Monday, March 19, 2012

My (Wife's) (Almost) Best Friend's Wedding.

Yesterday, Mrs. C & I went to the wedding of one of her really good friends, Psycho (actually very close to her real name... and personality). Psycho is one of those friends you always want around to keep things from getting boring, yet you're always worried that you'll end up in a strange part of town late at night (or in jail) when you go out to hang. Basically, one of the most essential friends you can have.

Psycho and her new husband, J have had a long and interesting relationship, as you'd guess. They dated, fought, broke up, filed assault charges, made up, got back together... lather, rinse, repeat...

As I said, Mrs. C and Psycho are really good friends, not best friends, but they're pretty close. During one or two of the times when Psycho and J were on a break, Mrs. C ended up somehow being the reluctant "wing-man" when Psycho wanted to go out to find a revenge date.

However, all those ups and down aside, J and Psycho finally decided it was time to settle down and yesterday, they became man and wife.

The wedding went smoothly enough. No fights or drama of any kind. In fact, Mrs. C and I got a little bored after a while. I mean, this was Psycho after all. We were expecting to at least see one fight. Especially after Mrs. C described Psycho's new mother-in-law. Even Mrs. C wanted to smack her when she met her for the first time yesterday.

Nothing! Everybody behaved themselves. Lame! On top of that, the host, one of the pastors of the church, promised to have things moving quickly.

He lied.

Mrs. C: (Looking up from her cell phone) Are they married yet?
Me: Nope. He's telling some story about his childhood... I think.
Mrs. C: Groan!

I was wearing a new shirt and, as new clothes often have, there were a few loose threads here and there. I noticed one sticking out of my cuff. It was pretty long and eventually I began to distract myself with it. Without realizing it, I made this...
A hangman's noose... I think that about summed up how I felt. I showed it to Mrs. C.

Mrs. C: Ass.

That was just a front. She was smiling when she said it so I know she got where I was coming from.

After the ceremony, as the tradition goes, the wedding party went to a scenic spot in the city to take some photos before heading to the after party (aka: wedding reception). We all went to the courtyard of this hotel by the waterfront that was the new popular spot to take wedding photos.
After a while we got tired of this too, especially Mrs. C. Her new shoes weren't broken-in yet and not very forgiving when it came to long periods of standing.

Mrs. C: My feet are killing me!
Me: So you've said... like five times now.
Mrs. C: I can't take these shoes anymore. I'm taking them off.
Me: Go ahead, just... Wait! Where'd you go?
Mrs. C: Ha-ha! Very funny.

Of course, I had to get a picture of the reason for that little exchange...
Holy crap! That's a lotta heel!
She insisted I get the good side.
In all honesty, can you really blame me! My wife just sank 4 inches into the ground! She owns other shoes with the same length heel, but it always seems to catch me by surprise.

The rest of the day went pretty uneventful. The pastor that hosted the ceremony also emceed the after party (Outstanding!)This time, he promised he'd keep the speeches short.

He lied again.

Food was served, the DJ sucked, we ate, mingled a little bit and left. Personally, I think that's the last wedding I want to go to for a long time.

33 comments:

  1. These things always suck. I've been to an entertaining funeral, never an entertaining wedding.

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    1. I'm of the firm opinion now that, unless it's really, REALLY close family, married people should be spared the agony of attending someone else's wedding.

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  2. Generally I love weddings, drunken antics, terrible dancing, embarrassing family stories, embarrassing family in general. But this sounds like torture. If the ceremony goes too long, that's a bad sign. Don't judge weddings by this one. They can be fun.

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    1. I think you just described *my* wedding. That one was so crazy that, even though it's been 8 years, to this day my wife still won't talk to any of my aunts on my mother's side.

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  3. If I get married again, it's going to be a 15 minute ceremony and a 4 hour party (with a hosted bar).

    It'll be more of a kegger than a wedding.

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    1. I think that might have been the problem. The wedding we went to was... ALCOHOL FREE! I kid you not.

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  4. Holy Crap...I both admire and laugh at women who wear heels like that. Anything past 1in will cause me to break an ankle.
    Is she taller than you when she wears them? I would be taller than my hubby if I wore those.
    You should be thankful she didn't clobber you in the head with those spikes after making fun of her. That would be an assault with a deadly weapon right there!!

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    1. I'm sure she's thought of it. I'll admit, I've given her enough reasons.

      Also, I'm not tall. Not in the least. Most women don't need more than a 1 inch heel to be taller than me. Mrs. C, however, is a lot shorter than most women. Even with 4 inches she still doesn't catch up to me.

      Did I mention we're hobbits?

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  5. Why are pastors so long winded? It seems that in every church, almost all pastors/clergyingeneral tell stories that aren't so much interesting as they are boring, and they love to tell them when they have a crowd who simply can't leave. Maybe that's why they get into the profession.

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    1. I guess they're either go into preaching or politics.

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    2. Haha. Well played sir, well played.

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  6. Weddings are only fun the first few times, and of course, at your own. After that? Pfft.

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    1. Exactly why I say I've reached my quota. I have visited 2 decent weddings since getting married. It's been downhill from there.

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  7. Holy cow! Those are some serious woman-shoes. I hope she got lucky with them

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    1. To be honest, she'll get lucky with or without them ;)

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  8. The only weddings I've ever been to were so long ago, and they were fun because I was little and got to be the flower girl. Not sure how I would handle one these days, but I heard they are boring when you are older. Oh well, something to look forward to! My BF and I are going to one this year, wheeee!

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    Replies
    1. Good idea. Weddings can make great dates.

      Free food!

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  9. You have to work really hard to make a wedding fun. Funerals just seem to be fun on their won. I don't know why.

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    1. I think it could be because at a funeral the guest of honor won't care what anyone does or says.

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  10. I think there were a few things missing at this wedding: some Scots, some fiddles, some kilts, a lot of whiskey & beer and one bucket. (Don't ask.)

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    Replies
    1. That does sound like fun. Maybe Mrs. C will agree to the list for vow a renewal in the future.

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  11. You survived. I'm still recovering from the last one I was dragged to.
    Imagine what you could have done with that time lost.
    Stare into space. Change light bulbs. Learn how to play the flute.

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    Replies
    1. I could have been alphabetizing things!

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  12. Ooohhhhh pretty shoes. Mrs. C has great taste. What was the blog about again?

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    Replies
    1. She's been known for her expert taste in shoes, clothes, jewelry and-ahem-men, of course.

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  13. Good God, those are some big-ass heels! Did she have a nosebleed when she wore them?
    "Where'd you go?" hee...hee...hee

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I got her good that time. Unfortunately, she didn't quite appreciate my sense of humor.

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  14. This is a great posting I have read. I like your article.

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  15. Replies
    1. I'm sure they are... Even though I don't know how much they are worth. She says it's best for me not to.

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  16. Loved this story Vinny. It's hilarious, but of course I would expect nothing less from you.

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  17. I went to a wedding a month ago and luckily I didn't have to sit through the reception. The wedding was actually entertaining at times, but there's no way The Mrs. would wear 4 inch heels for anything.

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  18. Killer shoes...literally but they are really sexy. Boo for lack of wedding drama because it's pretty much the only reason I allow myself to be dragged to those events.

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