. So every time someone asks me for something, those old habits kick in and I start thinking about what a disappointment I'll end up being to that person if I say no. Instead, I try to make excuses why I can't help out. Things like, I'm swamped with my own stuff, or I don't know how to do what the person asked are the usual fallbacks, but these excuses are paper thin and with a little arguing, they know I'll be swayed.

It's not there have never been times when I said no, though. The problem there is standing my ground after I do. Often, if the person making the request is determined enough, they won't accept no for an answer. I know, right? You'd think after you faced your fear and rose to the challenge they'd accept defeat, right? But, no, there's no, "You've won this round, Vinny. Congratulations on thwarting my scheme. Until next we meet, I salute thee."

No! They still try to make me work for it. They can see that I'm weak. They know, after battling the urge to cave in and take on whatever responsibility they're trying to shovel on hand me, that I'm spent and I don't have the resolve to stand my ground. So they persist and, in the end, I cave. I always cave.

It's something I have to work on (the saying "no" thing, not the trying to be an asshole thing, so we're clear). Maybe I'll start reading up on it and trying to learn new techniques, that will help me say " no" to people in a more effective and guilt-free manner. Maybe I'll practice saying it in the mirror or with Mrs. C...

Or maybe just in the mirror for now. Baby steps, Vinny. Baby steps...

Cautiously Optimistic.

Remember when I used to work at The Paper and they basically fired my ass after only six months EVEN THOUGH I was doing alright for a newbie? And remember when I was unemployed for NINE whole months after that? Those were some crazy times, weren't they? In case you didn't pick up on my subtle hint, I'm referring to my period of unemployment in the past tense. That's because as of today, I'm no longer unemployed.

Yay!

I know this may come as a surprise since, the last time, I gushed on and on about getting the interview call from The Paper, with detailed reports about the interviews and how I wowed them with my interpretation of their interview test (Not to mention the answers I decided it was best not to give). Yeah, I made a total fuss about that and, even though I really liked the job, things still turned out to be a bit of a nightmare in the end.

So this time around I decided to be beyond low-key about the whole thing.  No fuss, no fanfare, no panicking. And that's not just because I found out about the position vacancy two days ago and was interviewed and hired today. Nope, I decided after The Paper, I'd tone down my excitement a little.  Just go on the interview and hope for the best.

On a side note, did you know that for the last 12 years or so I've had a 100% success rate when it comes to interviews? In fact, the only time I've interviewed and it hasn't resulted in my working at wherever it was because I turned it down for some reason or another. I guess I make a good impression in person. This leads me to believe that had any of the what could probably be hundreds of places I'd applied to in the past nine months even bothered to look at my applications, I would have been employed a whole lot sooner. But I'm not holding a grudge.

ASSHOLES!!!

Anyway, at the new place (I've yet to come up with a name for them) I'll be doing basically the same job as when you all and I first met and I worked at Soul Suck Int’l – A division of the Ninth Circle. (I wonder how Bossman and Bosslady are doing...)

Basically it'll be officey, administrative type stuff, so I'm, once again, what I refer to as "mindless office drone". (Woohoo?) I'll still be the same crappy salary as I did at Soul Suck (Which was actually the same at The Paper), But there will be one major difference and this one's a doozy. I was told that, most times, I'll be there all alone. See, most of the staff, including the boss, almost never come in to the office so I'll basically have the run of the place.

Added to that is the fact that he's just restarting that arm of the business after a long hiatus so they don't exactly have an extensive client list to manage. I expect I'll be doing a lot of this.

I won't be intellectually stimulated working at this place. That's for sure. In fact, I'll probably be bored out of my skull. Especially since they haven't set up any internet there yet.

I... KNOW!!! Who, in this day and age doesn't have internet, right?

I'll be totally honest. I don't see myself staying there very long. The most important thing is that I'll have an income rolling in until I get something better. I'm at the point where that is good enough for now. Plus, I guess I'll have a lot of time to read.

There's always that.

If You Don't Like It, Then Go Somewhere Else.

