Thursday, January 9, 2014


I knock on the Divisional Director’s door and walk in...

Me: Good morning. You have a minute?
Divisional Director (DD): Sure, Vinny, have a seat. What’s up?
Me: It’s about those reports you assigned me to update for my department. There’s a slight problem.
DD: Problem?
Me: Well, I was about to fill in my part of one of the shared files, sheet 15, when I realized it hasn't been filled in by any of the other departments. Since the data’s supposed to be in order I can’t add my part yet.
DD: Hmm... Sheet 15? But that’s supposed to be one of the most active files! It shouldn't be blank.

I show her a photocopy I had with me.

DD: It hasn't been filled in since November! Sigh! You see what I have to deal with, Vinny?
Me: ...
DD: Who fills in the other sets of data?
Me: *shrugs* I asked Strategic Analyst Girl.
She really is pretty kickass at preparing flowcharts, though.

All she did was sigh, shake her head and mutter something about them not being the “best fit”.
DD: We should ask the IT Manager who she has working on this.

Just then, the IT Manager appears outside the Director’s door.

I’m not kidding.

IT Manager (ITM): Excuse me, DD, you busy? I need to find out about that company phone the ex-employee has…

DD: Vinny already did the letter to the phone company. Come on in! There’s something we need to ask you too.
ITM: Was the letter sent?
DD: No. We need some info Strategic Analyst Boy is working on. That reminds me, Vinny. We need to set up another meeting for the project. I’ll let you assemble the team and make all the arrangements.
Me: Okay… But weren't Strategic Analyst Girl and Strategic Analyst Boy working on something for that?
DD: Oh, that’s right! Follow up with them after we’re done here and see when we can schedule it then.

Our talk was over soon after that. DD had suggested I take over ALL the data input for that file for ALL the departments to prevent another tie-up.

I was not pleased.

Anyway, as instructed, I went over to the Hall of Strategy. I asked Strategic Analyst Girl when she thought she and Strategic Analyst Boy would be ready with their presentation. She assured me they would be done by the end of the week.

Strategic Analyst Girl: By the way, about that thing you asked me earlier…

I think we should consult a higher power.
Me: You don’t mean..?
Strategic Analyst Girl: Yes. Let’s ask my boss, the Senior Strategist.
Me: Um... You know what? That quite alrig-
Strategic Analyst Girl: *knocks on door* Greetings, master. *enters and prostrates*
Senior Strategist: WHO DARES!?!
Strategic Analyst Girl: Forgive me, M'lord. The one called Vinny C desires an audience.
Me: Actually, I'm fine. I think I got it handled...
Senior Strategist: Ah, Vinny. Come! Come!
Me: Hey... 'Sup?

To spare you the details, the Senior Strategist said it was probably best I take over the updating sheet 15 all by myself. Again, this did not please me. I leave his lair office and two seconds later...

Strategic Analyst Girl: Vinny! Vinny C! The Senior Strategist has summoned you once more!
I return and there, sitting at his desk, was the IT Manager. How the hell she appeared there was beyond me, since there’s only one way in and out of that department and we didn't pass each other when I was leaving.

Senior Strategist: Vinny, ITM tells me you prepared the letter to disconnect the ex-employee's company cell?
Me: Um... Yeeeeah?
Senior Strategist: Well, we need to put a hold on it until we get some more facts straight.

He summons his minions, Strategic Analyst Girl and Strategic Analyst Boy. They appear and prostrate themselves.

Senior Strategist: Strategic Analyst Boy, have you gathered the information I seek?!
Strategic Analyst Boy: Um... Well, M'lord... At first I sought to-
Strategic Analyst Girl: Answer the man, fool!

Strategic Analyst Boy blubbers and stutters for several more seconds before falling silent. Senior Strategist proceeds to tear him a new one, while I wonder why I ever got up from my desk in the first place.

Senior Strategist: Vinny, I know you’re busy, but could you do me a favor?


  1. Work could be a lot more fun if we never had co-workers. Except then there wouldn't be anyone to complain about or make fun of...

    1. True. They should at least serve some purpose.

  2. If you want it done right, corporate style...

    1. ...assign it to the dumb schlub who asks questions and seems even vaguely interested in doing his job.

      When will I ever learn?

  3. The visuals were hilarious. That's what you get for trying to introduce efficiency and accuracy.

    1. Well, believe you me, I've learned my lesson.

      Hmm... my work PC is starting to act a little sluggish. Maybe I should talk to the guys in IT.

  4. Replies
    1. And the thing is, I can seen it coming & I still walk right into it.

  5. Gotta love working in a corporate mentality.

    1. I do? Personally, I'm okay with just tolerating its existence.

  6. Hope you had your thermals on. :-)

    1. Well... the AC here is pretty cold, so I guess having those would come in handy.

  7. Lesson to be learned. This is the kind of thing that happens when you are responsible.

    1. If this is what I get for responsible, just imagine what would happen if I ever tried to be competent.

      HAHAHAHAHA!!! Like that would ever happen!

  8. Will you be getting everyone else's salary along with their work load?

    1. Right?! Sadly, no. They made sure my job description covered a wide variety of duties, so "technically" they're not asking me to do anything outside my portfolio. Sneaky buggers!


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