Wednesday, November 14, 2012

His Mama Must Be So Proud.

Sometimes I meet people who truly restore my faith in humanity. People who, through acts of selflessness, kindness and self-sacrifice make me think there might be hope for us as a species after all.

This guy I'm about to tell you about isn't one of them.

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Over the weekend, I was visiting my parents. Since I don't drive, I rely on public transportation to get me anywhere my own two feet can't take me and, as usual, I took the popular form of public transportation known as the maxi-taxi (privately owned minibuses that can hold 12 to over 30 passengers at a time). Soon after I got in, the driver stopped at a red light. I was in the front passenger seat, minding my own, when I noticed the driver turn around.

Driver: Give it to me. The owner will probably call to get it back.

Apparently, someone dropped his or her cell phone in his bus and he noticed the person who just got in picking it up in the rear-view mirror. This isn't uncommon. People lose cell phones all the time. My wife was a repeat offender when it came to losing cell phones. We never keep them safely put away, we're always texting, or surfing, or whatever. We keep them within easy reach just in case we're urgently called upon to perform some act of world-saving heroism... or respond to a funny status update or something. I'm not judging, I'm just as guilty as everyone else.

I was surprised and impressed that the driver was so considerate, though. There was one time some years ago I'll never forget. I was in another taxi and I saw the driver give the passenger in the front seat next to him (someone he knew personally) a phone he found on the seat (I may have told this story before, but I don't remember). That time, the driver only said, "You want it? Just switch the SIM card and it's all yours."

Anyway, I digress. I digress a lot. The driver I was travelling with this time wasn't one of those assholes, by all appearances. The passenger, however, was. He decided that the gods of good fortune had bestowed this cell upon him as a gift and he was not willing to give it up, despite repeated requests from the driver and other passengers.

Instead of doing the right thing, he argued, told the driver to, "Shut up and just drive the damn maxi!" and to, "Get off his case."

The driver refused to do either and they argued for about five more minutes before the asshole in question eventually decided it was less grief for him to (no, not give up the phone) exit and hop into another maxi that had just pulled up. We all watched him leave. Most of us shook our heads. He, however, just smiled because, as far as he was concerned, he had won.

I texted Mrs. C later that afternoon and told her what happened. Her response sums it up best.

Mrs. C: Wow! What a winner. His mama must be so... proud.

And you know what? She's right. He is a winner! At least he is here.

Congratulations to you, my friend! For putting a cell phone above your self-respect, you have prompted me to reach way into the archives and bestow upon you yet another special honor you so rightly deserve. You, sir, for your act of shamelessness, have earned the illustrious Tanned Hide*:
This I award to those well deserving of the public spanking their parents obviously failed to administer enough of when they were children. He's definitely earned this and my heartfelt disdain.

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*I'm thinking of relaunching the blog award version of this I created once upon a time, this time with some minor rules to keep it interesting. I'm still undecided so if you love or hate the idea, let me know. Do people still even give out blog awards anymore? Anyway, maybe you'll help influence my decision.
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18 comments:

  1. Mrs. C is a smart woman. I think I have said this many times before though.

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    Replies
    1. And, of course, I agree. Then again, it's safer for me that I do. Not that I don't mean it, of course. Heh-heh...

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  2. 'anyway, i digress. i digress a lot," made me laugh out loud. i wish this story had included a sentence about how the maxi-taxi loser tripped on his way between rented rides breaking something small but edifying. sadly, this is not that kind of story.
    (also, how old do i have to be before i stop being surprised by how disappointing other people can be? the answer: pretty damn old.)

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    1. Sigh... I really wish there was something like that I could have put account as well.

      Delete
  3. Most people would have succumbed to the peer pressure, but nope, not this guy. Seems like a real douche of steel.

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    Replies
    1. "Douche of steel" is my new favorite phrase.

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  4. He sure is a piece of work! I think the blog award series sounds like a great idea!

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    Replies
    1. He's a piece of something... And thanks for your vote.

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  5. He really didn't care what anyone thought. Wow! Most would have caved to the pressure of the people around them.

    The blog awards are still floating around. I saw one just yesterday.

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    1. There are times when the ability to stick to your guns isn't an admirable trait. He proved that.

      Sweet! If awards are still around, that's more reason for me to bring mine back then.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Don't blame you. Some things can just... Wait! I've seen enough cop shows to know that "no comment" is what guilty people say. Are you guilty of something? It's not like you've ever... Have You? GASP!!! Was that you!?! No... Of course it wasn't. Couldn't be. There are, like, a dozen other reasons people say "no comment". Right?

      Right?

      KIDDING!!! Sorry, couldn't help myself.

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    2. No comment, which is a comment that people have a comment but would rather not say but could also mean what you commented on the comment and then there are other comments one could make, which is that we both know that our comments are humorous and cannot be misinterpreted and the thingawhatsi

      WTH am I talking about?

      Delete
  7. What a douche! Maybe he was driving the taxi you were in a few years ago, and he needed a new phone. What a jackwagon. What a maroon. I hate people like that. They do, indeed, deserve to have their hides tanned.

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    Replies
    1. I kinda hope he was the same guy. That would allow me to believe there is only one of his kind out there.

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  8. Maybe someday that asshole will be hit by a bus and it will be deliciously appropriate?

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Not that I'd want to see him seriously hurt or anything. But maybe if his newly bought, ridiculously expensive phone was crushed beyond repair before he barely got it out of the box...

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