At one time, I was in banking. Banking is, of course, a customer service field. You get this concept drilled into your head constantly by the higher-ups. Through endless customer service seminars, training sessions, videos, meetings, etc, bank staff are reminded constantly that the sole purpose of their existence is to make the customer happy.

This gets worse the higher up the ladder you go. I was in loans when I left, with whispers about being elevated to lower management. It was expected I represent the bank 24-7. One of my seniors even told me I should give my clients my personal cell number as well as the number for the branch-assigned cell I was given so they'd always be able to reach me, no matter what.

I never did that though. That branch cell stayed turned off and locked in my desk drawer at the end of every workday. I got really pissed at one of my coworkers for giving out my personal cell (without my permission) to an insistent customer we were both working with. Why? Because, as I said, banking is a customer service field. You were expected to deal with customers on a daily basis. As for a lower management position, AW HELL NO!!! I dreaded the idea of being promoted any higher. That meant being expected to deal more closely with more customers.

I was good at playing the game and making customers feel comfortable, but there were actually only a few of them I could stand. And it wasn't just because I'm not a people person. I realized the problem I had with customers was that most customers know we were trained to kiss their asses for fear that they take their business elsewhere. And, naturally, they took advantage of it.

They became whiny babies who cussed and complained about every inconvenience.

"Why wasn't there a coffee machine?" - We had one. Customers abused it and people were walking in off the street, making coffee and leaving without doing a single transaction. DAILY!

"You don't remember my name? I'm your customer! This is poor customer service!" - We spoke on the phone... Once... Two months ago!

"Why is there a chain on the pen? Don't banks make enough money to be able to lose a pen or two?" - Yes, but you'd still bitch when we didn't have a pen for you to sign with because the person just before you stole it.

"You didn't smile and say the pre-approved greeting! Where's your supervisor?!" - He's the angry looking one over there with a cell phone in each ear and the line of people waiting to speak to him. He won't do any of that shit either.

"These interest rates are too high!" - Ah! Thank you for actually bitching about something loan related. Sorry, though. Whoever sets those works in a shiny ivory tower and can't hear you or me all the way down here.

You get the idea. Customers get caught up in the idea that those in customer service have to put up with their crap and use them to boost their own sense of superiority.

I'd almost forgotten about all this until two incidents I witnessed recently.

The first I'll talk about is actually the second one and it was a few weeks ago. I was in a bakery. I had just walked in and there was this guy - a gas station attendant, by the uniform - pacing, ranting and yelling at the girls behind the counter. He demanded his money back and left. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked one of the girls what that was all about.

"He asked for coffee. He got angry when we asked if he wanted milk and sugar. He thought we should know."

I heard the staff saying that customer was always carrying on like that when he came in. He had a problem with everything they did and almost never bought anything. Just came in, found an excuse to yell at them and leave. Yes, I get that he was a regular, but is screaming at them at the top of your lungs the best way to make sure they remember how you like your coffee the next time? If I had to guess, I'd say the only real reason you went in there was just so you could unload on them.

Then there was the other incident about a month before that. I was in a line in KFC. There was a guy over at the condiment dispenser counter shouting at any staff member who approached him. Why? There wasn't any ketchup at the counter. Despite reassurances that he only had to wait a few minutes for someone to get a fresh supply from the storeroom, he wasn't satisfied. The staff were inefficient and KFC, being such a large franchise, should have them better trained so condiments would be topped up regularly. This was completely unacceptable, as far as he was concerned.

The man was livid and refused to lower his voice until the uniformed police officer in front of me got tired of listening to him. The officer did probably the best thing I've ever seen anyone do for customer service staff in that type of situation. He calmly walked over to the irate customer.

Cop: Sir. Is that necessary? They are bringing the ketchup.

Customer: I'm a customer. I have rights. They're supposed to be more efficient and professional.

Cop: Sir, they're human. And despite your carrying on, every single one of them has been courteous and patient with you. That shows a level of professionalism beyond what most would show you.

Customer: But... I'm the customer...

Cop: Sir. These people are overworked and underpaid and this a very busy branch. These things happen and you are not making there job any easier. I suggest if you don't like the service here, you can just leave and go somewhere else.

