Tuesday, June 26, 2012

(Un)Healthy Obsession

I've got two - count 'em - two post for you today. There's my usual Tuesday slot over at Sprocket Ink. It's about a subject near and dear to all of us: zombies. So as usual CLICK HERE and get your snarky news on.

The second post is here. It's also about a topic that should be near and dear to us all: my wife, the lovely Mrs. C. With today being her birthday, (that's right! it's her birthday today) it's only fitting that today's post be centered around her.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it before but Mrs. C... she's one of those wives. You know the kind I'm talking about. The ones who try to live healthy lifestyles and, by extension, try to make their husbands/families in general live healthy too. Yeah... One of those.

She's the type who will insist that, as often as possible, any meal we consume be "balanced". That often means, like it or not, there's going to be a green salad on the side.

Not that I really have a problem with it. I know she has my best interests at heart. But sometimes, I fear, she will occasionally cross the line in her efforts. For example, every now and then we'll have the "coffee talk".

Mrs. C: Is that coffee you're having this morning?

Me: Yeah.

Mrs. C: Why? Do you need it? Didn't you get a good night's sleep last night?

Me: Yes, I did have a good rest. But that isn't the point. I want coffee.

Mrs. C: Babe! We talked about this. I wish you wouldn't drink coffee unnecessarily. You know it's not all that good for you.

Me: BLASPHEMY!!! Oh? Says who?

We'd then proceed to argue our respective points of view for a few minutes which would usually end in a stalemate. Don't get me wrong. She does drink coffee, mind you, but she'll only have a cup if she didn't get enough sleep the night before. Then she'll spend half the morning beating herself up about it.

That's no way to live, if you ask me.

She does however love tea. I mean she REALLY loves tea. In fact, I'd call it more of an unhealthy obsession.
One of these is mine but I have to wonder if it's normal to have so many different types of tea at once.
Recently, someone told her about a line of deodorants that were free of the dreaded Ammonium Chloride and she found out there was a store that sold them close to where she worked. Sure enough, her regular brand was soon in the trash. She would have made a great hippie. 

My brand of choice has always been Degree. I haven't been paid to endorse the product (sadly), but as a professional perspirer, I have to say this stuff really works for me. I've been using it for as long as I could remember.

My scent of choice. Just look at how it's packaged. Everything about it screams "MANLY".
But it came as no surprise that she was soon trying to convert me.

Mrs. C: Vinny, you have to try this. It's way better for you than those other deodorants. You know I'm only suggesting it because I care for you and want what's best. Pleeeease!

So, as you'd expect, I caved.

Whipped? Who you callin' whipped? Not me! I'm just giving it a try just this one time just to prove that it doesn't work and then I'll go back to the way things were. You'll see...

Anyway, we agreed I would give it a try as soon as my current deodorant was finished. When the day came and my deodorant was finally on its last, I got a call from her.

Mrs. C: Hi. I'm at the store that sells that deodorant you agreed to use and they're out of stock for now.

Me: Too bad. Maybe next time then...

Mrs. C: No wait. They don't have any now bur they'll be getting some more in a few days. But only the spray kind though.

Me: And when was the last time you saw me use a spray deodorant? Besides, I bet they're all, "We don't use propellants in our deodorants," and I'll have to use one of those pump bottles.

Mrs. C: I dunno. C'mon! Is that really a problem? Besides, you already agreed so just give it a try. Okay?

Long story short, I caved again. What?! A few days later she called me again to tell me they got their shipment and they had two scents: lavender and scent-free. I chose the scent-free one, of course. She tried to argue again, but this time I stood my ground. A man's got to have some standards after all. Oh, and I was right. It is a pump.
The pink ribbon on the cap is a fitting tribute to my emasculation at this point.
Next week, she said she saw a a t-shirt she just had to get me. Heaven help me.
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  1. Happy birthday to her! It's hard to argue with someone when they do have your best interests in mind. But damn, what kind of horror storm arises when you want to have a second drink?

    1. No worries there. She can't hold her liquor so she's normally out cold after her first one, leaving me free to be up to my own devices.

  2. First and foremost...Happy Birthday Mrs. C. I hope you get a wonderful dinner and some killer heels out of the deal.
    This part is for Vinny's eyes only...Look away Mrs. C. Nothing to read here.
    And Vinny...Haven't you ever heard the saying "happy wife=happy life...get a grip Man!! do what every other man does..keep the stuff she wants you to use out and available. frequently get rid of some so she thinks you're using it, but keep your favorite hidden in a draw and use that. It's a man thing, or so I'm told.
    or..just don't use the new stuff at all..then, let your 3 day unshowered self envelope her with your manly scent while insisting that the new stuff just doesn't seem to be working..Still a man thing...or so I've been told..I have a hubby and brother who reveal all manly secrets to me..we trade gender secrets..It makes our life easier that way.

    1. Me? Use such deceit and trickery against my lovely wife. Why! I never... Okay, yeah I would. I so totally would. And have. Great advice.

  3. Please don't let my hub know your wife buys that kind of stuff for you. I insist he buy his own stuff. And, as long as he smells clean, I don't care what he buys.
    Clearly, Ms. C is much nicer than Ms. V :-)

    1. Trust me, if he's aware the alternative is the possibility of having to smell like lavender, he'll be happy to continue with things as is.

  4. is it the caffeine Mrs C is worried about? because tea is loaded with it to. That's why I drink decaf, both tea and coffee.


    1. I don't think it's so much of a caffeine thing (even though she does prefer to get decaf tea). I think it's more of a, "That's what I grew up hearing & so many people couldn't have been wrong" kinda thing.

  5. Dude. I feel for you. Metrosexual deodorant? I didn't know that existed. And I have no doubt you stink now so I'm sure your lovely Mrs. C. will soon change her mind. Just wait it out.

    1. Actually, no. It seems to be working. DAMMIT! I want my degree back!

  6. Mrs. C,

    I too am a significant other that cares about her man. I try to serve healthy food, and I try to make things better for us at home. However count yourself lucky that Mr. C is an easy going guy. If I tried to do some of the things you have gotten him to agree to there would be a litany of "i am a grown man and will do whatever I want and if you don't like it I can find another girl" We aren't married see why? I always remind him that there are other men that make more money with bigger dicks to replace him too. We are loving that way. Anyway back to you. Consider yourself lucky. However sometimes we have to let boys be boys with their crap that is bad for them. The coffee, let him have it. Honestly the caffeine factor is not much different in tea, and it isn't likely to stunt his growth at this age.

    1. I'll make sure she gets your advice.


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