Monday, September 22, 2014

Conversations With Mrs C - Right In The Eye!

Me (getting home from the store): I'm back.

Kawaii, our new puppy. runs up, all excited and making this whimpering sound that could only be translated as, "Where were you?! I thought you were gone forever! I MISSED YOU!!! I might have peed a little." She then proceeds to run circles around and between my feet, making it almost impossible for me to walk.

Me: Jeez, Kawaii! I wasn't even gone for an hour. Last thing I need is another needy, clingy-

Mrs. C (who was studying at the dinner table at the time): I will stab you right in the eye!

She holds up her pen to show me she already has a weapon at hand.

Me: Yeah, yeah. So you keep saying.

Mrs. C: Oh, by the way, did I tell you one of my coworkers said they'd stab me the eye the other day?

Me: No. I'm not surprised, though. You say that to enough people so it makes sense that, eventually, someone'll say it back on you. What exactly did you do to cause that?

Mrs. C: Nothing serious. It was more banter than anything else. But it was my supervisor who said it... In front of the customer I was dealing with.

Me: Huh... So, just to recap, not only did you did you drive your supervisor to threaten you with bodily harm, but you got her to do it in front of customers. Congratulations! You've leveled up. Proceed to the next dungeon.
I can only imagine what was going through your customer's mind at the time.

Mrs. C: It's no problem. The customer at the time just happened to be Psycho (one of Mrs. C's close friends).

Me: Oh. Well I guess Psycho's known you long enough to have heard you use your catch phrase. You've probably said it to her more than enough times too.

Mrs. C: Probably...

Me: Wait... Did your supervisor know your customer was one of your friends at the time?

Mrs. C: I... guess...

13 comments:

  1. I always tell Hubby I am going to stab him.. but always in a non-specific place.

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    Replies
    1. My wife's pretty specific about it being the eye. I guess that's just her thing.

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  2. Why the eye? Does she not know that the ocular cavity is squirtey? Also, did she get a raise for treating the customer properly or a reprimand for making her Supervisor seem a bit off her nut?

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    1. I think she chose it because she would be able to inflict a great amount of damage with minimal effort (not sure if she's efficient or just plain lazy). As for the workplace situation, I think they both just agreed to walk away without harming each other & no one bothered to bring up the issue after that.

      It's better that way.

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  3. Ugh, the reality of stabbing someone in the eye is just plain hideous. But the concept of it is just darn funny! Your wife cracks me up :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm almost tempted to ask how you know just how hideous it is in reality. Then again, maybe it's best I don't ask.

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  4. My wife likes to say, I'm going to punch you in the head.

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    Replies
    1. Maybe threatening husbands with violence just their way of expressing their love...

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  5. Well, if she's threatening you with stabbing you in the eye, you'd best change your ways. Because when that threat stops working she may move on to threatening to stab you in the nether regions.

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    Replies
    1. I think she'd miss the sex too much... At least I hope so.

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  6. I prefer to threaten with punching, and deliver now and then to keep my husband on his toes. Mostly I say I'll punch him in the esophagus because I like the way that word rolls off my tongue, but I've been known to dabble in the crotchular region, and random body parts like the "duodenum" even though I'm not sure I could locate and target that with a fist. It wouldn't be for lack of trying though. All spouses should be kept in check once in awhile, mine with a good punching.

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    Replies
    1. I'm noticing a trend here... Wait! Are there any husbands out there who aren't regularly threatened with & in receipt of these acts of violence at the hands of their spouses? I think I've uncovered something big.

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    2. I've heard some women are more passive-aggressive, they do things like not making dinner, or "The Silent Treatment" which to my husband is a REWARD, so that won't work for me. I haven't had to actually deliver in years, so you can't argue with my results I guess *shrugs*

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