Wednesday, May 16, 2012

AVCI Presents...

Has this ever happened to you?

We've all been there. That time when you read a blog post that offended you in some way but didn't know how to respond. Or maybe there's a blogger that just irritates you and you'd just love to repeatedly stalk and antagonize them on a regular basis, but can't think of the right words?

Well, then you need Gabo'troll!!! ©
That's right! Gabo'troll!!!

Gabo'troll!!! is brought to you by AVCI - the makers of the wildely popular Malpunctuation System (patent pending... eventually). This time we've developed the ultimate blog trolling system that will have you leaving angry and even hateful comments in no time. Best of all they'll be barely readable. Just like the pros!* You'll learn vital trolling techniques like:

- Incorrect Spelling - See why it's stupid not to call that blog "stoopid".

- Totally Missing The Point - Tell that blogger who wrote that so called "humorous" post about the time she was stranded for three hours in the freezing snow with a flat how totally stereotypical, sexist and degrading her being so clueless about cars was to women everywhere.

- Celebrity Defence - You're not just any Belieber, you're also the president and founding member of your town's chapter of Beliebers and you'll be damned if some blogger's potshots about Justin go unanswered. Not on your watch!

All this and so much more can be yours! Just listen to some of our satisfied customers:


Yes! You too can experience the same level of satisfaction when you use Gabo'troll!!! So act now! Gabo'troll!!! can be yours for only three easy payments of $9.99 You heard right! Just three easy payments of $9.99! That's three times less than the cost of similar products on the market. So hurry up and call! Operators are standing by.
But Gabo'troll!!! isn't just a new, fun way to enjoy blogs. If you want to finally quit that boring day-job where you're chained to a desk for eight hours a day, use Gabo'troll!!! to start your own email spammer business.

Not only that but Gabo'troll!!! also makes a great gift. You heard right! Already have your own Gabo'troll!!!? Then why not give the gift of Gabo'troll!!! at that next birthday?

But wait! That's not all! For a limited time we'll throw in the Degrammarizerator at no extra cost. That's right! Add some extra punch to you comments by including common grammatical errors that will just drive those grammar-nazi bloggers up a wall. You'll get the improper use of words like "their, there and they're" or "your and you're". Then just sit back and watch them squirm.

Plus, if you call in the next 3.8 seconds you'll get AVCI's patented Malpunctuation System ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!

So you'll get the Gabo'troll!!!, the Degrammarizerator and the Malpunctuation System - a $30 value - for only three easy payments of $9.99. You'll never see value like this again. Call now! Our operators are anxiously waiting for your call.
Order now!
********
- C.O.Ds only. Cheques, checks and credit cards are not accepted.
- Offer available in Canada for a limited time only due to the impending elimination of pennies from the national currency, which are required to make up the 99¢ part of the cost.
- *WARNING: AVCI does not guarantee effectiveness of products listed if user starts reading books, learning or developing a sense of humor.

25 comments:

  1. Wut a fookin stoopid idea. Your idea to harassss, other bloggers am mean. You mean. Y yu so mean?.,!.?

    Thanks Gabo'troll!!! It's working already! Now I can read all my favorite news articles and comment with an inflammatory and ill-informed and unrelated political statement in no time at all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And it's all thanks to Gabo'troll!!!

      Customer testimonials are always good for business.

      Delete
  2. That's great... whether we like it or not, Gabo'troll would fly off the shelves!

    SD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I should really start putting these on the market. I'll never have to work again.

      Delete
  3. Ooh. That's a good deal. I am happiness in your attainment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm.... my son and I were just plotting the potential trolling of one certain commenttard we'd love to harass to tears. Unfortunately, I can't really think of anything else at the moment except yellow boobs. Yellow boobs. Stick figure chick yellow boobs. Damnit.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lacy's been known to have that effect.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Do you have a program so that I can't be trolled, or I can troll back those I gift this too? I'd like to get it for a number of friends and family, but am afraid they'll use it against me...

    Also, do I get any royalties for making the blog that made you mad enough to write this software?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I recommend buying one for yourself before giving any as a gift. That way you'll have the means to respond should anyone turn on you.

      Delete
  7. gReaT pOST.
    The laSt ONE capitalized RANDOM WorDs.
    Shampoo***
    AND made NO sense. ^Pencil^!!!
    YOUR ProDuct sounDs great. cynical.
    DANDELION?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You must have received version 1.0 of the product. Despite the initial glitches, it did prove to have an unexpected effectiveness in trolling sites.

      Delete
  8. I have an annoying neighbor I would like to antagonize. Is Gabo'troll right for me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If the neighbor in question blogs, yes. If not, also yes. Some of the strategies Gabo'troll!!! employs will also work outside the internet. Just order the optional ski-mask to maintain anonymity, and you're set.

      Delete
  9. I think this product is already out there. I see its effects everywhere.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Make no mistake! Gabo'troll!!! uses advanced technologies employed by A-list celebrities and government officials of the highest level that make it 1000% superior to it's nearest competitor.

      Delete
  10. wow. i don't get to make out at MY job when the phone rings. are they hiring?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stick toons are cheap labor for a reason.

      Delete
  11. This is great! I'll take one. My life should get a whole lot easier after this...wooh hoo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's hear it for another satisfied customer!

      Delete
  12. my neighbour's in the army so I try to stay on his good side lol
    great post - following

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good idea. Gab'otroll!!! has a disclaimer against any possible physical retaliation the user may endure as a result of the use of the product (it's in the fine print, inside the box, under a label). Sooo... basically, you're on your own.

      Also, Welcome!

      Delete
  13. This totally made my day and I didn't even have to pay three easy payments of 10.00. (We Canadians don't have pennies.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad to help. AVCI is a caring company. That'll be 14.50 for providing a 24-hour mood improvement (plus shipping and handling).

      Delete
  14. This is priceless. I like the fine print at the end, too. Nice touch! All relationships that lack intimacy should be reignited by Gab'otroll!

    ReplyDelete

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