Thursday, March 31, 2011

Red: It's Also The Colour of Embarrassment

Aaaannd I'm back. At least I think I'm back. I thought I was back last week but it turns out I wasn't quite back. (Which explains my somewhat sporadic commenting on your posts as well as posting of anything much here on my own blog).

Sigh! Life's been kinda hectic the past few weeks. This is mostly due some the ongoing workplace bullshit drama, which I'll probably get to in the near future. But, the good news is, I'm actually posting something today! You know, with actual words 'n shit. Well, somethings really. This is a two-for-one special.

First, is a post inspired by the weekly Studio 30 Plus prompt. (I know. I missed the last two. Also due to the same aforementioned hectic IRL stuff). This week the prompt is the word: Red.

Let's get right into it, shall we:

When we first got married, Mrs. C and I lived in a very tiny apartment, rented to us from a friend from church. The apartment was so small I called our little hobbit hovel. It was fitting because we're both somewhat vertically challenged and I do happen to have somewhat hobbitesque feet (If you don't know what I mean, Kev D. can properly explain).

Anyway, the house our apartment was in was in a very rough area and, when things started to really heat up, we decided to move. Finding a new place to live wasn't easy. Tiny as it was, the rent was dirt cheap and we were just getting used to living on our own.

While we were looking for a new apartment, we stayed at my parents home for a few months. One day, my niece, who was only a toddler at the time, got into the room we were staying in and came out parading around the living room (where the entire family was sitting) with a particular piece of Mrs. C's clothing. All I'll say is, it was not the kind of thing good little christian girls are supposed to wear. Quite suitably, she decided to wear it on.her.head.

Yeah.

Did I mention the entire family was there? My mother, father, both sisters, Mrs. C's uncle: the evangelist (Okay, I made the last part up, but if he had happened to have walked in I wouldn't have been surprised at that point). Needless to say our faces were – you guessed it – very, VERY red.

Now, as I said, you get two posts for the price of one. The second is one of my weekly posts over at Sprocket Ink is up.


All you have to do is click on this pretty little link over here [Pretty Little Link] and you can read it.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Ripping Someone Off In Three Easy Steps

1. Make someone think there's an actual post on your blog.

2. By the time they realize there isn't an actual post on your blog, redirect them to where your post is.

Like this:

Click here.

3. End abruptly.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What's Going On?








Come on over. These guys aren't really up to anything.


[UPDATE] The link now goes directly to the post at Sprocket. Thanks Krissy!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Conversations With Mrs. C - Aw, Hell No!

The other day, my wife called me at work. She had left early that day to run some errands with Evie (Formerly known as: the old woman).

Me: Hey, what's up?
Mrs. C: I'm in the supermarket now. (Pauses) You know someone tried to grab my phone?
Me: Again?!

While I may be the tech-junkie in our relationship, my wife refuses to settle for anything less than a smart phone. Admittedly, she hasn't had the best luck with phones over the years. She constantly loses, drops and sits/sleeps on them. She also has a habit of leaving them in random places. One time, I had to run back half a block to retrieve it from the table of a pizza place she forgot it on after we had just left. I was actually surprised to see it was still there. Her favorite Motorola “Ming” was the victim of a snatch-and-grab by a petty thief one rainy afternoon a few years ago.
She REALLY loved this phone.

What angers her the most is having to use an old “Me Too” phone I keep lying around in-between replacements. Which she ends up having to use often.

Needless to say, she has gone through a few.

Mrs. C: Yeah, but they didn't get it this time. I was on a call and I saw his shadow as he came up from behind. As he grabbed it, I wrestled my hand away.
Me: What happened then.
Mrs. C: He ran away. He was just some stupid little boy.
Me: You're lucky.
Mrs. C: He's the lucky one. He's lucky I was wearing heels or I would have chased him down and kicked his ass.
Me: Whoa! Easy now!
Mrs. C: No, Vinny! I'm totally fed up of these guys.

Now you see where I got the idea for Diane from.

She dons her costume again.
source

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Okay, Coach! Put Me In! I'm Ready!

I'm not here today. This is just a quickie.


