Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Time I May Have Set In Motion The End Of Mankind...

I've mentioned our little war we've had going on with the ants that seem to be in such large numbers around here. We've managed to get the situation under control (and our electric kettle working again) but the war with them is ongoing and one of the things that we always have to look out for is any food left out in the open. It's weird but that seems to attract a lot more of them.
English: Ants eating slice of an apple!
source

Usually, when we go into the kitchen, at least one or two the little buggers are always there, scouting for any carelessly exposed food to run home and tell the others about. And they don't miss a thing. To deal with this, we rely a lot on either putting things into sealed containers or in the fridge, but that practice isn't always followed.

Like last night. Someone left the bread out on the counter and, as you may have guessed, they found it and they were loving it. Since it was just the last bit of it, I wasn't too broken up about tossing it...

But then, you see, I kinda had this bright idea...

Before I tossed the bread, ants and all, I... thought... I'd just... putthebreadinthemicrowaveandkilltheantsfirst! Just for a few seconds.

Anyway, it didn't work. Thirty seconds later, I took it out and they were still scurrying around all over that bread. The only difference now was the bread was warmer and this was starting to get their attention, but they weren't really trying to get away. So I put it back in again. This time, I gave it 45 seconds more.

DON'T JUDGE ME!

By the way, did you know that bread does this weird, melty thing when you nuke it for too long. I did *not* know that.

To my surprise, the ants still survived, but they definitely didn't want any more of that bread. I guess at this point, it must have felt like trudging through hot, white mud. I forgot about them for a few seconds as I examined the new gooey consistency of the bread and hadn't noticed most of them were getting away. Many even made it back to the crevices and cracks that provide them safe passage around the kitchen.

It didn't occur to me until after that I had just exposed them to all those microwaves and sent them back to mingle with the rest of the colony. So if there's some new ant-borne super virus sweeping the earth in the near future, um, my bad.
Worse yet is if the ants develop super intelligence and begin waging war on human kind. I mean, they're already way too organized as is. Have you seen the video that shows the inside of an ant colony?
No way these things should be made any smarter!

This one's totally on me, guys! Whatever comes, just know I accept full responsibility and they'll probably come after me first for killing so many of their brethren in our earlier skirmishes anyway.

23 comments:

  1. Radioactive ants! Did one bite you? Do you have the powers of an ant? Are you Antman?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, maybe & I can't divulge that without endangering the ones I love.

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  2. Replies
    1. Eep! Maybe it's the ant-borne super virus! I didn't know it would spread this fast.

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  3. actually... micro "waves" are about the size of your little finger, which is why your ants survived the microwave. I think the world is safe :)

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  4. sorry, could not help the sciency inner me from commenting.

    hey if you were an ant and came upon a bag of sugar, would you go tell your friends or keep it all for yourself?

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    Replies
    1. Depends. Can I somehow hide it first? If not, I'd share.

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  5. It could have been worse, like pouring cement down their home.
    One hopes they don't have long-term memories.

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    Replies
    1. Ants with a grudge does not sound like a good thing.

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  6. @Sprite, I'd have a sugar party. Why do you ask?

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    Replies
    1. I'd make you all sorts of sugary things!

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    2. I like sugary things! Can I come to the party too?

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  7. That video was amazing.

    Even if the ants you nukes don't become super smart or vindictive, just creating a super ant colony that is harder to kill would be enough of a nightmare.

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. I could just hear their tiny voices laughing from inside the insecticide mist. Then they carry off the fridge.

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  8. Haha great post.

    I'm pretty sure that you now need to write a screenplay that deals with the ant apocalypse, with the scene you just described being the opening aka "ground zero."

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    Replies
    1. Hey, maybe it could get in Syfy's Saturday night lineup. Cool!

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  9. I'm afraid. And this completely freaked me out, especially the soundtrack in that video clip.

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    Replies
    1. It's probably my fault you're worried right now. Damn my inquisitive nature!

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  10. I have sent an award your way. It's on my blog if you are interested.

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    Replies
    1. If I'm interested. Blog awards are practically my reason for being. Okay, maybe I exaggerate (a little) but you know what I mean. Will be right over.

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  11. This was so funny! You really should think before you do those things. What if they developed radioactive superpowers and bit you? Then you would turn into "Antman" or something. I'm not even sure where this is going...

    Thanks for the laugh, great stuff!

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    Replies
    1. True, but the downside is, if I thought before I did anything I'd have a whole lot less to blog about.

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