Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Taking The Show On The Road.

source
Doing what you do without fear of the unknown is nice. You know the rules, the people, how all the furniture is arranged and so on. It's nice to be comfortable. But, every now and again, we all like to go outside of the confines of our safe surroundings and explore new places, see new sights, meet new people and see what trouble we can get into in a different venue than what we're accustomed to.

This is true even for introverts like myself. Only what I consider to be "adventure" isn't as awkward, or potentially dangerous as actually physically going out into the real world. That? That's just crazy! Instead, I prefer to explore the different landscapes made available to me on the old interwebz here.

And that's what I'm doing today. I'll be spending the day (virtually) over at fellow Sprocket, Sarah's blog, La Casa Di Frigerio. There I'm talking about one of my favorite summertime "spectator sports". Well... to be honest, it isn't actually a sport per se, but it's entertaining nonetheless.

So check it out.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

(Un)Healthy Obsession

I've got two - count 'em - two post for you today. There's my usual Tuesday slot over at Sprocket Ink. It's about a subject near and dear to all of us: zombies. So as usual CLICK HERE and get your snarky news on.


The second post is here. It's also about a topic that should be near and dear to us all: my wife, the lovely Mrs. C. With today being her birthday, (that's right! it's her birthday today) it's only fitting that today's post be centered around her.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it before but Mrs. C... she's one of those wives. You know the kind I'm talking about. The ones who try to live healthy lifestyles and, by extension, try to make their husbands/families in general live healthy too. Yeah... One of those.

She's the type who will insist that, as often as possible, any meal we consume be "balanced". That often means, like it or not, there's going to be a green salad on the side.

Not that I really have a problem with it. I know she has my best interests at heart. But sometimes, I fear, she will occasionally cross the line in her efforts. For example, every now and then we'll have the "coffee talk".

Mrs. C: Is that coffee you're having this morning?

Me: Yeah.

Mrs. C: Why? Do you need it? Didn't you get a good night's sleep last night?

Me: Yes, I did have a good rest. But that isn't the point. I want coffee.

Mrs. C: Babe! We talked about this. I wish you wouldn't drink coffee unnecessarily. You know it's not all that good for you.

Me: BLASPHEMY!!! Oh? Says who?

We'd then proceed to argue our respective points of view for a few minutes which would usually end in a stalemate. Don't get me wrong. She does drink coffee, mind you, but she'll only have a cup if she didn't get enough sleep the night before. Then she'll spend half the morning beating herself up about it.

That's no way to live, if you ask me.

She does however love tea. I mean she REALLY loves tea. In fact, I'd call it more of an unhealthy obsession.
One of these is mine but I have to wonder if it's normal to have so many different types of tea at once.
Recently, someone told her about a line of deodorants that were free of the dreaded Ammonium Chloride and she found out there was a store that sold them close to where she worked. Sure enough, her regular brand was soon in the trash. She would have made a great hippie. 

My brand of choice has always been Degree. I haven't been paid to endorse the product (sadly), but as a professional perspirer, I have to say this stuff really works for me. I've been using it for as long as I could remember.

My scent of choice. Just look at how it's packaged. Everything about it screams "MANLY".
But it came as no surprise that she was soon trying to convert me.

Mrs. C: Vinny, you have to try this. It's way better for you than those other deodorants. You know I'm only suggesting it because I care for you and want what's best. Pleeeease!

So, as you'd expect, I caved.

Whipped? Who you callin' whipped? Not me! I'm just giving it a try just this one time just to prove that it doesn't work and then I'll go back to the way things were. You'll see...

Anyway, we agreed I would give it a try as soon as my current deodorant was finished. When the day came and my deodorant was finally on its last, I got a call from her.

Mrs. C: Hi. I'm at the store that sells that deodorant you agreed to use and they're out of stock for now.

Me: Too bad. Maybe next time then...

Mrs. C: No wait. They don't have any now bur they'll be getting some more in a few days. But only the spray kind though.


Me: And when was the last time you saw me use a spray deodorant? Besides, I bet they're all, "We don't use propellants in our deodorants," and I'll have to use one of those pump bottles.


Mrs. C: I dunno. C'mon! Is that really a problem? Besides, you already agreed so just give it a try. Okay?


Long story short, I caved again. What?! A few days later she called me again to tell me they got their shipment and they had two scents: lavender and scent-free. I chose the scent-free one, of course. She tried to argue again, but this time I stood my ground. A man's got to have some standards after all. Oh, and I was right. It is a pump.
The pink ribbon on the cap is a fitting tribute to my emasculation at this point.
Next week, she said she saw a a t-shirt she just had to get me. Heaven help me.
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Friday, June 22, 2012

Maybe I'm Not A Writer.

Maybe I'm not a writer. Maybe my words won't go down in history somewhere, or be quoted, or even published anywhere outside the blogosphere. Maybe the best I can hope for is just to be retweeted every now and again. Maybe I'm not as good as I like to think I am sometimes.