Okay, so it's time to get down to business. Last week I made it known that I'm a member of the Sprocket Ink crew. Which started up last week. How have you guys been enjoying it so far? Awesome! Didn't I tell you that you would? I've never steered you wrong before, have I? Well, today's the day I make my first post there.

Go on. Check it out. I'm giving some helpful-er-relationship and health advice. No, really! Plus there's poetry.

No kidding! There is.

Go on over. Like right now. I'll meet you there.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Following is a PSA From AVCI:

It has been observed that, on the AVCI stats page, one blog post in particular has shown up on, quite often a day-by-day basis, as receiving the highest number of pageviews. The post in question is one filed in the RTT category and entitled “Random Aches and Pains”. In fact, to date, this particular post has maintained an overall all-time first place position with over 200 pageviews. A clear leader over the post which holds second place with only less than 80 pageviews. In addition, among the top searches leading to AVCI, the phrase “random aches” has been repeatedly appearing on the list.

This leads to the conclusion that this alarming number of visits to this post is due to the nature of the post's title, which in hindsight, can be viewed as misleading. AVCI wishes to advise that this occurrence is completely unintentional and at no point was it intended to purport that advice, examples, explanations or solutions to aches or pains of a random nature were therein contained.

The management of AVCI would like at this time to extend its sincerest apologies for any inconvenience caused by any misconceptions which may have arisen from this situation.

As a gesture of good faith, AVCI would also like to offer the suggestion that those seeking information regarding the causes, explanations or solutions to any physical discomfort should refer to a licensed medical practitioner and possibly not the internet.

Should you wish to pursue any further discourse with any representative of AVCI regarding this matter, please supply your full name and address (with detailed directions) to our corporate secretary, Diane.

Thank you.

Vinny C
The Management
AVCI

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Droppin' Some Knowledge On Ya.

Midterms are almost over and I'm still kicking. You hear that, midterms! I'm still here, dammit! Even though I was supposed to stay away and focus on the books, I'm sure you may still may have noticed my comments here and there. What can I say? I just can't stay away. Not from you guys. Anyway, I'm not really back yet but I thought I'd bring you guys something shiny & new while you wait.


Now, word is that Jerrod and Jules - of Studio 30 Plus fame -  have launched out on a new venture. Something called Sprocket Ink:


Now, for those of you who haven't heard about this yet, I'm going to fill you in. Now let me ask you a question:

Have you ever thought, "Golly-gee! That news sure was informative, but I had to prop my eyelids with matchsticks (Or use fish hooks à la "I Spit On Your Grave") just to keep my eyes open through the whole story"? Well, Sprocket Ink is here to take care of that. Bringing you more News, Politics, Entertainment, Celebrity Gossip, Lifestyle and Humor than you can shake a stick at (No really. Don't shake the stick. You'll only make it mad), Sprocket Ink's gonna add some snarky flavor to the mix.

Finally! You can throw those matchsticks and fish hooks away (Or use 'em for lighting fires to cook the fish you caught, I guess).

They've assembled quite a team of writers too. Just check out the Sprocket Ink Crew. As you scroll through, you'll observe- HOLY FREAKIN' CRAP!!! It's really is a talented group. Wow!!!

WAITAMINUTE! What the..?

Yes, you done seen it right. I'm writing there too. Jerrod has graciously approached me with an offer I couldn't refuse (Sans severed horse head) and the rest is history.

As I've said, this is an awesome group. I'm really psyched and extremely honored (Not to mention, totally intimidated) to be working with them on this. You can expect the same Vinny C style (*snicker*) and snarkyness that I've always shoveled onto you delivered.

The site launched on Monday but Jerrod has kindly allowed me to start next week so I could face off with my midterm foes. Sadly, this delay has lead to dibs having already been called on both the Charlie Sheen Correspondent and Lindsay Lohan Watch assignments (Sigh!). At this rate, I'm hoping I can at least end up with Snooki Patrol.

Don't wait till I get there, though. You guys go on ahead. The party's already started. I'll be along. When you do and you like what you find (Let's not kid ourselves. You will), then you'll inevitably desire to stalk us. No worries! We're totally down with that. To make this easier we've conveniently established a presence both on Facebook and Twitter.

