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The Five Scariest Words.

Bonus day!!! I'm here and on Sprocket Ink with two full posts. You are quite welcome. So click the link, go, read, enjoy and then come back here for desert. It'll still be fresh when you get back.

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It was a Monday morning like any other Monday morning. I was at my former workplace, The Paper. As I always do, I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. As I neared my destination, I should have sensed there was something wrong. Had it been any other day, my senses would have been sharper. Perhaps, had I already had that cup of coffee, I might have noticed that nature was slightly off-balance. But I didn't. Not until it was almost too late.

I walked through the kitchen door and immediately it hit me. There was indeed a disturbance in the force. There, in front of me, stood Joy and Fitz (not their real names, obviously). They were locked on a stare reminiscent to when a gazelle looks into a lion's eyes and knows he's just breathed his last.

I didn't know what was going on, but every instinct I had screamed at me to get out of that room. Which, of course, I did.

The tension in the air was thick. Soon, Fitz tried (unsuccessfully) to speak.

Fitz: That's not what I meant! I mean- Um... All I was saying was- I didn't mean that you were... Please don't kill me.


This was bad. Whatever he had said, Fitz had crossed a line. A line no man should cross, and now his end was near. Poor Fitz. I almost never spoke to him, but he seemed nice enough. If only I had the time, maybe we could have even been friends. But it was too late now. I decided it was best I get to a safe distance before Joy decided to make me seconds.

After the funeral Later, I found out what had happened. Joy and Fitz had run into each other in the kitchen and were chatting. That's when Fitz said the words that would seal his fate.

Fitz: You must have had a fun weekend. You look fatigued.

I. know. He actually did say that.

Then Joy - the woman who always smiled, the woman who prefers to hug you instead of telling you 'Good morning', the woman who pouted for three whole days because management refused to let her put up decorations in the office at Christmas... Yes, that Joy - stopped. The smile which seemed to be etched on to her face was still there, but somehow it seemed twisted... EVIL. Her eyes froze in a deathly stare and she said the five words that will reduce even the surliest brute to a blubbering puddle of fear.

Joy: What's that supposed to mean?

Even I was rendered speechless just imagining the conversation. Fitz did manage to survive, but he was a shell of his former self. He spent the rest of the day lumbering around the halls, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Though it takes only a few hours for the spine to return to it's solid state, it would be several days before he could face Joy again.

We can only hope he learned a valuable lesson from his encounter and never makes that mistake in the future.

In Case You Hadn't Noticed...

I'm AWOL again. Landlady forgot to pay the nice internet people again so, like Neo popping that red pill, I've been once again forcibly ejected from my warm and cozy metallic pod, confused, scared and, yes, naked.

Don't ask.

I'm still working on getting my own internet but that's taking longer than planned.

But while that may limit my presence here in the ol' interwebz, it's not enough to stop me. Being exhausted from the crazy hours at work and the assignments heaped onto by my lecturers at school, that might be enough.

Nah! Not even all that.

So I'm here. In whatever limited capacity I can show up in. But I do come bearing a gift: a brand spanking new post over at Sprocket Ink! Thought it wasn't going to happen, did you? I know this isn't one of my usual days but I thought I'd mix it up a little. Keep you on your toes.

As always should you choose to accept this post (honestly, there's no reason not to) just click the link or the SI badge to the right and you're all set.

The Return Of Anime Catgirl.

I'm not really here today. I'm over at Sprocket Ink where I made another drawing of my anime catgirl. Just one, but she's there.

Plus, there's a story there that I wrote too, fyi. It's sort of a disturbing one, but I won't give anything away here.

You know the drill. Follow the link and get your read on.

Multiple Sightings.

We have received numerous reports of multiple sightings of the blogger known as Vinny C.

Eyewitnesses have claimed that he has been simultaneously sighted on his blog as well as on Sprocket Ink and Studio 30 Plus.

While some call it an invasion, AVCI contacted various experts of the interwebz to provide a possible explanation to this phenomenon.

"We think he may have mutated due to over exposure to a highly concentrated combination of caffeine, internet and free time," one scientist said.

Authorities are urging the public to not panic, stating that following the the various links to where he was sighted seems to keep the spread at bay.

"Now-now! There's no need to get all worked up here people. Our advisers guarantee that Vinny's intentions are friendly and he means us no harm." a senior political figure stated as he (and several prostitutes) were being quickly escorted into his bunker.

AVCI will be monitoring the phenomenon and will update you on any further developments.

Finding Love Online... The Fun Way.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, I was single. I try to forget about those days. Let's just say I wasn't known for my swagger and smooth moves back then. Actually, I'm still not known for them. Sigh...

The dating world was tough. You needed money to take a girl out. You had to wade through all the obsessive psychos, liars, control freaks, and so on, and so on... It also involved having to do two things I've never been a fan of: going out and meeting people.

I much preferred staying in and playing video games, instead.

Online dating wasn't around yet and, luckily, I met Mrs. C before I ever had my turn at that roulette wheel, so I never had to go through that. I've heard more than a fair share of the horror stories people have told about their adventures with that though.

Nope, video games worked just fine for me.

When I started playing World of Warcraft I actually made a few friends there. A guild I belonged to even had a married couple who met playing WoW and another pair who eventually decided to meet and start dating.

Somehow, it just seemed easier to find compatibility with fellow gamers, I guess. Plus it was easier to avoid the freaks. Just don't go into Goldshire late at night. Trust me. There's just something really unnerving about a horny druid in bear form talking dirty to you.

To show you what I mean Tony Shin and his team from the Online University  went out, compiled the stats and put together this cool retro-game themed graphic that shows you why it's better to stay locked in your room, playing online video games instead of staying locked in your room trawling online dating sites.

