Friday, July 27, 2012

Deflated.

The only time I get to leave the house these days are for my morning sessions at the gym. Early mornings there aren't very crowded. I usually see the same five guys there most mornings. There are a few women regulars too, but they spend most of their time on the aerobics floor.

We all basically do our own thing, unless someone needs help and sometimes we talk about the news, or the weather or some other meaningless crap... Just your basic guy stuff I guess. Everyone gets along and normally we all have a pretty good workout.

When it comes to the free weights, there are some guys there who lift more than I do, but it's not by much. It gives me a goal to chase. I can tell myself that, with a little more work I can work up to that level. Then there are one or two who aren't lifting as much weight as I am. So I can safely say I'm somewhere in the middle. But, all-in-all though, everyone's pretty average - no superheroes - and, by the end of our individual workouts, you could say we all leave pretty confident in our progress:
Great workout! Catch ya later, Eddie.
source
Thus, peace and harmony reigned in the land and all was good... Well... it was good... Before the day he walked in...
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No one knows his name, or where he came from. I think we're all too afraid to talk to him. And with good reason, seeing as he's about three times my size - height and width. Yeah... he's big. His first day there he walked up to the rack of free weights...
From this rack he selected the three heaviest pairs. Those are the 95, 85 and 75 pound dumbbells. Nobody ever used those before! I always thought they were for display. I tried to lift one of the 95lb ones once, but it never budged, so, I just assumed they were welded down or something (logical conclusion, right?). I normally go with something lighter, anyway.
See that little 20 pounder over there in the middle? That one's mine. Isn't she cute?!
Anyway, the big guy takes the dumbbells over to a free bench and lines them up on the floor like he's spreading out a meal. Then he sits down and emasculates us curls each set of weights, rests like 5 seconds and does it all over again... THREE TIMES... by himself (not that any one of us could have helped him if he did need it)

The rest of us continued our own workout while trying not to stare (we failed miserably, by the way). Eventually, he finished his set and walked over to the machines. As he did so, he looked over at us, smiled and said, "S'up, fellas?"

I don't know I he was genuinely being friendly or just a smug asshole, but what I do know is by the end of that morning, we weren't quite as confident in our progress as we normally were.
source: YouTube
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19 comments:

  1. Did he put his weights away? Why should I even care or ask that? Through all this I just kept thinking of Mr Forklift grabbing all the weights and randomly leaving them everywhere in the room as a sign only he can move them again without the help of a crane...

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    1. Yeah, he did put them back. Turns out he's actually not a bad guy. I was really set on not liking him too.

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    2. When I used to go to the gym every morning, like you mentioned - I always bumped into the same guys. We ended up hanging out (gym only) and worked out together. It was awesome. Some of those guys would curl those REALLY heavy dumbells and I was intimidated by them. Ended up they were all awesome and totally helped me improve my work-out program. Heck, I even ended up with nicely sculpted muscles :) one guy was Canada's middle weight champion!

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    3. That's what I'm afraid of. What if I become his "project"? Sounds like too much work to me.

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  2. Sorry...that would be my brother...I'll tell him to stop being such a show off..
    I hope that guy did put his weights back. Now you have a new goal to set. And just remember, this guy may have once been just like you and was awed by someone just like him now.

    But seriously, if you didn't live so far from us, I would ask my brother if he was at a new gym. He can lift some serious weights and run pretty well also.

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    1. I can run! All I need is an angry pitbull for motivation.

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  3. Ouch!

    Could be worse, I suppose. He could have stood over you while you lifted your max weight and said something like, "Hey petunia, you need any help with your warm up lifts?"

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    1. I was afraid he'd single me out too. That's why I stayed on the other side of the floor the rest of my workout.

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  4. show off.
    don't try to lift those big boys yourself. you'll get a hernia and then you'll have to admit to the doctor that you were having a wiener swinging contest with a giant hulk body double. then the doctor would laugh and that would add an ego insult to injury.

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    1. No worries there. I know my limitations & accept them. 20lbs might be pathetic, but I won't be pulling anything anytime soon.

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  5. You just keep party rockin' and don't worry about the steroid guy. He probably has shrunken nuts. Sorry but someone had to say it.

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    1. I wouldn't say it to his face though.

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  6. Really, the only difference between 95 lbs and 20 lbs is 75 lbs. And what is 75? Just a 7 and a 5. And 5 is a pretty small number. So basically you were lifting pretty much the same amount as that guy.

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    1. This is why I could learn to love math.

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  7. I like what you said about how you were really setting on not liking him... In the end though, maybe it is good to have Hulk as your friend. :-)

    If it makes you feel better, I am using the 5 lbs...

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    1. Makes sense. No matter what the scenario, you always want the big guy on your side.

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  8. Nothing like one overachieving, overcompensating, micro-wiener to ruin everyone else's perfectly normal workout. Just think, he can't buy regular shirts off the rack. You emasculate HIM by being able to use the armrests of chairs normally. When it's cold, you get to go around flaunting your ability to wear a jacket.
    Any of this comforting? I try.

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    1. Actually... yes, that helps. Plus, I've never had to consider whether or not I would need to enter a doorway sideways (he has really wide shoulders too).

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  9. Oversized muscles directly correlate to undersized...brains. Plus, it's just gross to look at. It's Olympic time right now and remember, women tend to watch the swimmers-not the weightlifters-and it isn't because we're big fans of aquatic sports.

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