Tuesday, January 3, 2012

If I Ruled The World (Imagine That).

Say what you will, the world's a pretty messed up place. Don't ask me why but everything just seems really screwed up as far as this planet goes.

Why? If you ask me, one of the main reasons is that the wrong people are in charge. Seriously! How did we end up putting some of these jokers at the helm? It's obvious the lunatics are running the asylum and they've locked all us sane people up in the cells. And there seems to be nothing we can do about it.

Until now.

All that's about about to change for, BEHOLD, I have been bequeathed yon Overlord Award!
This honor hath been bestowed upon me by Shirley of Shirley Ewe Must Be Joking. A fine lass indeed who doth weildeth a mighty blog and doth attacketh with her razor-sharp humor and wit. She also doth apparently longeth to one day defecate rare and precious gems. Indeed. A worthy aspiration if ever there was. Follow the link and be awed by her sheer awesomeness.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Yeah, so I think I was saying somewhere in that mess that I won me an award. This award means that, basically, I rule. I am overlord! Commander of all I survey. Bow down before, mere mortals!


This award also comes with rules. Wait! I've just been crowned overlord and I have to follow rules? Well, okay then. But only because it pleases me to do so.

Bwaha... ha?

Now, most of the time when an award asks for me to list something, I sit and agonize for days (sometimes weeks) trying to come up with the right respnoses. However, for this one, it just so happens that I already have them prepared.

*takes stack of post-its out of back pocket*

What? Doesn't everyone keep a "If I ruled the world one day" to-do list with them? You should.

Unfortunately, I can only list three things so I'll give you my top three:

- All of the negative propaganda about coffee ends now. Enough is enough, people! Know that this may or may not involve nay-sayers ending up in the middle of town in stocks, Dark-Ages-style.

- My war with my unyielding foe, the Grackle, will finally be at an end as I defeat the vicious birds. Fear not though, for I will not destroy the creatures. Instead, I will subjugate them and use their skills. They will become my personal army. Put your assets to their best use, I always say.
I live to serve, master.
- As Overlord of the world I would require a base of command to rule from. For this I choose the country of Japan. Though much of the world shall be changed as my Grackle army raids the lands and peck the heads of my enemies, I shall leave the people and culture of Japan untouched, for they perfect. It is from there that I shall rule as ninja cat-girls serve me sake.

Also, as Overlord I am also expected to bestow this honor upon others. I'm not sure why I'd be expected to share my power. The only reason I can think of is that I will need to have worthy rivals to battle against so I can keep my skills honed. Either that or I'll need other overlords to send friend requests to.

I hear it's lonely at the top.

The following I have chosen definitely are deserving of that honor. Mostly because they already rule.

Thank Q
Cynicism 101
My Own Private Idaho
Sex Sequins & Sociopaths

With that my position as overlord had been cemented. I'm off to look at some Japanese real estate. They say Tokyo's nice this time of year.


  1. I think you may be onto something with the Grackle Army, although they will no doubt turn on you at some point. Those beady eyes cannot be trusted.

  2. Many many thanks Oh Powerful Overlord. Wait, now that I too am an overlord I need not grovel! Is there a secret way of addressing fellow overlords? Doff our crowns at one another? Tap sceptres? Insist our serfs do battle whilst we drink meed?
    Thank you very much Vinny, I am honored.

  3. A bird army is the coolest thing I've ever heard of. Talk about getting things done! Thanks for the award! I will gladly dictate, er, I uh, mean rule with fairness!

  4. Such a benevolent ruler.

    Malevolent? Benevolent? I can never remember which one is which...

    Congrats on the award! And thanks for giving me props!

  5. Grackles.. "Fly my pretties!.. FLY!"

  6. Grackles in Japan... love it. Congrats on your award where you can be king in the blog world because we all know that at home Mrs. C. rules.

  7. @ Tumbleweed: True. Plus, they have a tendency of waiting until your back is turned before they attack. That has betrayal written all over it.

    @ Pickleope: Cool! I've always wanted a serf to battle for my entertainment. Let's go with that.

    @ Q: Fairness? Well... I guess that's one way to go.

    @ Sprite: You know? I always thought she got a bad rap. I mean that girl *did* drop a house & her sister after all. I'm sure the red shoes were a family heirloom.

    @ Nubian: I know not what you mean. I am the ruler of my castle. Mrs C says so. Crap! Gotta go. Time for her foot rub.

  8. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    It's starting already.

    Congrats on the award, Master Vinny.

  9. @ AC: You think that's bad? You should see me when Mrs C lets have control of the TV remote.


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