Monday, December 3, 2012

Conversations With Mrs. C - IT'S A DOVE!!!

I never mentioned this, but Mrs. C is studying too. She recently started studying law on evenings after work. Many may know that the subject is very demanding so she has to put a lot of studying in. To do that she gets up early - like around 3:00 AM - to study before getting ready for work. She says she absorbs information best around that time of the day. Me? I stay in bed until she decides to wake me. This morning, at around 5:30 she came into the bedroom and shook me awake.

Mrs. C: Vinny? Vinny! Wake up! Come help me with something.
Me: What?
Mrs. C: There's a bird in the kitchen.
Me: *sigh* Of course there is...

I got out of bed and followed her into the kitchen. She pointed up and there, just over the kitchen door was a tiny ground dove clinging to a wall fixture, just below the ceiling. It was just like the one I caught in our kitchen earlier this year, but a bit more mature. Crap! Maybe it's the same one!
Our intruder from last March. I think we need dove repellent.
Me: A dove.
Mrs. C: I know. I don't care. Just get rid of it! It's flying around and all kinds of... germs are falling off of it and I'm trying to make breakfast.
Me: You know, you could have handled this yourself if you had just opened the door. It probably would have just flown out on it's own.
Mrs. C: I did handle it. I called you!
Me: Uh-huh...

Before I could move to open the door, it began to flutter about until it ended up on top the microwave. I could only guess that the sight of two humans freaked it out even more. But now it was within reach so I crept in to catch it.

Mrs. C: No! Wait! Use a towel or a rag to hold it.
Me: Why?
Mrs. C: In case it bites you.
Me: *pause... look at her* IT'S A DOVE!!!

Let's face it, doves are the most passive creatures you can think of. Of course, her remark did remind me of something I tweeted a few weeks back:
Still, I wasn't worried. Dove-on-dove violence is one thing, but it's going to take a special kind of unlucky for a human to be attacked by one. Doves, as far as I know, have two instincts: "flight" or, if caught, "try to look calm while hoping the inevitable demise is quick and painless". There's no "fight".

Anyway, I digress. Just as I was about to grab it, the dove fluttered away again and ended up behind the refrigerator. Now, the only way to get it now was to pull the entire thing out and our fridge isn't a small one, either. Outstanding! I start sliding it out until there's enough space for me to reach the back.

Then the doves flies into the bathroom hallway.

I slide the fridge back in. During all this, Mrs. C finished making her breakfast.

Mrs. C: Okay. I'll leave you to to take care of that. You sure you don't want a towel or something?
Me: *growls*

She leaves and I go after the bird. This time it doesn't wait for me to get close and starts fluttering around like crazy again until it wedged itself behind the toilet. Only now, it's stuck and I'm able to get it. I held it and looked at it and, no, it didn't attack me. As funny as that would have been to write, it did what it was supposed to do and just waited to see what I was going to do next, which was, of course, let it go outside.

Anticlimactic, I know.

After that, I went out to the living room where my wife was having breakfast.

Mrs. C: You got rid of it?
Me: Yup... So... Scared of doves, huh?
Mrs. C: I am NOT afraid of doves! They're just... dirty.
Me: Uh-huh...

I'm thinking how I can use this.


  1. I'm with Mrs. C on this one. My cat likes to bring in critters, and I always feel like the house is contaminated afterwards!

    1. I'll admit I find their sense of personal hygiene somewhat suspect too. I just won't run out of the room to avoid them... Unlike someone I know. *cough*MrsC*cough*

  2. Replies
    1. Maybe I should speak up. That way they'll listen when I tell them to stay out of our home.

    2. Ha! A dove whisperer... Dove. Mmmm. Chocolate. Dark. Mmmmm. Now I want to eat a nice smooth piece of Dove Dark Chocolate...

  3. Did you ever get to eat breakfast? You're the hero, do you get to wear a cape now?

    1. I could if I wanted to. One of the few benefits of being home alone all day. Wait... Why haven't I?

  4. It is a primal hunter gatherer thing. The man always hunts down the creatures and removes them.
    In our house, that is generally big hairy spiders.

    If we had a dove infestation, that would also be the mans job to remove

    1. My wife never asks me to remove spiders. She orders that they be made dead as quickly as possible.

  5. Aaaaaw. Bird came home to Vinny.


    1. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the same one. It seemed a little too familiar with the layout of our place.

    2. I look so happy in that comment.


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