That's it for me. Back to the books. Now head on over and get informed.

...

Um... Like now. Really.

Save me some cake.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Midterms

Just a quick advisory:
source

I'm in there somewhere...

See ya in a few days.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Childhood Dreams

I'm taking another crack at the weekly writing prompt from Studio 30 Plus. This week it's: Childhood Dreams.

********

Okay, quick show of hands...

Back when you were a child, do you remember how much you dreamed of growing up to be an account manager? Or about the all times you ran up and down the yard pretending you were a busy executive assistant trying to get your boss' coffee and dry-cleaning delivered so you could stave off the inevitable meltdown of said boss? And, of course, who could forget picking up your toy phone and playing telemarketer? If you've hand up for any of these then I hope that the bullies you encountered growing up were lenient at least at Christmastime.

Now, for those of you who may be employed in any of these fields, please know that I am not putting down any of you (well... maybe telemarketers). I'm merely making a point that, as children, we all dreamed of growing up and living a life of adventure and excitement. That's just natural, I guess. I'm sure I'd see more hands raised* if I asked how many of you wanted to be an astronaut, or a fireman, or a pilot, or even a doctor. Those, we pretended to be. Those, we dreamed of becoming one day. Saving lives, exploring new frontiers, sailing the high seas or soaring through the clouds are all so freakin' cool! Right?

When I was a child, I remember I would lug around my father's Samsonite briefcase in my games of pretend. Not because I wanted to be an office supervisor, but it looked like the one James Bond in that movie that time. The seemingly harmless items inside were, each and every one of them, an instrument of torture or death. That sheet of paper would slice your head clean off. That ballpoint pen, a high power laser beam in disguise. And, for the love of all that was holy, don't make me use the paperclip!!!

I still have nightmares about the last time someone made me you the paperclip...

So what happens? When do we go from wanting be an international super-spy, clearing the world of dictators and genius megalomaniacs to clearing photocopier jams? How did we go from a mug of ale at the tavern with our crew-mates after a day of pillaging and plundering to gathering around the cooler for water from a paper cup when the boss wasn't around?

You don't have to answer. I know. Real life happens. We lose interest. We find new interests. Bills, loans, kids, etc all eventually pop up long after we move on from those aspirations and put the final nails in the coffin.

But, realistically speaking, most of us don't miss those dreams. Most of us never grow up to be who we wanted to be when we were five. And, for the most part, we're okay with that. If we were all astronauts, who would make sure our retirement nest egg was in the right long-term savings plan?

So what? I didn't grow up to be a spy (or... did I?), that radioactive grasshopper never bit me and bestowed upon me superhuman jumping powers (the spider idea was already taken, okay?) and I'm not a doctor (though, sometimes, I do play one in bed). Life goes on.

Oh! And, for those fortunate few of you that do get to go on to live your dream, I hate you salute you and hope it is all you dreamed it would be.


* Since I can't actually see if your hands are raised, please feel free to feel like an idiot if you actually did put your hand up.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

An Analytical Look Into Social Interaction - 2

Chapter II: Deviance – Crime

[Review Chapter I]

Deviance is behavior that goes against accepted social norms and practices. Hence, a person who is considered a deviant is one who chooses to behave in a manner that is not socially accepted. In essence, they rebel against society.

These rebels often become social outcasts for failing to adhere to society's rules and, in turn, will often seek each other out and join together into groups, gangs or cliques.
Topic for Theoretical Discussion: If several deviants from these groups, they then become their own social sub-culture. Within this sub-culture the behaviors that initially caused them to be branded as social outcasts are now accepted. The question for discussion is: With that being the case, are these individuals still considered to be rebels?



Heh heh heh! Get's 'em every time.

Perhaps the most extreme form of deviance is crime, on which we shall focus on for the remainder of this chapter. Crime, as stated, is the most potent expression of deviance. It should be noted that while not all perpetrators of crime (known as criminals) first start out with the desire to rebel, once one commits a crime one immediately becomes branded by society as a deviant (with the exception of the corporate and political sectors).

