Monday, September 26, 2011

Conversations With Mrs. C - Before They Go Bad.



Recently...

Mrs. C: I had a really weird dream last night.
Me: Do tell. (She knows I'll probably blog it later. It's understood)
Mrs. C: I was at work. It was early morning because a coworker (name I don't remember) was making a breakfast run and he asked me if I wanted anything. I asked him what they were getting and he said he was going to the get some stuff from the pie (name of local breakfast pastry) vendor on the corner. He said the vendor had the usual pies: cheese and beef pies and so on. But she also had something called 'baby'.
Me: Baby?!
Mrs. C: Yeah, I know, right? Not a name you'd really give to something to eat. Anyway, I was curious so I told him to bring me a baby and I gave him my $5.
Me: Never saw you as the adventurous type.
Mrs. C: Shut up! Anyway, he came back soon after with everyone's pies.
Me: I almost don't want to ask. What kind of pie is a 'baby'?
Mrs. C: It wasn't a pie. It was an actual baby.
Me: (*Laughing! Hard!*) Did you eat it?
Mrs. C: OF COURSE NOT!!! I just put it to sit on the kitchen table in front of me. I didn't know what to do.
Me: (*Still laughing*) I never knew babies were so easy to get. And they cost only $5 too.
Mrs. C: Go ahead. Make your jokes. But that wasn't the worst part.
Me: There's more?
Mrs. C: Yeah! I don't know how, but it got away from me. Next thing I know, it's running around slicing people's feet on their Achilles tendons. WITH A SCALPEL!!!
Me: (*Long pause. Considers making joke about eating your baby before it goes bad. Abandons idea for more pertinent question*) Where did the baby find a scalpel? You work in a bank.
Mrs. C: I DON'T KNOW!!! Anyway, now I have to try and catch it.
Me:  I bet. It wouldn't look good on your next review if you let a psycho baby kill your coworkers.
Mrs. C: No. I wanted to carry the baby back to the vendor and exchange it for a cheese pie instead.
Me: I guess that would take care of your problem. You were probably still hungry.
Mrs. C: Probably.

11 comments:

  1. Homicidal babies for $5?

    This is a classic case of 'you get what you pay for.'

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  2. I'm not going to even START talking undertones... Deep

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  3. Awesome. If the parasite looks dicey when he gets here, I'm going to try and swap him for a cheese pie, too.

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  4. Cheese pie in the long run ends up way cheaper! What did Mrs. C eat before bedtime? Keep feeding it to her, her dreams are classic.

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  5. This is why I will never have children. I would soooo end up with a murderous baby. I'm sure of it.

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  6. Poor baby...he probably just wanted some pie. He wasn't really killing anyone, just crippling them.

    You know, scalpel carrying psycho babies are very misunderstood.

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  7. That would make a very creepy movie.

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  8. @ Moooooog: I considered sending a box of them to my former employers. But they probably would eat them.

    @ Sarah: Yeah. If we were in therapy, I'm sure this would be a topic for at least two sessions.

    @ Elly: I'd keep him away from sharp instruments until I was sure, if I were you.

    @ Nubian: I don't really remember what she had. I'm certain there was neither pastry or infant involved, though.

    @ Sugar Free: We were tempted to put the idea on hold for a while too.

    @ Nari: It was probably self defense. He was on the breakfast menu after all.

    @ AC: Mrs. C said exactly the same thing.

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  9. Hmmm. What would Freud say?

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  10. @ dbs: Among other things, "Hot damn! Looks like I'll be able to afford a new wing on my summer home after all."

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  11. Well, dreams are always weird, but this one takes the cake. i mean pie...baby? Anyway, i always love a good stick figure :D

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