Smells Like Monkeys In Here.

As I mentioned the other day, I was sick. I'm mostly better now (not factoring-in the residual mucus.. Sorry). I also mentioned something about hipster monkeys in that post too (I don't know... I think my brain was overheating or something).

No, wait! There was a point to the monkeys! The monkeys had meaning. They were a symbol to represent my writing (I submit my entire blogging history as "Exhibit A") or, at least, my return to writing. See? Makes more sense now, right?

Know what? Forget the monkeys! You can't expect to understand what's going on when there are monkeys in the room. That just never works out. What I mean by all this is, I think getting sick made me figure out why I haven't felt motivated to write these days.

You know when people say "life happened" and I couldn't keep up with this or that anymore? That's exactly right! And it's not always because you're so busy. That can happen but that wasn't the case for me. For me, I got stuck in a rut. Between bills, night school, boring office job, etc. I subconsciously began to wall myself off so as not to feel overwhelmed by what felt like the sheer meaningless in my existence. The problem with that was I made myself literally numb to everything going on around me. It's really hard to be creative when you go about your everyday routine just letting everything bounce off you and letting nothing stick. Know what I mean?

Now that I realized that, I think I can keep myself from falling into that trap again. Or not. I get distracted easily.

Speaking of distracted, I got my sense of smell back!

(Yeah, complete and abrupt change of topic. No warning. No clever segueing. Nothing! Blame the monkeys.)

While the cold helped me regain my sense of blogginess (I think), I lost my sense of smell. That was new. I've never had anything like that happen over a cold - or any other reason - before. At first, I was a little worried that it was going to be permanent (and possibly the lamest superhero origin story ever) but Dr. Google assured me it would be alright. Actually, it seemed this wasn't not all that uncommon when you got a cold so I just had to wait it out. Sure, everything I ate tasted bland without a functioning olfactory sense but, on the plus side, I kind of liked being able to walk through the city and not be suddenly have my nose bombarded with scent human waste (sorry again) - usually strategically scattered throughout the city by members of our homeless community.

That being said, I am now of the opinion that the tongue is woefully undeserving of its position as the representative of taste. All that guy can basically do is tell what's sweet, sour, bitter and salty. Without your olfactory sense, you might as well just give up on life enjoying your food.

At first, my sense of smell came back in bits and pieces. The first time I noticed anything had a scent was one day, when I was returning from lunch about two days into it. A coworker was waiting to get on the elevator and the scent of her coffee hit my olfactory senses hard. The best way I can describe it was like being colorblind and suddenly seeing a woman in a red dress move across the room. And the fact that it was coffee that ended up being the first thing I could smell in two days turned that woman in a red dress into a curvy bikini model in a skimpy, red two-piece.

Of course I meant a Japanese bikini model!

I really love coffee.

After that, it was gone again until something else got through. Fortunately, none of it was poop. After about five or six days, I'm happy to report that things are back to normal and coffee tastes great once again.

Word Vomit.

I've been trying to figure out why I've been avoiding writing lately. It isn't that I don't have anything to say, or that I've lost interest, or anything like that. I still want to write and I have tons of stuff going on. There’s the new house, the new puppy, stuff at work, etc. Tons of stuff! It’s just, every time I think about dropping a few lines (HOLLA!!!) I just... can't. I've started composing posts in my head more than a few times and, as soon as I sit down to write... nothing.

Like I said, I got stuff going on.. and thangs... s-stuff 'n thangs.

Why is it that, as bloggers who basically chronicle even the smallest and most inane (okay, maybe I'm just referring to myself with that one) aspects of our lives, the things that should provide us with excellent material for our posts end up actually keeping us from posting. I'm talking about all the really big things. We always talk about life getting in the way.

At the end of the day, though, these big things aren't as blog-worthy as you'd think. Take my stuff... and things... for example:

NEW HOME:  You'd think becoming a homeowner for the first time would be a big enough of a deal that you'd get tons of blog fodder from the experience. Right? But, after you say, “Hey, guys, I'm buying a house,” there really isn't much more you can add to the story and still keep it interesting:

- got approved for house.

- went and saw the house.

- signed all the legal documents.

- frantically trying to scrape up the down payment because they called us earlier than expected to do the closing.

That's it. Sure, it's mostly good news but  BOR-ING!

MARRIAGE: All good! Mrs C and I had our eleventh wedding anniversary on Sunday. We didn't make a big deal about it (we had pizza and wine as our celebratory meal - 'cause that's how we roll) so there isn't really much to tell there.

WORK: I started my new contract three weeks ago and will be gainfully employed for another two years (YAY!)...