Customer: I... I'm sorry, officer.

There was silence after that. Most nodded in agreement. A few in the lines even commented their approval at the officer's remarks. The customer remained silent after that until the ketchup came. Then he thanked the staff member who brought it, dressed his meal and left.

I know there are lax and lazy people out there in every field, customer service is no exception. I also know that sometimes the only way to improve things is to complain and bring attention to the flaws. But, when we are complaining, is it to right an obvious wrong? Or is that we've gotten too comfortable taking advantage of a system that's set up in our favor?

There are things that should be fixed, but maybe, if there are little things about a situation, business or person that bother us to the point that we have to scream at someone, it's best to stop complaining about those imperfections and take our business someplace else...

I'm sure the other place got it totally right.

Tanned Hide - The Reboot.

Coming down to the end of last year, I mentioned in a post that I was considering bringing the one and only blog award I ever made out of retirement. By this, I'm talking about the Tanned Hide award, of course.

A few people seemed to think it was a good idea and since I'm a man of the people (and because I was probably going to do it anyway), I'll give the people what they want... and apparently, what they want has something to do with spankings.

I'm not one to judge.

Anyway, in its previous state, the Tanned Hide was a lazy man's award in that you had to do nothing once you received it. All you had to do was hang it on your wall and think of what explanation to give to your friends when they ask about it. This time, however, there are going to be one or two rules to make things more interesting. Plus, I made some slight changes to it:

Doesn't really look much different from the original, to be honest.

Now for those rules. Don't worry! You won't have to share any embarrassing secrets, send me money or spam the award to 10,000 of your friends.

Well... If you did feel inclined to send a few bucks my way, who am I to say no?

Kidding! All you have to do is say who you think deserves to be put over a knee and given some well deserved positive punishment. I know what you're thinking and, no, I do not mean you'd want to see them spanked in a kinky way. If you receive the Tanned Hide Award you must tell a story about someone (there is no need to name names, if you don't want to) who has done something to piss you off to such an extent that that someone is obviously beyond having their toys taken away and being made to sit in a corner until they've had time to think about what they've done.

This applies to any person, or even a group of persons, you may or may not know personally. That person can be a celebrity, a coworker, some idiot you randomly come across who managed to take up two parking spaces with a Mini Cooper, a foreign dictator, historical figure or someone like that. I'm giving you a whole heap of choices to go with.

Since I know how many feel about spankings when it comes to children, I'll make this an adults-only thing. Look at it this way, if you see some kid acting up and is obviously in need of some discipline, do like I did the first time I used The Tanned Hide and hold the parent(s) to account.

I suspect with the mention of the words "spankings", "kinky" and now "adults-only" this post is going to get a lot of hits for all the wrong reasons...

Anyway, the second and last rule is easy enough. All you have to do is send me money pass this award along to up to three bloggers you may deem worthy. Note I said up to three bloggers. So one or two is fine. Just notify the new recipient and tell 'em Vinny sent you (so they'll know who to blame).

That's it! No hassle, no stress.

Now for the recipients. The following blogs are the first to receive the new and improved (not so much) Tanned Hide:

- My Half Assed Life

- The Transformed Non-Conformist

- My Own Private Idaho

Congratulations! Come get your prize!

I chose these three because, not only do I find them deserving, but because I'm interested to see who they'd want to slap some sense into if given the chance. Also, I chose them because, basically, I'm the boss around here and I can do what I want. Don't feel sad if I missed you this time. I'll share some more spankings in the near future.

I'm Easily Amused.

Every now and then, when I get bored (which happens often), I end up goofing around on the computer and one of two things happen. I either create something absolutely brilliant or the boredom passes with nothing of substance happening. I count this morning's bout of creativity as the former. Because this morning, I made this:

I know! I just crack up every time look at it. Its genius is in its simplicity. I posted it on my Facebook and Google Plus pages and it's been a hit there. Hell I even posted it on that Tumblr thing I never use. I'm that proud of it. Annnnnd I'm beginning to suspect I maybe a little vain at this point.