Friday, May 20, 2011

What Could Have Been.

I haven’t attempted the weekly prompt from Studio 30 Plus in a while. I’m taking another crack at it this week with this week’s – THE DO OVER:

We all have regrets. Things we look back on in our lives that we wish we could change. There were a lot of times in my life, especially after my brief unemployment, where I used to wonder about the things I could change if I could go back.
I know I used this earlier this week.
It just seems appropriate.

But every time I really thought about it I realized that there would have been things I would have to sacrifice to have those do overs.

One of the questions I used to ask myself was if I had the chance to do it over, would I have overcome the personal obstacles and found some way, any way to continue my education right after graduating secondary school? Of course!

Only… then I wouldn’t I wouldn’t have gotten that job on the fabric store where Mrs. C and I met.

Then, after my banking “career(?)” ended, I would often sit at home and wish I could just have another chance to prove them wrong. If I could only get another chance I would make better decisions. I just know it.

But if I stayed in banking, would I have gone through all of the emotional turmoil that forced me to take an honest look at myself? Would I still be harboring a deep sense of self-loathing and denial? Would I have kept gaining weight as quickly as I was? Would my marriage have lasted?

UGH! Too many unknowns.

Here, in Trinidad & Tobago, romantics like to say, “What is for you, is for you.” If something has to come your way, then you’ll have it no matter what. So, even if you do go back and make good on your mistakes, life will still find a way of bringing about the right set of circumstances to allow you to receive what you were meant to have. (Even the bad things?)

I don’t know. If I think too much about such things I get dizzy. What I do know is that I’m here now. Circumstances aren’t always ideal and I do have many imperfections to deal with within myself. But one thing I know now is, except for making sure you don’t make the same mistakes again, that there isn’t much profit in looking back.

So I’ll focus on moving forward.


  1. Looking back on my life it's easy to see all the seemingly random events that brought me to where I am today. In some ways I am the sum of all those events. Undoing them would undo me.

    You can drive yourself mad thinking about "what if's". Best to keep moving forward.

  2. The great thing is you can learn from mistakes, and they don't all have to be your own.

    Life is meant to be lived, not planned (and then subsequently blogged about, of course.)

  3. I agree with what Abby has said. You can always learn from mistakes.

  4. @ Tom G.: Exactly. In the end it just isn't worth it to give up all that you've learned.

    @ Abby: If people didn't make mistakes, blogging would be pretty boring.

    @ Oilfield: True. It does take some of the sting out of it when they aren't your mistakes but still, a learning experience.

    @ AC: If anything, I've learned that I don't really want to.


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