Tuesday, December 28, 2010

What's More Random Than Nature?

Well I hope everyone had a great Christmas weekend. Mine was... eventful. As usual, it was filled with family, nog, turkey and ham.

Hey, you know what I think about when I think about ham?

Big shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible.

Sunday night.

We're sitting at home on the couch. After a weekend of holiday family visits, we're tired and are warming ourselves in front of the glow of our TV.

Rumble, shake!

My wife looks at me, " What was that?!"

"Earthquake." I reply. The fact that she acknowledged it confirmed that it was real.


Mrs. C springs to her feet, eyes wide. She looks around the room. Quickly, she heads inside to check on The Old Woman (her grandmother, who has been living with us for the past few months). She noticed it too.

We brace ourselves... and wait...

All this time, I'd been playing it cool. Mrs. C tends to be the expressive one. If she's scared, worried, happy, sad, you'll notice. Me... I put up a nonchalant front most of the time. In this instance, I decided to be the calm one again, as usual. However, this was only a front. An outside appearance I put up to avoid feeding into my wife's panic. Inside was much different.

"What should we do? Stand under a doorway? Get under a desk? SHIT! We don't have a desk! How could we not have a desk?! We can't survive nature's onslaught without a desk!!! Maybe we'd be safer outside. No! That's not right. Why didn't I pay more attention?!"


"Maybe it wasn't an earthquake. Maybe it was the aftershock of some kind of explosion. Nah! We would've heard something. An explosion big enough to rock our apartment twice would have clearly made some kind of sound. A loud one."

"OH.CRAP! Alien attack!"

I try to remain calm as I move to the window. Nothing. No strange, bright lights, no ominous dark silhouettes hovering in the night sky. Still, I don't trust it.

"Okay, think! What do you when the aliens attack? SHIT! I can't remember. What have I been doing all this time?! I've been watching sci-fi movies for as long as I can remember. I should know this. What am I saying? This is why I shouldn't have watched Skyline (not that it had anything to do with the situation. It was just 90 minutes of my life I wasted on that crap and I'll never get them back. And now that the aliens are attacking! I could have been preparing instead!)"

It was, in the end just an earthquake. The news said it was a 4.7 off the north coast. Just four or five seconds of Mother Nature reminding us that she owns our asses. Just an example of how one random act of nature can fuel some crazy random thoughts. I'm going to go buy a desk now.


  1. Earthquake?! I have no idea what to do with that, either!


  2. What happens to you when you're on a boat during the earthquake? Water's always shaking... does it suddenly become still? Should I buy a desk for my boat? What about alian attacks, what do I need then??? Help me Vinny, you're the only one who can!

  3. The thought of an Alien Attack made me giggle... ;)

    I probably would have reacted the same way your wife did - though I think my hubby would have been even more panicky... ;)

    RTT: Internet, Snow, Christmas

  4. We don't get earthquakes here, so I would have assumed it was an alien attack too.

    Are we SURE it was an earthquake and you're not currently under alien control?

  5. I know what to do when Zombies attack not aliens. Please inform us when you find out.

    Last earthquake experience was whilst in labor with T (in San Diego) a nice little 5 pointer hit. My vision was them wheeling my ass into the parking lot with the legs in the stirrups and exposed for all to see and me on the 10pm news... "Woman gives birth in parking lot".

    How big does the desk have to be?

  6. Hmmm, that's just what the news people want you to believe.
    Conspiracy theory: It was actually the government doing secret testing on the North Pole to create a super santa that could deliver toys even faster. Epic cover up...
    Merry Christmas!

  7. An Alien Attack would be so much more fun than an earthquake. I'm glad you survived and there was no damage!

  8. See? I'd rather deal with two feet of snow than an alien attack any day. Holy crap I'm lying through my teeth. Can you have the aliens teleport me to your neck of the woods?

  9. Reminding us that she owns our asses. I like that.

  10. On a family vacation in Los Angeles in April this past year there was a nearby earthquake and being Canadian tourists too distracted by Universal studios that day, we did not seem to notice a thing. Just clueless tourists I guess.

  11. Did you get the desk yet because I'm pretty sure if you get the right kind of desk it will work for earthquakes AND alien attacks. I actually have four desks in my house and, well, no alien attack...you make the call.

  12. I'd go with alien attack...not that an earthquake isn't blog worthy, but come on! An alien attack!
    PS: Love your profile write-up!

  13. @ Pearl & @ Stacy: Thank goodness it ended with those two shakes because, believe me, it would have been very hard to keep cool if it turned out to be something more.

    @ Miss Nikki: I’d rather take my chances on the boat. I’m pretty sure you won’t need a desk & like you said, it’s always moving anyway. Plus, the ocean’s a big place. You can run anywhere once you have enough fuel stocked. With an alien attack going on I’m sure you can jack free fuel & supplies any time, too.

    @ Keely: Oh, you humans & your silly ideas - I mean…


    @ Nubian: And if you were really lucky they’d put the picture of you in stirrups on the front page.

    @ Meri: Whoa! This is big. There'd have to be multiple governments working together on this. ARE THEY MAD?! What would happen if Super Santa went rogue. He could rule us all.

    @ The Crazy Coxes: Thanks. It really could have been so much worse.

    I just had a thought. You think if the aliens came during an earthquake they’d be like, “What the hell? RUN! The planet’s fighting back!!!”

    @ Elly Lou: No one should have to endure the kind of weather you guys are describing. I’ll ask them really nicely with a pretty please just for you.

    @ paulsifer: Now that I think about it, it does most aptly describe the position we’re in, doesn’t it?

    @ dbs: The way I’ve heard it described you’d think being in California is like being on a boat. Once you’re there long enough you don’t even notice the ground shaking & you have to get your land legs back after you leave.

    @ Nari: Haven’t found just the right one yet. But, when I do, it better be certified earthquake, tsunami, hurricane & alien invasion tested.

    @ Sandra: I think I know some people who would blog the entire abduction with cell phone pics of the anal probing.

    And thanks. I finally decided to update it when I realized you guys were checking me out… Wait! That came out wrong.

  14. seeing as there were no alien attacks prior, i think you need to do a thorough background investigation on mrs c's grandmother. just saying, you may be missing the obvious here.

  15. Of course! Why didn't I see it before? She must have been laying low all this time, waiting for the time to signal the invasion.


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