Tuesday, April 27, 2021

New Beginnings.

I mentioned a while back about a big change that was coming in my life that was not only life-altering but also adding to my feelings of being overwhelmed and stuck-in-place. Well, I won't bury the lede anymore. The thing is... I'm getting divorced.

Yeah...

After almost 25 years of being a "we" we're each going back to being first-person singular, at least when it comes to each other. I won't go into too much detail about how it went down, other than saying it wasn't any one, big thing that caused it. It was just the culmination of a lot of little things (and maybe a few medium-sized ones) being experienced by both sides that reached the point where it finally couldn't be ignored anymore and almost two years ago, Mrs C (or, as it stands the Soon-to-be-Ex-Mrs C) decided she had had enough and I had to fact the grim reality that I couldn't find a reason to disagree.

Why two years? Well, here, in Trinidad & Tobago, you don't just decide you don't want to be married anymore, run down to your nearest divorce attorney, sign some papers and - BAM - your marriage has ended (I'm assuming it works like that in some parts of the world but I could be wrong). Here, the law requires a two-year wait between deciding you want a divorce and actually being able to file for it so the nice lawyer lady still has to wait another two months to take the paperwork to the courts. Another few months after that (they still give you time to change your mind) it becomes official... and then I guess I can remove that awkward "soon-to-be" prefix.

Even after almost two years our minds are made up. Still, knowing for so long that it's coming, this isn't easy to talk about. I only just started telling some people about it at the beginning of this year, after we went to the lawyer to start preparing the process.

If anyone remembers, the soon-to-be was a source of a lot of my posts. We haven't talked about it but I took the decision to remove those posts - the ones where she had most of the focus, anyway - and after this post I more-than-likely won't be telling any stories about our interactions anytime in the foreseeable future (definitely not without her okay, anyway).We're amicable, for the most part, but I'm not taking any chances.

I titled this post "New Beginnings" because while the divorce signifies the a very sad end of a quarter-century history, it also signifies a new start for the both of us and maybe a chance to find the futures we couldn't find with each other. That's what I'm choosing to focus on instead of what-could-have-been.

20 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time, Vinny, and that it's this long and drawn out. It seems, from the way I read this post, that you're sad at the ending, but have had time to come to terms with it and work on a comfortable way to look to the future with hope. I wish you all the best, and will look forward to what you have to share as you step into your future.

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    1. Wow! You understood all of that so perfectly without me having to say it.

      Thanks. I am hopeful for what the future has in store. A little intimidated but hopeful all the same. If nothing else, maybe I'll get some blog material out of things to come, so there's that.

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  2. Sorry to hear it, bud. Here's to better days.

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  3. Ah dude, divorces suck no matter what. I am really sorry to hear this. It does get easier with time. It really does. Until you start dating! lol. Hang in there, and I'm glad to see it's amicable. Please keep it that way, life is hard enough you don't need things to get ugly with your soon to be ex.

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    1. Dating... Don't even want to think about having to go through that anytime soon.

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  4. Every divorce is different (and difficult), as I can personally attest, but here’s to better days and new beginnings...

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    1. Thanks. Actually looking forward to what's to come. Though, as mentioned, I can't say I'm not a bit intimidated too.

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  5. My condolences, Vin, divorce is a life-altering event that will always stick with you, but, as you I think can attest, not forever in a bad way. I've been there, and while it was a brutally hard thing to go through, I'm very happy with where my life ended up to this point. Seek out advice and help and support if you need it. All the best

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    1. I don't know where my life will end up but I'm determined to make sure wherever it is, I'm going do my best to be happy too.

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  6. I went through a bad divorce about 10 years ago and just never really address it on my blog. It's just better for everyone. That's a good decision on your part. It sucks that you're going through it, but you will get through. It takes time, but life gets easier.

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    1. Getting through it & life getting easier sounds nice. I'm looking forward to that.

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  7. I can understand that when things get drawn out it can feel like relief and grief. Wish you the best. Truly.

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    1. Thanks, AC. Drawn out situations are not a fun time in my opinion. Zero stars. Do not recommend.

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  8. There is a thought experiment in quantum physics not of what could have been, but of what you avoided. Sometimes it helps.

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    1. Interesting... I think that's something I could give a try.

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  9. So sorry I did not read this until now. I hope the interim helped ease the stress of this massive life change. Glad you wrote about it as that act alone always helps me. All my best to you both.

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    1. Thanks. Can't say the stress has totally eased (there are still a lot of things up in the air) but things are... let's just say they're within tolerable margins. That's gotta count for something, right?

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