Sunday, September 30, 2012

I'm Not Sure Where This Is Going, But I'm Pretty Sure It's Nowhere.

Sometimes I write an entire post in my head before I sit down at the computer. Sometimes I start out with just the idea of what I want to write about and start writing, seeing where that leads me. But then I asked myself, what would happen if I just sat down and just began to write? Start with no topic, no plan and no direction, and just write and see what happens.

I'll admit I'm cautious, but I'm not the "must have everything organised and planned out" type either. On the contrary, all I've even needed to get something done was a general direction and enough fare to pay for the ride. I don't need to have it all mapped out, but I still feel comfortable with having a general direction. This is the complete opposite to Mrs. C's personality. While she is the type to lunge headfirst and full speed into something, she needs a plan, even if it's after taking that first step. She needs to know how she's getting there, what route she'll take, what would be the best time to move to avoid traffic, if she should wear comfortable shoes and so on and so on. Yes, she's that neurotic anal (I wish) thorough.

But I digress... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah! Nowhere... Or somewhere... But I guess that's the point.

Wait, there's a point?

Anybody ever use Zemanta? It's this software that analyzes your posts as you type and helps you with pictures and related links and whatnot. It normally works pretty well but right now one of the things it's showing me is a picture of a man named Georg Lunge (I had to Google who he was). For those who didn't know (like myself) he's a German chemist who lived in the late 1800's to the early 1900's and he has nothing to do with anything I'm writing.
Georg Lunge
That's it?! You're just going to read the first sentence in my bio and leave it at that? I hope my name comes up in a pop-quiz or something someday.
From this I can only deduce that I've gone so far off the reservation with this post that I've confused the program. I can only imagine what I'm doing to everyone else.

Wow! Those are a lot more words than I expected for a post that's basically about nothing. I feel like I should apologize or something for making you read all this drivel, but then again, it isn't like I'm making you sit through this. It isn't like I'm secretly lurking in a shadowy corner, pointing a gun and expecting a three-page report (double-spaced, use serif typeface, citations where necessary) on a) your impression of this post and how it may or may not contribute adversely to climate change and the global economy, or b) how the work of Georg Lunge helped shape the face of modern chemistry (he's your problem now). No, it's nothing like that.

It's due by Thursday.

Hey! That reminds of a cartoon I saw on Facebook once:
Wait! No... that's not it...

Oh, I remember. It 's this one:
Nobody said anything about a coherent story. Did they?
So, yeah, I think it's safe to say that I've tested the limits of this exercise (and your patience) as much as I can for now. If you stuck with this all the way to the end you deserve a standing ovation.

Here you go.
Unfortunately, the answer is still no, you can't get those last few minutes of your life back. If you were expecting me to come to some kind of point, the only one you'll get is me pointing out that I warned you in the title.

No refunds!
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Thursday, September 27, 2012

Me Vs. Nature: Part III - The Bugman Cometh.

Remember a while back when I mentioned a little bug problem we've been having from time to time? Well, since then we haven't really been having as much of a problem. Only some minor incursions. I take full credit for this since I've been making healthy use of our bug spray and doing some preemptive spraying every other night.

However, the next door neighbors have apparently not been so lucky, and voiced their concerns to the landlady. Plus, they have two small children so they understandably don't want cockroaches running around. The landlady, in turn, called in a pest control guy, who came over to do an inspection last week. Is it just me, or do people in general feel the overwhelming urge to make sure their homes are spotless when they know someone's coming by to do any kind of inspection? Especially if that inspection is to determine how welcome they're making the household pests feel.

Anyway, I digress. The exterminator visited and did his walkthrough. He asked how bad our roach problem was and a series of other routine questions. I answered and things went mostly uneventful. The only surprise was the one I sprung on them.

Me: Oh yeah. And that's where I saw the mouse.
Bug Guy: Mouse?
Landlady: Mouse?

Did I mention the mice? Yeah. Coincidentally, we started seeing them just a few days before Bug Guy's visit. It seems that not only did the construction going on next door bring us roaches, now mice are coming across looking for greener pastures. Outstanding! Bug Guy agreed that was the most likely scenario. He added that to his notes and left soon after that.

Two weeks later (today in fact) he was back. He sprayed what I could only assume some kind invisible roach repellent while I took the opportunity to showcase my social ineptitude by making awkward attempts at small-talk. Is it still considered proper exterminator/repair guy etiquette to follow them around as they do whatever it is they came to do and pretend you find it interesting, while making sure they don't steal anything? We don't get visitors often.