To help further our look into crime we will follow the actions of Anthony.
(Yeah! He's just a stick man in a gray hat. I had to draw him like a million times from here on in so excuuuuse me if I wanted to finish some time this year. A gray hat's all you get!)



Ahem. Anthony-

A...Bomb is a deviant. He has been for most of his life. He constantly exhibits behavior which society at large considers rebellious and unacceptable.

He began by bullying other children in his school:

He moved up to other deviant acts like vandalism:

Burglary:

And armed-robbery:

Eventually, however, there comes a point when all criminals make that one, crucial, mistake.

A-Bomb just made that mistake...

Upon A-Bomb's arrest, he was convicted and sent to prison. Prison is one of the primary locations for large groups of criminals to be held (see also: corporate and political offices). Prison has it's own societal structure and, thus, it's own set of accepted rules. It is wise that one become acquainted with these rules in the shortest time possible.

On first entering incarceration it would wise to keep these first two tips in mind:

(1) Do not partake in any behavior that would anger of other criminals:

And, (2) If at all possible, try not to attract their attention in general:




























END OF CHAPTER 2

Friday, March 4, 2011

Simply Magical

They can be playful. They can be mischievous. Sometimes they're even been called aloof. They seem possess a childlike innocence that can hide their true power. Sprites and fairies have existed as a part of man's history for centuries.

Throughout history they have been closely linked to nature itself. Thriving in woodlands and gardens, they coexist with nature and come to her aid when needed.

As a gamer, I've often seen them portrayed as the little guide that can help you along on your quest or someone who provides you with the little something extra that can give you the edge you need in the upcoming challenge. But whether it be in a game, a movie or by some magical occurrence to come across one in real life, one thing will always hold true: you never ever underestimate them. And, whatever you do, you don't piss off a fairy.

That being said, how much more of a special occasion is it when one of these magical, mystical beings celebrates the day of their birth? I guess that would be the definition of a magical time. So if there is a little sprite out there are enjoying a birthday right now, let's hope you're having a happy one and here's a little something from me to you:

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Hmm... An Interesting Concept.

The good people over at Studio30 Plus have come up with an interesting idea. Every week they provide a writing prompt. As they put it, it's "a key word or phrase or feeling that you may use to inspire a blog post". Members interested in participating can do so voluntarily. If you're a member you're free to take part. Over thirty, yet not a member? What are you waiting on? Anyway, we'll deal with your commitment issues later. As for now, I've decided to throw my two cents in:

This Week's prompt is just one word: CONCRETE.
I see it every day. During my trek from home, to work, to school and back home again (rinse, repeat the next day), concrete surrounds me. My wife and I often joke about leaving the urban life behind and moving to a cleaner, safer, quieter life in the country. It has become somewhat of a running gag between us with neither really willing to commit to the idea. We both grew up in built up areas. Truth is, we'd miss it, I suppose. As much as we get tired of the exhaust fumes and the noise and the stifling congestion of building looming overhead, it's what we know.

Still, I wonder if we really could...

The highway that connects the busy, bustling northern part of Trinidad known as the East/West Corridor to the just as built up central and southern cities passes along mostly empty undeveloped swampland. On the rare occasions I have to travel to the southern part of the country, I find myself staring off at the vast expanses of land that sprawl off to either side of that highway. Buildings are few and far between for the most part. In some areas, the only evidence of man's incursion in these swampy flatlands are the spread out rows of massive electrical towers trailing off toward the horizon.

So much open space...

When I stare off at into it, I let my mind stray. More than a few times I ask myself, if I were dropped in the middle of it, too far from any road or any buildings to see them, could I find my way back? Silly! Of course I could. It is a small island after all. As long as I didn't go in circles, my biggest fear would be a cayman or some other wild swampland creature chomping my ass off.

I'd survive. I think...

We'd miss the concrete. We'd miss the cable TV and the coffee shops with free wi-fi. We'd long for the nine-to-five routine and the prepackaged, mass-produced life we despise so much for making us lazy and unhealthy and so stressed out all the time. This life in this concrete jungle is our life. We'd be ready to pack our things and move back to our old life within a week. I know it. We would miss our concrete lives.

