Sunday, September 16, 2012

To The Survivors.

This is a message to any survivors who may still be out there. If you're reading this then know that this may be my last communication before I myself succumb to the terrible outbreak currently ravaging our planet.

When it all began, I, like so many others, doubted the seriousness of this threat. When I first read reports on international media of the initial outbreak originating in East Asia, I could not fully anticipate what was to come. We were fools. All of us! Sure, one could argue that it was too early to know just how severe this outbreak would be, but in the end, we're all to blame. We all buried our heads in the sand and ignored the potential threat this viral infection posed.

By the time we realized it was spreading it was already too late. As country after country fell victim to this threat, I watched as people slowly succumbed. People I knew... My friends... The United States was hit hard by the outbreak, but still many refused to acknowledge the threat. One intrepid television personality even sought to interview the man who was confirmed as "patient zero", but she only served to spread the infection even faster.

I watched on in horror as the events unfolded and prayed that we here in T&T would be spared. Surely, being so far away from the other infected areas would save us. But this was a wasted wish. Trinidad and Tobago has also fallen victim the the outbreak now ravaging the rest of the world.

The signs that the outbreak had reach our shores were hard to ignore. One by one, friends, relatives and acquaintances all started showing symptoms, passing the infection on to each other almost as quickly as they caught it themselves. It was then I realized my greatest fear had come to be. T&T had now become the latest victim of the dreaded...

GANGNAM STYLE!
How could it have spread so far? No! I was foolish to believe we could remain unaffected. Even before I saw the first signs of infection among the local population, I knew I, myself, had already started showing signs of infection. From what I've been able to ascertain so far, it spreads quickly via the online social media. That had to be my point of contact with the infection.

Foolishly I thought I could keep it contained, but it wasn't long after I became infected that I began to see my wife showing symptoms as well. Though I seemed to be a bit more tolerant to it, her system is not as resistant, I fear and she spiraled into full blown Gangnamonia in a matter of days, as evident but her sudden and uncontrolled outbursts of, "Oppa Gangnam Style!" at random instances. As for me, even as I write this the song's uptempo beat pulses on an endless loop in my brain.

It's too late for me. It's too late for all of us here. I know that now. Soon this viral outbreak will consume the entire country and there seems to be no way of stopping it. If you're reading this, there may still be hope for you. You can still save yourselves. If you want to be spared the terrible fate that has befallen us avoid social networking and media sites at all costs! And most importantly, you must not, under any circumstances, watch the following video (which I conveniently placed right beneath my warning message to you). If you do, then all hope is lost.
Our world, our future is now in your hands. Goodbye.

Good luck.
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10 comments:

  1. Oh. My. God! This is worse than the dreaded Macarena outbreak of the mid-90's. I watched the video. God help me. I WATCHED THE VIDEO!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Calm down! Everything will be alright. Actually, no, it won't. Sorry, I can't lie to you. It's bad. Best you can hope for at this point is that no one sees you doing the dance.

      Delete
  2. This is why I love the human race. Did you watch Saturday Night Live last night?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes... and I. WANT. A. GANGNAM. STYLE. BUTTON!!!

      Everybody should have one.

      Delete
  3. i haven't heard of this before, but i just watched the video. made me kind of wish i understood most of what was being said cuz i suspect it's almost as classy in lyrics as the "i'm sexy and i know it" song. i'll bet my 10 yr old daughter is familiar with it though. i'll have to ask her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHAT!?! Even the children aren't safe?

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    2. yup. she knew. she started doing the dance moves and singing it as soon as i asked. egads!

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    3. Wow! Once again proving that even a ten-year-old has more guts than I. I can't even bring myself to do the dance in private, let alone in front of someone.

      Delete
  4. It's not as bad as the Chicken Dance of '85, but it's pretty bad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but will we be able to recover from this completely? There are still those suffering from long-term effects of the Chicken Dance epidemic. Will the Gangnam infected allow their symptoms to resurface in weddings & reunions 20 years from now too?

      Delete

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