Created by: OnlineUniversity.net

What more needs to be said. So stay home and take your death knight up to level 85. Don't worry about finding love and it will find you... probably in the form of a peppy Gnome priest who makes sure she heals you first during all your raids together.

Vines.

Vines grow everywhere in our backyard.

They spread quickly and can thrive in the worst conditions. And, of course, they're hard to get rid of. When I think I've pulled them all, there's this one tiny root stuck in a crack in the wall that's waiting until the coast is clear to spread again. It's a never ending fight.

Vines can only feed off the strength of others. If there no other plants or anything else to cling to, no matter how far they spread, they're stuck on the ground. But when they find a plant, or wall, or anything that rises above them, they grab onto it, hold it tight and follow it up as far as it goes.

Some people are like vines. When someone starts growing on your own strength they try to latch onto you and climb as far as your efforts will take them.

But vines are smart. They've learned they can't totally choke you out. They've realized they can't reach the heights they want to if you're not there to keep them up. They need you. So they let you continue to grow. But your growth is slowed now because your vines are weighing you down.

The irony is, when vines do reach as high as they need to, they actually have the potential to achieve something, in their own small way and finally get the attention they want.

Vines are survivors. You can't argue that. But it's a sad existence. They can only shine if they can climb up on the shoulders of others.

SnapIt - The Time I Tried To Review A Product.

The other day I got an email from someone asking me to review their software. Now, while I don't normally do that kind of stuff, I decided, "What the hell?" and said yes. Plus, I thought maybe it would lead to other offers which would lead to tons of money and me realizing my dream of quitting my job and being able to live off money I make from the internet.

Sounds realistic, right?

Anyway, I'm sure some of you may have heard about SnapIt Screen Capture software.

It's an easy-to-use screen capture software that not only allows you to capture any image from your computer screen, but let's you drag and select the part of the image you want.

As the website describes this Screen Capture Software:

Capture anything you see on your PC screen with SnapIt. It is convenient tool for graphic designers, bloggers who capture and crop images for their posts, for tech writers who need to describe menus and interfaces of applications, web designers and those who work with graphics every day. It captures and auto saves images with one click.

- Supports hotkeys, auto-saving, clipboard

- Automatically copies screenshots to the clipboard

- Tracks capture history, auto-saves captured images

- Saves files in BMP, GIF, JPEG, PNG and TIFF formats

-Auto-names captured images

So I gave the free trial version a spin and they're right about it being a very easy-to-use software. You just preset where you want your image saved, what format you want it saved in and you're set. When you want to capture an image all you have to do is hit 'PrintScreen' (that is set by default but you can change it if you like).

So let's say we use this pic from a recent Sprocket Ink post I did:

Once you have the pic up on your screen, just hit 'PrintScreen' and drag and select any area of the screen you want. Like so:

or so:

or so:

or so:

You get the idea.

That's all there is to it! It's process light, so it wont slow your computer down and under US$20. (US$17.99 to be exact). Not bad if you have images to crop and don't want to go get a degree in computing to use some complicated program.

The Time I May Have Set In Motion The End Of Mankind...

I've mentioned our little war we've had going on with the ants that seem to be in such large numbers around here. We've managed to get the situation under control (and our electric kettle working again) but the war with them is ongoing and one of the things that we always have to look out for is any food left out in the open. It's weird but that seems to attract a lot more of them.

source

Usually, when we go into the kitchen, at least one or two the little buggers are always there, scouting for any carelessly exposed food to run home and tell the others about. And they don't miss a thing. To deal with this, we rely a lot on either putting things into sealed containers or in the fridge, but that practice isn't always followed.

Like last night. Someone left the bread out on the counter and, as you may have guessed, they found it and they were loving it. Since it was just the last bit of it, I wasn't too broken up about tossing it...

But then, you see, I kinda had this bright idea...

Before I tossed the bread, ants and all, I... thought... I'd just... putthebreadinthemicrowaveandkilltheantsfirst! Just for a few seconds.

Anyway, it didn't work. Thirty seconds later, I took it out and they were still scurrying around all over that bread. The only difference now was the bread was warmer and this was starting to get their attention, but they weren't really trying to get away. So I put it back in again. This time, I gave it 45 seconds more.

DON'T JUDGE ME!

By the way, did you know that bread does this weird, melty thing when you nuke it for too long. I did *not* know that.

To my surprise, the ants still survived, but they definitely didn't want any more of that bread. I guess at this point, it must have felt like trudging through hot, white mud. I forgot about them for a few seconds as I examined the new gooey consistency of the bread and hadn't noticed most of them were getting away. Many even made it back to the crevices and cracks that provide them safe passage around the kitchen.

It didn't occur to me until after that I had just exposed them to all those microwaves and sent them back to mingle with the rest of the colony. So if there's some new ant-borne super virus sweeping the earth in the near future, um, my bad.

Worse yet is if the ants develop super intelligence and begin waging war on human kind. I mean, they're already way too organized as is. Have you seen the video that shows the inside of an ant colony?

No way these things should be made any smarter!

This one's totally on me, guys! Whatever comes, just know I accept full responsibility and they'll probably come after me first for killing so many of their brethren in our earlier skirmishes anyway.

A Bird In The Hand...

Yesterday, while I was getting ready for work I heard a strange noise coming from the kitchen. That's when I found this:

You may have me now, but the joke's on you when you see what I left in your hand.

A Ground Dove. I don't know that much about birds but I could tell it's young. It came in through an open window and was freaking out a little because it felt trapped. It fluttered around until it ended up stuck in a waste basket.

Coincidentally, My post on Sprocket Ink today is about a trapped bird. Only, this is about one that got away. Click on the SI badge to the right to see what I'm talking about.