Sunday, February 16, 2014

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing 2 - Now With More Cluelessness.

In case you've been wondering where I've been for the past week or so (I'll just assume that you noticed I was gone in the first place), I guess the best answer is that I had gone into a state of shock. Remember when I posted how the higher-ups in the in the government ministry I now work for not only read my résumé, but assigned me a bunch of responsibilities based on them and I was starting to feel a little in over my head? Sure you do! But, in case you don't remember all the details, you can read about it here.

Now that same résumé has turned around and bitten me in the ass again as it started a chain of events that, this past Friday, led to me not only being pulled from all of those duties but, also, unceremoniously removed from my desk and the very building in which I worked.

And, no, I was not fired.

I suppose some more explanation is in order. It all started the Friday before last, when the manager of my department was passing me in the hallway...

Manager: Vinny, you used to be a reporter, right?
Me: Yeah. How did you-
Manager: The Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) said it was on your résumé. She said she's putting you on a team where you can use those skills for a special project.
Me: O...kay...
Manager: I'll tell you more as soon as they tell me.
Me: Um... Sure.

If I seem a little less than enthusiastic during this conversation it's because... well... I wasn't. The last thing I wanted was to be put onto yet another team. I was just getting the hang of all the things they had me doing already. Turns out I had absolutely no idea what The Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) had in store for me. That is until the Manager asked to see me in his office the following Monday.

Okay, seriously! Is there ever a time when your immediate supervisor asks to see you in his/her office any you don't imagine it ending with you being escorted out of the building by security, carrying a cardboard box with all your junk (and the stapler you slipped into your back pocket)?

Anyway, I digress, as I am wont to do. Turns out, the little talk with my manager went more or less like that. Only I wasn't being fired...

Manager: How long were you a reporter?
Me: *Thinking: Oh, it's about that! Breathes a sigh of relief* Six months.
Manager: Mm-hmmm... *jots something down in the notepad on his desk*

Long pause...

Here's the thing, Vinny. Did you know The Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) is researcher, first and foremost? She literally reads every line of every document that goes across her desk. Which  is why she noticed on your résumé that you worked as a writer and thinks those skills will be perfect for a team that's being set up.
Me: O...kay... I remember you telling me that.
Manager: Well, the thing she now mentioned to me is that she wants this team to focus only on this project. So you're being pulled from everything else you were working on.
Me: Well... okay...(I think I really pulled off not seeming excited by the news that my heavy workload was getting lifted.) But who's going to handle all my-
Manager: Let us worry about that. Anyway, that's why you're also being pulled from the department.
Me: Huh..?
Manager: And you're being transferred to our Central building.
Me: Huh..?
Manager: For about three months.
Me: HUH???

You know those war or spy movies where they assemble a special group to take out a really high priority target? Well this is something like that (I know I'm making it seem cooler than it really is. Please leave me to my delusions thankyouverymuch). Essentially, we're a select group of people with a very particular set of skills; skills we have acquired over our very long careers. Skills that are making things a nightmare... for me.

Since I just had to go and make it known that I am a writer, The Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) is now putting me into this special unit dedicated to finalizing a white paper. I had to Google it. Apparently it's a big deal and while the rest of the team will provide the source material, I'm supposed to take all that and convert it into readable text that everyone - from politician, to lawyer to average Joe-on-the-street - can understand. In other words, it's intended to be read by anyone in the country who so chooses. No biggie there. I was a reporter, after all.

Oh! Did I mention it also could be used to implement major pieces of policy that could affect the state of public service for the entire country?

No pressure.

Anyway, on Wednesday I met with the man who will be my Unit Commander for the duration of this special assignment. He guaranteed me the mission shouldn't take more than four months (hopefully).

Friday was my final day there. I was given a "new" laptop, directions to my new office and I met with Unit Commander again, along with the other two members of the team. These were the people I would be working with exclusively for at least four months so it's probably a good idea for me to try not to piss them off too quickly.

I make no promises.

Yes, I did take my stapler with me.


  1. I actually DID notice! And I'm intrigued! If you have never seen "Wag the Dog," now is a good time to continue not seeing it ;-)

    1. I did see it. Why? Wait... You're not saying I could end being found floating dead in my pool after suffering a "heart attack", are you? I get a pool? SWEET!!!

    2. Naw...I'm almost sure that kind of thing never happens in real life. They might let you swim in theirs, though!

    3. I'm cool with that. Well, except for the induced heart attack thing. That, I could do without.

  2. You're like James Bond or something, dude! I'm sure you're excited but nervous at the same time. Well, take consolation that every time I now hear the word "executive" that I'll think of (*lightening flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) afterwards.

  3. It could be awesome though right? I would have taken my stapler too - along with my staple remover.

    1. I would have taken the staple remover... but I broke it. Took my sharpie pen, though.

  4. Nice. So it's not "I have no idea what I'm doing 2--The Squeakquel". You're actually tasked with something that fits your skill set. That's great. Wait a second, you have "a special set of skills"? Are you Liam Neeson? Am I being Taken!?! Sigh, fine, I'll get under the bed.

    1. Well... When you put it like that I guess saying I have no idea what I'm doing isn't really so accurate after all.

      Oh, by the way, they *will* find you and they *will* take you. Sorry. When they do, just start shouting random things I can use as alternate titles for this post.

      Hope the whole abduction thing works out.

  5. Sounds cool. Also sounds like the kind of place where one may get probed daily. Not that I'm into that kind of thing. Of course. Congrats. On the new assignment. Not the possible daily probing. Unless you're into that kind of stuff. Sicko. ;)

    1. Uh-uh! Not me. You can keep the probing to yourself. If I had absolutely no choice & had to be involved in that in any way, I’d volunteer to do the probing. Better to be on the giving end, I imagine.

      Wait! That came out wrong. I’m not saying I’d be the one probing you.

      Well… That got awkward.

  6. Since this document will be used to implement major pieces of policy this is a golden opportunity for you. Just sneak a bunch of verbiage in there like "Vinny C shall get free coffee across all of the land." or "Vinny C shall drive as fast as he wants to at all times". "2% of all budgeting shall go to Vinny C".

    1. Um... Well, I don't think...



  7. You must be coffeeDrunk with power. Use the force wisely.

    New autocorrelation...autocorrelation
    seriously, . It won't let me type correct.

    1. At least now I get to be coffee drunk for a reason so there's a plus side to this after all.

  8. This sounds very cool. I didn't know there were actually people who could interpret corporate and political gobbledygook.
    I hope your get paid very well and your brain doesn't explode

    1. So, what are you saying? I'm supposed to understand all this stuff too??? That wasn't part of the deal!

      As for extra pay, nope. I get to have the reputation of being the guy who got it done, which may or may not go a long way in ensuring my contract gets extended. They seem to think that will suffice. I'm inclined to disagree.

      Finally, since I've barely gotten through the seven documents I initially received when we started & they already sent twenty-five more yesterday. I think that my head going BOOM may unavoidable at this point.


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