They left me at the same desk they put me on while I was on loan to help with the - now stalled -White Paper project. Essentially, no one bothered to think about moving be back to my old desk or to anywhere else where I could be more productive so I'm just sitting around most days trying to keep myself busy (BOO!) It seems like a big deal on the surface but what else is there for me to say about that situation that would be worth mentioning (and not just end up becoming a swear-laden rant)?

SCHOOL: At the end of this semester, I'll have my Associate's degree and be at the halfway point to earning my Bachelor's degree. Sure it's more like two-thirds the way since it took me twice as long as it should have to get this far when I changed majors. But I made it. It's great... huge, actually, but I'm particularly inclined to do a practice valedictorian speech (I'm not giving any at school either, thankfully) about it.

PUPPY: Still there, still cute, eats her poop, thinks shoes are chew toys. Nothing new to report.

"I think my cuteness deserves a little more mentioning than that."

The more I think about it, the more I realize it really is the little things that matter. I think I've been stressing so much about writing about each of these big things and giving them their proper place of importance with grand, well worded posts, filled with humor and excitement that I forgot that inane is what I do best. Maybe now that I've listed all these and got them out of the way I'll be able to get back to business as usual.

We'll see.

I Should Write Something.

You should write something...

But... I don’t have anything to write.

So? When has that ever stopped you? You’ve written lots of words about nothing before. That's a lame excuse! So, yeah, you should write something.

But what about that book I was reading? I should finish it. It’s been too long. How can I think about sitting down to write when I have a book just sitting there unread?

Still, You should write something.

Maybe after I catch up on some shows I missed out on last week. Then there are all those DVDs I got. There are still one or two I haven’t gotten to yet.

Then again, those shows aren’t really going anywhere? Are they? You can binge watch the entire season over the weekend. The movies can wait too. Instead, you should probably just write something...

Okay, maybe I should. But it’s been a hard week. Maybe some video games to help me unwind first. I can imagine the next boss fight is that annoying guy in IT.

Or... and this is just a thought here... You. Could. Write. Something!

But can I really focus on writing right now with so much stuff going on at work? The Divisional Director just asked me help out on a new project. A complicated project! And the deadline is in two days. Can I really focus on writing now?

Worry about work when you’re at work! Trust me, it’ll be there every morning, waiting for you. That being said, you should write something.

Sigh... I guess you’re right. I should write something...

What Happens When This Joker Tries To Make A Resolution.

I don't make New Year's resolutions. Nothing against them, I guess. Just not really my thing. But for the new year I decided to break with tradition and make a change in my life. I've decided I'm going to be more invested in the things I do this year. You know? Be more committed, more focused, more driven. I'm going to put more effort into whatever I'm doing this year. 

I even made a graphic. Not THAT'S commitment!

This applies to my studies, finding a job (and, by extension, keeping a job), my blogging and in other areas of my life. I've decided I'm going to apply myself. I mean, how hard can that be?

Don't answer that.

Okay, I'll admit, I know it's a big commitment, but at least I can try. And, the first place I decided to get started was here on the ol' blog. That seemed the easiest place to get the ball rolling. Truth is, I've felt things here have fallen short for the last half of the year. It was on account of my being bummed by the job loss. But I've decided to re-commit myself to improving the quality of my workmanship around here. Yup! I decided I'd write better posts with more effort put in.

With my new-found commitment, I sat down to write my first premium quality post for 2013 (because, obviously, it's that easy). I knew it wouldn't be trouble to get going too. I have a few weeks off from school right now with the semester over (it's confirmed that, I passed my courses for last semester, in case you're wondering), so I had the free time and I'm feeling pretty good. Everything was set.

Then I sat down to write...

Wouldn't you know it?! Writer's block. I sat there staring at my screen, poised ready to write and nothing. Not even the slightest wisp of inspiration. Sure I had ideas, but the words just would not flow.

Outstanding!

Ever notice how you're best ideas for a post start to look like total crap when you're not inspired? I mean, I know that time I saw an elderly guy in the grocery with the 20 tins of corned beef in his basket and nothing else would make a funny post. At least, I thought it did at the time. Now..? I'm not so sure.

This, of course, was unacceptable, so I decided I'd get some help from my blogger friends. How I normally do this is by reading some posts by my fellow bloggers the get my mind back to its bloggy state. since everyone's been so productive for the year so far, I thought if I sat, read and tried to absorb everyone's blogging energy, I'd be bound to get my mojo going again.

But while everyone was busy getting down to business on their own blogs, I was, however...

This went on for a few days. I couldn't even think up witty comments for most of the posts I read.

So far, 2013's kinda looking a lot like 2012.

