Saturday, May 4, 2013

Gas Brain.

A phone call with Mrs. C yesterday:

Mrs. C: Vinny, I need to run something by you, but you have to promise you won’t roll your eyes.
Me: How will you even know if I do?
Mrs. C: I will. I’ll hear your eyes roll.
Me: Oh really?
Mrs. C: Really.
Me: Uh-huh. Sure. Anyway, what is it?
Mrs. C: Well, Psycho’s husband came into the bank today – you know he’s a mechanic, right? Anyway, he mentioned that he's fixing up his car and looking to sell it, so I thought-
Me: *rolls eyes*
Mrs. C: HEY!!! You said you wouldn't!

There's a back story to this.

I've mentioned before that the idea of driving doesn't really appeal to me. I think the first time I did was during a post I did on Sprocket Ink a while back.

But, anyway, I digress.

As I was saying, I’m not a fan of getting behind the wheel and I've mentioned it a few times. What I haven’t really talked about is how my wife feels about owning a car. Basically, she wants one. She wants one bad. She wants a car so bad, it borders on obsession. This is why every few months she’ll come to me with some new plan she’s devised to make her dream of car ownership a reality. She comes up with these plans despite our less than perfect credit, lack of money for a down payment or insurance and the fact that her license is expired and mine has never existed. Usually I have to be the wet blanket and talk her down and remind her of all the reasons we can’t buy a car right now.

Don’t give me that look! It isn't like I want to keep her from buying a car. It's just that we can't afford it right now. She knows that and, regardless of how I feel about driving, she knows I don’t particularly enjoy having to burst her bubble. If we can afford it, I’m not opposed. It's just the role I have to play at the moment, since she gets a little excited when she sees a decent looking car drive by with a “For Sale” sign in the windscreen.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit. It's not like she's actually chasing cars down the street. You know me. I would have told you about something like that sooner. Still, I'm not lying when I say a "For Sale" sign will turn her head, at the very least. Then she starts calculating what groceries we can afford to live without if she went ahead and bought whatever car caught her eye.

I believe there's a local term (or as I call it, Trini-talk) for people like Mrs. C's who have a preoccupation with cars. It's called being a "gas brain". Okay, Lacy, you're up!
I don't think Mrs. C is that far gone though... At least I hope she isn't. If she ever tried to dry hump a car, I probably would have told you about that already too.

As for the car Psycho's husband is selling, I've decided to stand back and let this one play out. He's actually selling it pretty cheap and is being extremely flexible about the payment terms. We actually might be able to afford it this time. If it happens, of course, I'll let you know.


  1. 1. Buying a car from a mechanic is by far the smartest thing you could ever do. They care better for their cars than their children... (I can say that because of my previous occupation *ahem*)
    2. When she said "Did you see that?" I saw where your eyes were, not on the car but on her... rhymes with toobs.
    3. I think you have gas brain for something else.
    4. If you could make stuff like this post as a career you could buy a Porsche! The amount of work that went in this post... I mean, by golly, it was brilliant!

    1. Yes, I admit I am somewhat preoccupied by Mrs. C's boobs. Can you blame me?

      Believe me, if I could make a living doing this, my life would be complete.

  2. I cant imagine life without a car. Or a license. Of course, public transport around here is pretty dreadful so I am pretty impressed you can do without both

    1. Public transportation here is pretty bad too at times, but the issues that plague them are generally the same things that affect all motorists (more cars than the roads can accommodate, bad weather, etc). It is slightly easier to get around in your own car, though. Plus, I suppose they come in handy when it comes to stuff like grocery runs. So there's that.

  3. I don't have a car fascination. So why are there 4 vehicles in my driveway? (4 people = 4 cars; it's pathetic.)


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