Anyhoo, after that he brought in a box of these little 'mouse motels' (that's what I'm calling them because I don't know what they're really called) and set them up in the different rooms where the vermin were sighted.
With that he said was done with the inside of the house and, as he was leaving, he told me we were not to move the mouse motels UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. He made a point of saying it twice.

Then, about two seconds after he left, I accidentally kicked one. Only a little. It barely even moved. Honest!

The final phase of the process involved him going under the house (the cockroach base of operations) to deliver a massive payload of insecticide. What he didn't mention is that when he did this, hordes of panicked cockroaches would be fleeing for safety. In fact, they'd be so freaked out, they'd most likely totally ignore the repellent he just put down and come scampering inside. I guess I probably could have figured out that last part myself.

In the end I had to spend the next hour and a half dealing with them (about eight of the little buggers in total). I was practically typing this post with my left hand while holding a can of bug spray with my right.

At least I finally learned I could multitask.
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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Something Old, Something New.

Another Tuesday, another post up at Sprocket Ink just ready and waiting for you. This one's...


Why, yes, I did get a new haircut. Thanks for noticing. Anyway, about my post on Sprocket. It's...

No, I haven't lost weight...

Oh! I know what it is that's distracting you. The little makeover I gave my blog. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't suddenly change things without giving you a heads-up first. My bad.

Those of you who have been here long enough may remember this is the original background I had when I first started my blog. So, yeah, I just basically went back to the old thing.

But the header's new! Sorta. Sure the old one was nice.
But I made the new one for my new Facebook page and I fell in love with it. I think the fact that Lacy and the gang all look so confused even though this is where they basically "work" sums things up here nicely.

You can go here to like that Facebook page I mentioned, by the way.

But I digress. As I was saying, my post on Sprocket today was born from a conversation I had with Mrs. C about zombies. Actually, it's about her theory that zombies may be a real threat as part of someone's evil scheme. Based on what been happening, I'm inclined to believe her.

Sadly, Sprocket's gone now so... um... nevermind.

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Sunday, September 16, 2012

To The Survivors.

This is a message to any survivors who may still be out there. If you're reading this then know that this may be my last communication before I myself succumb to the terrible outbreak currently ravaging our planet.

When it all began, I, like so many others, doubted the seriousness of this threat. When I first read reports on international media of the initial outbreak originating in East Asia, I could not fully anticipate what was to come. We were fools. All of us! Sure, one could argue that it was too early to know just how severe this outbreak would be, but in the end, we're all to blame. We all buried our heads in the sand and ignored the potential threat this viral infection posed.

By the time we realized it was spreading it was already too late. As country after country fell victim to this threat, I watched as people slowly succumbed. People I knew... My friends... The United States was hit hard by the outbreak, but still many refused to acknowledge the threat. One intrepid television personality even sought to interview the man who was confirmed as "patient zero", but she only served to spread the infection even faster.

I watched on in horror as the events unfolded and prayed that we here in T&T would be spared. Surely, being so far away from the other infected areas would save us. But this was a wasted wish. Trinidad and Tobago has also fallen victim the the outbreak now ravaging the rest of the world.

The signs that the outbreak had reach our shores were hard to ignore. One by one, friends, relatives and acquaintances all started showing symptoms, passing the infection on to each other almost as quickly as they caught it themselves. It was then I realized my greatest fear had come to be. T&T had now become the latest victim of the dreaded...

How could it have spread so far? No! I was foolish to believe we could remain unaffected. Even before I saw the first signs of infection among the local population, I knew I, myself, had already started showing signs of infection. From what I've been able to ascertain so far, it spreads quickly via the online social media. That had to be my point of contact with the infection.

Foolishly I thought I could keep it contained, but it wasn't long after I became infected that I began to see my wife showing symptoms as well. Though I seemed to be a bit more tolerant to it, her system is not as resistant, I fear and she spiraled into full blown Gangnamonia in a matter of days, as evident but her sudden and uncontrolled outbursts of, "Oppa Gangnam Style!" at random instances. As for me, even as I write this the song's uptempo beat pulses on an endless loop in my brain.

It's too late for me. It's too late for all of us here. I know that now. Soon this viral outbreak will consume the entire country and there seems to be no way of stopping it. If you're reading this, there may still be hope for you. You can still save yourselves. If you want to be spared the terrible fate that has befallen us avoid social networking and media sites at all costs! And most importantly, you must not, under any circumstances, watch the following video (which I conveniently placed right beneath my warning message to you). If you do, then all hope is lost.
Our world, our future is now in your hands. Goodbye.

Good luck.
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Thursday, September 13, 2012

Girls' Day Out - Part 2

Lacy and Diane continue their day out together to patch things up between them...