But, eventually, that would pass.

Wouldn't it?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

From A Friend

Dearest Douchebag,

With effect from February of this year certain laws came into effect that have placed a hefty fine on those caught in the act of using his/her cell phone while driving. I am in no means presuming to infer that this is news to you, as I am quite sure that someone as well informed as your douchy self may be well aware of this fact.

This why I was completely caught by surprise when I noticed that you were, in fact, performing the very act of which I speak. I made this observation as you almost run me over at that intersection yesterday afternoon. I’m sure you remember it well.

Thankfully, I was unharmed due to your sudden application of the brakes when you realized that you had run the red light came hurtling in my direction. I do hope that you understand how this could have prompted my intense emotional response and the somewhat colorful reaction which ensued. I meant no disrespect to your mother as I am sure she is a fine woman of high moral standing (Unlike I may have otherwise suggested at the time). Likewise, I am certain your look of disdain over how I so rudely interrupted your call (Which I assume was to secure the purchase of a handsfree device) was also in reaction to the highly charged situation.

However, now, upon reflection, I have to express my concern over yesterday’s events. As previously mentioned, the fee for being caught by the authorities is somewhat exorbitant as many have complained. I can only assume that this to instill fear in those you cannot afford to pay such a fee. You, however, seem well able to afford the cost of the fine. I make this assumption since your rather large, high-end European vehicle looked quite new (Despite what people say about the reasons behind the men’s choice of vehicle size I will cast no such aspersions).

No doubt, in attaining this vehicle you spent quite a pretty penny and, perhaps this may have taken a toll on your personal finances. If that is the case then you may be looking to conserve funds. Is that why your vehicle's tint was so dark? While you would be able to avoid immediate detection because of this, I should point out that there are also laws against it as well - of which I am certain you are also aware.

My dear douchy friend, I know that your financial means are of little consequence in this matter as I am primarily appealing to sense of right and the strong desire within you to adhere to the letter of the law. I am sure yesterday's incident was merely a lapse in judgement. However, in order to provide further incentive to motivate you toward the right decision in the future, I submit that obtaining one of these handsfree devices will only serve to your enhance your douchy appearance and further your douchbag status among your douchbag friends. If greater motivation ever existed, I cannot think of it.

I do hope that we are both able to learn and grow from this event and, one day, look back on our misadventure together as a fond memory. Until next we meet.

Your friend always,

Vinny C
Pedestrian

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Randomly Talking About The Weather

I know a lot of you have not been enjoying the cold. That being said, I hope you done get too annoyed by some of the things in this post.


Of course, big shout out to Keely, the Un Mom for making Random Tuesday Thoughts possible. She totally owns RTT in every sense of the word and, for a better quality of random, you should go to her.

- As I've said a few times in the past, I live in the Caribbean. Here, we have two seasons here: dry and wet. That's it! Half the year, it's raining. The other half, it isn't. Officially, the dry season starts from January first and runs until the end of May. I don’t think Mother Nature checked her calendar for the year until yesterday. That when the rain finally stopped.

- For the last few years, the “dry” season has been just that. Hot blazing sun, water reserves running low, people spontaneously combusting while out doing lunchtime errands. That kind of stuff. It’s also when the  Grackles attack. The Carib Grackle, to be exact. And even though they're everywhere I still had to google their photo because, oddly, they seem a mite camera-shy.

Hi. I Grackle. I kill you.
source
By "attack" I mean swoop down against the back of your head. This is their mating season, I think, so they're very protective of their territory. And I’m they’re favorite target. Every.freakin'.year.

- Be warned! What you're about to see may be very emotionally traumatic for those of you battling the cold winter conditions. I work very close to the Queens Park Savannah and this is how it looks outside today:

Yes, it is as warm as it looks.
********
A quick update: A while back I griped and complained about the house purchase drama. Well… it isn't going to happen. I know! I know! I made this big fuss about how stressed out about it. It was a nice place but, in the end we decided it would be too much of a strain on the budget right now. Shelf that for later, I guess.