Maybe I'll never write a book. I admit, the thought of even starting one daunts me. I wouldn't even know where to start. What would I write about anyway? Maybe the countless stories that float around in my head are doomed to remain locked up in there, never to see the light of day. Then again... maybe that's for the best.

Maybe blogging won't make me rich and famous one day. Maybe it will never be more than a hobby. A way for me to express myself in ways I could never truly articulate in the real world. A way to come out of that shell I've developed over the years and interact with people I share such a  strong connection with, I've somehow grown to consider so many these people - people I've never met in real life - "friends".

But so what? I never set out to be or do any of those things. When I first started all this, it wasn't to become famous. I never had dreams of having hundreds or thousands of followers. But I'm glad for every one I do have. I was a goof. A guy who used humor to hide his insecurities. One who declared his love for coffee, breasts and video games without fear of being judged. One who read and commented on other blogs, not so that people would notice me and follow me home, but because I enjoyed them. Maybe I'm still that guy. Yeah! I'm definitely still that guy.

So maybe I'm not really a writer. Or maybe I am. I'm not the one to judge that for now. Maybe all I am is just goof who can string a few sentences together and hopefully make someone other than myself smile. Even if it's just a little smile. But you know what? Maybe I'm okay with that. Maybe that's all I need to be right now.
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Thursday, June 21, 2012

Yes! *Another* Post That Isn't Really A Post.

I'm working on some posts and one of them has some drawing involved so I'm a tad busy right now. But that doesn't mean I'll leave you hangin'.

It just so happens I have a brand new post up at Sprocket Ink today. That should tide you over. If you're good and go over there right now, I promise I'll do a real post here for you soon.

Monday, June 18, 2012

The Voices In My Head.

We all hear it. The voice that tell us we can be more, do more, be better, go further, push harder... That is the voice that drives us to go beyond our limitations and sometimes we can achieve greatness because it pushes when we think we don't have it in us to take that next step. Let's call that voice "Drive".

But then there is that voice that tells us the opposite. The voice of "Doubt". Doubt tries to convince us we can't go on. That whatever it is we're working towards isn't worth the effort. We'll hear it say, "Who are you fooling? You know you can't do this. Stop making a fool of yourself! Who are you trying to impress anyway?" He's an asshole.

Doubt is just as strong, sometimes even stronger than the Drive. Sometimes, all it takes is that that one split-second for it to whisper to you and all the strength and motivation you thought you had  when you first started seems to just vanish. Then everything falls apart. Unless Drive can come back and convince you to pick yourself back up again.

These two voices are forever warring inside my head. No matter what I'm doing, they're there. One example is when I'm at the gym. I'd be lifting weights when, all of a sudden...

Doubt: You can't make those last five. You know you can't! Look! You're doing it wrong. I'm sure you are. Hah! Three more? You aren't going to make it. Look how your are is shaking... Dude! Wait! I thing you pulled something!

Meanwhile, Drive is there too, screaming in the other ear.

Drive: C'mon! You can do it! You know you can! Just this last five, Vinny... now four... now three..!

They're both really annoying, to be honest, and sometimes I wish they'd just take it outside and settle things once and for all.





Then again, maybe not...

Nowadays, as I continue to deal with the harsh reality of once again being unemployed, I'm faced with not only the worry of mounting bills and the feeling of diminished self-worth, but their constant bickering as well.

Doubt will ask me why I'm still wasting my time with journalism after The Paper fired me, or tell me I'm a burden for not being able contributing to the finances. 

"Just sit there! Watch TV. Surf the web. What's the point of sending out all those applications? All you'll are more crickets!" Doubt will say. (He contradicts himself, I know. But, like I said, he's an asshole.)

At this point, the other guy, Drive, will then rebut with a, "Ignore him! You won't be a burden once you get out there and start working again. And you will start working again. Just keep trying." (It's even worse when he brings out his cheer squad to back him up.)

And those are just a few examples...

Still, as annoying as the voice of Doubt is, I can't totally ignore it. Left on its own, Drive can be pretty much an asshole too. He can push you to taking chances you shouldn't and going so far you end up going over the  proverbial (maybe even literal) edge. It might look good on one of those motivational quotes to say "throw caution to the wind", but that voice of Doubt can, on occasion, be a voice of reason that keeps you from crossing lines you know you shouldn't. The hard part is knowing just when he's right.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Don't Mess With Our Cows!

I'm over at Sprocket Ink again today and this time I've moved on from penguins to cows. Before you ask, no, they're not involved in some sort of twisted tipping fetish. They're actually under attack.

But don't worry. Cows are tough. They're on the ropes now but when they fight back- and they will - look out! Plus, as propaganda for their cause, I employ the use of the Evil Cow Meme.
Dare you to go check it out and see how. CLICK HERE.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Just Another Random Weekend Wrap-Up.