Still, I was determined! Undaunted! I would not-EH! Who am I kidding? I just ended up doing what anyone else in my position would do. Which is why you're reading a post about not me being inspired to write. I'll stop half-assing it from next week.

This is why I don't make New Year's resolutions.

I'm Not Sure Where This Is Going, But I'm Pretty Sure It's Nowhere.

Sometimes I write an entire post in my head before I sit down at the computer. Sometimes I start out with just the idea of what I want to write about and start writing, seeing where that leads me. But then I asked myself, what would happen if I just sat down and just began to write? Start with no topic, no plan and no direction, and just write and see what happens.

I'll admit I'm cautious, but I'm not the "must have everything organised and planned out" type either. On the contrary, all I've even needed to get something done was a general direction and enough fare to pay for the ride. I don't need to have it all mapped out, but I still feel comfortable with having a general direction. This is the complete opposite to Mrs. C's personality. While she is the type to lunge headfirst and full speed into something, she needs a plan, even if it's after taking that first step. She needs to know how she's getting there, what route she'll take, what would be the best time to move to avoid traffic, if she should wear comfortable shoes and so on and so on. Yes, she's that neurotic anal (I wish) thorough.

But I digress... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah! Nowhere... Or somewhere... But I guess that's the point.

Wait, there's a point?

Anybody ever use Zemanta? It's this software that analyzes your posts as you type and helps you with pictures and related links and whatnot. It normally works pretty well but right now one of the things it's showing me is a picture of a man named Georg Lunge (I had to Google who he was). For those who didn't know (like myself) he's a German chemist who lived in the late 1800's to the early 1900's and he has nothing to do with anything I'm writing.

That's it?! You're just going to read the first sentence in my bio and leave it at that? I hope my name comes up in a pop-quiz or something someday.
source

From this I can only deduce that I've gone so far off the reservation with this post that I've confused the program. I can only imagine what I'm doing to everyone else.

Wow! Those are a lot more words than I expected for a post that's basically about nothing. I feel like I should apologize or something for making you read all this drivel, but then again, it isn't like I'm making you sit through this. It isn't like I'm secretly lurking in a shadowy corner, pointing a gun and expecting a three-page report (double-spaced, use serif typeface, citations where necessary) on a) your impression of this post and how it may or may not contribute adversely to climate change and the global economy, or b) how the work of Georg Lunge helped shape the face of modern chemistry (he's your problem now). No, it's nothing like that.

It's due by Thursday.

Hey! That reminds of a cartoon I saw on Facebook once:

Wait! No... that's not it...

Oh, I remember. It 's this one:

Nobody said anything about a coherent story. Did they?

So, yeah, I think it's safe to say that I've tested the limits of this exercise (and your patience) as much as I can for now. If you stuck with this all the way to the end you deserve a standing ovation.

Here you go.

Unfortunately, the answer is still no, you can't get those last few minutes of your life back. If you were expecting me to come to some kind of point, the only one you'll get is me pointing out that I warned you in the title.

No refunds!

The Obligatory "Writer's Block" Post.

I know! I know! I've been gone almost two weeks without a word. I think that's actually a new record for me. I blame it on that damn blinking cursor that greets me when I open up my 'Compose' screen. Pretentious little sonofabitch, huh? I just got tired of staring at that thing. I mean it just sits there, mocking me... blinking. Daring me and jeering me. It says, "Go ahead! Write something. Bet you can't. Bet you just sit there and do nothing."

I hate that cursor.

As you're well aware, it's an unofficial rule when you have a blog is that you should write on said blog from time to time. It's kind of expected, to be honest. Darn rules! I wish I could say it's because I've been sooo damn busy that I've barely had time to breath, let along write, but the truth of the matter is I've hardly been doing much of anything.

Besides staring at a blinking cursor, that is.

Actually, that's kind of the problem. It's hard to relay my new adventures when I haven't been having any. Sitting at home all day doesn't exactly provide much in the way of blog fodder.

I know what you're going to say, "But, Vinny, what about Sprocket Ink? You've still been writing over at Sprocket Ink."

Yes, I have. So, technically, I guess I don't really have writer's block... Wait! You guys have been checking out my posts over at Sprocket, have you?

Well?

I... I don't believe this. How..? Why..? Don't make me use my signature "Scowl of Disapproval".

GRRR!

There's still chance to redeem yourselves. I put in an extra post today (Sorry. Site's gone now). It's up right now and don't forget tomorrow's post too. Don't make me give you the other half of that scowl.

Anyway, I figure if I could waste your time with the last few paragraphs just writing about my inability to write then I'm full of it I can snap out of it. Expect me back... soon.