Thursday, March 19, 2015

Snowball 2 - And So We Meet.

You are entering another dimension, a dimension not only of projects and flowcharts but of deliverables. A journey into a land of micromanagement. Next stop, the Corporate Zone!
(Dramatic music)
Submitted for your approval: Vinny C - A typical government office employee who does his best to survive the tedious day-to-day grind. Vinny is about to learn that no good gesture goes unpunished as he take a wrong turn into the cubicle of...

The Corporate Zone!

(Dramatic music repeats)

******

Vinny (*walking into Coworker 1's cubicle*): Hey, Coworker 2 (who happened to be just hanging out with Coworker 1), I just came from the admin's desk so I picked you up some cold pills since you said you weren't feeling too hot.
Coworker 2: Thanks V! You're a lifesaver.
Coworker 1: Oh, Vinny, while you're here, did you get a chance to review the the meeting notes The Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) emailed?
Vinny: No, not yet.
Coworker 1: Okay. How about we sit and go over them now?
Vinny: Actually, I was just about to go... Sure. No problem

That is the start of meeting# 1.

Half an hour later...

Vinny: Hmm... There isn't really anything here that's different here than the notes we took.
Coworker 1: True... Anyway, let's go over to the Director's office so he can update the new data.

...

Director: Hmm... Good! The Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) is in a hurry for our part of the financial plan. I'll update this. While you're both here, let's take a minute to discuss how the new financial workup affects the division.

Thus begins meeting# 2...

Coworker 1: Boring financial plan talk.
Director: Boring financial plan talk.
Vinny: *Pretends to understand what's being said and take notes. Actually doodling*
About thirty-five minutes into it, the Head of Accounts (HoA) walks in...

HoA: Hi, Director, are you ready for our meeting?
Director: Oh, I almost completely about it.We were just going over the division's financial plan for the next fiscal.
HoA: That's no problem. Our meeting's related. In fact, why don't you both (*turns to Vinny & Coworker 1) stick around. I'm sure this information could be useful to you too (meeting# 3 is set).
Coworker 1: Sure thing.
Vinny: Wait, what?

One hour and twenty minutes later.

Director: Well, Vinny, looks like you got your work cut out for you. Lucky thing you were here. Remember, the Executive (*lightning flashes, thunder rumbles, building shakes slightly*) wants this done "pronto" so let's set a deadline of noon the day after. K?
HoA: Remember to shoot me an email in the morning too, Vin so I can grant you site access.
Coworker 1: Vinny, I know it's well past quitting time for you for today but let's just go back to my cube for a quick (meeting# 4) review of what we need to do.
.
.
.
Vinny: ...huh..?

******

Vinny C. A man who has found himself stuck in an endless black hole of back-to-back meetings where responsibilities and assignments he could never dream to comprehend are forever stacked one on top of the other on his plate. This meal Vinny will have to consume in...

The Corporate Zone! (Dramatic music swells and ends)

16 comments:

  1. Ha! Made me laugh... thats good, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like I always say: If my pain can equal to someone else's outside (on a totally non-masochistic easy, that is), then it's all worth it.

      Delete
    2. Just realized my phone swapped "pleasure" with "outside". This isn't the first time this has happened. "Outside" seems to be its go-to autocorrect word for some reason.

      Delete
  2. This is magnificent. I don't tell a lot or any bloggers this, but I always enjoy when you post something. Oh how I saw myself in this.Though I was frustrated on your behalf, I was also thoroughly entertained. Well done and good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now, if you go & say something nice like that, I'll feel as though I should post more.

      I may not actually, mind you. But I'll feel like I should.

      Delete
  3. Sounds like a prime time show waiting to happen! I'd take it over (insert reality show here) any day! It would be worth the sound effects from "The Executive" all by itself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs C did a pretty good imitation of the sound effect when I let her read this. Considering this show would have zero budget, that'll probably be all I'll have to work with.

      Delete
  4. Nice use of pathetic fallacy. For some reason, people seem to think I'm smarter than I am too. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Personally, I try not to stay absolutely quiet until someone says something I remotely understand. That way people don't catch on that I'm totally clueless.

      Of course, the downside to that strategy is that I've sat through entire meetings without saying a single word.

      Delete
  5. Love your take off on the Twilight Zone. I'm laughing, but I'm also feeling guilty for laughing because you had such a crappy day of meeting after meeting in the Corporate Zone and I know these are hours of your life that you'll never get back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? Just think how much more effort I could have put into that drawing if they weren't distracting me with all that talking.

      Delete
  6. Ahhhh do we work together and not know it?? That sounds like the kind of crap my company does. Meetings about meetings about meetings. God in heaven...send an email already!! That's bad business I swear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, the only time they send out emails about stuff they could have said electronically instead of in a meeting... is to schedule another meeting.

      Delete
  7. And one wonders why nothing gets done about anything. We could just replace everyone with robots. Or bicycles.

    Why not bicycles?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know a few people in upper management who could be replaced with hamster wheels. They pretty much make me feel like I'm running in place anyway.

      Delete

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