Friday, April 8, 2011

Study Time

I had to study the other night and decided to avail myself of the school library. Normally, when I get there I like to find a nice, quiet desk in the corner where I can totally get into my "zone" uninterrupted but that hasn't been possible of late with the ever growing number of students the school has been taking in. That night was no exception. I checked all my favorite spots first and they were all taken. I eventually had to settle on one of the shared desks on the open floor.

I wasn't elated, but, whatever, it  wasn't enough to dissuade me. I sat down. Set out my books I took from the shelves, set up my netbook and hunkered down for some serious study time.

Then he came in.

Right here I'm going to make one thing clear. I have absolutely nothing against overweight people. I, myself, being somewhat-er-chubby would be a total hypocrite if I did express any sort of negative sentiment towards them. But this individual, in particular, I must admit, I had several problems with.

First was the wheezing: I’m talking gasping as if it’s your last breath before all goes dark, wheezing. Should I contact someone? Was there any next of kin I should notify? I don’t know if he ran down the stairs from the fourth floor or he had just completed a marathon but, whatever he was doing, this man was seriously out of breath. This, I had to endure for about fifteen minutes while he was sitting next to me.

Second was the talking: Not to me. Two female students he was working on a group project with came in soon after he did. At first they discussed their project. Soon, though, the conversation shifted to life, love, past mistakes and a whole bunch of other bullshit I really did not need to be trying to ignore at the time. A few disapproving glances in their direction only bought me several seconds of peace each time.

This eventually ended when his companions left. FINALLY! He was quite. He hunched over his laptop – no wheezing, no talking – just sweet silence. I focused on the task at hand. Studying! That was my mission. Nothing more would deter me.

Wait! Is he... Is he snoring? Holy crap! He’s asleep. And he’s freakin’ snoring! And, what a snore! I mean, I hate to admit it but this was impressive. At this point my head hit the desk. The loud thud created by that was drowned out by the jackhammer being worked right next to me.

I lift up my head and contemplate my options. The library is still full. I can’t see any free seats to move over to. I notice that, by now, others have begun to notice him too. I see them glance over and shift uncomfortably in their seats. A few smile and snicker. Yeah! Real funny! How about we trade seats? No, really. Anybody?


“Poke him.” One of the librarians mouths to me from her desk across the room. She gestures a poking action with her hand.

“Nuh-uh,” I mouth back, nodding, “He’ll eat me!!!”

“POKE!HIM!” she mouths again, her lip movements and gestures more pronounced.

I look over to my right and size him up. After a few seconds, I reach out and gently poke him in the side. He snorts awake and looks around, dazed.

“Dude,” I whisper to him, “You’re snoring.”

“I fell asleep? Sorry.” He rubs his eyes and straightens up.

Now, I’ve been in similar situations where I’ve fallen asleep in public. Of course, I’ve never been as vocal about it as he was. Normally, the initial embarrassment of being caught in such a state is enough to keep me awake for some time, usually throughout the duration of whatever I was enduring and...

HO.LY.FREAKIN.CRAP! He’s snoring again!!!

I don’t bother to wait for anyone else’s suggestion this time. I poke him again. Not as gently this time, either.

“Shit! Sorry. I didn’t realize how tired I was. You know what? This is a sign that I should probably just go home.”

(No shit! Really?) “It’s probably for the best.” I agree.

He packs his stuff and leaves. About twenty minutes later, the librarian announces that the library is about to close. I chalk this one up as a defeat and begin to pack.


  1. Back when I was in college I used to go to the library just to sleep. It was quiet and had air conditioning. After my nap I would wake up and study. As Charlie Sheen would say, I was "winning".

  2. "He'll Eat Me!" Hilarious!! I'm sorry you had to deal with someone so annoying but am super glad you shared it in such great detail with us because I needed a good laugh and this totally did it!

  3. Damn! I don't know how you did it! I would have pulled out my hair strand by damn strand!

  4. This post deserves some of your funny stick drawings, especially the part about being worried that the snore monster would eat you.

    PS: You won the guessing contest & I pimped your blog out today.

  5. @ Oilfield: I find I always do my best studying after a nap as well. Only I try to keep my snoring within accepted levels.

    @ Random Girl: It was like watching a sleeping bear, actually. Glad I could assist with a smile.

    @ Thundercat: I came close. Luckily, I'd just taken a haircut & my hair was just too short to get a good hold of.

    @ The Empress: Why didn't I think of that. Also, WOOHOO! Awesome! Thanks.

    @ AC: It was a risk, I know. But it needed to be done.

  6. Hello, I'm Antares, and I'm a quiet library napper. It's so good to know that I'm not alone. Hugs?

  7. "nuh-uh, he'll eat me" cracked my ass up.

  8. It really would have taught him a lesson if you all left, closed the library up. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night locked in an empty library.

    Loved you picture!

  9. People use the library for things other than sleeping? Huh.


Go ahead, say it! You know you want to: