I know! I know! How could I? I'm not too proud of it either. The gym just sits right there on the corner and I have to pass it every time I go out. It mocks you, you know. Promising you an attractive body and the chance of one day being able to take off your shirt at the beach without fear or shame. Who can resist that?
Then there's society and the media. They're as much to blame. They've been poisoning our minds from the very start. All those "biceps" and "abs" all over the place on TV and in magazines. Name one fat superhero. You can't, can you? It's because they brainwashing us! Then there's all the peer pressure! I don't know how yet but there had to be some involved.
Now I have to deal with muscle aches. I didn't even know I had muscles before the pain showed me where to find them all. Oh, and did I mention I have to change my eating too. I have to eat fruit and raisin bran now. Did you know there are no marshmallows in bran flakes? MADNESS!!!
Added to all this is how Mrs. C has been reacting to my new pastime. She knows what I've been doing and she's been noticing the subtle changes I've been going through since I started. Now she's starting to give me this strange look. A very disturbing look. The hungry cat kind of look.
This may not end well.
As I sit here and ponder my shame, remember to go over to Sprocket Ink and check out what I did there today too. Fair warning: You may not want to be eating while you read it... Click here when you're ready.
It's gonna end well for her, I think. ;)
ReplyDeleteOh sure! Take her side while she treats me like a piece of meat.
DeleteThat look is familiar. It is the look Betty White gives to every 20 something male in Hollywood.
ReplyDeleteBe very afraid!
I am.
DeleteAre you sure about this? Are you sure you want to be healthier, happier, and more attractive to women? I hope you have thought this through.
ReplyDeleteI'm still coming to terms with it. Maybe it's not too late to turn back.
DeleteSorry Vinny - it's too late to turn back (oh and Green Lantern - chunky superhero) you are now part of the addicts of healthier lifestyle. Soon you'll start reading about it and discovering gadgets (hello heart rate monitor) to support your double sides of techno geek and super jock... You probably already have a playlist on your iPod for your workouts!!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the fit side! :)
Ha! Shows what you know. I don't have an iPod. My workout playlist is on my smartphone.
Delete*hangs head in shame*
I look at Hubby like that all the time.. poor man.. lol.
ReplyDeleteI miss my gym :(
Just remember to go easy on the guy for a while. As for the gym, I'm sure you'll get back in the swing of things in no time. Just not in 15 years like me.
DeleteWait a second, was this just one long brag about how you're in shape and getting laid on the regular? Oh poor you and your "secrets." Here I thought you were going to admit to piercings in uncomfortable areas or a prolapsed anus.
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness, good for you getting to reap the rewards of your hard work.
Me? Brag? Why, I- Okay yeah, I guess I am a little.
DeleteWhen will women learn that we men are more than just their sexual play things? Because if that day ever comes, I no longer want to live on this planet anymore.
ReplyDeleteWe'll have to make sure that never happens. Finding a new planet filled with horny women sounds like it'll be expensive... & way too much work.
DeleteIs that a rescue cheetah? Any way. Congrats on hitting the gym. I have one near my home, too, and I can't seem to make my way to the parking lot. What are you doing for motivation? I try to psych myself out to go, but I just wind up sitting on the couch watching Judge Judy.
ReplyDeleteUgh.
Motivation comes (ironically) from Mrs. C. Something about at least being a good "trophy husband" until I get a new job.
DeleteI wanna be a trophy husband too! *jealous face* (Good on ya man.)
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough gig, but I think I can handle it for the time being. Thanks.
DeleteDon't forget to tan. You gotta tan dude to round out the whole effect of the gym!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe some of that stuff they use to make themselves all shiny...
DeleteI joined a gym today and I was so embarrassed that sixty year old women were running circles around me! I'm going to go during their "slow time". Of course, this is one of the largest gyms in the world, so they have no slow time, but I'm hoping Grandma is home napping when I go.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. I go during the early mornings and it's pretty quite then. But there's this one guy who works out then too... he's at least in his mid 60's and he makes me feel like a total weakling.
ReplyDelete