It has been some time since I did one of these wrap-up posts, but there were a few loose ends I wanted to tie up. Plus a few random updates:

- First let me take a moment to say a special thank you to those of you who have clicked on that follow button in the past few weeks. I feel awesome and you all are awesome for making me feel awesome.

Awesome!

- By the way, in case you were wondering, I'm still unemployed. While I tried not to let getting fired from the paper draw get to me, the fact that working there sucked so hard did make me (briefly) doubt my resolve towards journalism. But only briefly. I've been sending out applications like crazy, but so far, crickets.

- I visited the parents on Friday. I have to admit I don't go see them as much as I should. As a result, Momma C has resorted to some shrewd tactics to lure me over.

Momma C: So when am I seeing you?
Me: I dunno. I'll let you know.
Momma C: Uh-huh. I've heard that before. Well, you better not take too long. The mango tree in the front yard - you know, the Julie-mango tree - is just so full this season. "Julies" are your favorite, aren't they? (she knows they are.)
Me: Yeah.
Momma C: Thought so. Anyway, The neighbours have been helping themselves to the ones hanging over into the street, but I picked some and set them aside for you.
Me: Thanks.
Momma C: But you know your nephew and nieces will finish them off if you don't get here soon. Diva (aka Mrs. C) loves "Julies" too, doesn't she?

As you can see, I didn't really have a chance. So, like I said, on Friday I went over... and I came back with these:
I know! Those are a whole lot of mangoes.
With all these mangoes, Mrs. C decided to take the opportunity to get creative. She got out her trusty blender and tossed a few in along with some watermelon and paw paw (some of you may know it as papaya) and voilà!
Mmmmmm... Fruity goodness!
What can I say? She loves juicing stuff. We still have enough left over to last us a while but if we aren't tired of mangoes by the the time they're done, the folks have the hook-up.
Some of what I didn't take that day.
Just the excuse Momma C needs to get me to visit more often. At least until mango season passes.

********

While we're here, Let's go over the stuff I posted during the week. Shall we? First, let's start with some posts I did right here:
- It all began on Monday. Once again, I used the World of Warcraft to illustrate the issue of my diminutive stature. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But I am short, and so is Mrs. C. Only she doesn't like to talk about it  (FYI - She did eventually find the post).

- On Thursday, there was a pseudo-post to lead you to another post to talk about pseudo-porn on a pseudo-porn site. Believe me, it's not as confusing as it sounds.

- Finally, on Friday, I drew a simple cartoon to illustrate some my struggle a particular form of exercise.

Now it's on to Sprocket Ink:
As always, I have my Tuesday and Thursday slots of new-meets-snarky goodness.

- Tuesday's post looked into the ill-conceived idea of Japanese group to use a cartoon depicting a wife's level of anger as a representation of dangerous nuclear radiation levels.

- Then on Thursday I explored PETA's new .xxx adult website. There I made the disappointing discovery that this X-rated site actually had nothing X-rated on it. Not even a single nipple! Well... if you look really hard you can kinda see Ron Jeremy's but I ain't gonna. I also introduce the phrase "PETA Pocket Porn" which I may copyright if I'm not too lazy.

********
And that's what what I've been up to. I'll go have me a mango now.

Friday, June 8, 2012

No Dignity Left.


Thursday, June 7, 2012

So... This Is What Vegan Porn Looks Like?

For those of you who know me, you've probably noticed that I have no issue in addressing certain topics. Like  pornography, for instance. But today, on Sprocket Ink, things get a little confused as I talk about pseudo-porn (porn that's not actually porn) on a pseudo-porn site (a porn site that's not act... You get the idea!).

I won't say too much on the subject here. Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and, let's face it, you will choose to) is to follow the LINK. As always, should you be caught or killed, then you probably went off on your own and did something you shouldn't have and will most likely be wishing that you had stopped to read my post instead. Remember, you were warned.

Monday, June 4, 2012

The World of Warcraft & Height Differences.

As I mentioned before, I'm not very tall. The last time I told you about it, I compared myself to one of the races in the game World of Warcraft known as the Dwarf. Once again, using WoW Model Viewer, I'll show you what I mean.
I have to admit that it bothered me at first. Especially when, as a kid growing up, others made fun of me.
But it's okay. I've gotten over it since then.

Mrs C is shorter than I am which makes us a perfect pair.
But if you want to be specific, I'm more Dwarf-like in build than she is. That is to say, I'm the stocky one. If I had to compare her to any character in the game, I'd say her body more closely resembled that of a Night Elf than a Dwarf.
I know, right? Lucky me. Only... She'd actually be a very tiny Night Elf.

I should probably mention now that Mrs. C isn't as accepting of her stature as I am. In fact, she gets really pissed off when I joke about it.
That being said, just do me a favor and don't mention anything I just told you to her. It's most likely going to make her very upset and thinks won't end well for me.


Not well at all.