Monday, October 24, 2016

Some Things We Can Never Understand.

A long, long time ago, I once held certain beliefs. Beliefs I was certain were true and – yes, I admit it – I even looked down on others for not being as enlightened as myself. However, as I grew older and experienced more of life, I began to have doubts about these beliefs. I started to question whether these things I believed in were really the “truth”.

Now after years of having those beliefs tested and disproved, I realized I didn't actually know more than the next guy after all and I was just as blind and ignorant as everyone else.

You see, right up until my late teens, I firmly and foolishly believed I understood women.

It's true! I honestly thought, naively, that I had women figured out. STOP LAUGHING!!! It took actually getting personally involved with a woman to dispel the illusion. Before that, I thought observation was enough to come up with viable explanations for their behavior.

I'll give you a moment to regain your composure,..

You see, I'm the first of three children to my parents. My two younger siblings are both girls. To me, my sisters' behavior as well as their day-to-day activities proved invaluable research material. Added to this is the fact that I started noticing girls from an early age. Actually, if I had to be accurate, I didn't notice "girls" per se but "women". When I was a child, girls my own age didn't interest me. I was more fixated on curious about more... developed members of the female gender.

I think it was as a result of how "developed" they were.

As advanced as I was, though, it this was nothing compared to my nephew. My earliest memory of him was taking him out for a walk. I had to carry him since he was even too young to crawl, let alone walk, at the time. During our outing I noticed that every time we passed an attractive woman his attention was immediately captured and he would stare at her intently until she was no longer in sight or another one had caught his eye. I noticed he only did this for attractive women. He was completely oblivious to everyone else who passed by.

That’s when I knew, of all the children I may even be an uncle to, he would always be my favorite.

I digress, however. Between the belief that I understood my sisters and my "thorough observation" of women outside the contained environment of my home, I eventually came to believe that I had figured out the mysterious entity known as woman.

Of course, I was yet to actually get involved in a romantic relationship with one. I believed as on outside observer I had gathered enough information.

Then I met Mrs C.

After that I realized just how misinformed I was. No amount of observation could have helped me. Even after years of close, personal contact, I can safely say I still don't ‘get’ women. In fact, I dare say the more time a man spends in a relationship with a woman, the less he understands the gender as a whole.
Case in point: You get chewed out for not doing something – for example, let’s say your crime was not opening a door for her. There are tears, you hear things like, "You don’t value me!" and you are made to feel like you’re possibly the worst boyfriend/husband in the history of boyfriends/husbands to ever blight the Earth. To correct this, the very next day, you look for the next opportunity to right your wrong. However, upon opening that door for your lady-friend, instead of being praised for your efforts at be a better man and show how valuable she is to you, you are instead met with a bewildered stare as she wonders why you would think she wants you to open a door for her. This is the twenty-first century after all. Women are more than capable of opening their own doors, driving, voting, running major corporations and still bringing life into the world!

You chauvinistic pig!
How can a man ever be prepared for this?

Even the way women interact with each other can throw us men off. Recently, Mrs C bought a new bra. It’s not something she does often as the cost of bras is ridiculous. I mean, seriously! Why is it I can eight pairs of boxers, some t-shirts, make a down payment on a new car and still have enough left over to buy lunch for the same price as one of my wife’s bras?! Anyway, the salesgirl convinced her her current breast support system was inefficient and she needed to invest in an upgrade. A few days later she was in another store trying on a blouse and the salesgirl there complemented her new bra (I guess salesgirl number one was right on the money). Mrs C thanked her, tried on a few more things and life went on.

This was normal! Women can be changing in a locker-room and, if one is wearing cute underwear, it’s okay for the others to notice and pay her compliments on them. In the men’s locker-room no one compliments anyone on anything he sees. I can’t imagine any scenario where one guy can complement another on his underwear and things would not get weird after that. Not even once has anyone ever told me they thought my underwear was cute. But that’s just how it is, I guess.

*pouts*

If you've ever wondered why so many men seem to be fixated with the idea of girl-on-girl action it’s probably in part due to how women can openly flirt with each other... That and the fact that a lot of us guys are just perverts.

Second case in point: Mrs C made a friend recently. A very good friend. They met in the gospel group where they both sing backup and they’ve been in the lovey-dovey - sometimes flirty - stage of their relationship. They send each other cute messages and call each other cutesy names like “babes” and “honey”. When they talk on the phone Mrs C looks so happy and they can go on like that for hours. They even went out on a date the one time.  I've come to refer to her as the other woman. Still, this behavior too was apparently normal and completely non-perverted from a "girlfriends" perspective.

So, in conclusion, I can only surmise that women are...odd. I mean this with no offense intended whatsoever. They’re odd in a fascinating way that keeps men on their toes so it's "odd" in a good way really. And, yes, men are odd too, of course. We're all odd. It's what's connects us as a species. Of this much, at least, I'm sure.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

I Confess...

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. It's been around seven months since my last post. During that time I haven't conducted myself in a manner befitting a proper blogger. No, not in the least.

I must also confess that I not only failed to post, but I've failed to show bloggy charity as well. My call to visit the blogs of others and leave gifts of commentary has been severely neglected but for a few crumpled contributions. Added to this, I've also been negligent of my social (networking) responsibilities.

I believe my current backslidden state came as a result of the blatant hubris in declaring - with much fanfare (and monkeys) - that I had "figured out" the reason for my sporadic posting and allowed myself to believe that simply knowing the source of my problem was enough to get me back on the straight and narrow path. Without even realizing it I allowed myself to commit one of the greatest sins a blogger can commit by alluding that, as a result, "I was back".

Life is a jealous god and not very forgiving of a blogger's pride. Even hinting that one might have gotten the upper hand against it earns swift and severe punishment. And punished I was as, month after month, I faced endless emergencies, distractions and frustrations.

First came a chaotically assignment-packed school semester back in the end of April (which saw me pulling more all-nighters in one month than I normally would in a year) followed closely by Mrs C's contracting of dengue fever in May (don't worry, she's fine now). June's a blur but I'm sure bad stuff happened then too. July and August had me frantically searching for a new job on the off chance my contract wasn't going to be renewed after it ended at the end of September  (it was renewed, by the way). All during this time there was also the non-stop saga of my father's diminishing health (not something I mentioned before). Life's hits just kept on coming.

All the while there was the constant nagging from within to return to the fold. Living a life steeped in real-life issues only added to my guilt and shame, and served to drive me deeper into my backslidden state.

The irony!

Will I be able to walk the path from here on in? I don't know. I dare not incur life's wrath any further by saying I will. For now, I ask that I only be absolved of my past transgressions and allowed to go on in peace.