Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Best Laid Plans.

Because you've been so good I'm giving you TWO posts today. First is my usual Tuesday offering over at Sprocket Ink where we look into the newest possible zombie attack victim and just how far this seems to be reaching. I know by now you’re all probably a little tired of all this zombie talk everywhere, but you have to wonder if there's some kind of a cover-up at play on this threat.

Next, is a post for you right here. But this one isn't going anywhere. Go read the one on Sprocket first and I promise I'll be here when you get back. Scout's honor!*

You back? Let's proceed then...
One morning, before Mrs. C left for work...

Mrs. C: I have aerobics this afternoon after work, so don't forget dice some carrots for the cooking I have to do later. Plus, you said you'd do the laundry today and tidy up. Remember?
Me: Don't worry. I know what I have to do. I'll take care of things on my end.
Mrs. C: Cool. See you when I get back.
Me: Bye.

Being currently without job my typical day consists of such productive activities as surfing the web, blogging, sending out job applications, watching TV and sleeping. Sometimes, I'd even watch a movie if the mood hit me. What? I did include sending out applications on the list. Anyway, the day in question went basically the same. While the laundry was taken care of early enough I basically held off on doing everything else. Why? Because I had it all planned out, that's why.

You see, every husband knows this one simple fact: it didn't matter what time any of those chores got done. What matters is that they're all done by the time the wife gets back. Even if you finish the last thing thirty seconds before she walks through the door, she won't know or care. Just as long as you get everything done.

I knew Mrs. C wouldn't be home before 6 o'clock once she stuck to her schedule. Based on what I had to do I figured starting at 4:30 would give me more that enough time to do my chores. That left me most of the day to do whatever I wanted and I'd still end up looking like this:
Of course, plans change, so it's always good to make sure. Which is what I did when she called me during her lunch break.

Mrs. C: So how are things going?
Me: Quiet. What's up with you?
Mrs. C: UGH! Only halfway through the day and I'm exhausted already.
Me: Hmm... So are sure you're up for your workout this afternoon? (Notice how cleverly placed my question was?) You can always just come home and rest. (I know. I'm good!)
Mrs. C: Nah. I'll still go. It'll be good for me.
Me: Okay.. Once you're sure. Don't push yourself (The icing on top).
Mrs. C: No problem.

So, satisfied that things were going as planned, I continued with my day as usual.

Soon enough I saw the time was fast approaching for me to get started on those chores I'd been putting off all day. 4:15 rolled around and I thought I'd just go ahead and get it over with...

Then I heard the front gate...

Since we share the yard with tenants in the apartment next door, I wasn't overly concerned. Until I heard keys going into our front door... Before I could react, Mrs. C was walking through the door. Me? I imagine I was doing a perfect impression of a deer in the headlights right then.

Me: Hey... babe. You're home early.
Mrs. C: Today was too tiring. Decided to skip aerobics.

Then, of course, she surveyed the room.

Mrs. C: Hmm...
Me: Heh-heh...
Well, so much for that plan.

* Was never a member of the scouts.


  1. So if you had done your chores right away, then they would have been done and you wouldn't have gotten into trouble. It is easier to just get the crap over with than to delay it all.

    Of course you are a man and men don't think clearly half the time!

  2. Once I stop choking from laughing so hard I'll be back to write something really snarky...
    something like this..ROFL....X infinity....
    You go Mrs. C...
    She's practicing for parenthood...It's what we parents do all the time. Sneaking up on the kidlets always keeps them on their toes..

  3. Well, hopefully you didn't get into too much trouble seeing as you were wearing your Super Vinny cape!


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