If there’s one thing you can’t avoid in relationships, it’s having an argument from time to time. They can come many sources: the intensity of emotion involved and expressed, mood, underlying issues from arguments past or a host of other contributing factors. Depending on the cause of the disagreement, disagreements can be resolved in just as many ways as they start as well.
Mrs. C and I have had many disagreements, for many reasons, in our over fourteen years together (Half of that was before marriage but I say it still counts). Just like I described, they have ranged from mild to intense to the “did we make a mistake?” variety. We’ve always been able to resolve them – or, at least, call a truce.
What has always struck me, though, were the times when our arguments were resolved, not by apology or truce but by something unforeseen. I’m talking about those occurrences that completely change the mood and bring about something totally unexpected given the circumstances.
An example of this was something which happened recently, one evening on the way home. Neither of us were having a good day and we started to take it out on each other. Since we were in public and don’t believe in making a scene, we opted for silence. Then, halfway home, an ad played on the taxi’s radio. It was an ad for some new Chinese noodle being put on the market. It consisted of traditional Chinese singing and the announcer was speaking in a Chinese accent. Both were so terribly rendered it was cliché. It was the first time that we had heard it and the most ridiculous thing either of us had ever heard. It was so terrible we couldn’t help but laughing. The anger had passed.
Another instance occurred something that happened years ago. We were particularly combative during our spat. I hit, she hit back (verbally, of course) and we continued back and forth and the insults and harsh words quickly escalated. Finally, for reasons even I don’t know why, I had had it. I got into my boxing stance and said, “Okay, you wanna settle this, here and now! Bring it!” (I’m quite sure I was at least half serious, at the time too. She was tough but I was pretty sure I could take her). Mrs. C looked at me for a moment in shock. Then she began to laugh. Then I began to laugh. Then, realizing we forgot what we were mad at each other to begin with, we moved on. Again, laughter saved the day.
These were just two examples but there have been many more of these over the years. While they have served to resolve minor to moderate disagreements they’ve helped show me that, despite all the goofy silliness I tend to get a kick out of, she gets me and I, her.
So, from a goofy me to an equally as goofy Mrs. C, Happy Valentines Day!
And, I love you. Always and forever*